Author's note: the background of this story is the beginning of Fugue in Red, though I assume that things develope in a way which is quite different from what we saw in the episode itself...

Chapter 1 - Accidents

They had told him a month had passed between his accident and the day they had found that red smiley painted on a crime scene – just a week ago. Red John's smiley.

At that moment his memory had come back like a flood, threatening to drown him.

Kind of ironic, actually, since he had literally been drowned – all right, nearly drowned – exactly a month before, and yet couldn't actually remember it now.

That's how a fugue state works, doctors said. As long as you are in it, you can't remember your previous life. When you get your memory back, you don't remember anything about your fugue period.

The guys had admitted he'd been a tad weirder that usual, nothing more. Since he always tended to act in an unpredictable way, they probably wouldn't even had noticed the change if doctors hadn't warned them about it.

It had took him a week to tidy up his memories. That was probably the reason he hadn't detected earlier the reason for Lisbon's odd behavior.

For Lisbon had been acting strangely enough. It was pretty obvious that she was on tenterhooks about something. Moreover, she rarely joined them on the field now. Not to mention the fact that she had switched from coffee to tea…

Yeah, even a child of two could have guessed that. The guys had probably known it for a while, yet didn't tell him – probably they'd rather avoid messing with his already tangled mind.

He sighed and stood up, heading towards Lisbon's office. Time for a talk.

She shot him a nervous glance as he sat on her couch, but she didn't say anything. Maybe she hoped he'd just come in to have his nap in the quiet of her office. Well, he had quite a different purpose right now.

"When are you going to tell the team?"

She carefully avoided his gaze. "What should I tell them?"

"You know it. About the baby".

She let out her breath in a sharp hiss. Of course Jane would have guessed that, sooner or later. She'd rather have had it later, however.

"Why should I? That's none of their business".

"Come on, Lisbon. Who's the one that always says we're like a family? That's a secret you shouldn't be keeping from your friends, don't you think?"

"It's no secret at all if you know it. I suppose the whole building has been told by now, correct?"

"You hurt me, Lisbon. I'd never share something about you in such a careless way. I think that the guys made it out a couple of days ago – even before I did, I have to admit. I've been slightly distracted lately".

"I'm sorry for what you've been through, Jane", she said softly.

He swept her sympathy aside with a wave of his hand.

"I'm okay. It's you the one I'm worried about".

She tried a little smile. "Oh, I'm fine too. Really".

"No, you're not", Jane simply stated.

She took a deep breath. She felt too emotionally beaten to have a conversation of that kind – with Jane, of all people. No way out of it now, anyway.

"I can deal with it, Jane. I'm a grown up woman after all".

"What about the father?"

A heavy silence fell. She closed her eyes, leaning into her chair.

"He doesn't know about it. And I don't want him to know".

"Why?"

That little word nearly threw her out of balance. She had had that argument with herself many times now, and a little voice at the back of her head kept on telling that the father had the right to know.

I can't, her mind answered for the umpteenth time. I can't do this to him. Such news would kill him. I don't want to hurt him. I…

I should have stopped him. I really should have.

What have I done?

"Teresa".

Jane's gaze was very gentle now. "You don't have to tell me. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you want someone to talk to. We're all here for you, Teresa. Should you need anything, just name it. Understood?"

Her eyes brimmed with tears at the affection he was showing her. She surely didn't expect that.

"Yeah. Thank you very much".