Baby
By: Hollie
Email: llama@rebelspy.net
Disclaimer: I own nothing, 'cept the story and Patrick, who I don't want. Go away, I'm too poor to be sued.
"MAUREEN! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE!!" Mark Cohen's voiced echoed throughout the loft,
"Watch me." She knelt next to the five year old who clutched a brown bear tightly to him. "Now, Patrick, listen to Mark and Roger, all right? And don't eat anything from the fridge, make them take you out for food, OK honey?"
The kid nodded, biting his lip, looking ready to cry. Mark glanced at Roger, Roger looked at the kid, then at Mark. Both where silently wondering who they'd pissed off now to get stuck with this kid.
"All right, I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow." She looked at Mark and Roger. "You two corrupt him in any way, I will make sure you never get lucky again." She was leaving Patrick with these two because her brother had decided to have an untimely emergency long distance meeting in Japan for some big corporation during the weekend Maureen and Joanne where going to be going off to Maine to visit Joanne's cousin who was apparently going to have a baby. Whoopee. She wished that Andrew hadn't divorced his good for nothing transsexual 2nd wife, she wouldn't be stuck leaving the impressionable five year old with two dimwits.
She walked out the door, wondering briefly if she left everything the two "men" would need to take care of a five year old. Oh well, they'd figure it out, she hoped.
The little boy looked at Mark, then Roger, then back at Mark before crying. "I-I-I wanna go home!!" He hugged his bear and sobbed.
Mark blinked. Roger blinked. Patrick cried. And the bear, the bear just got covered in tears.
"What do we do?" Roger looked at Mark, expecting him to know what to do.
"I don't know!"
"Well, why not? Your the one with the niece and nephew."
"I haven't seen them in 5 years!" Mark glared. "Why don't you try something?"
Roger looked at Patrick. "Um.... hi? Do you want some ice cream or something?"
"We don't have any ice cream." Mark hissed.
"Erm...how about pizza?"
"We don't have any of that either, stupid."
"Well, what the hell do we have?" Roger turned to Mark, growling.
"Tea. Tea and Coffee." Mark said, getting ready to hide.
"WHAT THE FUCK??? That's all we have? Whose turn was it to shop?? YOURS!"
"Actually, it was yours Roger, but we don't have any money, you spent it." Mark said, trying to be the calm one, it's not like he was the one who went out and got drunk last week, then came stumbling into the loft, wanting sex, only to passout before he got his pants down.
Patrick was staring at the two men, his little pudgy face hidden behind the bear.
"Why the fuck did you let me?!?!?"
"You tied me to the bed." Mark said simply, showing his bruised wrists. "Now, stop swearing, Goddammit, there's a little kid in the place."
Roger looked at Mark's wrist. "Did I do that..." He mused, wondering what had possessed him to tie Mark to the bed, he wondered briefly if Mark would be willing to be tied up again...or maybe they could use handcuffs. Oh the possibilities!!!!
Patrick burst into tears, again, reminding the pseudo rock star of his presence. He wanted to strangle the kid. Damn him for ruining all the perverted thoughts of molesting Mark, of touching him. Roger was ready to toss the kid into the closet and rape Mark, but he wasn't sure if Mark was willing to become Roger's rape victim, again. //Stupid sex drive, remind me to get an on off switch for you.//
"Thanks a lot Roger, you made him cry, again." Mark glared and knelt in front of Patrick. "Well, Patrick, what do you want?"
"I WANT MAUREEN!!"
"That's the first time I've ever heard that, well, except for when you and Maureen broke up. Then that time I threatened to tie you to a chair and have my way with you. I mean, it's not like Maureen didn't try that..."
"ROGER! SHUT UP!!" Mark glared, then to Patrick. "How about we go to the park? Or find a playground or something, I'm sure you'd like it."
Patrick sniffled and hugged the bear tightly. "Y-y-you promise??"
Mark nodded, and held his hand out to the child. "Yup." He smiled at the kid when he felt the fingers curl around his, or at least try. He headed for the door. "Coming Roger?"
Roger blinked. Coming where? Ooh...park. "Uh.....uh..." The door closed behind Mark and Patrick. Five seconds later Roger was seen barreling out of the loft and down the stairs after the two. "YOU CANT GO WITHOUT ME! YOU NEED A MAN TO PROTECT YOU!!!"
"What man? I don't see no man." Mark said. "I just see a monkey dressed like a man."
"Bite me."
"Been there, done that. Tasted good." Mark said absently as they made their way to some unnamed park.
"Want another taste?"
"Not now."
"I'm hurt."
"Deal." They reached the park and let the child that shared blood with Maureen to run wild. Unfortunately, he didn't run wild, he sat in the sand and made a sand castle with the bear.
"Marky...don't you wanna have sex with me anymore? Are you mad at me???" The two men (if you could call Roger a man, right now, he was acting more like Angelica Pickles from Rugrats) sat on a bench in plain sight of the young child who didn't know much. "Marky...I'm sorry." Usually Mark fell for the 'I'm sorry' deal. And they'd usually have great sex after that.
"Roger, we're watching a 5 year. Maureen's 5 year old nephew. She'll kill us. And then she'll have Joanne kill us. Then we'll be dead, so, we're going to behave...well, you're going to behave, all right?"
"Buuuuuuuuuuuut, I AM!!"
"Roger, you acting like you're two, stop it!"
"But, I'm a sexy 2 year old! C'mon, admit it. You think I'm sexy, you want hug me, you want to-" WHAM! Mark's fist made contact with Roger's mouth. It wasn't a strong punch, but then again, considering it was Mark, and Mark wasn't necessarily strong so Roger was more stunned by the fact Mark had attempted to hit him more then anything else. "Why'd you do that???"
"Stop watching Miss Congeniality, I swear to God I will burn that tape if you sing that one more time."
"But, Marky, it's my FAVORITE!"
"I don't care if it's your secret lesbian lover, and stop calling me Marky!"
"Bu-"
"Shut up!"
"Bu-"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
Roger didn't say anything. He just sorta pouted and watched Patrick, who was playing in the sand with the bear. Still.
"Roger, I'm sorry." Mark said about five minutes later. "You just irritate me sometimes."
Roger smiled. "S'ok! I love you too Marky."
"I said-" He was cut off by Roger's lips on his and completely forgot what he was going lecture Roger about as he kissed the musician back.
"Um..." Came a pitiful little voice to the side of them. Roger pulled away, ready to destroy whatever had interrupted them.
It was Patrick. "I'm hungry..."
"What do you want?" Roger asked, glancing at Mark who was in a dazed state.
"A happy meal."
"Where do you get those at?"
"McDonalds, and Mr. Bear want's a banana."
Roger blinked, he looked at Mark. Mark just shrugged. "All right...Patrick, do you know where a McDonald's is?"
Patrick shook his head. Roger sigh. Mark came to his senses, or lack there of. "Well, umm......." Roger spotted an ice-cream vendor. "How about a push pop. Everybody likes push pops."
Patrick burst into tears. "I WANNA HAPPY MEAL!!! WAHHH!!"
Roger jumped into Mark's arms and made the filmmaker fall backwards do to the force of, well Roger. "Mark, he's scary."
"Roger, he's five years old. He's crying. He wants food from a place we've never been too, of course he's scary!!"
"Should we take him to the Life Cafe, get him some pie? Kid's like pie... I think..."
"Yeah, if you get off me." Mark looked up at Roger.
"What do I get?"
"..."
Roger kissed him, then let him up. "To the cafe!" He lead the way and almost got out of the park when he realized that the kid nor Mark where behind him. "Dammit..." He whirled around in search of the two. "MARK?!?! KID?!?!"
"WHAT??" That was Mark, he was carrying Patrick.
"Sorry.. didn't mean to make you mad. Don't kill me. I was just worried, you weren't behind me and all."
"Awww, that's sweet Roger."
"I know, I'm a big sweetheart!" Mark didn't respond. "Aren't I???"
Yes, you are Roger.. a very big sweetheart, but this kids really heavy, do you want to carry him for me?"
"For you? Anything!" He took Patrick from Mark and the three headed towards the life cafe.
That night, they arrived back at the loft, Patrick out cold. They had spent most of the day trying to get Patrick to eat something at the cafe, Mark drinking 6 cups of tea, Roger getting ready to pull out his hair. Who ever knew a five year old could be so damn picky.
The two men sat the kid on the couch and looked at each other. Roger realized that Mark didn't have his camera, he hadn't had it all day. It was weird. "Where is it?"
"Huh?"
"The camera."
"Oh ... the bedroom. It ran out of batteries."
"Why...? Oh..heheh." They'd used the camera last night, all night. Roger momentarily wondered if they could sell the film on EBay and get some money, then he remembered they didn't have a Internet connection. Dammit.
"Lets go to bed." Mark put one of the few blankets they had around the little boy. Roger recognized it as one of the one's that used to be in Mark's room, when he was still sleeping in there. Now, he spent most of his time in Roger's, which was perfectly cool with Roger.
"'K." The two turned off the light and headed into the bedroom and closed the door. Five seconds later, Mark had Roger down on the bed and was puling off his shirt as he kissed the guitarist. They didn't hear the thunder.
They heard the crying and the knocking on the door.
"Goddammit..." Mark hissed under his breath and got up to open it.
Naturally, there stood the little boy, Patrick, tears in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Mark asked, trying to hide his annoyance with the kid.
"I-I'm scared ... it's stowming out, can-can I sleep in here, with you?" The little boy looked up at him with Maureen's eyes.
"Fine."
Roger buried his head in a pillow to hide his groan. Dammit, he was so sure he was gonna get some good sex tonight, instead he got a kid. Thank God there was no possible way for him nor Mark to have children.
The little boy climbed into bed and Mark followed. The kid slept between them, much to Roger's discomfort. He couldn't even touch Mark. DAMN KID.
The next morning, the boys where happy to see Maureen for once as she picked up Patrick. "Did you have fun Patrick?"
"YES! I love Uncle Mark and Uncle Roger!" Mark and Roger looked at each other, Uncle???
"That's good, I'm glad they didn't corrupt you.. lets go back and see Auntie Joanne now."
"OKIE! By Roger and Mark!!!" Patrick waved. The two men waved, then locked the door and didn't answer it for a week, nor the phone, not like they did anyway. Fortunately, they didn't call Maureen back when she asked them to baby-sit again. Instead they just had wild passionate wild monkey doggy sex till they passed out, then did it again, and again in a vicious cycle.
And that is the end of that.
By: Hollie
Email: llama@rebelspy.net
Disclaimer: I own nothing, 'cept the story and Patrick, who I don't want. Go away, I'm too poor to be sued.
"MAUREEN! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE!!" Mark Cohen's voiced echoed throughout the loft,
"Watch me." She knelt next to the five year old who clutched a brown bear tightly to him. "Now, Patrick, listen to Mark and Roger, all right? And don't eat anything from the fridge, make them take you out for food, OK honey?"
The kid nodded, biting his lip, looking ready to cry. Mark glanced at Roger, Roger looked at the kid, then at Mark. Both where silently wondering who they'd pissed off now to get stuck with this kid.
"All right, I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow." She looked at Mark and Roger. "You two corrupt him in any way, I will make sure you never get lucky again." She was leaving Patrick with these two because her brother had decided to have an untimely emergency long distance meeting in Japan for some big corporation during the weekend Maureen and Joanne where going to be going off to Maine to visit Joanne's cousin who was apparently going to have a baby. Whoopee. She wished that Andrew hadn't divorced his good for nothing transsexual 2nd wife, she wouldn't be stuck leaving the impressionable five year old with two dimwits.
She walked out the door, wondering briefly if she left everything the two "men" would need to take care of a five year old. Oh well, they'd figure it out, she hoped.
The little boy looked at Mark, then Roger, then back at Mark before crying. "I-I-I wanna go home!!" He hugged his bear and sobbed.
Mark blinked. Roger blinked. Patrick cried. And the bear, the bear just got covered in tears.
"What do we do?" Roger looked at Mark, expecting him to know what to do.
"I don't know!"
"Well, why not? Your the one with the niece and nephew."
"I haven't seen them in 5 years!" Mark glared. "Why don't you try something?"
Roger looked at Patrick. "Um.... hi? Do you want some ice cream or something?"
"We don't have any ice cream." Mark hissed.
"Erm...how about pizza?"
"We don't have any of that either, stupid."
"Well, what the hell do we have?" Roger turned to Mark, growling.
"Tea. Tea and Coffee." Mark said, getting ready to hide.
"WHAT THE FUCK??? That's all we have? Whose turn was it to shop?? YOURS!"
"Actually, it was yours Roger, but we don't have any money, you spent it." Mark said, trying to be the calm one, it's not like he was the one who went out and got drunk last week, then came stumbling into the loft, wanting sex, only to passout before he got his pants down.
Patrick was staring at the two men, his little pudgy face hidden behind the bear.
"Why the fuck did you let me?!?!?"
"You tied me to the bed." Mark said simply, showing his bruised wrists. "Now, stop swearing, Goddammit, there's a little kid in the place."
Roger looked at Mark's wrist. "Did I do that..." He mused, wondering what had possessed him to tie Mark to the bed, he wondered briefly if Mark would be willing to be tied up again...or maybe they could use handcuffs. Oh the possibilities!!!!
Patrick burst into tears, again, reminding the pseudo rock star of his presence. He wanted to strangle the kid. Damn him for ruining all the perverted thoughts of molesting Mark, of touching him. Roger was ready to toss the kid into the closet and rape Mark, but he wasn't sure if Mark was willing to become Roger's rape victim, again. //Stupid sex drive, remind me to get an on off switch for you.//
"Thanks a lot Roger, you made him cry, again." Mark glared and knelt in front of Patrick. "Well, Patrick, what do you want?"
"I WANT MAUREEN!!"
"That's the first time I've ever heard that, well, except for when you and Maureen broke up. Then that time I threatened to tie you to a chair and have my way with you. I mean, it's not like Maureen didn't try that..."
"ROGER! SHUT UP!!" Mark glared, then to Patrick. "How about we go to the park? Or find a playground or something, I'm sure you'd like it."
Patrick sniffled and hugged the bear tightly. "Y-y-you promise??"
Mark nodded, and held his hand out to the child. "Yup." He smiled at the kid when he felt the fingers curl around his, or at least try. He headed for the door. "Coming Roger?"
Roger blinked. Coming where? Ooh...park. "Uh.....uh..." The door closed behind Mark and Patrick. Five seconds later Roger was seen barreling out of the loft and down the stairs after the two. "YOU CANT GO WITHOUT ME! YOU NEED A MAN TO PROTECT YOU!!!"
"What man? I don't see no man." Mark said. "I just see a monkey dressed like a man."
"Bite me."
"Been there, done that. Tasted good." Mark said absently as they made their way to some unnamed park.
"Want another taste?"
"Not now."
"I'm hurt."
"Deal." They reached the park and let the child that shared blood with Maureen to run wild. Unfortunately, he didn't run wild, he sat in the sand and made a sand castle with the bear.
"Marky...don't you wanna have sex with me anymore? Are you mad at me???" The two men (if you could call Roger a man, right now, he was acting more like Angelica Pickles from Rugrats) sat on a bench in plain sight of the young child who didn't know much. "Marky...I'm sorry." Usually Mark fell for the 'I'm sorry' deal. And they'd usually have great sex after that.
"Roger, we're watching a 5 year. Maureen's 5 year old nephew. She'll kill us. And then she'll have Joanne kill us. Then we'll be dead, so, we're going to behave...well, you're going to behave, all right?"
"Buuuuuuuuuuuut, I AM!!"
"Roger, you acting like you're two, stop it!"
"But, I'm a sexy 2 year old! C'mon, admit it. You think I'm sexy, you want hug me, you want to-" WHAM! Mark's fist made contact with Roger's mouth. It wasn't a strong punch, but then again, considering it was Mark, and Mark wasn't necessarily strong so Roger was more stunned by the fact Mark had attempted to hit him more then anything else. "Why'd you do that???"
"Stop watching Miss Congeniality, I swear to God I will burn that tape if you sing that one more time."
"But, Marky, it's my FAVORITE!"
"I don't care if it's your secret lesbian lover, and stop calling me Marky!"
"Bu-"
"Shut up!"
"Bu-"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
Roger didn't say anything. He just sorta pouted and watched Patrick, who was playing in the sand with the bear. Still.
"Roger, I'm sorry." Mark said about five minutes later. "You just irritate me sometimes."
Roger smiled. "S'ok! I love you too Marky."
"I said-" He was cut off by Roger's lips on his and completely forgot what he was going lecture Roger about as he kissed the musician back.
"Um..." Came a pitiful little voice to the side of them. Roger pulled away, ready to destroy whatever had interrupted them.
It was Patrick. "I'm hungry..."
"What do you want?" Roger asked, glancing at Mark who was in a dazed state.
"A happy meal."
"Where do you get those at?"
"McDonalds, and Mr. Bear want's a banana."
Roger blinked, he looked at Mark. Mark just shrugged. "All right...Patrick, do you know where a McDonald's is?"
Patrick shook his head. Roger sigh. Mark came to his senses, or lack there of. "Well, umm......." Roger spotted an ice-cream vendor. "How about a push pop. Everybody likes push pops."
Patrick burst into tears. "I WANNA HAPPY MEAL!!! WAHHH!!"
Roger jumped into Mark's arms and made the filmmaker fall backwards do to the force of, well Roger. "Mark, he's scary."
"Roger, he's five years old. He's crying. He wants food from a place we've never been too, of course he's scary!!"
"Should we take him to the Life Cafe, get him some pie? Kid's like pie... I think..."
"Yeah, if you get off me." Mark looked up at Roger.
"What do I get?"
"..."
Roger kissed him, then let him up. "To the cafe!" He lead the way and almost got out of the park when he realized that the kid nor Mark where behind him. "Dammit..." He whirled around in search of the two. "MARK?!?! KID?!?!"
"WHAT??" That was Mark, he was carrying Patrick.
"Sorry.. didn't mean to make you mad. Don't kill me. I was just worried, you weren't behind me and all."
"Awww, that's sweet Roger."
"I know, I'm a big sweetheart!" Mark didn't respond. "Aren't I???"
Yes, you are Roger.. a very big sweetheart, but this kids really heavy, do you want to carry him for me?"
"For you? Anything!" He took Patrick from Mark and the three headed towards the life cafe.
That night, they arrived back at the loft, Patrick out cold. They had spent most of the day trying to get Patrick to eat something at the cafe, Mark drinking 6 cups of tea, Roger getting ready to pull out his hair. Who ever knew a five year old could be so damn picky.
The two men sat the kid on the couch and looked at each other. Roger realized that Mark didn't have his camera, he hadn't had it all day. It was weird. "Where is it?"
"Huh?"
"The camera."
"Oh ... the bedroom. It ran out of batteries."
"Why...? Oh..heheh." They'd used the camera last night, all night. Roger momentarily wondered if they could sell the film on EBay and get some money, then he remembered they didn't have a Internet connection. Dammit.
"Lets go to bed." Mark put one of the few blankets they had around the little boy. Roger recognized it as one of the one's that used to be in Mark's room, when he was still sleeping in there. Now, he spent most of his time in Roger's, which was perfectly cool with Roger.
"'K." The two turned off the light and headed into the bedroom and closed the door. Five seconds later, Mark had Roger down on the bed and was puling off his shirt as he kissed the guitarist. They didn't hear the thunder.
They heard the crying and the knocking on the door.
"Goddammit..." Mark hissed under his breath and got up to open it.
Naturally, there stood the little boy, Patrick, tears in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Mark asked, trying to hide his annoyance with the kid.
"I-I'm scared ... it's stowming out, can-can I sleep in here, with you?" The little boy looked up at him with Maureen's eyes.
"Fine."
Roger buried his head in a pillow to hide his groan. Dammit, he was so sure he was gonna get some good sex tonight, instead he got a kid. Thank God there was no possible way for him nor Mark to have children.
The little boy climbed into bed and Mark followed. The kid slept between them, much to Roger's discomfort. He couldn't even touch Mark. DAMN KID.
The next morning, the boys where happy to see Maureen for once as she picked up Patrick. "Did you have fun Patrick?"
"YES! I love Uncle Mark and Uncle Roger!" Mark and Roger looked at each other, Uncle???
"That's good, I'm glad they didn't corrupt you.. lets go back and see Auntie Joanne now."
"OKIE! By Roger and Mark!!!" Patrick waved. The two men waved, then locked the door and didn't answer it for a week, nor the phone, not like they did anyway. Fortunately, they didn't call Maureen back when she asked them to baby-sit again. Instead they just had wild passionate wild monkey doggy sex till they passed out, then did it again, and again in a vicious cycle.
And that is the end of that.