It had been a long day of waiting tables at Cheesecake Factory, and Penny was exhausted. There had been an unfortunate number of screaming children and leering middle aged men at her tables again. She was so ready for pizza and movie night. All she wanted to do was drag herself upstairs, change, and then collapse onto the couch in the boy's apartment and relax.
She smiled tiredly at the girl standing expectantly in front of the elevator in the lobby. "The elevator's broken, sweetie."
The girl giggled, curly hair bouncing. "Oh, thanks! I would have hated to be late." She clutched a pizza box carefully to herself as she grinned at Penny.
Penny nodded politely, realizing that now she had to accompany this stranger up however many flights of stairs. She should have left her. Penny immediately scolded herself for the uncharitable thought, but prayed silently that the girl wouldn't be in the mood to chat. No luck.
"See, I'm here on kind of a date." The girl confided.
Penny was stamped down on her desire to roll her eyes. "That's great," She managed, wincing as it came out slightly sarcastically. "He must be pretty great, you seem excited." She amended. She knew this type. The girl was lost in some fantasy world, and there was no telling what type of guy he really was. The girl would wind up heartbroken or divorced within three months, Penny thought cynically.
The girl beamed. "Oh, he is. He's absolutely brilliant! And sooo cute! He's going to change the way that the world views physics."
Penny stopped dead. Oh, hell no. Sheldon had not invited another crazy grad student to bring him food. She eyed the pizza box with new suspicion. Oh god, he had. Penny grabbed the girl's arm, pulling her abruptly to a stop on the third floor landing.
The boys should never have let it get this far, she thought angrily. Now it was left to her to save them all from weeks of terror.
The girl looked at her, slightly frightened by the look on Penny's face.
"If you are here to see Sheldon Cooper, forget it." Penny said bluntly.
The poor girl's mouth fell open in shock, but she made no move to retreat.
"He's taken," Penny prompted, deciding to cut the problem off at its source.
The girl stared at her suspiciously now. "He… he never mentioned that he had a girlfriend…" She started.
Penny took a threatening step forward, grabbed the pizza box from the girl, and pointed imperiously back down the stairs.
"Well, he does. And I don't appreciate little girls like you showing up at our apartment." Penny smirked as the girl cowered. "And tell your little friends." She added, just for good measure. "Dr. Sheldon Cooper is off the market, and I don't take well to home wreckers."
The girl ran. Penny smiled cheerfully, inhaling the delicious scent of Sheldon's favorite pizza. God, it was fun to be a bitch every now and then. She almost felt bad for the girl. Not enough to risk another Ramona incident, of course. She bounded up the stairs, suddenly much more cheerful.
After darting into her apartment to throw on some non-work clothes, she practically bounced into the boy's apartment.
"Hi guys! Sheldon, I have your pizza." She announced cheerfully.
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "I thought what's-her-name was bringing Sheldon pizza?"
Penny smiled grimly. "She reconsidered."
Sheldon leaned forward anxiously. "But…my pizza." He protested.
She smiled calmly at him. "It's right here, sweetie." She handed it off. "You will have to share with me of course. I earned that pizza."
Sheldon considered. "I suppose that, since you brought it to me, you might be allowed to have a slice."
Penny nodded, patting his arm contentedly. "You bet your ass I am."
Howard and Raj came in, carrying the pizza for everyone else.
"Was that what's-her-name that we just saw crying outside the building?" Howard questioned.
Leonard turned questioningly to Penny. "What did you do?"
He hissed.
Penny smiled smugly, a quick glance assuring her that Sheldon wasn't listening. "I just explained that Sheldon wasn't interested."
Howard shrugged. "Good enough for me, that Ramona thing was disturbing."
Leonard didn't look convinced. "And how did you convince her of this?"
Penny grinned, biting happily into her pizza. "Told her that he was taken. Might have implied that we lived together. Possibly mentioned my feelings about home wreckers. It was really too easy."
Leonard gaped, speechless. Howard whistled lowly. "Sheldon is going to freak," he commented with a grin.
Penny shook her head. "No one tells Sheldon. He would probably feel compelled to seek her out and inform her that I was lying. You know he doesn't do well with secrets. Do you want another Ramona situation?"
As they all shook their head frantically, Sheldon came to join them, sinking happily into his spot. Penny snatched one of his napkins.
"Excellent. Now, what movie are we watching tonight?"