"Excuse me? What did you just say?"
Mercedes is doing that crazy wide eye thing that terrifies Kurt. He hadn't been planning on telling her, he thought that working through it himself would be the best option. Apparently, Kurt's brain had other ideas. Kurt sighs and casually flicks over the page in his magazine. "I said, I need a new pair of chinos."
Mercedes grabs the magazine and throws it across the room. "No. You just said that Dave Karofsky kissed you today."
"Oh that." Kurt lifts his hand up dismissively. "It really was nothing."
Mercedes folds her arms across her chest, tilts her head and strikes a pose with a glorious pout of her lips. Kurt obviously wants to tell her about what happened, seeing as the words fell out of his mouth without really realising, he just doesn't know what to say.
"He didn't hurt you did he?"
"Not any more than he already has." Kurt shrugs.
"Did he… force himself on you?"
"No! I mean… not really, it was…" Kurt huffs, he's frustrated with his lack of eloquence of the situation. He glances up quickly at Mercedes and sees her wide, concerned eyes and he feels safe, there's no one here who is going to judge him for anything he is about to say.
"It's been worse recently, with Karofsky. He and Azimio always liked to play their pathetic little games with me, but they did it with everyone so it never bothered me so much, I suppose. But he's been singling me out, pushing me a little bit harder and always more venom in his voice when he throws an insult in my direction."
"Kurt…" Mercedes starts, her voice dipping low and soft, Kurt knows that if he doesn't stop her, an apology will come and he doesn't know if he can carry on with this if he lets her speak. He holds up his hands to stop whatever she was about to say.
"It's fine, really. I always try and deal with things myself and I thought I could with this but, things have gotten complicated now. I met this guy, Blaine, at that private school we're competing against at sectionals and he gave me some advice. I didn't think about it really, not until, yet again, I was crashing against a locker with the wind nearly knocked out of me."
Kurt chances a look at Mercedes, he feels like she is on the verge of grabbing a bowl of popcorn and settling down for a show. Her eyes are curious and her mouth is open in a gape.
"I confronted Karofsky, yelled at him and backed him into a corner." Kurt shakes his head. "I don't even know what I was thinking, I was just – I've never felt weak. Of all the flaws I have, that was one thing I could say about myself, that I was strong. He's been chipping away at it for months now and I wanted to get that back."
"So, what happened? Did you kiss him back –"
"No. I freaked out, it was over so fast and he looked just as petrified as me if not more so and then… he leaned into kiss me again and he ran away." Kurt bites his lip. "Mercedes, he looked so scared. All this time I've been thinking that he's just this asshole, homophobic bully and now…"
"He's still a bully, Kurt. Maybe an even more dangerous one than we thought. Who knows what could have happen in that locker room. You were lucky he ran away, he could have done anything."
Kurt shakes his head adamantly. "It wasn't like that. The kiss, it felt like this build-up of something bigger than the bullying. Whatever it is David Karofsky is going through, he's been dealing with it on his own for a long time. Maybe I can help him?"
Mercedes doesn't speak, but Kurt knows her well enough to see the disapproval coming off her in waves. He knows how crazy it sounds; he knows that he is talking about trying to help someone who has made his life a living hell for the better part of a year. But there was something in that kiss, something that Kurt can't explain, not even to Mercedes. He can't tell her that he liked the feel of Dave's hands on his face, the surprising softness of his lips, the desperate noise Dave made as their lips met – all of those things he is finding hard to justify to himself, so there is no possible way anyone else is going to understand.
"I know you always like to have a project, Kurt. But I'm not sure helping Dave Karofsky is the best one to take on. If I were you, I'd stay away from him."
Kurt can't respond to that, he can't promise Mercedes that he will stay away from Dave because it would be a lie. If anything he needs to know what it meant, for his own sanity. He needs to know if it was an angry, hormone induced moment and Dave is now pacing his room trying to work out what insanity led him to kiss Kurt Hummel, or if it goes deeper than that.
"You need to stop pacing, it's really distracting."
Dave lets out a hysterical sounding laugh; it's easy for Kim to tell him to stop pacing when she has absolutely no fucking idea the shit he has managed to land himself in today. Kim can happily sit at his desk with her head buried in her Math book and not concern herself with his issues. Kim knows him well enough by now, she may have transferred out two years ago but some friendships stick and besides, she knows far too much about him and the fear alone of her blabbing if they had some crazy falling out is terrifying.
"I'm waiting, just so you know."
"Huh?" Dave runs his hand through his hair. He should go shower, wash the day away from his body. He can put a fake smile on his face and pretend like nothing has happened, then maybe tomorrow at school he can push Hummel a little harder and threaten him to never breathe a single word to anyone. But there's something in Kurt's face that seems to be breaking every time Dave pushes into him, the bravery is slipping.
"Something, clearly, happened at school today, hence all the pacing, so I'm just waiting for you to calm down enough and then we can talk it through like sensible people do."
Kim says all of this with a calm voice and her face still buried in her book. Dave opens his mouth to response but he needs some more time to work through his own shit without hearing Kim's opinions on it.
Dave tries to work out when his annoyance at Kurt Hummel changed into something else. He'd see Kurt and his weird little friends walking down the corridor, dressed up with smiles on their faces, a sense of pride with the way they stood out and Dave would feel such a heavy sense of resentment that the best way to release it was to mock and push at them. The fact that it only made them more joined and stronger just made it more of a challenge, because everyone had a breaking point and Dave gave himself the goal of finding it. Then there were moments when Kurt would walk by him, his head held high, the bravery radiating off of him and Dave felt envy so strong that he felt like it could crush him to the ground.
Kurt frightened him, with his strong sense of who he is, the closeness of his friends who gathered around him and the feeling that he is so much more than Dave would ever be. When Dave realised that he should have backed down, left well alone and ignored the other feelings that came to the surface. Instead, he pushed harder and singled Kurt out; he made sure the pushes were that bit harder and the words harsher. He made it his own mission to break Kurt Hummel down, and it had been working, every time he pushed Kurt to the floor a small piece of him would break away and Dave would feel the rush for a second, then something else would replace it entirely. He had images of him being the person to pick Kurt up off the floor and straighten out his jacket and make sure he was okay.
"I think I did something stupid today."
"Knowing you personally, I dare say that you're right. Anything in particular?" Kim drops her pen down and looks at him closely. Her interest seems to grow stronger as she takes in the sight of Dave.
"I kissed him." Dave cards his hands through his hair again. "Oh god, I kissed him."
"Who? Who did you kiss?" Kim's eyes widen in alarm. It's not new news to her that Dave has been feeling like this for a while. It's not even news to her the way he treats Kurt. She has, in fact, given him many long speeches about his behaviour being so damn wrong that if he carries on he won't even have a friend in her. Dave doesn't need to say Kurt's name for her to know who he is talking about.
"Kim, what am I going to do? He was in my face, shouting all this stuff and I didn't… I just wanted it stop. I just wanted him to know the reason, why didn't I just tell him? I could have yelled it at him for all the shouting he was doing but he was right there in my face and he just looked so – everyone's going to know. I just ran out afterwards and… he's going to tell all his friends and I am going to be so screwed, what am I going to do?"
"First of all, calm down. You don't know that Kurt has told anyone about this, what with your history I would imagine that what you have right now is a very scared Kurt who thinks that he got lucky that you ran out and didn't beat the crap out of him-"
"I wouldn't do that!"
"Like you wouldn't push him around and call him names?" Kim is shouting at him now and he knows he deserves it. She has put up with his shit for far too long. "You listen to me David, we've been friends a long time and even when you've done things that I think are completely despicable I've stood by you because I know deep down you are a good person, but this has got to stop."
"I know."
"I don't think you do know. You come back here after a day of laughing at and belittling people who are slightly different, you do your homework and pretend to the perfect little boy for your Mom and Dad and then it all comes out in this room. Everything you're afraid of isn't going to go away just because you wish for it too. You have an opportunity here to make things right, to be honest with yourself and maybe then you could be happy rather than feeling like shit about things that are your own fault anyway."
Dave takes a deep breath and slumps down onto his bed, Kim's words echoing through him. He knows she's right, she has always been right. He can keep on hiding if he wanted; he could threaten and push his way through until maybe Kurt would finally break for good. But he doesn't know where he sees himself in that situation, standing by Azimio laughing victoriously over finally breaking down the fag or sitting alone in this bedroom crying and feeling like he may as well not be alive. Because he has been there before, he has been in both situations and both of them are easier enough to imagine, both within his grasp. He just doesn't like how either of them look right now.
"I put the letter in his locker."
"David, what have I told you about texting me during the day?"
"Jeez, Kim, I thought something like this you MIGHT be interested in knowing."
"How about you text me when you find out that putting a LETTER IN KURT'S LOCKER is not a good enough apology."
"Why am I even friends with you?"
"If anyone should be asking that question out of the two of us right now, it's definitely not you."
There's no one else it could possibly be, no one else would have scribble 'I'm sorry' on a crumpled piece of paper and shoved it in his locker. Anyone in Glee club would either have been too caught up in their own drama to apologise for anything they might have done or they would have sung about it. No, this was of course the handy work of Dave Karofsky. Kurt has no idea but for some reason it just makes him furious that Karofsky thinks he can shove a crappy little letter in his locker and think that all can be forgotten. Okay, so perhaps that's not his angle, maybe this is just Karofsky's way of breaking ground. But still, be a man and apologise to his face at least!
It's the reason Kurt is standing in the doorway of an abandoned classroom, waiting for Karofsky to walk past so he can pull him into the room and give him a piece of his mind. Thankfully, when Kurt spots him he is alone and not surrounded by his jock friends. Kurt takes a moment to look at Karofsky, the sad expression and the slump of his shoulders. He can't believe he didn't see it before; he looks like he has the whole world on his shoulders. Kurt reaches his arm out in perfect timing and pulls Karofsky in with all the strength he has; luckily it catches Karofsky slightly off guard and it makes it easier for Kurt to pull.
"What the hell, Hummel?"
Karofsky looks panicked, staring at the door as it slams shut and then down to the floor. Kurt gives him no time to say anything; he pulls the letter out of his pocket. "What is this?"
"I wanted to apologise…"
"And you thought that this would be sufficient enough? You've harassed me and my friends for the past year and made it your personal mission to make my life hell for the last couple of months and you think that a scribble of a note is an acceptable apology?"
Karofsky lets out a heavy sigh and Kurt must be the biggest sucker alive because the expression on his face actually makes Kurt feel bad, like he is the one who has done something wrong. He refuses to back down, because Karofsky might be feeling sorry for himself, angry, confused and a mix of other emotions but Kurt isn't sure Karofsky really knows what he is apologising for. Is it the kiss? Or all the other crap that came before it?
"Did you tell anyone?"
Kurt sees it finally, the fear in Karofsky's eyes, the one thing he works so hard to keep hidden from everyone else. He can't help but let the façade slip when he asks, not now, not now Kurt knows. It's not even as if Kurt isn't sure about whether Karofsky is confused about himself. He can tell just by looking at Karofsky that he knows. That's not what it's about for Karofsky, he is scared what people will think, his friends and family, whether it will mean his social status at school being lowered, the names in the corridor he will hear, the looks he will get.
"Of course I haven't told anyone. I won't either, it's not my place."
Karofsky lets out a heavy sigh, his fingers running through his hair and nodding his head a little frantically. "I am sorry about the locker room, but you were in my face and you just wouldn't stop and I didn't… I never would have hurt you. I don't want you to think that that's something I would do."
Maybe Karofsky isn't as clueless as Kurt thinks he is, maybe he has a grip on this situation a lot better than Kurt does. There are so many things Kurt wants to ask, so many things that he thinks he should be saying in this situation. He doesn't think he should start giving speeches about helping Karofsky and being there for him if he needs someone to talk to. He has a feeling that would just have Karofsky running for the door. But it is different now, up until now Kurt felt like he was alone at this school, the only gay student at McKinley, he feels like all his illusions have been shattered. He never would have picked out Karofsky as another gay student if anyone had asked him to guess, and yet here they are.
"You may not want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I know how it feels to be scared, to worry that people won't look at you the same, that there will be muttering in the hallway as you walk by. I also won't say that it doesn't happen, because it does. But that fear, it's nothing compared to how miserable I felt not being honest with my family and my friends. I can't tell you that everything is going to be perfect, that it all magically gets better as soon as you say the words but I can say, that if maybe… you feel really scared and really miserable and you don't know who to talk to or what to do, I'm here. I didn't have anyone like that to help me and I think maybe I would have liked to."
It's not an open invitation to get Karofsky round to his house for dinner with his family but it's still something that he needed to put out there. Kurt rummages through his bag and pulls out a biro, he flips over the crumpled piece of paper and writes his cell number. If Mercedes were here she would no doubt be giving a speech of how he had damn well lost his mind, and maybe he has. But she doesn't know how it feels, and she hasn't been in this situation and Kurt can't help but feel that maybe Karofsky really isn't the asshole he wants people to believe he is.
"That's my cell. I'm giving you this on the basis that you realise a crappy I'm Sorry does not cut it. I'm not under any illusions that you are going to want to be besties, but if you do want my help then you should realise that you better be able to prove you are sorry."
Kurt turns on his heel and flings the door open before walking out; he does love a dramatic exit.
"If I told you I gave Karofsky my cell number today would you call me crazy?"
"You're crazy."
"Thanks Mercedes."
"Anytime x"
"So, he gave you his number? Just like that?"
Dave shrugs off his coat and mumbles something of a response in Kim's direction. She started talking as soon as they got through the door and she hasn't stopped since, asking question after question, trying to analyse everything Kurt said. He doesn't really know how to tell her that it was pretty much a very awkward ten minute conversation that miraculously ended in Kurt giving him his number.
"Did he say anything else?"
"He said that my apology note was crap."
"Well I already told you that."
"And that if I was really sorry then I would have to prove it."
Kim nods and lifts her bag off of the floor, pulling out a notebook. Dave groans and contemplates throwing himself down on the bed because he knows what's coming next.
"Okay, David, time to make a list. We need to come up with at least three things you can do to apologise to Kurt and then something for a grand finale."
"No, no, no."
"David?"
"What?"
"Is this really how you want to feel? So miserable?"
Dave lets out a heavy sigh before kicking off his boots and sitting down next to Kim on the bed. There is something in her eyes that looks so similar to how Kurt looked at him earlier on, like they are both trying to work out exactly where Dave's head is at. He knows he can't give them an answer because he can't figure it out for himself. So maybe this is a good idea, he doesn't know if he can prove to Kurt how sorry he is with a list of gestures or that he will be able to walk down the hall and not care what people think. He has no comprehension of if it will ever be possible; all he knows is that he wants it to be.
Kurt has been trying to not let his boredom show in Glee; he has also tried to not let his irritation get the better of him. It's hard though when he feels like he is being pushed to the back to ooh and ahh along with whatever song Rachel gets to sing this week. He doesn't begrudge her talent it's just he sometimes can't help but feel his own is being squandered. He ends up blowing up at them half way through another ballad that Rachel indirectly dedicates to Finn, he knows he is only vocalising what everyone else is thinking but Schuester still kicks him out for being disruptive and he can't really find the will to care.
The hallways are quiet as he makes his way to his locker, just a few students leaving after school clubs. He sees the piece of paper sticking out his locker as he approaches, he sighs heavily – he thought he had made his feelings on apology notes perfectly clear. As he gets closer though, he realises this time, the letter is in an envelope. It still has the same scruffy hand writing on the front, Kurt's name in an almost unreadable scribble. Most people might find somewhere to sit down and read the letter properly, but most people are boring. Kurt rips open the letter impatiently.
'Dear Kurt,
Apparently when you write someone an apology note you should be clearer about what it is you are actually apologising for. Someone gave me the advice of writing down every single thing I've done wrong to you, but this is kind of a small notebook and I think we might be past that now anyway.
I'm sorry for the pushes, the name calling, the singling out of you and your friends, the judgements I made about you and… the kiss. Mostly I'm sorry for not just walking up to you and starting up a conversation, I'm sorry for not being brave enough to be the kind of person you could call a friend.
I don't think any letter I write to you will ever go very far to prove how sorry I am. But maybe this is a step up from the last one?
DK.'
"I just dropped the letter off at Kurt's locker. My hands are sweating."
"Must you always overshare?"
"Kim! Focus! Can't you comfort me in my time of freaking out?"
"I'm not so great with the comforting. I can offer you a sarcastic comment or harsh joke about your hair?"
"You, sarcastic? Shocking."
"…"
"What's wrong with my hair?"
Dave feels sick. This is such a bad idea, in the scale of one to ten of bad ideas this has left ten and will never be seen ever again. He can't believe he let himself be fooled by Kim's pep talk over the phone. It's easy for her miles away from the action, she can give motivational speeches and tell him that he is strong enough to do this but she isn't there with him, walking by his side and pushing him forward, which right now is exactly what he needs.
He could pick a quieter time of the day he knows that. But as Kim helpfully pointed out it would really sort of defeat the purpose. If he wants to prove to Kurt that he is genuinely sorry then he will need some kind of audience to do this. He takes a deep breath and stares down at the message from Kim.
"I know you're doing this mostly for Kurt. But think about what this means for yourself too."
Kim gave him a very long speech about how liberated he will feel after he has done this very small gesture. Right now it's hard to feel anything over the nausea. Still, he braces himself and moves away from the locker. Kurt is talking to Mercedes and Rachel, he is fixing his hair while the two girls gesture crazily and laugh whenever Kurt adds something. The two of them wander off with their arms linked and finally Kurt is alone, well, apart from the 20 other people in the corridor.
Dave may not feel confident but he has plenty of experience in faking it for the audience, so he holds his head up high and strides down the hallway, heading directly for Kurt. He tries to stay as strong as he can, he worries about stupid things, are people already whispering, is the bouquet of flowers in his hand going to be big enough for Kurt, does Kurt even like flowers, what if Kurt laughs and throws them back at him. It's all a jumbled mess and he nearly doesn't register his own voice calling out Kurt's name to stop him from walking away from his locker.
Kurt's eyes widen comically in shock as they stare down at the bouquet of flowers in Dave's hands. It's small, some flowers in their front garden that there seemed to be a lot of, and he figured his Mom wouldn't miss them. He had found an elastic band and tied them together with that, mostly he thinks they look sort of sorry for themselves but Kurt is staring at them like they are the most amazing thing in the world.
He lifts them up higher and shoves his free hand in his letterman jacket pocket, people are definitely staring now, he shifts forward awkwardly and hopes that Kurt will take the hint and grab the flowers and run or something. He chances a look up at Kurt's face, he is smiling approvingly. He reaches out with a tentative hand and takes hold of the flowers, a small thank you before turning and walking down the hallway.
"Did I hear right that you gave Kurt Hummel a bunch of flowers in the hallway today?"
"That may have happened."
"Dude, that's kinda gay."
"What if I was, Az?"
"What if you were what?"
"Gay."
"…"
"Az?"
"Are you for real right now?"
"Yes."
Kurt tries to down play the whole Karofsky giving him flowers thing to Mercedes but when he walks into Glee Club and the whole room goes silent he kind of gets the feeling that he was just very much being talked about.
"Kurt, we're your friends and we're worried about you."
Artie says before Kurt has even managed to sit down, his usual position in the back these days. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Mercedes told us that something went down with you and Karofsky." Finn adds in with his usual confused yet caring tone.
Kurt glances over to Mercedes who seems to want to look anywhere but Kurt. "Yes, she is quite right. It seems she forgot I told her that in confidence though. What exactly did she tell you?"
"I swear I didn't say anything specific, but I might have mentioned how you wanted to help him." Mercedes finally finds her voice from hidden behind Santana.
"Look, the situation is this lady face; we think it's great if you want to help out someone less fortunate in the brains department than the rest of humanity but we just feel there has to be someone more worthy than douche bag Karofsky."
They all take their turn, listing off their concerns. Puck jumps in and finally brings up the flowers, the people who didn't already know gasp in shock like someone gave them the most horrifying news. Kurt just wants to give the entire room a giant eye roll because the whole thing is ridiculous. What he would really like to do is go through every single person in this room and find out why the hell they feel they are in a position to judge anyone.
He can't jump to the defence of Dave and claim he is anything more than what he has so far shown to be, but he won't let people who are in no position to be making judgements try and force him into some kind of breaking point where he admits they are all right and he needs to be saved like a damsel in distress.
"You all need to stop, like; in fact you never should have even started." Kurt huffs. "I feel like I could literally go through a list of all the ways the people in this room are far from perfect, myself included. I'm not claiming that Karofsky is a good guy, I don't even know him but I do expect my friends to trust me when I say that if someone I feel needs help I am going to help them, I expect you to stand by me and not try and talk me out of it because you think you're right and I'm wrong. You guys have no idea what you are talking about in this situation and usually I wouldn't keep you so much in the dark, but some things just aren't up to me to say, some things are far more complicated and important than what goes on in this little room."
You could hear a pin drop in the silence that surrounds the room and Schuester bounds in looking far too happy with himself and mumbling something about singing more Journey songs. Kurt's day officially got ten times crapper.
"Thank you for the flowers."
"Who is this?"
"Who else have you given flowers too recently?"
"My Mom."
"…"
"How did you get my number, Kurt?"
"I stole it from Finn's phone. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, s'cool."
"I haven't seen you in school the last couple of days is everything okay?"
"I told Az, he freaked a little bit. I've been trying to lay low."
"It's rumour crazy at school right now."
"Yeah, give another guy a bunch of flowers and that happens apparently."
Dave fell asleep with his cell phone on his pillow and he woke up to a goodnight text from Kurt. It seemed like once they started talking about things outside of school and the drama surrounding it there was a lot to learn about one another. Dave is by no means fooling himself that they are in the friendship stage yet but it seems to be moving in that direction.
There was so much more he could have told him last night, he could have told him that casually coming out to his best friend via text was probably not the best way to come out. He could have said that he wound himself up so tightly that night in a panic that when his Mom asked why he had taken some daisies from the garden he blew up and outed himself to her as well. Dave doesn't know what he expected but he thought things would be much more dramatic, he has been trying his damn hardest to make it so, but even his Mom after his insane outburst just nodded her head, held his hand and told him to talk about it. He is going to forget the part where he ended crying like a little girl and clinging onto his Mom and calling her Mommy.
Az is slowly starting to text him again, asking him why he is hiding out at home like a little pussy. He laughs and replies, telling him 'fuck you' and he receives the response 'you wish'. Maybe things won't be as bad as the picture Dave created in his mind.
Kim is staring at him as he slowly makes his way through his music collection, she has been fishing for details on the texting extravaganza from the night before but Dave is keeping tight lipped. He has done enough to mess things up he refuses to jinx anything regarding himself and Kurt.
"A mix tape, David? Really? I don't remember this being on the list."
"It wasn't on the list, I threw the list away."
"You threw my list away? We spent ages on that! What about all the colour coding and post it notes?"
"Those things weren't going to help me prove to Kurt how sorry I am."
Kim mumbles something about how they would help him be more organised but he just ignores her in favour of explaining the mix tape idea.
"It's a mix CD, because no one uses cassettes anymore and we were texting about music and stuff, he hadn't heard some of the bands I was talking about and he said he was surprised by my eclectic tastes."
Dave smiles, he may have had to look up the word eclectic in the dictionary but he is happy with any compliment that Kurt Hummel will give him.
"I'll be back at school tomorrow."
"Great! Time to face the music, huh?"
"Don't try and scare me even more than I already am."
"It's going to be okay, David."
"…"
"I'll be there if you need someone to run off and hide with."
"Thanks, Kurt."
"Anytime."
"You think we could meet before school? I have something I want to give you."
"Sure."
Kurt isn't afraid of meeting David early before school starts; in fact he hasn't felt any kind of fear towards him for a while now. It's strange how quickly things shifted from fear to something else entirely. He is perhaps, slightly apprehensive; their conversations have been mostly via text or over the phone and there is something so different about seeing someone face to face. He can't check his expressions or hide what he is feeling as well as he can over the phone, Kurt's face is expressive and he knows it, it's hard sometimes for him to hide something that is written all over his face.
And the truth is; Kurt likes David. He never expected there to be anything more underneath his exterior than what he lets people see. He is ashamed to say he stuck David in the group of cliché dumb jocks, he did the one thing he hates people doing about himself; he stereotyped David into something he is not. Dave is smart, and funny – in a sarcastic and self-deprecating way that comes across so endearing that Kurt finds himself trying to think of things to say to David to make him feel better about himself.
David isn't wearing his letterman jacket as he approaches Kurt; he has a grey wool coat done up high with his hands shoved in his pockets; he smiles awkwardly as he reaches Kurt.
"Hey, thanks for meeting me."
Kurt shrugs, trying to play things cool. "It's fine. Did you want me to help you plan a spectacular scene to walk down the corridor and announce yourself to the students of McKinley High?"
"Funnily enough, no. I'm not sure I'm exactly ready for a big scene just yet."
"Oh." Kurt nods and sighs inwardly; he does love a big dramatic moment. His life has been seriously lacking them recently.
"I actually wanted to give you this." Dave pulls out his hand and hands a CD case to Kurt. "It's just a few songs by those bands we were talking about the other night. I thought you might like to hear a few of the songs."
Kurt reaches out tentatively and stares down and the cover, it reads: Songs for Kurt. Dave smiles shyly and shoves his hand back into his pocket and stares down at the ground.
"You made me a mix tape?" Kurt asks with a mix of curiosity and shock to his voice. No one has ever made him a mix tape; and it might make him resemble a 12 year old girl but he feels ridiculously giddy about the whole thing.
Dave shrugs nonchalantly. "Technically, it's a mix CD."
"That's true." Kurt smiles and stares down at the case in his hands, he feels like bailing on school and running to his car and listening to the songs.
"So, I might not be ready for a big parade through the corridor but… do you want to walk in together?"
"Sure."
Kurt feels like he must have stepped into some kind of alternate reality because if someone had told him a couple of weeks ago, this would be a situation he would be in, he would have laughed in their faces. But yet, here he is, walking into school making small talk with David Karofsky about the day ahead and what homework there is to catch up on. Kurt lets any feeling of weirdness just fade away from him because something about the simplicity of the moment leaves him feeling more content than he has for a long time.
"Hudson, can I ask a favour?"
"You sure you're texting the right person, Karofsky?"
"It had your name on the message didn't it?"
"What do you want? I'm pretty close to kicking your ass for messing with Kurt."
"Hey! Me and Kurt are cool now, sort of…"
"He might be able to forgive and forget just because you come out and he feels it's his personal mission to help you, but I'm watching you."
"I have to say, Hudson, you're about as threatening as a puppy."
"Is this usually how you ask for a favour?"
"No, damn it. Look, this is going to sound lame, but I made this list of things I want to do to apologise to Kurt and I stupidly put this one on there that my friend Kim won't let me forget."
"And? How do I fit into this?"
"I want to… sing something for him."
Dave is going to be sick; he is going to open his mouth and rather than singing, vomit will be flying everywhere. He already feels like everyone is staring at him like he is some kind of freak, which they totally are. Most of the people in this room have every reason to be wary of him and to pretty much not like him at all. Mercedes especially is glaring at him with cautious eyes, her arms are crossed over her chest and her lips are in a hard line. She scares Dave a little bit.
He just repeats the same mantra over and over again in his head; you are doing this for Kurt. If he keeps thinking it maybe he can actually get through it. When Kurt strides in, smiling and head held high everyone else stands up and crowds round him. They are all talking together and too quickly, it's nearly impossible for Dave to understand. He quickly gets the gist that they want to make sure the whole thing was Dave's idea and Finn helped him arrange it.
Kurt spots him through a gap in the crowd of people and Dave just shrugs his shoulders. It's just a small verse and a chorus to a song he heard online and he hasn't be able to get it out of his head; every time he hears it he thinks of Kurt.
"What's going on, David?"
The others seem awkward with the familiarity in Kurt's voice but for Dave it immediately calms him down. They have been speaking on the phone nearly every night and the meeting at school has become a sort of ritual.
"I have one more thing on my list."
"What list?" Kurt asks, the confusion etched across his face.
"When you asked me to prove how sorry I was, I made a list… and this is the last thing. So I'm hoping I've done enough to have you accept my apology."
Kurt raises his eyebrows and nods his head. He shoos everyone away from him and follows behind to sit on a chair in the front row. Dave stands in front of the piano; it must be blatantly obvious to everyone just how nervous he is.
"I'm just going to say that, I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't sing – I had to get Hudson to help me a little bit and it's not even the full song, so if this sucks then… well, I'm sorry."
He clears his throat and closes his eyes; Hudson said something about keeping his eyes open and connecting with the audience or some shit, but Dave is already on the edge of just running out the door he is pretty sure if he opened his eyes he would freak out. So he sings, letting the words fall freely and comfortably, he hopes at the very least Kurt can feel the genuine emotion as he sings each word.
'Will you listen to my story? It'll just be a minute. How can I explain? Whatever happened here never meant to hurt you. How could I cause you so much pain? When I say I'm sorry will you believe me?
Listen to my story, say you won't leave me? When I say I'm sorry can you forgive me? When I say I will always be there will you believe, will you believe in me? If I told you I've been cleaning my soul and if I promised you I'll regain control. Will you open your door and let me in? Take me for who I am and not for who I've been?'
Dave hadn't been expecting a crazy applause and a rush of people telling him how amazing he was but he sure as hell hadn't been expecting well… nothing. He opens one eye just in case they all decided to flee while he had been singing and he is greeted with a whole bunch of shocked faces and one very happy looking Kurt Hummel.
"You do realise Rachel will now make it her personal mission to get you to join New Directions?"
"Would you want me to join?"
"Is it something that you'd like to do?"
"Why do you always answer questions with another question?"
"Would you?"
"…"
"I'm being serious, Dave. Is it something that would make you happy?"
"I've not really spent that much time thinking about what makes me happy."
"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard."
"Would it be weird for you if I did join?"
"I wish you'd stop thinking about what you do affecting other people and start thinking about yourself and what you want."
"I think maybe I'd like to feel part of something special and have somewhere that I didn't have to hide."
"I'll tell Rachel you'll be at the next practice."
Kurt finds it strange how easily he adapts to slipping Dave into part of his life. He has been waiting for some kind of weird freak out moment where he starts questioning if it's healthy or right to have such a close friendship with Dave considering the history they have; then Dave will say or do something and it chips away at that doubt until he finds himself where he is now with absolutely no doubt left. Dave fits into his life so perfectly because he is the piece of it that was missing that Kurt didn't even realise wasn't there.
He knows his own mind and his own heart; he has had enough crushes to see them coming a mile away but there is something different about this one. Something deeper and more tangible; he thinks it's because this one is actually in the realms of possibility. Not that he is assuming Dave has some huge crush on him too, but Dave is gay and considering the last two people Kurt had a crush on are straight, he is considering this progress.
Kurt tries to talk to Dave about it in a roundabout way but he can't really figure out if it is something Dave is ready for. Every now and then Kurt will catch him staring and he thinks that he can't possibly be imagining the look in Dave's eyes but his stupid brain rationalises that maybe Kurt is just seeing what he wants to see. As always, Dave is constantly surprising him and this instance is no different.
"So, I know you accepted my heartfelt apology but I was thinking…" Dave speaks without looking up from his text book. It's quiet in the library, just a couple of students and the librarian stacking the shelves. "I should take you out or something, pay for dinner and a movie – you know, just to prove how sorry I am."
Dave taps his pen and bites his bottom lip, Kurt thinks over Dave's words for a moment enjoying Dave's expression as it shifts from curiosity to sheer panic.
"You mean, like a date?" Kurt flicks over a page in his notebook and scribbles some nonsense down.
"Well, it doesn't have to be if you don't want to, but I mean it could be if that's something you think that we could do… I mean be. I just mean…"
"A date would be good." He looks up at Dave briefly and catches his eye. Dave's smile is wide and happy, his eyes are shining and Kurt can't help but smile back.
There have been so many notable shifts in their relationship so far, Kurt has a mental record of each and every one of them; but nothing is going to compare to this, not for a while. Not when Dave is looking at him like he has been given everything he has ever wanted in his life.
Kurt rests his hand on the table, moving it closer to Dave's slowly. He can feel the warmth from Dave before his hand even touches his and its perfect, different and unexpected. It's everything he didn't even realise he wanted and with the last person he ever imagined it to be with but he wouldn't change a thing.