The
Super Smash Brothers Sports Academy!
By
Hoogiman
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the game, Super Smash Brothers. They are the property of Nintendo, so please do not sue.
Gold Stars:
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None, you're not special! Read Joeb's stories if you want to be treated like four year old children, and participate in some lame manual 'Gold Star' scoring system that does absolutely nothing whatsoever to enhance the quality of the story except bump up the word count. LEAVE NOW IF YOU ONLY WANT TO READ FICS FOR GOLD STAR CRAP!
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Well that was an awful idea. No one is reading from this point on, are they? Well, I'll start.
Author's Note: This is so dry, I don't think it even deserves a 'humour' label. Oh well, I shall anyway.
Chapter One: The Initiation
"Hey Smashers!" said Master Hand, floating in, smiling (1).
"Hi!" said all of the Smashers in unison.
"Well, I've got some good news for you!" said Master Hand.
"What is it?" said Roy (2).
"You are, from now on, going to participate in team sports for no apparent reason!" said Master Hand.
Master Hand paused.
"Not because of the author's obvious lack of ideas!" said Master Hand.
Everybody cheered.
"I want to play volleyball!" said Yoshi.
"I want to play hockey!" said Mr. Game and Watch.
"I want to play bingo!" said Peach.
Nobody laughed.
"Aww," said Peach, "Nobody laughed at my joke."
"Nobody laughs at your jokes!" said Bowser, angrily, "In fact, I don't even know why you assume yourself as the comedic relief, because you're not funny! You're dry, and absolutely unoriginal!" said Bowser angrily. "I am going to stab you the next time you make an awful joke!"
"Nobody would want to stab the great, Princess Peach!" said Peach.
Bowser stabbed Peach to death.
"Ow," said Peach. "At least I can say this witty anecdote in my last words!"
Bowser stomped on Peach's skull several times, to ensure that no more lame puns would come out.
"Well, you can play any sport that you want, as long as the author has writer's block, and has to keep updating this shoddy story!" said Master Hand.
"Yay!" cheered everyone.
"But there is a twist," said Crazy Hand, crazily, floating into the room. "If any of you ever stuff up or lose, you shall be crushed to death!"
Crazy Hand cackled evilly.
Link gasped.
"Master Hand, do you authorise this?" asked Link, disgusted.
"Of course! The sadistic television viewers, including me will love this stuff that is torturous for the contestants!" said Master Hand.
Link stared, disgusted.
"As if you're ever going to punish anyone who doesn't do sport!" said Captain Falcon, smirking. "I'm leaving this place, jerks!"
Captain Falcon started to walk out.
He tripped over Peach's dead body and impaled himself on a block of gelato.
"There!" said Master Hand. "You see what happens if you're not a team player?"
The jokes didn't get any funnier.
The author ran out of ideas.
The chapter ended.
Unnecessary Footnotes, which don't actually add to the enjoyment of the story for readers:
1) You could put after that, 'even though he was not capable of smiling, because he is a hand'!1 Pretty funny stuff, huh? No, of course not, that's why I never put in that stupid gag there.
2) You could have just as easily put in anyone else's name there, but Roy is like, a fangirl magnet. So hopefully they shall review/favourite when Roy gets a mention. I hope.