Prologue.
Jack sat in his office chair, slumped forward with his elbows resting on the wooden desk either side of his computer keyboard. He was staring at the screen but not really seeing any of the information produced upon it. He had zoned out again, while thoughts of his daughter fluttered throughout his mind, a constant remainder to him of his failure. He had lost all recognition of time and space, it was just him and his thoughts, and images of Kim. It would be another day in the office with nothing to show for it, except maybe even more guilt and regret, if that was possible. He wasn't too concerned about the work which continued to pile up before him, he would rather spend his time thinking of her, seeing her. It was the only way he could spend time with her now, as a still frame in his mind. Photographs and sentimental things held no value for him anymore, he would simply look right through them. No, this was the only way he could feel her again, until she finally decided to allow him into her new life. Almost 6 months had passed and he couldn't forgive himself or accept his daughters abrupt departure from his life.
He had suffered a mixture of shock and devastation when she had left. He remembered returning home to see her possessions gone as though he was reliving it again this very moment. He could still see the scribbled yet simple note left on the countertop, held down by a framed photo of their family before Terri passed, acting as a paper weight. He had memorised the words, as though trying to find some hidden meaning for it all beneath them. He found nothing.
At first he hadn't wanted to accept it. His mind went in overdrive, clearly in denial. 'Maybe she was taken again and someone took her stuff to cover it up?' He hadn't believed the theory himself yet he still tracked her down to the local shop she was now buying her groceries from. However, he was undoubtedly convinced after a brief phone conversation with her, and was even more so convinced of his role in chasing her away from LA.
He closed his eyes as he remembered how cold her voice sounded through the phone, almost emotionless. Her words had been harsh and had stung him upon reception. "Don't follow me. Don't visit me. Please don't call me. I'm making a clean start. I'll call you, when I'm ready... If I'm ready." He could still sense her hesitation as she had hastily added the last part on. Jack couldn't help but think it was the last time he would speak to his daughter again; it felt like the final goodbye. He remembered how he had accepted her wishes, but it was now eating away at him slowly while his demeanour was slowly deteriorating throughout the waiting process.
His thoughts roamed to things closer to the present, and fixed on how he had been demoted from his position as Director of C.T.U back down to Director of Field Ops. He hadn't been too concerned, it had only been temporarily anyway, since his return and until Tony was no longer under investigation. But he did notice the coincidence, how Tony had been cleared of any charges the day before his own demotion, then appointed with his old position a day later. He wasn't too bothered, slightly embarrassed maybe, but at least Tony was someone he believed he could trust.
He knew he normally would be happy that Tony wasn't a suit who would get his hands dirty, but he realised that that didn't matter to him anymore, nothing did now Kim was gone. He was often too busy analysing himself trying to find which thing about him had scared her away the most, which one had triggered her move. He was more interested in pinpointing the exact moment of his life when it all went wrong than worrying about who rolled there sleeves up and did the job these days.
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Whilst Jack continued on with his self analysis Chloé sat at her terminal staring in his direction across the upper floor of C.T.U, conflict written all over her face. 'He is doing it again,' she thought to herself as she continued to watch him. Part of her was angry at this, but another side was worried about him. She picked up her phone and rang the extension to his office, hoping this would bring him from his self inflicted trance. She watched cautiously as he flinched when the phones loud ringing noise disturbed him, but then turned his attention back to his computer screen, ignoring the continuos ringing after tossing it a curious glance. He couldn't be bothered with anything today he though miserably. He waited for the annoying disruptance to stop before returning to his thoughts.
Chloés worry steered more to anger now, annoyed that he was ignoring her call when he clearly herd it. She silently contemplated what to do and decided to call Tony. After all, Jack was his problem now he was in charge, and he had dealt with him a few days ago when Jack was a no show at the conference meeting Hammond had had scheduled with him for weeks. 'Yes,' she thought, 'Tony will know exactly what to do. He managed to get him out of his mess that time, so he can sort him out this time.'
She dialled the extension to his new office, nervously tapping her foot against the floor, for some reason telling on Jack didn't feel right. She didn't mind snooping or telling tales on other people, but for some reason this felt different, it felt wrong. Still, she decided that it would be best, after all, Jack was no different from anyone else and he was still breaking protocol.
"C.T.U Almeida." Tony answered, as usual. It still felt weird to him to answer the phone this way again, after being suspended for just over 6 months in total, including the duration of his investigation. He idly wondered if Jack had felt the this when he first returned, even though he was only gone for 3 or 4 months himself. Before they had cleared him physically to go back, and of all of the mess he had made throughout the course of their covert operation to obtain possession of the deadly virus. He then wondered about how strange it must have been for him to come back one the day of the nuclear bomb, over a year of absence and then he was thrown back in. He snapped these pointless thoughts out of his head as he herd Chloés nervous drawl down the other end of the line. He sighed to himself, he could only wonder what she was going to complain about now.
"What's up Chloé?" He asked, trying to keep his tone even. He had no idea why she was ringing, and it could be about anything. From double checking some data to reporting someone for doing this that or the other. It was the later.
After waiting a minute to build her courage up she blurted it out. "Its Jack."
"What about him?" Tony asked, rubbing his eyes wearily at the same time, because of both the irritation Chloé caused him, and having to deal with Jacks declining behaviour again.
"He's sat in his office counting the wall tiles, Tony, he's in his own little world doing nothing. I rang his extension to try snap him out of it, he didn't even bothering answering, it could have been something important!" She paused a minute for a breather as she got her thoughts into processing order, before continuing. "Look, I know it may seem I am telling tales, but I'm not this time. He is responsible for Field Ops, and given his present declining state over the past few weeks I don't know if he's capable."
Tony interrupted, and Chloé was made clear that she had overstepped her bounds, and touched a stray nerve.
"Jack is the most capable person in this office when he is asleep, Chloé. So stop checking up on him, and give him some slack, okay. He's having a hard time right now, and its none of your concern how he is running his department, got it?!" He snapped.
"It will be my concern when this place goes down the gutter and I'm out of a job Tony!" She shrieked. "I was just trying to help, but your in charge so you can deal with it. I'm not covering for him anymore, he is your responsibility."
She had slammed the phone down before he could reply, which he was slightly thankful for. He knew anyone else in the office would be suspended for the blatant lack of respect she had just showed to her superior, but Chloé was a special case, she had no knowledge of manners or respect.
Tony climbed up the metal staircase with the intention of speaking to Jack. He wasn't sure what to say or which approach to take. He decided that the best way would probably be to be straight with him - Jack would probably appreciate that more. He walked towards the office and could see him sat staring at his computer screen, a bored expression on his face. He pushed through the door and greeted Jack. Jack looked up slowly and sighed, less than enthusiastic to see him.
"How's it going up here?" Tony asked, trying to be friendly while sitting down on the couch in the corner of the room, so he was facing him.
"What's up Tony?" Jack asked, no wandering around the question, he knew he would be here for a reason. If he wanted a chat he would have rang from his office.
Tony sighed. He didn't like doing the authoritative thing, it felt wrong to him. He was still used to Jack being in charge, but now it was the other way round, and it made him feel uncomfortable. At least when Jack had first come back they were both in charge, but now it was he who was the boss. He wondered how Jack felt about this.
"Someone from you team has suggested you may not be stable enough to run Field Ops." He broke off to shush Jack with the waving of his hand before continuing. "Look me and you both know what's what, so lets just forget about that for a moment. Okay, just look at this from my side Jack. I've got the higher ups busting my as questioning me about you none stop, complaining about you, with all of these little things that keep slipping your mind. And I know they aren't slipping your mind, your just ignoring them, being a no show at Hammonds meeting has put you at the top of his list of people to crucify. I'm trying to defend you to them, making it sound like the suns shining out of your as, then you do nothing to help me." He stopped and sighed, clearly frustrated.
Jack spoke, his voice even. "Then let me give you some advice, Tony. Stop defending me. It would make your life a lot easier."
"Why are you being like this Jack?" Tony asked, standing up and pacing the office as though it would help him find the answers. "Kim is not going to let you back into her life if you throw away what's left of it!" He hoped the talk of Kim would get him thinking. It didn't.
"Leave Kim out of it, she's got nothing to do with this, she's gone now." He said quietly.
"She is 'this,' Jack, don't you see that?" He asked, his voice rising with his anger that Jack couldn't understand this as easy as he could.
"I said leave it Tony." He snapped threateningly.
Tony sank back down into the couch again, taking his thoughts down a different route.
"Did you see the shrink? What did they say?" He asked softly.
Jack let out a slight laugh before saying, "I believe, there is such a thing as doctor patient confidentiality." He knew Tony wouldn't accept I but it would help him stall some more.
"Come on Jack - you know that unless you give me something I'm gonna' have to refer you to our department one, and that's the last thing you want." Tony knew full well that the only reason Jack had seen one on his own was to prevent this from going forward in the first place.
Jack laughed again and rubbed the back of his neck. "We talked and he gave me some anti depressants." His voice was sheepish now, embarrassed slightly.
"Have you been taking them?" He stopped when he saw the sharp glance Jack gave him.
"Okay, okay." Tony said holding his hands up in surrender mode. The last thing he wanted to do was alienate Jack from himself, who knew what he would do then.
Jack watched Tony from behind his desk, he was getting increasingly annoyed with him. He was acting all concerned and worried, but Jack knew how he really felt. The harsh words Tony threw at him about his sacrifice, his wife, on the day of the virus crept into his mind often - especially when Tony played the nice guy with him - the friend. Jack knew he really didn't care, he was just acting the part so he can try to handle him. Jack played along to humour him and get him off his back - but he knew what Tony was really, and it was far from a concerned friend. He stood up with that thought and grabbed his brown jacket from the locker and shrugged it on while Tony watched confused.
"I'm going to see Chase for a while. I'll be back later."
"Jack your shift hasn't ended." Tony yelled after him, but it did no good.
Jack calmly strode out of his office and down the steps to the main floor. Tony watched through the window as he exited C.T.U. He got up and thumped his fist on the desk, frustrated. No matter what he did or how hard he tried he couldn't control Jack. He shook his head as he left the office and headed back downstairs to his own station, annoyed and at a loss as to what to do with him.
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Jack pulled up outside the little white house and rubbed his eyes while he contemplated what he was doing here. He hadn't seen Chase in quite some time, and the last time he had spoken to him was when Chase had called, confirming Kim's actions with him. It had been clear then that they were both reacting the same way. That was the last time they had made contact with each other.
He got out of the car and slammed the door behind him, before walking up the block paved driveway and ringing the doorbell, wondering to himself just what he was doing there. Chase answered the door and was surprised when he saw Jack stood in his porch, with his hands in his pockets, a look of defeat similar to the one Chase held in his eyes. He invited him in and offered him a drink, which Jack declined.
They both stood awkwardly in the living room around the small coffee table, neither sure what to say. Finally, Chase cut to the chase. (Lol, I had to!)
"So what's up Jack?"
"I just wanted to see how you were doing, since you left C.T.U, how have things been?" His voice conveyed his concern, and he couldn't help occasionally glancing at the stump on the end of his wrist.
"Things were going fine, until Kim left me." Chase couldn't help but let his bitterness show in his voice at the last part. He clearly blamed Jack for Kim going.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I guess she pulled a number on us both." Jack laughed sheepishly, trying to ease the tension, but Chase took this as an attack on Kim.
"I don't think she pulled a number on us Jack, she had plenty of reasons to leave." He starred at him while he spoke, his words crisp, allowing his pain to show through.
"What are you saying ... are you saying she left because of me?" Jack asked, taken back by Chase's accusations. He already knew the answer to the question, of course he blamed himself, but he thought that Chase had played a role in it too. He didn't believe it was entirely his fault.
"Yes." Chase stated blankly. Jack stood staring at him dumbfounded, so Chase continued once sure he wasn't going to get a reaction from Jack.
"She left because of you. No offence Jack, but you were a drug addict, and you kept that from her. You have no idea how many nights she would cry herself to sleep thinking about that, even after you were clean." He stared at Jack, not feeling the guilt he would normally expect from clearly hurting him.
Jack swallowed, before again trying to ease the tension Chase seemed intent in creating between them.
"Look, I didn't come here to start something, I just wanted to see how-"
"Don't start trying to play the martyr to me Jack!" Chase yelled. "The only reason your here is to make yourself feel better, because you she left because of you."
This time Jack couldn't keep his mouth shut. He retaliated, he wanted to hurt Chase now, as much as he had just hurt him.
"No Chase, I don't want to make myself feel better. Although you may not understand this, you played just a big a part as me in making her leave. She obviously couldn't handle the pressure of being an instant mom to your child, which you lied to her about!" His voice now livid, his eyes mad.
The two stared at each other and Chase spoke again, he was not going to back down to Jack this time and he wasn't going to let him get what he wanted.
"You tell yourself that Jack, if it helps you sleep at night. But I did everything for Kim - I transferred from Field Ops. for her, something you never did for-"
Jacks cell rang, wisely preventing Chase from finishing his sentence, and Jack from ripping his throat out if he had continued with what Jack assumed he was going to say.
He took a few deep breaths through his nose before answering. "Bauer." He snapped, his anger evident in his voice.
"Jack its Tony. I know you had stuff to do but we need you here, we just received some new intelligence, you should come see it."
Jack nodded silently before snapping his phone shut.
He looked at Chase and shook his head sadly. "I never came here for this."
He turned to leave and let himself out. Before he closed the door before Chase shouted after him.
"Good luck with whatever sh!t is about to hit the fan this time."
Jack nodded at him, and Chase did the same back, it was like a mutual understanding between them, acceptance even, of the event which had torn them apart.
Jack never gave their parting words a second thought. The fact that they could easily be misinterpreted never crossed his mind. He stared up his car and pulled away. Chase sat down on the coffee table and held his cell tightly in his only hand whilst he thought to himself.
A defiant smirk slowly spread across his face.
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