Beta: Laura (DonJohn23)
Rating: M
Warnings: smut, very little bit of fluff
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Julian, Logan, Clark, Cameron or Isabel; they belong CPCoulter.
Summary: Logan accompanies Julian to the Golden Globes, "as soon as the door opens he'll stop denying Logan. No more secrets, no more guilt." (established relationship, Jogan)
Julian looks at the closed door of the limousine - outside, the Red Carpet for the Golden Globes is waiting. Right now, the inside feels safe, though, and he isn't sure whether he wants to leave it. Okay, actually he is rather sure he doesn't want to leave it. As soon as the door opens he'll stop denying Logan. No more secrets, no more guilt. Just fear.
"We don't have to do it, Jules. You're even trembling..." He looks worried, caring.
Julian grabs Logan's hand, looking into his eyes. No matter how afraid he is, he knows – he sees – that it's going to be worth it. Besides that, he tells himself, there are many gay actors who are open about their sexuality, who are fully accepted. A weak attempt to instil some kind of confidence.
"Yes, we do. Why are you worried about me anyway? Shouldn't it be the other way round? You're the senator's son."
Logan hasn't told his father what they are going to do – he hasn't even told him that he has a boyfriend. They are both aware that the senator won't be amusedbut Julian knows that Logan has stopped caring long ago.
"But you're the one who comes out."
"Not exactly. I just won't deny it if I'm asked – when I'm asked. I'm not ashamed of you or of our relationship." That's what they have agreed on. They are not going to announce anything, they will just tell the truth. Finally.
Logan's lips meet his and Julian can't help but smile. His heart skips a beat at the tenderness of the kiss. It's definitely worth it.
The kiss only lasts for a moment, before Logan pulls away staying close though.
"Too bad I'm asham- Ouch!"
Julian has punched him slightly. "You deserve it, asshole."
Yes, they still argue – a lot. They still insult each other – every day. They still tease each other – all the time.
"Love you too, bitch.
Let's go and throw ourselves down the cliff."
One last breath. One last kiss.
The door opens.
Flashlights. Noises. Attention.
They are surrounded by photographers. Questions are thrown at them. People are screaming.
Julian smiles. For each picture, to everyone. He is used to it – he enjoys it as usual. The only difference this time is his anxiety. Logan stays close to him most of the time hiding his aversion to such events behind a cool expression.
They walk over the red carpet. Talking to other actors, Julian signs one autograph after another. Every now and then an interviewer stops them.
"Mr. Larson, how are you doing?"
"Fine, thank you. Those events are always a pleasure."
"Your fellow cast member Clark Sawyer has shown up with his new girlfriend. How long will we have to wait to see yours?"
Julian wants to roll his eyes, it's not even a question if he has a girlfriend. At the same time, his anxiety reaches its climax, knowing that it'll only be a few more seconds until the house of cards collapses. The knowledge that he is about to do the greatest mistake of his life opposing the feeling that he is doing exactly the right thing.
He smiles – smiles away his nervousness.
"I'm glad I could convince my partner to accompany me tonight."
The puzzled look on the interviewer's face becomes wide-eyed when Logan steps to Julian. "Clark is asking for you."
"I'll be there in a sec." He turns to Logan, his smile changing for an instant. It doesn't matter whether Clark really wants to talk to him or whether Logan has just thought Julian needs an excuse to escape.
"You heard it, my presence is required." He directs his last words towards the interviewer before he quickly walks to Logan, Clark and Clark's girlfriend, hugging Clark. Obviously, Logan hasn't just come up with it.
"Hey Julian, I've already talked to your boyfriend. So, you two are making it official?"
"Not official. Just no more lies. I've just told the first person."
He swallows as the realization that he has passed the point of no return sinks in. He is surprised to find Logan's arm around his shoulder. Usually, they don't show any affections when they are around others, because they agree that this isn't something they want to share. Plus, they don't have to be touchy-feely all the time. So, Logan touching him right now, right here, means a lot. It isn't easy for him either, as much as he tries to convince Julian of the contrary. However, right now Julian is too busy enjoying the feeling of Logan's arm around him holding him close.
Slowly, they make their way to the hall. Julian has to answer the same question several times, the news obviously spreading like a wildfire. It seems like everyone wants to hear him confirm it once more although there haven't been negative reactions thus far. Perhaps, the shock's still setting in.
In the hall, they share a table with Clark, Cameron, Isabel and their partners. When Ricky Gervais, the host for the evening, enters the stage the hall erupts with cheer.
He leads the show through the programme with many snarky comments about movies and people – some of them way too irreverent.
When Emma Stone appears on the stage wearing a beautiful blue dress Julian starts tapping with his foot subconsciously.
"Hello and good evening. The nominees in the category "Best Actor in a Television Drama series" are; Hugh Laurie: Doctor House, Julian Larson: Something Damaged, Jon Hamm: Mad Men, Michael C. Hall: Dexter and Jeremy Irons in The Borgias."
Winning this award would just mean so much, it would be the recognition and confirmation of his work. Julian doesn't want to give his hopes up, but he doesn't even really expect himself to win especially considering the other nominees – but that doesn't change the fact that his heart is racing furiously. He bites his lip.
"And the winner is ..." Emma opens the envelop. "Julian Larson!"
He hears his name.
The acknowledgement trickles in his mind.
He wants to jump, to shout, to sing, to hug the whole world.
He gets up – instead of him hugging the world Logan pulls him into a tight embrace.
Julian closes his eyes. A deep breath.
This moment is perfection. Being here with his boyfriend, winning this award. Pure joy. Complete happiness.
Reluctantly Julian withdraws from Logan; this time he doesn't care how many people would see the smile he shoots at Logan.
He walks to the stage. Some handshakes and a few hugs later, Emma kisses him on the cheek as she gives him the award. "Congrats."
Julian knows he's supposed to give a speech; he gathers the remaining rationality and professionalism to prevent himself from uttering incoherent words.
"First of all, I want to thank the producer, the director and the writers. Without you there wouldn't be this amazing show and I wouldn't be receiving this award. Of course, a big thank you to the rest of the cast – now I owe Clark $20, because frankly, I thought I didn't have a chance. I'm also grateful for every fan who supports me and my work. So thanks to everyone who made this possible and last but not least, a big thank you to my friends and my partner. Thanks for waiting for me whenever I'm gone shooting the series or a movie and for keeping up with my moods."
He can't stop smiling. He could say so much more, but he doesn't have to elaborate on anything right now. Thus, with a last "Thank you" he leaves the stage and takes his seat next to Logan again.
"Stop grinning like the idiot you are," Logan murmurs.
"Tonight, you can insult me as much as you want. I won the damn award, you're here with me."
For a tiny second, Julian wants to grab Logan's hand. Just this once. He doesn't do it, although he reckons that Logan wouldn't mind that much at the moment.
The rest of the award show passes by without Julian recognizing much of it. People go on the stage, give a speech, leave the stage.
It's 3 am and the After Show Party is running.
The music is blasting. People are dancing. Everyone is enjoying themselves.
Julian laughs at Logan – he isn't drunk, but the alcohol in his head is undeniable.
"C'mon, Logan. Loosen up! Let's dance."
In contrast to Julian, Logan prefers to stay sober, because he likes to "maintain a clear mind" as he calls it, but Julian decides that tonight isn't for maintaining a clear mind. It's for celebrating, for living.
Grabbing Logan's hand Julian pulls him closer to wrap his arms around his boyfriend.
Bodies moving to the music – Logan's body adjusting to Julian's.
No kisses, just a few touches – not nearly enough.
Julian smiles when he realises that Logan loses his tenseness and starts moving more willingly. Julian closes his eyes for a moment – very well aware of the closeness, of Logan's moves and Logan definitely knows how to dance.
Suddenly – Logan's breath is on his neck.
Julian hisses. Not his neck – not here, not now.
Logan knows fucking well what to do to make him crazy. Not even touching his skin, simply breathing against it. Enough for Julian to lose track of his thoughts.
"Stop it, Logan!" A suppressed moan when lips touch his neck. "Fuck you."
"I don't think so. Iam gonna fuck you."
"Ha! We'll see." Each time Logan's breath hits his skin it becomes harder to ignore, to suppress, to hide his arousal. And Logan apparently doesn't even think about stopping.
Despite the fuzzy feeling, Julian tries to regain control over his body. If Logan wants to play, he should play along. He moves one leg between Logan's. Thigh pressed tightly against crotch.
Logan looks up immediately – focussing Julian with dark eyes.
"Julian..." A deep growl.
"Yes, darling?" A sweet smile.
Logan seems to be weighing up the options.
Julian keeps dancing causing the friction Logan is longing for.
"Rest room. Now."
Julian doesn't even have time to argue – not that he would complain – as Logan drags him along to the rest room.
They don't even care who could see them disappear in the rest room. The cat's been let out of the bag anyway. So they have no reason to bother.
Luckily, the rest room is empty when they enter, stumbling into a cubicle, locking the door quickly.
Julian pressed between the door and Logan.
Lips meet for a desperate kiss. Tongues are fighting violently. Both of them moan into the kiss, shiver at the sensation, get lost in touches through too many layers.
Ties are loosened, shirts are unbuttoned impatiently.
Fingers tracing lines over Julian's neck, burning on his skin. He wants – he needs – more. More touches. More intensity. More Logan. He needs it now.
"Quit playing, Lo!" A harsh demand.
"As you wish."
"Wish you'd always obey like that."
The teasing is punished with a light bite on Julian's neck causing him to moan, to shake violently. Heat expanding from the spot where Logan's teeth have met his skin.
Trousers are opened, pants slid down.
Julian looks lustfully at Logan's hard cock. He can't wait to have it inside him, filling him. The challenge, the promise of him fucking Logan – forgotten.
Logan's hands begin massaging Julian's ass hard.
Julian pulls on Logan's hair. "Stop fucking messing around!"
Without a warning Logan presses a finger inside.
Julian smashes his head against the door, wincing in pain trying desperately to breathe evenly. He waits for the pain to subside, to give way to the well-known pleasure.
Logan places gentle kisses on Julian's lips.
Julian's heart flutters at the fondness. He swallows. "Go on."
A second finger slides in. He shuts his eyes. The burning feeling inside of him mixes with the pleasure he has been waiting for. A loud moan escapes his lips. The sign for Logan to push in a third finger. Julian digs his fingernails into the skin on Logan's back, looking for hold. The pain slowly fades as Logan buckles and scissors his fingers. Feverish touches. Hitting Julian's prostate.
A scream. Drowning in lust. More. Fast.
After Logan pulls out his fingers he reaches into the pocket of his trousers taking out a condom.
A weak grin on Julian's face. "I see you're prepared."
"You never know." A wink. "Turn around."
Julian does as he is told. Although they both prefer it to look into each other's eyes, it's easier this way right now.
Julian leans his hands against the door – not nearly raw enough to grab onto, preparing for the pain that is going to fill him.
One swift move – the hard cock inside of Julian.
He cries out loud, taking in a sharp breath. It hurts. Like hell. He bites his tongue. Logan waits for him to get used to the feeling although Julian know that he can barely restrain himself. Some sort of relaxation sets in and Logan feels it; he starts moving slowly.
As soon as he hits Julian's soft spot again, the pain is forgotten. Drowning in the waves of ecstasy.
Hard thrusts. Soft lips on the back of his neck.
Julian's heart is racing, his whole body is on fire. Stars are dancing in front of his eyes. The amazing combination of pain and pleasure Julian is almost addicted to.
Logan lays his hands on Julian's, squeezing tightly. Julian knows – senses that Logan is close. When Logan thrusts in hard, Julian moves against Logan, increasing the friction, the sensation. Almost enough. Too much for Logan who cums, moaning Julian's name. Julian inwardly begs for Logan to continue. He's shaking. He's drowning. He's burning. He's close.
"Don't you dare..." He begins, but Logan has already withdrawn.
Julian whimpers. He turns around, facing Logan, his cock throbbing painfully.
"That's weak, Lo. I didn't even cum." It's hard to keep up a straight face, to hide his shaking voice.
Logan just glares at him before biting his neck.
Julian cries out loud.
Lost mind. Lost senses.
The world turns upside down, starts spinning around.
"I bet I could make you cum just by touching and biting your neck."
"Don't give... a fuck … how … just … do!"
Another bite. Another cry.
Almost too much.
Suddenly – Logan pulls away. Only to drop on his knees, taking Julian's cock deep into his mouth.
The last touch Julian needs. The last kick.
Tumbling over the edge. Falling. Cumming hard in Logan's mouth. A cascade of colours in front of Julian's eyes. Waves of pleasure washing over him.
He merely recognizes Logan spitting into the toilet. He can't speak. He can't move. Too exhausted, too shaken. Too ecstatic.
"Can you hold me?" Julian asks with a cracked voice.
A pair of arms wraps around him holding him tight, holding him up.
Julian closes his eyes. The aftershocks slowly wear off. He buries his face in Logan's neck, inhaling deeply, enjoying the warmth of the embrace.
"By the way, sorry for cumming in your mouth. I know you don't like it," he mumbles.
"It's alright." The gentle strokes on his back telling Julian that Logan really doesn't bother that much.
Finally, Julian has the feeling that his legs won't give way when he tries to stand on his own. Reluctantly, he pulls away from Logan and they get dressed again. When they are finished Julian lays his hand on Logan's cheek, placing a soft kiss on his lips.
"But Logan..." He gazes at his boyfriend. "Spitters are quitters."
He doesn't even have time to grin before Logan shoves him against the door, kissing him hard.
Julian tastes himself and pulls away – disgusted.
"Eeeeew."
"See."
Logan is in his room, changing out of his uniform.
He has just got rid of the shirt, when the door bursts open. Derek.
Logan sighs annoyed. "Don't you know how to knock?"
Derek doesn't even bother to answer the question.
"Have you seen … HOLY FUCK! What the hell happened to your back? You look as if you had a fight with a cat – or rather a tiger."
Logan remembers to talk to his boyfriend soon about his scratching habits.
"More like a Cheshire Cat."