Sara wondered how it could be, that when she woke up on some days, her condo looked like a busy family place. Next to her shoes were a half a dozen other shoes, there were more jackets on the hooks, than she had ever owned, and her shower looked like somebody had bought a whole drugstore. As soon as she left her bed, the chances to meet somebody were big. She had just gotten out of bed and met Sofia in her kitchen, making coffee and cooking. Her kitchen, a former very lonely and empty place. There had been times, when half a dozen yogurts, a box of juice and some carrots were a fully stocked fridge for her. Now she found things in there she had no idea where to buy them.
"Good morning." Sara mumbled.
"Good afternoon." Sofia smiled. She knew Sara wasn't good to talk to before she had her coffee. She put a huge mug in the brunette's hands. "Drink your coffee, your newspaper is on the balcony, I'll bring you some eggs out."
"Thanks." Maybe a busy family place wasn't always that bad. Years ago nobody disturbed her when she woke up, her condo was empty, nobody gathered around, tried to talk to her, make her wait for the bathroom. But there was also nobody, who made her coffee, prepared a snack for her and arranged the newspaper on the balcony. Having people around had it's good sides too.
"Need another five minutes?" Sofia put a plate with eggs and tomatoes in front of Sara.
"No, I'm fine. Thanks."
"Then I'll join you." Sofia got her eggs and her coffee.
"Is it only the two of us or is there somebody else in the guest room?" Sara had noticed Sofia had slept on the couch. Usually that meant, somebody was in the guest room.
"Yes."
"Greg or Jules?"
"Both."
"Both?"
"Yeah, when I opened the bedroom door, I found both in bed. Does Jules replace DD with Greg and does Greg replace you with Jules?"
"I don't think so. Did they know you'd come over?"
"I mentioned something like that to Greg."
"Well, they kept the couch free for you. Seeing them in one bed doesn't mean there's anything between them. They thought you would not like to share a bed or a couch with one of them."
"I can always go home."
"That's why they share a bed." Sara cocked her head. "Don't you trust them? None of them would mind if you join them in bed or on the couch."
"Would you like to have me coming in your bed the next time when the couch and the guest room are engaged?" Sofia turned the tables on Sara.
"Try me, blondie. You might be surprised about my reaction."
"I'll find myself on the ground, your knee on my back and the nose deep in your little carpet?"
"I can promise you I won't do that."
"I know." Sofia smiled and put her hand on Sara's for a second. "You won't hurt me, you could have broken my nose in the desert, you didn't. All you had to do was using the top of your elbow – like your did with Hank - and my nose would look different now."
"I like it the way it is. And yes, I could have hurt you more, I'm a little bit scared that I hurt you at all."
"Can't blame you I was a pain in the ass."
Mhm." Sara couldn't just put it aside, this morning had given her the old question back, if she had a murder gene inside herself. Was she like her parents? Was she a killer? An abuser? Would she end up hurting people? People who were important to her. She had no idea how often these questions have ran through her mind since that morning.
"I trust you with my life, Sara."
"Sometimes I don't trust myself." She didn't want to say that loud, it popped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
Sofia felt, this sentences wasn't supposed to be said out loud. "I don't know what happened in your life that you worry about that, why you don't trust yourself. You don't have to tell me, but I can assure you, I do trust you and I know you'll never hurt me. If I had said at any time that you're hurting me, I'm sure within a second you would have let go of me. Sara, you're not a person, who hurts other people. You suffer too much with people, who got hurt, you feel responsible for them, you try to make them feel safe. You're not a monster, you're not somebody who hurts people. Just because Ecklie thinks you have a violence issue it doesn't mean he's right. He also thinks he is a better boss than Grissom. That should be proof enough of how wrong he is."
"There are some things of my life, you don't know of, Sofia…I can't tell you about them right now…"
"Sara, I said, you don't have to tell me, all I want you to know and to understand is, that you're not a bad person. You don't hurt people, you don't…" Sofia wanted to say 'abuse' but something inside her made her stop saying that word. "…do things like that. You didn't lose your temper, you had full control over you and your actions. You made sure I won't get hurt, you made sure my nose isn't broken, you used enough pressure to make me let go off you. I think these years of material art gave you a lot of self-control."
"Self-control? I got suspended for accusing a suspect of domestic violence."
"Everybody can be wrong."
"It's not about right or wrong, it's about the way I behaved. I got into his face." She had been right, the man killed his wife. It didn't change a thing, she had lost her control.
"You didn't assault him."
"No."
"Telling somebody what you think isn't what your boss expects you to do, it's not your job accusing people for anything, but it's human."
Sara sighed. She had no idea why these thoughts kept coming back and bothering her. She wished she could just keep them out of her head forever.
"And now we change the topic, there's no need that you think about this things too much. Tell me, what are our plans for the next free night together?"
"Going out? To 'Double Choc' for a few dances? Or would you prefer to go somewhere else?"
"You should know by now, I like the club, we've been there a few times within the last months and I never complained."
"It could be that you prefer to go to a club where it's more likely you'll find a few guys, who are interested in you."
"Don't worry about my relationships, Sara, I'm fine. No need to find a man for me. Find a girl for Jules, otherwise she has to stand the whole time alone behind the door and listen to our conversation."
"How do you know?" Jules came on the balcony, arms on her hips.
"I'm a detective, I notice when people are around."
"Bugger. Does that mean you said that about 'being fine' only because you knew I was behind the door? If I hadn't been there, would have told Sara, you want me?"
"No."
"No or maybe?"
"No."
"Bugger again."
Sofia laughed. "I'll get you some coffee and eggs with tomatoes. I've my butler day today, serve for everybody a snack. Is Greg awake?"
"About to. I tried to kiss him awake, he wasn't that amused. If he isn't with us in five minutes I'll get a wet, cold cloths in his face."
"That's so mean." Sara felt immediately sorry for Greg. She knew, Jules would do that without feeling guilty at the end.
"It is. It works."
"I'll wake him up, don't bother to torture him." Sofia got up and left the balcony.
"You're all just protecting the puppy."
"Of course, we have to protect him when you're that mean." Sara smiled.
"It's a way to get him out of bed." Jules watched Sara for a moment. "You're okay?" She had heard a lot of the conversation.
"Yeah."
"She's good."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Sofia. I stood behind the door because I didn't want to interrupt your conversation. She's good, she knows there's something from your past that bothers you, but she does not push. She wants you to tell her when you feel comfortable doing so."
"She needs to wait for that."
"She will, she's very patient, knows, you're one of the people, who tell you more the less you ask and push."
"I don't say anything if people try to push and force me."
"I know." Jules smiled before she turned serious. "Sara? I know we're through with that, but I also know you didn't talk to Marlis about this and I think you should talk about it…" Marlis was a colleagues of Jules, she had sent Sara to after they found out, there was no way they could have an ordinary therapist – patient relationship.
"I won't end up on your couch, Jules. Forget it, I won't make an appointment." They were friends, they couldn't do the therapist – patient thing. It was illegal. There was no way Sara would go to Jules' office. She would talk to her friend here, not in the office.
"We don't have to do that there. But you should talk with somebody about it. If you don't want me to be the one, talk to Marlis."
"It will never be out of my head if I've to talk about it all the time."
"It will never be out of your head if you try to ignore it and you know that, you're a smart woman."
"I don't want to talk with her about my past, I did, what I had to do for the job, I don't want anything more. It's nobody's business what have happened and nobody can change that. Laying on a couch and talking the whole shit through won't make it undone."
"No, it won't, nothing will." Jules got up, sat on Sara's lap, embraced her. "All I want is that you can talk the whole shit of your soul. No couch, no appointment, no psychologist comments or behave. Let us go away for two or three days, to the ocean. We pack a picnic, take a blanket, snuggle in a dune and you can talk if you want. I'll listen, won't say anything until you ask me to answer something. If you don't want to talk it's fine too, we'll only snuggle up and enjoy the sound and the look of the ocean. What do you think?"
"Two nights, no party, no city. Nature and beach, long walks, no rules, no talk if I don't feel like it. And don't try to make me talk with you psycho tricks, I know them, they don't work. I'll stop talking to at all, even about the weather. You'll have to spend your time with somebody, who ignores you."
"I love your easy-going personality, Sara." Jules kissed Sara's cheek.
"You love more than that." Sara stroke with a finger over Jules' face and kissed her for a short moment on the lips. "And now get off and wake Greg up gently. I'm sure Sofia is almost done with your snacks."
"I wish she would be my snack."
"Won't happen in this life. I think you've to accept that there's a woman on this planet, who doesn't want to have a relationship with you. Maybe you should talk about that with your therapist."
"The last time I told him about my weekend his face got all red. I think he's embarrassed when I tell him too much of my private life."
"He'll be shocked, knowing somebody like you is a therapist."
"I guess, I'm not what you expect when you think of a psychologist."
"No, not at all." Sara grinned. Jules was a lot of things, a typical psychologist definitely not. That was the reason why Sara liked her so much.
One last appointment to go. Jules took a look at the note of her part time secretary, a woman around fifty, who felt sad the whole time and was tired of life. So far the diagnosis of the woman. Because she was alone in her office, she had her door half open as a sign for her last patient to come in. After her work here she needed to go shopping, her fridge was empty, but that didn't matter. The last time her fridge had been stocked with food was, when she celebrated her birthday. She needed to stock up Sara's fridge. Since she practically lived in Sara's condo without paying rent, she made it to her job to do the shopping and most of the cleaning. Why again did she keep her own apartment? Well, it was useless very soon.
The knock on the door let her raise her head.
"Come in." She was only half around her desk to greet the new patient when she stopped. She knew this person.
"Sofia, what are you doing here? I mean, come in, but I don't have much time, I'm waiting for a new patient."
"Misses Miller?"
"Yes….how do you know? Don't tell me something happened to her."
"She's fine."
"Why do you know about…don't tell me…you are Misses Miller?"
"Yes. Very simple, I know."
"Why?"
"I need to talk to you."
"We see each other almost on a daily base, why…oh, you want to talk to a therapist." Somehow Jules needed more time to understand today.
"You offered me…but if you don't want to…"
"Shut up, sit down." Jules closed the door behind Sofia and pushed her towards a couch.
"A couch?"
"Sure, keep the prejudice alive. Or do you prefer an armchair?"
"No, I don't think so. Maybe."
"Sit wherever you want, Sofia, I'll make you a tea."
"Tea?"
"You're here with your therapist, I don't give coffee out, that's not good for your mental health. You need something to relax, tea is perfect for that."
Sofia sat on the couch, not sure if she was supposed to sit or to lay down. Weren't people laying on the couch?
"You don't have to lay down, you can sit." Jules read her mind. With two cups of tea she came back to Sofia and didn't sit in an armchair opposite of the blonde, but with her on the couch. No matter what brought Sofia to her, Jules couldn't treat her like an ordinary patient. They were friends, a professional relationship was impossible.
"I'm not sure if this was a good idea." Sofia mumbled. Somehow it felt strange, stranger than it had felt before. It became real, she was really here and – yes – she felt that she got scared. Scared of what she might tell Jules, scared if she was able to talk to Jules at all.
"Because we're friends and you don't think you can just tell me what's wrong with you?"
"Yeah…I mean I could tell anybody I've never seen before, I'll never see again if I don't come back to therapy. It's like you tell somebody and nothing will happen. You might get an opinion but that's it. Nobody can make sure I do what I've been told. Nobody can check on that. You, on the other hand, see me daily."
"First of all, whatever you want to tell me, whatever you will tell me, it won't leave this room. It will never be the topic in a conversation with anybody else. Only if you bring the topic up and I'll say only as much, as I can for somebody, who heard about it for the first time. That you are here isn't Greg's or Sara's business, I won't tell them.
Second, if you ask me for advice, I'll give you an advice as good as I can. I can't do miracles, Sofia, I can only make suggestions, you need to find out what will be the best for you. I won't find a way for you, I'm here to show you different ways and go the way, you'll choose with you.
Third, if you feel like I'm not the right person to talk to, I'll give you the names and addresses of some other psychologists. There's always a possibility that you don't go along with your therapist and need somebody else. There won't be any bad blood between us if you choose to go anywhere else. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Good. You look good, by the way. A little bit tired but good."
"Don't flirt with your patient."
"I don't flirt, I am honest. If you look shitty I'll tell you too. You could use some more sleep, there are some little wrinkles around your eyes and some black shades."
"I've the night off and will use it and the next day for a long sleep."
"Sounds good. Are you with us? I'll go to Sara's place later – no surprise."
"No, I'll go home." Sofia was sure, if she did this, she needed some time alone to think and rethink everything.
"Alright. Are we still on for a before work barbeque on Saturday?"
"Sure. I'll make some salad for the vegetarians."
"And I'll get some fresh bread with herb butter."
"Sounds good to me."
"We're on a date, blondie."
"Again." Sofia stopped for a few seconds. "And we're on the topic I wanted to talk about with you."
"Dates?"
"Yes. I…you mentioned a few times it's time for me to have a relationship again. I know I get some offers when we're out and I turn them all down. It has nothing to do with, they're not good enough for me or anything like that. It's more…this sounds really silly...fuck…" Sofia stopped, closed her eyes. Why did she go here? This wasn't any of Jules' business, she couldn't do or change anything. All Sofia was about to do was making herself look ridiculous. "Just forget, please. Can we?"
"If you really want that, yes."
Sofia got up. "Let's forget it. Forget all of this. I'll go, your secretary gets my credit card details and…" Jules stopped her with a simple touch of her hands.
"You can leave if you want, I won't tell you to stay, but please, Sofia, please don't make a flight out of it. You don't want to tell me, it's alright. No reason not to drink your tea first." The dark brunette smiled a bit and Sofia sat down again.
"Sorry, I didn't want to insult or offence you."
"Not taken. I had people storm out of the room for a lot of reasons. They all have one in common, they find out, it doesn't help."
"Looks like I act like the average patient."
"You're a lot of things, Sofia, average isn't one of them. You're special."
"Special stupid."
"Why would you say that?"
"I come here, use a wrong name and can't tell you what my problem is."
"I doubt, I had more than a handful of people, who came in and told me straight about their problems. Some need weeks, months, I've some, who come to me since I've started to work and they still haven't told me all of their problems. It's about trust, it's about patience and to take everything step by step."
"You can't have men as patients." Sofia mumbled.
"Some."
"Since when do they need time?"
"For some things they do."
"Yeah, everything that hasn't to do with getting their pants down."
"Some women are the same."
"If you start with 'all the blondes' I'll leave right away."
"Honey, I'm brunette and I think I took more men home than you did within the last months. I won't say anything about blondes."
"True. Do you tell them you want a relationship or do you tell them it's only for a night?"
"I tell them it's a one-night-stand. If I'm seriously interested in somebody, I don't sleep with this person the first night. I want to have some time to get to know the other one, build some trust."
"There's the difference between you and most men."
"There are assholes on both sides of the fence."
"Yeah." Sofia put her cup of tea away, looked out of the window. She saw a huge tree, no buildings, no street, only the tree.
"It's a nice and quiet place you have here."
"Thanks."
"You can't be my therapist, we're friends. Won't you be in trouble if I talk to you here and we go out on Saturday? Or when you flirt with me?"
"Sofia, you will never be a patient, you're a friend. I won't be your therapist, I'll be your friend, you paid a visit to at her workplace. Like when you meet Sara in the lab and you talk about something. This is a private meeting for both of us, no business."
"Okay. I don't want any problems for you."
"I won't have some. I am allowed to talk to friends here."
"Good." Sofia took another look around. No trouble for Jules, that was very important. She could only do this, when she knew, there were problems for both of them. Her attention got back to the couch.
"Do people have to lay in a certain position when they talk to you?"
"No, they can lay on their back, belly, sides, whatever they prefer. Or simply sit, facing me, some look out of the window, talk with their back to me, like I'm not here and I don't answer them, even when they ask something. It's all for themselves, to sort out their thoughts. There are no rules where to sit and what to say."
"Hum." Sofia pulled off her shoes, put her legs on the couch, turned a bit and used Jules' lap as a pillow. "This is comfy."
"This something only you have, a sign, that you're here as a friend. I don't share the couch with my patients, I keep a certain distance. No physical contact."
"No cuddling?"
"No."
"How are people suppose to feel loved when you don't hug them?"
"Through words and attention."
"I think, a hug does comfort more than words."
"Like a gesture says more than words. Or an act."
"You can hurt people with gestures, words and acts."
"True."
"Jules, you can go into people's head…why do some people enjoy hurting other people? Why do they like to see them down in pain? Like to see them suffer."
Jules didn't say that she couldn't open people's head and read their mind. She had some ideas, why people did certain things, but it didn't mean, she knew why people did what they did.
"To make people suffer, see them on the ground, gives some the feeling of power. They have the power to play with somebody's life. It's in their hands if somebody is happy or sad. I can make you cry if I feel like it. I can torture you, I've the power, you're a nothing."
"Don't they care that they destroy the life of somebody?"
"It gives them even more power, they like that. The more you suffer, the more fun it is for them. It's human. Human want to have power, want to be stronger than others. Only the strong ones will survive."
"And if you're weak, you need to make sure people won't find out. You have to pretend the whole time you're somebody else."
"There's a possibility that people will use your weakness against you, yes. To hide the weakness isn't good either. It will eat you alive from the inside."
"Means, you have to show your weakness and live with the risk to get hurt?"
"Means you should know, who you can trust. There's nothing wrong being honest to somebody you trust. Telling somebody what scares you, what gives you nightmares, isn't a weakness. It's a strength. You'll feel better after it, you'll learn how to handle the things that gives you nightmares."
"But you can't change things that happened in the past."
"No."
"No matter if you talk about them or not." This remembered Jules of conversations she had with Sara often. No, you can't change the past but you could try to settle the past and go on with your new life, without being haunted by ghosts of the past.
"You can't take back some things, that's right. Most people feel better after they have talked about whatever bothers them. It's like setting it free when you hear yourself talking about it. It's like sharing the problem what makes it less heavy on your shoulders. Somebody else knows about all the pain, the bad things, thinks with you what to do, how to get it out of your life. Or how to arrange your life, that you don't have to stop living because of what has happened. It's like a tire. A flat tire stops you until you get out of the car, change the tire and go on. You can call somebody to help you with the tire, but it is you who has to do the first step to change something."
"Can you be my mechanic?"
"I can try." Jules' hand found Sofia's and held it. The blonde had turned, she didn't face the window anymore, she turned on her right side, facing the back of the couch. Jules could see Sofia's eyes were closed, her breath was normal. And she knew, else wise than with her patients, she had to keep body contact with Sofia. It was impossible for them to have an ordinary patient – therapist relationship, Sofia needed a mix between that and ordinary friendship. And that meant, she needed to feel Jules.
"I am unable of having a relationship."
Jules waited for Sofia to go on. She wouldn't say a word until Sofia asked her very clear to answer something. Her part for now was sitting here, waiting and listening to what Sofia wanted to tell her. The only thing Jules did, was softly stroking Sofia's hand with one finger.
"I…as soon as I'm involved with somebody I need to… yeah…I need to get rid off them. I'm horrified that my partner could leave me, play me, hurt me. So I have to stop the relationship before it gets too serious. No matter if there is a reason or not. I don't need or see a logical reason, I act because I'm scared of what could happen."
Sofia made another little break. There were too many pictures running inside her head, she needed to sort them out, push them away before she could go on.
"I've to kick everybody out of my life after a month. When somebody comes to me when we're out, I'll make it very obvious that I don't want to have anybody close to me. I don't mind to dance, it's fun, but as soon as there could be a possibility that the other wants more, I block.
There's no need to search for a reason, I know why I act like that. It's a memory of my first boyfriend. He did everything to make me his girlfriend, was charming, bought me flowers, told me all the things girls want to hear. He was in the football team, he was cool. It took him less than two weeks until he had convinced me that he loved me and wanted to stay with me forever. Young girls are so stupid when they're in love. I did what he wanted, I slept with him. Less than a week later I saw him kissing another girl. When I asked him, what he was doing, he laughed at me and asked, if I had really thought, he wanted to be with me. All he wanted was to go to bed with me, his friends and he had made a bet, who gets a virgin into bed first. That was all he wanted. He got his sex, I was useless."
Sofia saw herself in high school, saw him, laughing at her. Making fun of her, telling his friends how stupid she had been. How boring she had been in bed. She heard the boys laughing, making fun, calling her names. It was like she was back at that time, she felt how she started to tremble, how she wanted to cry, tried to stay strong, not to give him even more satisfaction.
"Jules?"
"Yes." This was a moment Sofia wanted a respond, a respond with a word.
"Can you forget one of your rules?"
"Which one?"
"Not hugging the patient."
Without words Jules slipped right next to Sofia and pulled her in her arms, the face of the blonde still facing the back of the couch.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome, Sweetie. And you're not a patient, you're my friend." Jules felt like Sofia calmed down, she didn't tremble that much anymore, her breath was steady again. There were tears in Sofia's face, Jules had seen them. She didn't say anything about them, she didn't try to wipe them away.
"That experience got me hard, as you can imagine." Sofia went on, holding on to Jules's arms. "I stayed at home for a week, couldn't face him or anybody else in school. After my return, I tried to stay for myself, of course the girls had heard about what had happened to me and some of them made fun of me, how stupid I was to believe he was interested in me. I was a nobody, why should he want me?
A month later another boy started to ask me out, wanted to go to the movies with me. I rejected first, but he didn't stop, sent flowers, candy, asked me daily how I was. Eventually I gave in, met him for a movie. After the movie he took me to a nice place in the desert, watching the stars. He was charming, he was lovely, he was pushing without being to harsh. Young girls are so stupid, I gave him what he wanted, afraid he might lose his interest when I'm too bitchy. Five minutes later he was done and so were we. He got up, told me to get lost. There was a bus stop half a mile away, I could take the bus to Vegas.
It had been a bet, the guys of the football team had betted who could get first one of the ex virgins in bed. He had gotten a message the night that a friend of him won, but he thought, after he made all the effort, he wanted to have some fun. So he kicked me out, drove away and I had to walk to the bus stop. It was dark, it was almost midnight and I was scared to death.
Back home – a nice elderly woman picked me up, shocked that I was alone in the desert at that time – I locked myself in the bathroom for hours. My parents were working, so they didn't know that and I didn't have to explain myself. Unfortunately I couldn't stay at home again, my mom told me I had to go to a doctor or to school. I went, it was hell and I didn't have any other date in high school.
The boy who got a date with me, when I was at college, seemed to be nice. But they all seemed to be nice first and when he started to move on me, I kicked him out of my room. He got pissed off, called me some names and left. Since high school I've kicked the men out of my life when they came too close. It's not like I didn't have sex since them, but usually soon after that I send them away, to make sure, they can't leave me.
Only one man managed to convince me to move in with him. I thought, I was over all these shit from my high school time, but after a few months, I started to think, he was cheating, was using me. We started to fight, I moved out of our apartment. He never cheated on me, he couldn't understand why I acted the way I did and I couldn't tell him.
I can't trust people anymore."
Sofia stopped. She had never told anybody this, no friend, not her mother, nobody. It haunted her for twenty years, but she was too embarrassed to tell anybody. How could she have been so stupid? After the disaster with the first boy, she should have been smart enough to see the other one was playing her too. She wasn't. She was blind. Stupid. Too young. Maybe she had deserved all this.
"You can tell me now that I was terrible stupid."
"You are absolutely amazing, Sofia."
"Am I? Amazingly stupid? Yeah, that's right."
"An amazing woman. And you do trust people."
"No, I push them all away."
"You didn't push me away, you came to me, you told me everything, you trust me. You are able to trust somebody."
"What will you do with this story?"
"What would you like me to do with it, Sofia? If you want, this was a one time thing, I'll never ever mention a word of what you've told me. I can also meet "Misses Miller" again, she doesn't need an appointment, she can call me and tell me, she would like to see me in private. It's your decision."
"There's nothing you can do to make all these things undone."
"No, there isn't. Nobody can."
"But I feel better, somehow relieved. Strange. I didn't change anything, I only said everything out loud."
"Sometimes it helps. It doesn't change anything, but it makes you feel better."
"It does. But I still feel stupid. How could I think for one moment, one of these boys were serious?"
"You were young, you were happy they showed some interested. Unfortunately million of people get caught in this trap every year. There are a lot of women all around the planet, who have been through the same. You're not alone and you're not stupid.
As for the trust, maybe you need to learn to trust again. You do have to trust people in your job, if you don't trust your partner that he or she will back you up, you can't work. You trust them to protect your life like you protect their life.
I didn't have the feeling you don't trust, Greg, Sara or me. So far, you seemed to be very comfortable around us, seemed to enjoy our company. You are able to trust people, who are your friends. What you need to learn is to trust people, who wants to be or are in a love relationship with you. That will take some time, you might be better off, if you start with a friendship, build the trust there and take it over to a love relationship. All the men, who talk to you during an evening out, you will push away as soon as they come too close to comfort. But if you can find a man, who is fine with being a friend for a while, to give you time until you found out, you can trust him, you will be able to have an ordinary relationship."
"A patience man? Do you think they exist?"
"I'm sure they do. Any man with a brain will wait for you, all the others are not worth being with you."
"I thought you'd try to talk me into having a girlfriend, an understanding psychologist for example."
"Can't do that, I can't have a relationship with every sexy woman, that come to me for advice. I did that once with this cute brunette, we both know, if I do that again I've to question myself if I'm a good psychologist."
"You make me feel better, I think you are."
"That's all I wanted – besides having you in my arms. Looks like I got you in them, detective. Does that mean you'll stay with me in bed the next time we all stay over at Sara's place? Can I bring a second pillow for you?"
"No." Sofia laughed.
"And I hoped this brought you closer to me."
"I'm sorry, Sara asked first."
"What?"
"Yeah she invited me in her bed, more or less. Because I was surprised to find you and Greg in a bed the last time, so she said, the two of you had been nice, because I don't want to share a bed. She asked me if I'm scared to have one of you in my bed, so I turned the tables on her and asked, if she wants me in her bed. Thought, she'll say 'no' but she told me not to dare her. The thing is, when people tell me not to dare them…"
"You will do it."
"Yes."
"Don't you dare to come in my bed, Sofia."
"That's too obvious, Jules. That won't work."
"Damn. Want to leave the couch with me? I'll offer you again to join me to Sara's place."
"I think, I need some quiet time alone, have to think about everything."
"Alright." Jules got up. "Call me if you feel like talking again tonight. Sometimes thoughts appear when you're alone, confuse you and it's good if there's somebody to talk about them. Give me a call and I'll listen or talk."
"Thanks. Is that inclusive, an after therapy service?"
"No. You are special, detective. It's called the friend service."
"Thanks doc. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." Sofia hugged Jules and kissed her cheek.
"Bye detective, have a nice night off. We'll miss you on the balcony."
"I'll be back with you soon." It was tempting to go to Sara's place, Sara and Greg would be away to work, Sofia could have another talk with Jules, but she felt like she needed some time alone, to work with all the new feelings for herself.
"Hey." Sara opened the door for Sofia. "Wow."
"Hi, got a hand?" Sofia had been shopping today and most of the things she had bought, she had carried into the elevator that got her and her goodies up to Sara.
"What did you do?"
"I thought we'll be thirsty." Three boxes of beer, four six packs of sparkling water, two gallons of spring water, a dozen boxes of juice and a box with six bottles of wine.
"Did you rob a shop?"
"No, I paid, honestly."
"Why do you bring all these things?"
"Well, Jules stocked your fridge, Greg bought enough barbeque things for the rest of the summer, I figured I bring some drinks."
"Yeah, some. I think we need to put some of them behind the couch in the living room, I don't have enough space in the little room left; since Jules did the shopping."
"Wow, Sofia, are you a shop lifter?" Greg asked when the women came in with the beer and the wine.
"Get your ass out and help us, there's something left."
"Looks like you get full service this week." Jules smiled.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Pretty easy. We practically live here, this is our part of the rent. We use your bed, your couch, your shower, your kitchen, the least we can do, is getting food and drinks here. You don't have to worry about shopping. Even the vegetarian corner in the cupboard is full."
"Everything is full and you don't have to buy all my groceries only because you spend some time here."
"Some time? Most time." Jules managed to grab Sara when she tried to walk back to the door to get the rest of the drinks. Under protest Sara ended in Jules' arms.
"Don't fight me, you'll win." Jules kissed Sara's cheek. "You provide the accommodation, we provide the rest. Start to accept that we want to give you something back, enjoy the fact, that we want to do something for you. We know you hate shopping, so we do it for you. Get used to the fact that we love you."
"You don't love you me, you just want to live here."
"Want me to show you how much I love you, Sara?"
"Don't you dare to get your hands on my skin."
"Honey, I can make you come without my hands on your skin."
"Sounds interesting to me, I'd like to see that." Greg grinned.
"Puppy, go out for a walk with the detective, I need to show something to the geek."
"I think she doesn't want you to show anything." Sofia got between Sara and Jules. "Hands off my CSI, doc."
"Do you want to fight with me over her, detective?"
"If I have to. I protect my CSI."
"I knew, I can rely on my detective. Come on, Blondie, we leave the kitchen to the doc and go to the balcony. I've got something for you." Sara pulled Sofia out to the balcony, got the chair of the blonde next to hers.
"Are you alright?" She asked Sofia.
"Yes. Jules doesn't scare me."
"I'm not talking about Jules, you have some light shadows under your eyes. Did you not sleep good enough?"
"Spent too much time thinking, but I'm alright." Sofia wasn't ready to share with Sara what she had told Jules yesterday. She needed some more time, maybe another long talk to Jules.
"Okay." Sara didn't try to push. "You know if you want to talk, I'm here." The same Sofia told her because of her past. Now it was the blonde, who smiled thankfully.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. Now I want to give you this." Sara got a key with a key chain out of her pocket. She handed it to Sofia.
"What's that?"
"You need your own key, it makes things easier to come in. Otherwise you need to borrow a key all the time, this makes you more flexible."
"Wow, thanks. How did I earn this honor?"
"By just being you. I like to have you over, Sofia. It's not when I wake up and see you, that you start talking, you respect that I'm an awful wake up person, you give me my coffee and leave me alone for a few minutes, what is really nice."
"I like being here. It's nice to be with somebody than being the whole time alone home. And I've to say, spending time with the three of you is the best thing I can imagine."
"With this key you should be able to spend some more time with us." Sara smiled.
"Yes. Maybe the next time when I've to work long and am too lazy to drive home."
"You can join me then." Jules came on the balcony, two bowls with salad in her arms. "My bed is always free for you."
"Only if it's free OF you, I'll go in."
"Greg could be on the couch, then you've no choice."
"I can join Sara, she invited me last time."
"You won't do that, you're too coward."
"Are you daring me again?"
"Still."
"Be careful you might wake up not alone in your bed tomorrow."
"Sara and Sofia in one bed, that makes me want to be the blanket." Jules sighed.
"You want to be more than the blanket, you want to be the only piece of clothes between them." Greg got the alcohol free drinks in front of them.
"That is a very sexy thought…it will be very hard to stay away from that room if they really share a bed…"
"You'll be out at work, you might be here for half an hour, an hour top, then you've to go."
"If you had any idea what I can do in one hour."
"There's another thing I really like about you, Sofia." Sara said.
"What's that?"
"You're the only one who doesn't try to have sex with me."
"No I don't. Greg and Jules do that for me." Sofia grinned.
Sara wasn't sure if it was really time to get up, she felt more like staying in bed. Maybe she had another hour, she didn't hear her alarm clock, so it was not six in the evening, time for a few more minutes of sleep and snuggle in with…that wasn't Jules! Immediately Sara was awake and her eyes wide open. Long blond hair and the rest of Sofia's body were next to her. This wasn't supposed to be real, this was not planed. Why…oh, that was the payback for daring the detective.
"Smug bitch." Sara mumbled and turned. Sofia had dared to come into Sara's bed and she slept.
Quietly Sara left her bed only to find her couch empty. Was Greg gone already? She didn't come home with him, he had another half an hour or so in the lab to work when she left. A short look on her cell phone told her, nobody had tried to reach her, means there was no hot case.
She started the coffee machine and got down in the elevator to get her newspaper. The good thing about her condo was, there was only her condo and the one of her neighbors, an elderly couple who lived in the building for twenty years. Their places were on top of the building, ten stories high, they were number ten, what not only gave them the best view but also no loud neighbors above.
With her newspaper under the arm she came back in her kitchen to find Greg in there.
"Hey, I thought you went home because the couch was empty."
"No, I was here."
"Did you sleep in the guest room?" When he was late enough Jules was out of bed and he could sleep in there. No need to prepare the couch.
"Yes." A smile appeared around his corner of the mouth.
"No, don't tell me that it's true what I think."
"What do you think, Love?" Greg poured the coffee and gave Sara a mug.
"You didn't wait until Jules was out of bed, you went in there when she was still in." Usually nothing to worry about, but this smile of him made her see, there was more than usually.
"Yes."
"Don't tell me you and her…"
"We're not a couple, Sara."
"Thanks god for that." Sara sighed released. It wasn't like she didn't want her friends to be together, but she really doubted that they could make each other happy. From the look, Jules was exactly what Greg was after, but Jules wasn't after Greg, not seriously.
"We had sex, don't be too happy."
"Why?" Sara dropped on her chair. There she goes, relieved for one second only to hear exactly what she didn't want to hear the next second.
"Because we felt like it. I can't see anything bad in it, it's Jules."
"She's your friend."
"Yes she is."
"You're not suppose to have sex with your friend."
"Says who?"
"It's common knowledge. I don't have sex with you."
"Not my fault." He grinned.
"Please tell me it won't turn into something complicated."
"I won't turn into something complicated."
"And in reality?"
"It won't turn into something complicated. Sara, it wasn't the first time I slept with Jules, it has never inferred our friendship. We both know, it's something we do when we feel like it and we're both singles. You should know by now, that we also share a bed and nothing happens. It all depends on how we feel."
"Why can't you feel the whole time like ordinary friends?"
"Too boring and we both enjoy each other too much."
"It's too late now anyway." Like it had been the times before. Like Greg had mentioned, it wasn't the first time and every time, Sara wasn't happy with it. She was too scared, Jules or Greg would fall in love with the other and this would destroy their friendship.
"Yes. How did you sleep?"
"Good, I…I woke up and had Sofia in my bed."
"You had Sofia in your bed and tell me, I'm not suppose to have sex with Jules? Why can you have sex with the detective?"
"I didn't have sex with Sofia!" Sara furrowed her brows. Greg should know better.
"Why was she in your bed? The couch was free."
"Don't ask me, ask her. I think, this was a kind of payback, because I told her, she's too coward to sleep in my bed. Looks like she wanted to prove me wrong. Believe me, I was shocked when I felt there was somebody in my bed, I wanted to pull Jules into my arms and realized, it's not Jules who is in my bed."
"You didn't pull Sofia in your arms?"
"No!"
"Why?"
"Because she isn't Jules."
"Neither am I and you have me in your arms all the time we share a bed."
"It's something else." And most times he had her in his arms.
"Like?"
"Like…it's Sofia."
"You like her, you're friends."
"Yes, but I don't think we're that close already. It feels wrong to have her in my arms."
"Sometimes you're amazingly old-fashioned, Sara."
"Thanks."
"I wonder what Sofia says to all this."
"Sara needs a lot of space in bed." Sofia came on the balcony, dressed in shorts, a tank top and a steaming coffee in her hands. Her smile was full of tease, looking at Sara and knowing exactly, how confused the brunette had been when she woke up.
"I thought you didn't sign the part of the contract that says, everybody has to have sex with Sara to be in this club." Greg grinned.
"I didn't. I didn't sign it, I didn't do it and I'm sure, she didn't tell you we did. Get yourself out of the gutter. Where have you slept or did you come home after me?"
"Home?" He smirked. Now it was official, Sofia was more than a full member of their club, she referred to Sara's condo as home. Same like Greg and Jules, who felt more at home here than in their own places.
"Here."
"You said home." Sara grinned. "You like it here, detective."
"It's closer to the department, more sleep time."
"That's lame and you know it."
"Don't try to get me distracted from my question, puppy."
"I was in bed, guest room bed, having lovely sex with Jules."
"Sure." Sofia shook her head.
"He's serious." Sara sighed.
"What?"
"Don't ask me for reasons, they do that sometimes. I guess, they can't handle their hormones and get some relief this way. I try not to think about that too much, it gives me a headache and the feeling, I've horny teenagers in my condo."
"So what did you to with Sara, Sofia? Why did you go into her bed instead using the couch. There must be a good reason."
"She dared me."
"I said, a good reason."
"That's the best reason. I proved her wrong."
"She thought you were Jules, she wanted to pull you in her arms."
"I would have her restrained within a second."
"Ha." Sara laughed. That was a good joke. First of all, Sofia didn't have her handcuffs next to the bed and second, Sara could easily fight Sofia and how that ended was obvious.
"You were half asleep at that time, not a big deal for me."
"I bet you weren't awake either."
"I can be very fast awake when somebody tries to get me in their arms."
"I never wanted you in my arms, I thought it's Jules."
"Jules isn't suppose to be in bed when you wake up. She'll be back home from work soon, but not in your bed at this time of the day. It's not weekend."
"I know, that but it was the only explanation I found when I woke up. I didn't plan to have a smug blonde in my bed."
"A stunning blonde?"
"Still a blonde."
"Is Jules the only one here who doesn't hate blondes?"
"I don't hate blondes." Greg defended himself. "I just don't think they're sexy."
"Thanks."
"Sorry Sofia. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but there'll never be anything between us. You have to take Sara – or Jules, she'll take you with open arms."
"I don't want Jules."
"Since when are blondes picky?" Sara asked amused. "I thought you blondes jumped everybody whenever you have a chance."
"Sure we do. When did you stop counting the guys I jumped when we were out?"
"I think I stopped after the second or third time. You never took one home, not much to count."
"What does that tell you?"
"Secretly you want a woman, but you're scared the captain might shoot you."
Loud laughter from the inside let all three turn. Jules came with a huge cocktail on the balcony.
"Really good conclusion, Sara. I wish she'd get over this fear and give me a chance, but I doubt that will ever happen. I'll keep on dreaming." Jules sat next to Sofia, got a hand on the blonde's arm and stroke it softly. "Don't let them tease you, they're only jealous. Sara because she doesn't have so many admires and Greg because he can't find his Misses Right; which is my luck."
"Yeah…I'm shocked. You're a psychologist."
"Not when I'm off duty."
"How are your patients suppose to see a serious woman in you when you have sex with the puppy because you're both bored."
"We weren't bored, we felt like having some fun. I know it's not what you and my cute ex do, but Greggo and me enjoy it. I can tell you, he's a great man, so when you're looking for somebody special, he's your man."
"He's not into blondes." Sofia smiled.
"Dye your hair."
"No. No offense but I think Greg and me are better off as friends."
"Same here."
"So I can go on flirting with you. Wanna help me out in the kitchen?" Jules smirked.
"With what? Something out of the fridge or something in front of the fridge?"
"She makes me will-less." Jules held her heart. "One day, I'll become your bad girl, you'll have to chain me and I'll be yours. I hope you'll interrogate me long and repeatedly."
"Jules, get out of the gutter!" Sara told her friend.
"Stop talking for Sofia, she can talk for herself, there's a really easy way for her to shut me up."
"Sorry, you had your kiss in front of my colleagues, you won't get more."
"Kiss? Our lips didn't meet."
"All you ever get." Sofia smiled and leant back. She wished it would be that easy to flirt with the men she met when they were out. Somehow she couldn't be that easy going with them. She knew Jules flirted with her mainly that Sofia got used to it, that she could learn how to handle it and she didn't have to distrust everybody, who was interested in her. A little bit of therapy packed in some fun.
"Oh, my family is home." Jules smiled when Sara, Sofia and Greg came in the living room.
"You requested for all three of us." Sara said. "And I smell no coffee!"
"Because you'll get a beer."
"What?"
"It's after work for you, you deserve a beer, it's Saturday. I made some salad, steaks for the blondes and tofu for us. It's an early morning/late night barbeque."
"What is wrong?" Greg asked. "And don't call me blonde, I'm light brown."
"Sure honey, you're whatever you want." Jules hugged Greg and kissed him on the cheek. "I missed you last night on the dance floor."
"Have you been dancing the whole night?"
"Yes."
"When did you sleep?"
"I slept until midnight and then I hit the floor. I thought, if I want to have a barbeque with you guys, I need to be awake the whole night otherwise there's no way I leave my bed."
"And what is that important that it couldn't wait until tonight?" Sofia wondered.
"Beside the fact that I need to see you as much as possible?"
"Yes."
"Have a seat, get a beer, something to eat. I bet all of you didn't really eat last night." Jules arm got around Sara's waist and she pulled her towards the balcony.
"I hate when you do this, tell us what's up. Why did we have to come here?"
"You, my love, live her. The rest too – most times. I need to tell you guys something." She put a steak on Greg's and Sofia's plate, tofu on her plate and started to feed Sara with it.
"You all know I kind of like challenges."
"Kind of? Yes." Greg laughed. Jules didn't like kind of challenges, she loved them. No matter if it was very possible she had no chance to win, she took challenges because she liked to define her lines.
"I got a new challenge."
"Oh god, don't tell me you got married tonight." Sara groaned and closed her eyes. They were talking about Jules, everything was possible.
"No, Sofia wasn't around. Beside that, no! I'm not ready to settle down."
"Thanks God for that."
"Thanks for your trust, Sara."
"Sorry, but I know you and I know you're crazy."
"Not that crazy. Want some salad?"
"I can sit on my own chair and eat like an adult."
"Yeah I know, the problem is, I want you in my arm."
"Jules, get to the point, I'm tired." Greg yawned.
"I could wake you up like you did to me three days ago."
"Not in this condo!" Sara protested.
"Is this now a sex free condo?" Jules cocked her head.
"Yes."
"Boring. In that case I don't have to feel too bad about my decision."
"What decision?"
"I'll leave Vegas."
"What?" All three looked in disbelieve and shock at Jules.
"I took a new challenge."
"Leaving Vegas is a challenge?" Greg asked.
"Leaving Las Vegas to go to Quantico is a challenge, yes."
"Quantico? Like FBI?"
"Yes Sara, like FBI. I thought about this for a while and I want to develop myself, I don't want to be a psychologist for the rest of my life. It's not like I don't like this job, I love it, but I want more. After I'm already working with the LVPD, I made the decision, I'll get more involved with them and will become a profiler. Part time. I'll keep my old patients, won't take new ones and will concentrate more on the job as a profiler."
"You are leaving to Quantico?" Sara couldn't believe it.
"For a while, I need to do the basics there before I can return to Vegas. You won't lose me, Sara, I'll be over whenever I've the chance." Jules took Sara's hands. "Promise."
"Do I have a veto?"
"We're not a couple anymore, Love." Jules blinked.
"Does friendship not count?"
"Don't go there, please." Jules knew as good as Sara did, that Sara could make her stay if she really wanted. There was no way Jules left her alone if Sara needed her. Separated or not, long time not lovers anymore or not, they were friends, they were very close. If Jules had to pick between work and her friend, she took her friend.
"I'll miss you." Sara got her arms around Jules and buried her face in Jules' hair. How was she supposed to survive without Jules? She wouldn't see her for weeks, it felt so wrong. Why an FBI profiler? Why not anything she could do here in Las Vegas?
"I'll call you every day. And, I know you won't feel like it, but I need to ask a favor of you, Sara."
"What?"
"I want to give up my apartment…"
"I thought you'll be back!"
"Of course. But I want to move to another apartment when I'm back, closer to yours. No need to keep my old apartment if I could leave my most important things with you."
"The most important thing is you, you can stay here, yes."
"Sara." Jules voice was gentle when she pushed Sara a few inches away. Sometimes she had to be a therapist with her friend, at least a little bit.
"Of course you can leave your things here. This way I can make sure you'll stay here if you're in Las Vegas."
"Not if, when I am back. I'll be back, darling. Greg and Sofia will take care of you and you will take care of them. I love you."
"Love you too." Sara got back in Jules' arms. This was the closed friendship she ever had. Losing her friend, even if it was only for a few months and they'd keep in contact daily on the phone, hurt.
"When will you leave?" Sofia asked.
"I'll start next month. Means, I need to sell most of my things, get the important stuff over to here and sell the apartment. It will be half a year top, I'll be gone, means if the three of you are bored, you can come over or if you don't feel like flying, you can look for a nice condo in this area. Two rooms, around fifty square yards, a balcony would be nice, like this condo only one room less."
"You might need a room for your baby one day."
"Greg, I won't be a mom. Never."
"Two rooms, fifty square yards, we'll have a look."
"Thanks. Can you smile for me, Sara?"
"No."
"Oh, she's pouting, so cute." Jules kissed Sara again. "I don't know why you complain, you have the puppy and another bitch, I'll be all by myself."
"Stay."
"I can't. I need to enhance my skills. This way I might work more with you. I enjoyed working with you on a scene. Spending time with you is always fun. And you will have a profiler available whenever you need her."
"I need her the next seven months."
"Sara, please."
"Sorry." Sara knew she wasn't fair. She should support Jules, she should tell her, she was happy that the therapist found a new challenge. That she looked forward to hear of all the new things Jules was about to learn. But she couldn't. The thought of losing Jules hurt, she could feel it not only mental, she felt it physical.
"I'm already missing you."
"Well, here's a good news: I'll stay with you today. Finish your salad and we'll go to bed, you can snuggle in my arms and I'll hold you."
"You shouldn't be that attached to your ex." Greg teased. "You'll never find somebody new if you keep on being so close to Jules."
"Shut up." Jules told Greg off. "Mind your own relationship status, puppy."
"As a therapist you know I'm right."
"I'm not working right now."
"You'll never be really apart. Well, maybe you're made for each other and haven't found out yet. I'll see my couch now." Greg got up. "Night girls."
"I think I'll do the same and take the guest room after Greg takes the couch." Sofia rose too.
"Sleep tight." Jules smiled.
"See you guys later." Sara stayed on Jules's lap. She was tired, no question, but she needed a minute more and the bathroom was occupied now anyway.
"Are you really mad?" Jules asked.
"No."
"Disappointed?"
"No. I'll miss you. It's horrible, I hate myself for that but, I can't imagine how it will be for half a year without you."
"It's not like we won't see each other for half a year, I'll come along at least once a month. How am I suppose to stay away from you?"
"There might be a sexy agent you want to spend time with."
"I can do that the rest of the week, can't I? Sara, I won't leave you, I won't make the decision to stay in Quantico or move to another city. Vegas is my hometown, you are my family. I'm closer to you than to my parents. Don't you think I want to keep that?"
"Yes."
"Good. I need some change, I need a challenge. I became a psychologist, I made my doctor, now it's time for something new. I'll be a profiler and will help you to find the bad guys faster."
"You are already perfect in reading people's mind, you're in my head all the time and know what I'll do and say before I do. To think, you'll improve that is very scary."
"I do know a lot about you, yes. We were lovers, we are friends, of course I've some ideas of how you'll react in certain situations, what you say and think. But I promise I don't poke around your head. The thoughts are free, but it's better that they're sometimes locked away in the head and stay there."
"I need to learn that." Sara smiled.
"You didn't get in anybody's face the last months, you're doing fine."
"I made Sofia kissing the sand."
"She deserved it and she doesn't mind. It's like with puppies, they need to play, they get a little bit rough, but they never meant to hurt each other."
"You'll never get her when you leave."
Jules laughed. "I don't want her. I like her, a lot, but I don't want her. It wouldn't work out and I think even for me it's about time to look for somebody I can have a serious relationship with, something that might work out for a couple of years."
"Didn't you say you're not ready to settle down?"
"Not with a wedding, a serious relationship is something else. I could use that."
"No open relationship?"
"No, not an open relationship again, an ordinary relationship. And she better makes sure, she likes you, Sofia and Greg. Otherwise there'll be a huge relationship issue a few times a week."
"Not ready to give us up for Misses Right?"
"Misses Right will love you like I love you. If she doesn't, she isn't Misses Right, she is Misses Wrong-Again."
"People from this Wrong-Again family are around often." Sara sighed. She was a member of this family too, at least for all her past lovers.
"Yeah, they are. You'll find Misses Right too. Mister Right?"
"Doesn't matter as long as it's a Right." Sara smiled.
"That's the spirit. Come on, we'll go to bed. The bathroom should be free now if not we'll join Greg and/or Sofia under the shower."
"What makes you think I'll take a shower with you?"
"You. I had my shower already." Jules pushed Sara down her lap and got up. Time to catch some sleep, she was tired and she couldn't sleep too long, she needed to get back to her old rhythm and that meant, sleeping in the nights and being awake during the day.
"Doctor Weinberg, your last patient is here."
"Thanks Laura, you can go home, have a nice weekend." Jules got up. Before she could reach the door Sofia was in the room.
"Misses Miller, how are you?"
"Hello doctor Weinberg." Sofia closed the door.
"Why do you pretend to be somebody you are not, Sofia? You can just call me and come over, no need to lie to my assistant."
"No I keep my therapist appointments, apparently everybody in the USA has a therapist."
"Then come in as Sofia Curtis."
"No, can't do that. What if the guys in the department find out?"
"Women." Jules rolled her eyes. "Want something to drink?"
"One of these disgusting teas? No thank you." Sofia had found out very fast that Jules had only herbal and organic teas in her office and none of them appealed to the detective. She wasn't a tea person.
"I've got a coke somewhere."
"Much better." Sofia sat down on the couch. She remembered the first time she had been here, she broke down on this couch. Since that day she had avoided Jules' office. It had been two weeks ago.
"Did you miss me or can I do something for you?" Jules handed Sofia the coke and sat with her tea in an armchair, smiling at Sofia.
"I wanted to see you here before you leave the city and everything behind."
"I don't leave everything behind, Sofia. I'll keep my office, I'll keep my patients. I'll be back in Vegas every month for three days, work with all my patients, who are willing to cut down to one appointment per month, so you'll see me."
"Stressed out."
"You can make something that relax me." Jules offered coy.
"Nah, not now, not after you made the decision to leave."
"You wouldn't do anything if I stay, be honest, detective."
"You know the truth, no need to tell it to you."
"You're not suppose to lie to your therapist."
"My therapist didn't ask me, if I'm fine with one appointment a month, I'm afraid my therapist has forgotten that I exist."
"Would you like to meet me once a month? Here or anywhere else without the others?"
"I don't know. I mean I've been here once. It wasn't like therapy is suppose to be, you're not suppose to hug your patient. And I'm not suppose to end up in the arms of my therapist, while we both lay on the couch and I tell her about my problem. Problems. But I feel much better since that day."
"You look happier. I'm glad you feel better."
"So how can you leave? To whom am I suppose to talk? What's with a replacement? Another therapist, who takes over until you're back?"
"You won't go to anybody else, you don't trust somebody you don't know."
"You're not supportive, Jules."
"I am right."
"Doesn't matter."
"First of all we can meet alone when I'm here, it doesn't have to be the office, we can go anywhere else. Second you can call me whenever you need somebody to talk. Third you can talk to Sara."
"Why Sara and not Greg?"
"Because our puppy is a wonderful man, a real good friend, but the geek will understand you without a lot of words, it will be easier to talk to her. It were guys, who brought you in this position, I doubt you're ready enough to open up to them, I think, you prefer to talk to a woman. And because you've this issue with trusting people, you'll prefer to talk to Sara than to a therapist you don't know."
"Are you always like this?"
"Right?"
"Full of arguments why your idea is good and people should do what you suggest?"
"Well I can't suggest anything to you, I don't believe in." Jules smiled.
"She had some trouble herself, hadn't she? I knew Sara had to see you because of her problem with Ecklie and getting into people's face sometimes."
"You know I won't say anything to this, you can ask her yourself. All I say is, she'll understand you and she'll listen."
"Yeah, privacy. I'll see if I do what you suggest."
"If not wait until I'm back, call me, but I'm sure you'll be fine."
"Being a psychologist must be awful, people always ask for advice, you never have a day off."
"Friends ask each other for advices all the time, I don't see talking to you like I talk to a patient, Sofia, you are a friend."
"Who comes in here under a faked name."
"Well, Misses Miller, it's a split personality, we can work on that if you like even if I think a psychiatric doctor is a better pick. I'm not a shrink."
"I think WE are fine, Misses Miller and me."
"Good." Jules got up. "Let's go home, I feel like having something to eat."
"First she doesn't offer me one of the days she's back, she doesn't give me the name of a replacement and now she asks me out for dinner. What kind of psychologist are you, doctor Weinberg?"
"Apparently a very bad one. Wanna go somewhere else?"
"No I can handle bad people, it's my job. You're wonderful different bad."
"Wonderful different bad, I've to remember that." Jules laughed, got her arm around Sofia's waist and left the office with her.