Summary: Mac gives a gift to Harm that is beyond any value.
AN: What if JAG didn't end with FW&FS? If the General had never transferred Harm or Mac and they weren't forced to make a decision regarding their relationship…would they still have found their way back to each-other? In this interpretation, the life at JAG could go on and on and on…Well, you get my drift grin Enjoy, my fellow shippers!
Spoilers: Everything up until 'Death At The Mosque,' until the point where Harm turns Mac away at the hospital…after that, things become quite different.
Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me. It doesn't matter that the series has finished its run. No, you did not miss the auction they had to sell the rights to JAG, I wouldn't have the money to buy them, anyway. Let's just say I'm borrowing the characters for a little fun and that I'll return them to the proper figureheads when I'm done. No harm, no foul.
Rating M. Adults only! Also, this fic deals with the beautiful relationship between mother and baby. This is certainly not why I gave the fic an M rating (that would be the Harm/Mac snuggly content! (c; ) but if this sort of warm, fuzzy subject matter isn't your cup of tea, I suggest you heed the warning and skip this one… or you could just power through it and pause at the good stuff!
AN2: I will post as often as I can, but due to the hurricane forces within my life, this will often not be every day…Sorry! I'll do the best I can!
Any and all mistakes are mine, I tried to do as much online research into this topic as I could, (although I have a GCSE in child development, so I knew quite a bit about this topic to begin with) but life has kept me busy, lately. Feel free to direct any questions my way. My most sincere thanks go to my fabulous beta, Annette!
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The Drive Home
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Story starts up immediately after Harm refuses Mac's help, at the hospital, soon after Mattie's accident…
Part 1
Harm sat with his head cradled in his hands as her footsteps faded away. He felt like he had no control over the pieces of his life that were now disintegrating before his eyes. He was powerless, even though he was the one who had sent her away…Since when did he throw away everything that meant anything to him…everything to him? Aw, who was he kidding? He'd always done that…The serious repercussions had only started popping up after Paraguay…He had thought that he and Mac were forever. Sure, he was now back at JAG, but what did that mean to him if he didn't have Mac? She'd never put her heart on the line again, now! Not after this…and Mattie!
Harm resolutely banished his thoughts and returned to the girl's bedside, determined to hold onto at least one of the important pieces of his life.
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And it seemed as if God had heard his prayers, nearly three weeks later, when Mattie woke up. She couldn't move at all from the waist down, but she was still his Mattie, deep down inside. It took a while for even a hint of her confident personality to return, but when she began physical therapy, Harm had begun to believe that they were back in the driving seat.
As soon as he saw the police officers at his door, the following night, Harm began to feel that sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, again…
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It had been over a week since she had heard from Harm. She'd heard through Jennifer Coates that Mattie was awake, but not doing very well at all. Harm, though had not called even once, though she had made it clear to him that she wasn't going anywhere. His attitude that night at the hospital had hurt. Like previous rejections, it had really stung her, until she had put it in context.
Mattie was without a doubt one of the most important influences in Harm's life. He had to focus solely on her, just now. Mac understood that, but just wished he'd seek her help, if and when he needed it.
He had spent months making sure that Mattie would be okay, that she had a dream to follow, that she knew she was loved and well worth the effort and finally that she always knew she had somebody to turn to, come home to, if she couldn't depend on her own Father. He had never stood in Tom's way, but he'd also safeguarded Mattie's welfare, when he knew that Tom couldn't be a father to her, when he couldn't even take care of himself, let alone somebody else.
And Mac had seen the promise in that young girl. After all, she had the perfect role-model in Harm…and now it threatened to be swept away by one unexpected blow. It just wasn't fair. Hadn't Harm been hurt enough in his life? It was no wonder he wasn't able to trust, especially her. She was the person guiltiest of hurting Harm. Sure, maybe that ran both ways, but she still claimed responsibility for the majority and the worst of the hurting. If only she had seen what he was trying to show her in Paraguay...
Sure, he couldn't say three small words, but he'd tossed aside a brilliant career; his hard earned start-over in life, to come and make sure she was okay. Just like that, his career as a top-shot hero in the Navy was gone, but his only thought had been about making sure she was okay. She would be dead now, without a doubt, if he hadn't come to save her, but all she could do was thrust accusations about a hero-complex in his face. He'd come all that way, through the very gates of Hell to save her and she wanted to hear the words!
Mac shook her head. This time, she'd really blown it with Harm and she didn't know whether even their friendship could be redeemed. But she wouldn't turn her back on him, not even if he requested it. He'd perhaps need some time to himself before he had healed enough to ask for her help, but Mac clung to the possibility that he would. She had to believe that it wasn't over for them because without him, without his presence in her life (in any way, shape or form,) it would never be the same again.
That night, she left a message on Harm's answer-machine.
"Hi Harm, It's Mac…I know things seem pretty terrible right now and I can't promise that they're going to turn out even okay but…you'll never have to deal with it on your own. The whole of JAG are here and at your word, we'll do anything we can to help you or Mattie. You only need to ask and I'll be there, okay?
You take care of yourself, now, sailor…
Bye…"
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When Harm returned to work (the General had given him extended compassionate leave for as long as he needed it) Mac couldn't help but be shocked by his appearance. His uniform was as squared away as it ever had been, but judging by the way it hung on him, the pounds had melted off his frame over the last month. His face was cleanly shaven, but was so gaunt, Mac consciously wondered if his jawbone had ever been so prominent. And worst of all, his beautiful eyes had taken on a hollow, sunken, dead appearance.
Before Mac could even move from her place in the break room, Jen and Bud were already over beside him, welcoming him back, slipping him his usual mug of hot coffee and offering him their support.
From the way Harm glanced blankly at the mug in his hand, Mac knew he was probably living on the marine-grade stuff and thus not really enthused by the sight of it.
He immediately retreated to his office before Mac could reach him and firmly shut the door behind him, a clear and unequivocal sign that he didn't want to be disturbed by anyone.
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Harm held his head, feeling as if it was about to burst wide open. He was waiting in Mattie's room for her to return from PT, but he'd been there only a matter of minutes. He'd been upstairs at the neonatal unit for over an hour before, while Mattie was downstairs with her rehab specialist. He felt just as helpless at the side of the incubator as he had at Mattie's bedside, because he couldn't even touch the plexi-glass cubicle's tiny, fragile occupant. He lived from moment to moment, just watching for each breath, praying for each breath. He felt his own breath, so many people's, moving in and out of this tiny scrap of humanity. When it was time for him to leave for the night, one of the NICU nurses would gently shake his shoulder and he knew that it was time to return to the other child depending upon him.
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