A/N: Some explanations are given at the end of the story
Many thanks to NowAskYourself-WhatWouldLokiDo for being my beta.
"What do you need?" - "A distraction. And an eyeball."
"The iridium is in an underground section of the University of Cologne," Agent Barton said, "and I think I do know the perfect distraction: Their prince is scheduled for a public speech at about noon tomorrow."
Loki smiled approvingly. "Yes. Yes, I can see that. Is there a better way to start my ruler-ship than to defeat a prince?"
So the following day Loki appeared next to the stage on the 'Alter Markt'. A market place with old buildings, a memorial and a temporary stage. A huge crowd was already waiting and cheering while on the stage there was some entertainment by a jester.
Loki had thought it would be most impressive to appear in full attire including helmet to get attention, respect and, yes, some fear.
But actually nobody even noticed him, except a girl with big mouse ears beaming up at him. "Hey, nice costume! I like the horns." She started to giggle. Another mouse eared girl took her by her arm and shoved her away.
"Sorry," she shouted back to Loki, "Already too much to drink for her,"
Loki frowned and looked around. This wasn't what he had expected. Not of the severe Germans, not while waiting for their royalty to appear. Everybody was wearing stupid attires. He could see cats, pirates, clowns and - was that an elephant?
On the stage the jester has finished and somebody picked up the microphone to thank him, at least that's what Loki thought. The crowd responded with "Alaaf!" Seemingly their favorite word – probably the only one some of those red nosed people could manage at this state.
Oh wait, now he could understand some words: "Rocket", "Riffle". That were not the words he wanted to hear at this very moment... Everybody around him started to clap, stamp the feet on the ground and rouse their arms with a "Wooo." And again, and again.
Loki felt somebody pull at his sleeve. He looked down and saw another girl looking up at him, this time with cat ears and a sweet smile.
"Is it your first time?" She shouted up to him.
"What do you mean?"
"Is it your first time to visit Cologne during Carnival? You look a little lost," Loki tensed. That wasn't really the impression he wanted to give. But maybe the little mortal could give him some explanations.
"Yes, I have to admit it is my first time in Cologne," he said.
"Don't be frightened, we are mostly harmless," she grinned, grabbed his hand and pulled him behind her before he could answer that he was of course not even a little bit frightened.
"Hey, two beers for me and my friend," she said to a man behind a counter and handed Loki a cup. "This is Kölsch, the best beer in the word. And the best way to survive this day - believe me, you don't want to be the only sober person in town today,"
She clicked their cups, took a long sip, grabbed Loki's neck with her free hand to pull him down and gave him a smacker. "By the way, I am Marie. And no jokes about it, I heard them all."
Loki frowned. How could she dare to touch him like this? But he didn't want to make a scene before the prince had arrived, and so, in spite of breaking her neck, he to took a sip of the drink first. Not bad. Of course not as good as Asgardian mead, but not bad.
"Why did you kiss me?"
"Oh, I kissed you because you are cute, I am a woman and it is law today," Marie smirked.
"Oh yes, it's a law, of course," Loki answered with just a slight sarcastic hint in his voice.
Marie sighed, "You won't believe it, but yes. This is 'Weiberfastnacht'. That day of the year the women have all the power. And if you see a man you like, you just give him a 'Bützche'," she grinned with a sparkle in her eye. "Or two or three…"
This still seemed an odd law but he would leave it with that. "Tell me, why should I make fun about your name?"
Marie shrugged her shoulders, "Marie is the traditional name for girls in Cologne. So every single joke and every single story has a Marie in it - and that's not as funny as it sounds. By the way, you haven't told me your name?"
"It is Loki,"
"As in 'The Mask'?" She asked.
"The mask?"
"Yes, the film with Jim Carrey where he finds the mask of Loki, the god of mischief?" Loki blinked. He hadn't heard of that story.
"Oh, I guess you hear that every time," Marie said, "so just forget about it."
"Hey, where are you from? I am a real Cologne girl, in case you wondered - which you didn't," she sighed, after looking at his face.
"No, but nice of you to tell it to me anyway," he smirked.
"So could you please tell me at which time do you expect the prince?" Loki thought if she clinged to him he also could use her as an information source.
"His madness will be up on stage at 11:11, so they will be up any minute,"
"You mean his majesty?" Loki said stiff.
"If you prefer that…" Marie shrugged.
"So, would you please excuse me, I have to some business to do."
Loki finished his cup of Kölsch and headed back to the stage where indeed the prince of the cologne was announced. It seemed the prince wasn't alone but with a virgin and a peasant. The prince couldn't be very bright, Loki thought, otherwise he would have noticed that his "Virgin" looked very much like a man. And of course nobody in the court would ever mention it, just as all the cowards in all courts he knew.
The prince started his speech and the crowd cheered again. Loki waited for some minutes and then teleported to the prince's side.
"Prince of Cologne," he addressed the startled man, "I am Loki of Asgard and I demand your capitulation. Folks of Cologne," he turned to the crowd at his feet, "I will rule you and you will be happy to have me as your king," They cheered, believing it to be a part of the show.
"Oh, Loki of Asgard," The prince answered, "It is nice to meet you up here on the stage. But I think I would prefer to rein this nice people until Wednesday. Then I will resign and you can start to rule. What do you think?" The crowd cheered again and the prince continued, "So could you please go down to my second in command and give him your address and phone number? He will call you as soon…"
"ENOUGH!" Loki shouted, "This is no joke. I will rule you and you will kneel for me. KNEEL I said," And with a thumb of his staff he created some clones of himself, surrounding the people with a blue light.
There was a murmur of awe going round. And then they started to clap and whistle.
"More, show us more!" They shouted.
"KNEEL; I don't want to repeat myself!" Loki narrowed his eyes in anger.
"Oh, no boy, I have a bad back," A lady shouted back.
"Yeah, me too, ouch."
"And I have new trouser."
"I only kneel for my boy."
"Thanks, sweetie."
"If I kneel, do I get something?" - "Yes, pain in the knees,"
Loki was confused. Nobody was frightened, everybody seemed to see this as a big joke, shouting back, laughing and giggling.
The prince of Cologne turned back to the microphone, opened his arms wide and shouted. "Leeve Jecke, A big hand for Loki, I think we will release him now, he is expected on other stages as well. But maybe we will see him next year again, because…" And he started to sing, "Einmol Prinz zu sin, in Kölle am Ring…", The musicians started to play and everybody joined in to sing.
Loki was for a second too perplexed to react and then felt himself be dragged from the stage.
Obviously the people behind the stage weren't as good humored about his performance as the people on stage or in front, because they showed grim faces which suited their broad figures.
Loki considered briefly if it would be worth it to kill somebody to get the attention and respect he wanted, but actually he wasn't sure if those stupid people wouldn't believe it to be another "trick" for their entertainment. So he dismissed the idea. And as he wasn't overly fond to deal with those security people, even if these mere mortals couldn't really harm him, he just popped back to the place next to the stage.
To his surprise Marie was standing there, smiling at him.
"So you are part of the entertainment?" She asked.
"No, not really," Loki replied.
"In that case you should take off your helmet and we will just hide somewhere in the back. "
"I am not a coward to hide in the back," he answered proudly.
"Yes," Marie shot back, "But they are heading in our direction and if you fight them now you will miss the party. So let's just hide a little bit and have all the fun later."
Loki pondered that and decided to be curious enough to give the "party" a try. So he sent his helmet away in a space pocket and followed Marie's lead through the crowd of people.
In the evening he met with Agent Barton again.
"Are you okay?" Barton asked.
"Yes, why?"
"Because you look a little bit disheveled with lots of lipstick in your face and you stink like you have had a bath in some sort of alcohol."
"Oh. Could be," Loki giggled, "Maybe someday I will tell you about the law to kiss. And about 'Ätzesupp'. But not now."
Loki yawned, "Have you succeeded, Agent Barton?"
"Yes, I have. And are you ruling Cologne now?" Barton answered.
"Oh, I cancelled it for today. Actually I am not sure these people can be ruled. Or if I want to - I think it might be too exhausting…."
Some information:
en,wikipedia,org / wiki / Cologne_Carnival
Carnival in Cologne (aka fastelovend) starts on the 11th of November but the "big party" begins 5 days before Ash-Wednesday. That day is called "Weiberfastnacht" (Weiber = Women in old German) and to show the women have the power at this day it is a tradition to cut the ties of the man with a scissor.
But you don't see many ties in the streets because most people are masqueraded…
www1,wdr,de / themen / panorama / sp_karneval12 / tickerkarneval102_lpic-23_lupe-true . html
There is no "law" to kiss each other, but "bütze" (kissing) is indeed a tradition and there could be lots of lipstick involved. (It is often just a kiss to the cheek. Especially policemen did get a lot of this kisses…) As things happening during carnival aren't supposed to be mentioned afterwards and because there is normally a lot of alcohol involved, people often are less shy than normally…
The start of the street party is announced by the "Dreigestirn" at 11:11 on a stage on the 'Alter Markt' in the old part of Cologne. The "Dreigestirn" is a triumvirate build by a prince, a virgin and a farmer. All three are traditionally men and it is a great honour to be part of it.
Before and after the announcement there is an entertainment program with lots of music and comedians.
The traditional 'thank you' for the artists is not only applause but also the "Kölle"-"Alaaf" shouts initiated by the master of ceremonies.
The highest approval is to get a "Rakete" (rocket) which means a special sequence to give applause. "An the Gewehre, Kommando 1, 2, 3" – (Take you rifle, command 1, 2, 3 ) The reason behind this is that a lot of the traditional carnival clubs started as a parody of military groups and still carry wood rifles.
"Einmol Prinz zu sin" is about the dream (of each boy and man) to become a prince in cologne during carnival. www,youtube,com / watch?v=QBynvIk0U68