My Father and Me
)
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
)
Gohan lay in bed looking up at his ceiling, wide awake despite the hour and not at all pleased about it. No matter what he tried he just couldn't get to sleep which was bad because he had school tomorrow and exams coming up just to add to the pressure. Not that he was really worried about doing well since he found school easy but he knew his mother would worry for him and she didn't need that extra burden. Rubbing his hands over his face as though to wipe his mind clear of any thoughts Gohan went back to counting sheep but that wasn't helping since all it was doing was making him hungry. Muttering under his breath Gohan finally gave up and pushing back his covers got out of bed and wandered over to his door, careful to open it so that it wouldn't make much noise. Dressed in blue boxers and a white t-shirt Gohan wandered into the kitchen and opening it up took stock of its contents, the sight of food always brightening his mood. Fingers itching to make himself a huge sandwich Gohan restrained himself since he knew that the budget was tight and that his mom couldn't afford to fill the fridge whenever it needed to be filled which was often given that both he and Goten had inherited their father's eating habits, Gohan thought wryly. Grabbing milk instead Gohan sighed then putting the milk into a glass opted to nuke it since he heard that warm milk was suppose to make you sleepy though he couldn't quite figure out why. Personally he thought it sounded and would likely taste disgusting but he'd probably consumed worse in his lifetime. When the milk was ready Gohan took a quick sip then with a grimace wandered into the next room to let it cool some since he'd made it way too hot. Plus it had tasted really bad. Walking over to a nearby shelf Gohan stared at the pictures displayed there and felt a familiar pain in his chest as his eyes landed on one of his parents and himself, taken when he was about four or so. In the darkness it was nearly impossible to make out but he knew the picture by heart and didn't need the picture to see the image in his mind. Every hair and leaf was etched in his memory.
)
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved
)
Those were the days, Gohan thought with a sigh as he stared at the image of himself riding on his father's broad shoulders, his dad grinning like an idiot at the camera while his mother had the look of a woman run just a little ragged but very happy. And there he was in those weird clothes his mom had dressed him in, grinning happily without a care in the world as he waved at the person taking the picture, Bulma if he wasn't mistaken. After all his father was there so how could anything be wrong? But then they'd started coming one after another. Aliens from all over the galaxy who'd come to either destroy the world and/or face off against his dad while inadvertedly causing trouble for everyone else on the planet. It hadn't mattered to them who got hurt in the process. How often had he been forced to watch his father face off against a person of incredible strength and blood lust? Knowing that this could be the time the opponent was just too powerful and that his dad might not come back in one piece if at all. Some like Vegeta and Android 18 had opted to give up in that area while others like Cell weren't satisfied until either they or their opponent died. Eventually it had been both and instead of letting them wish him back with the dragon balls his father had declined the thought despite their protests. His father had chosen to remain dead rather then risk a repeat of the fights and destruction caused simply by him being alive and kicking. He had left his wife and son, another son on the way to protect everyone else. As he always had. )
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again
)
God how that had hurt. At first all he could think about was that his father had chosen to leave him, leave them on earth while he went back to King Kai. He'd been so angry at his father but he'd hid it from everyone, pretended there wasn't a little voice inside him that blamed and even hated his father for leaving them. But he'd never said anything and he didn't think he'd quite got it till Goten was put into his arms and he'd begun to see things with new eyes. When he'd looked down at his little brother, so small and delicate he'd been so afraid to do something wrong and at the same time had felt the strongest need to hold him close, to protect him from the world. When Goten had cried he'd been so worried he'd had everyone looking at him weird because he got more worried then mom had but since his dad wasn't around he'd felt it was his responsibility to do the things dad's were suppose to do. So he'd gotten his first taste of what it was to be a father and slowly he began to understand why his father had done what he had, to see things through his dad's eyes. Because your life and your happiness really did cease to matter when you had people to protect he'd learned. He'd never had people to protect before because his dad and everyone else was always there, the responsibility never really on his shoulders to save the world. But his mom had needed him to help with Goten, leaving his little brother to him all the time and gradually he'd begun to see why a man would chose to remain dead rather then risk bringing someone who could hurt the people you loved into their world. How strong and good a person would have to be to make that choice.
)
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me
)
Lifting a hand Gohan lined up the pictures better, going from picture to picture as he watched Goten replace dad in the family pictures, his little brother grinning their dad's grin and himself looking a bit too old for his own liking but then he'd had to grow up quick. He'd still been a boy when he'd killed Cell, taken out the creature who'd killed and destroyed so many lives. He'd never wanted to take a life, never wanted to kill anyone but it had come down to everyone or Cell and so he'd made the choice. He'd had to live with that but every time he looked at his family or Bulma and Krillin he was reminded of why he'd done what he'd done. The pain and sorrow for his actions however justified was worth it. They were worth it. Shaking his head over the trip down memory lane Gohan looked down at his glass and raising it to his lips took a long gulp then choked in it. The milk had gone cold while he was thinking and God but it tasted even worse now. Making a face Gohan started towards the kitchen then turning around looked back at the self and the memories it had. "Night, Dad. I love you." Gohan said into the darkness before heading into the kitchen then dumping the milk left the empty glass in the sink and headed back to bed.
)
If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again
)
Quiet as a mouse for once in his life Goten watched his big brother go into the kitchen then listened as Gohan dumped whatever he'd been drinking in the sink and went back to bed. Listening for the sound of his brother closing the door Goten didn't move from his spot behind the couch till he was sure the coast was clear. Edging around the couch Goten looked over the arm rest and seeing no signs of movement walked away from the couch and over to the shelf and the pictures his big brother had been staring at. Getting up on tippy toes Goten reached out and grabbed the picture his brother had been looking at then taking it off the shelf walked over to sit by the window where there was enough light to see the picture good. Sitting there with his legs folded under him Goten looked at the image of his younger mother, brother and the father he had never met. His mom, his dad's friends and Gohan were always telling him stories about his father but he was never quite real and Goten had a hard time thinking of this person in the picture as his father even though he knew he should. Whenever he thought of a father figure it was always Gohan because Gohan had always done the things a father was suppose to do with their kid. Not that he was stupid and wanted Gohan to be his dad or anything but he couldn't imagine someone, even his own father being his father figure much less in his life. He wanted to be like his big brother more then anyone else in the world but he didn't tell his mom that in case it made her sad. But he did want the smiling man in the picture to come back to life and live with them the way his dad had before mom had gotten pregnant with him. He knew that the dragon balls could do it but that their father had chosen to stay dead rather then risk others coming who were like Cell and up to no good though he didn't quite understand all that. No one liked to talk about those days much and really the only time he heard about his dad dying was when Trunk's dad complained about how with Kakkorrot gone there was no one left worth his time. Gohan said that in a weird and twisted way Trunk's dad missed their dad but mom said it was because Vegeta was pissed off that he hadn't been the one to take Goku out. Take his dad where Goten wasn't sure but it didn't sound like a nice place. But the person who wanted the infamous Goku back the most was Goten's own mother and for her alone Goten wished that his father would come back with all his heart.
)
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mama cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
)
Ever since he'd been old enough to understand why his mommy got so sad sometimes he'd prayed for his dad to come back and had even used up all his birthday and Christmas wishes wishing for his dad to come home. It never worked though so he'd asked Trunks to try wishing too so that maybe between the two of them they could mange it. Trunks was his best friend after all so Goten knew he could count on his older friend to follow through with his promise. Plus Goten was pretty sure his dad's friend wished he'd come back too some of the time so maybe if they all wished really, really hard it would work and his father could come back without having to worry about someone trying to take over the earth. Why anyone would want to take over the earth was beyond him anyway since people were always trying to blow it up so what was the point? Yawning Goten rubbed his eyes then absently looking at the clock winced slightly then standing up quickly hurried over and put the picture back where he found it. He had to get up early since he was going over to Trunks and his mom would be mad if she had to throw water on him to wake him up again. "Night, Father. I hope you come back soon." Goten whispered into the darkness before hurrying out of the room to get to bed.
)
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord, she's dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
)