Just a little something I found lost in my archieves.
Warning: yaoi (duh!), mention of abuse and rape.
Disclaimer: not mine.
Scars
"Juubei…Juubei…"
A groan escaped the dry lips, followed by the forced open of tired blue eyes. Moving as little as he could, Juubei tried to remember where he was and, more importantly, who had been calling him. After a moment and several blinks, his vision finally cleared enough for him to recognize the soft yet worried face of his sister.
"Oh, Juubei! Thank God you are awake! "– the girl sighed in relief, smiling down at his brother and helping him to sit up on the makeshift bed – "You gave me quite a scare."
"S-sorry." – lips parted but only that word came out. The rest was too dry to even be formed.
"Here." – offering some water, Sakura observed his brother's reactions. After seven days, the fever had finally broken. She would have to be careful for it not to return, but other than that Juubei seemed well enough.
Drinking the water with gratitude, the boy that could barely be called a teenager took a moment before finally asking what he was dying to know.
"Where is Kazuki?"
A shadow seemed to cross Sakura's usually clear eyes. Alas, it was too fast for Juubei to catch it. Was it even there to begin with?
"He is… patrolling."
The answer wasn't unheard of, yet if seemed off.
"He should be back soon, though." – Sakura added, smiling that big smile of hers that was so rare nowadays.
Juubei nodded, trying to relax a little. Part of him wanted to be there, whatever there was, at his rightful place by Kazuki's side. Yet there was another, more reasonable part of him that claimed he wouldn't be able to stand, much less fight alongside the Fuchoin heir.
"How long did I…?"
"A week." – eyes narrowing, Sakura crossed her arms, looking every bit like their late mother – "Why didn't you told me you were hurt? It would only take a little care to keep the wound from getting infected."
"I couldn't. Kazuki was-"
"Kazuki had only scratches and you know it."
"I was born to protect him." – Juubei spoke, like it was the most common thing in the world. And perhaps, for him, it was.
Unfortunately that didn't mean others had to like it.
"You should get over those old traditions, brother. There is no place for them in this hell." – and with those words Sakura turned and left, not even looking back at the only family member she still have.
If Juubei knew what that discussion would lead on, he would have acted very different. In fact he would have stopped his sister right there, keeping her on their room until she understood. They would talk, and Juubei would scream if he had too. Perhaps even slap his own sister if that was what it took for her to understand.
Alas, Juubei did not know. So he remained there, waiting for his precious friend to come back, ignoring the voice in his head whispering everything was just wrong.
Life went on.
A noise.
That's the first thing he noticed. An annoying, metallic noise echoing over and over, like iron heartbeats. And, in the middle of all this, was a name. A muffled, broken name called by a desperate, young voice.
His name.
Dark blue eyes opened, the movement purely out of habit. It didn't make any difference now and yet Juubei couldn't help doing it every morning. Briefly, he wondered if that was some sort of pointless hope. Then again, he had more important things to ponder, like why there was someone knocking so hard on his door.
"Juubei, please! It's an emergency!" – the voice came again. Knowing he couldn't ignore it, neither wishing to, the needle master left his warm futon. A few steps later he was opening the door.
"Juubei!" – a sigh of relief – "It's me, Ma-"
"I know." – was the man's calm reply. He could tell who it was since he heard his name being called. He would have never opened the door if he couldn't – "What happened?"
Makubex took a deep breath, his trembling body making it even more difficult to speak. For the first time in his existence, the genius felt his mind completely empty, or rather, useless.
"I-It's Sakura-chan. She…she didn't come back last night."
"What do you mean?" – Juubei was aware the words explained enough yet he couldn't believe it. He couldn't remember a single night his sister had spent away from home, no matter where their 'home' was. To think she was starting to do that now…The needle master had a bad feeling about that.
"It was very late when one of the computers broke down. I was working on a new program, so she offered to bring a spare piece she had on her bedroom." – Makubex forced more air inside of his lungs. God he felt like fainting, even if he knew that wasn't exactly possible – "It took me the whole night but when I finished the program I noticed Sakura hadn't returned."
"Are you sure?" – Juubei frowned. It wasn't uncommon for the boy to lose track of time. He had just admitted so.
"I am." – Makubex raised his hand, toying with the dolphin pendant he always wore – "The computer is still broken. She didn't return to fix it. "
The needle master took a deep, silent breath. He would need to be calm if he wanted to find his sister before anything really bad happened to her. Sakura was a good fighter, but even she couldn't put up with all the creatures lurking in the shadows.
"Call Kazuki. Tell him to call everyone that we can trust. I'll find Emishi and we will search my sister's room."
"I already went there. There's nothing left to trace." – the boy sighed – "I don't think she got that far."
Juubei swallowed hard. That statement did nothing to ease the grip slowly chocking his heart.
"I also called Kazuki, Shido and Ginji-san. They must be arriving in half an hour." – seeing as how the other was taking the news, Makubex hoped at least the last part would brighten things up a little. Although, being the smartest guy in the room he had to admit things didn't look good at all. He had seeing the stats. Heck, he had made them! Even Sakura didn't have a chance to be found if she remained captive for more than twenty four hours.
"Then we wait…" – closing this bedroom door, Juubei left, going for the common encounter point of the group, Makubex hot on his wheels.
"And when they come, we'll tear this place down."
Juubei ignored the three rats passing him by. He could tell those were Shido's by the way they run in small packs instead of big ones and seemed in a hurry for no apparently reason. Unfortunately, the needle master had no way to known if the rats had been successful on their task.
It didn't matter though. The moments the animals found Sakura, Shido would know. And once he did he would send word. Any of them would, the second they found something. Anything.
But they had been looking for the whole day. So far nothing had been found.
And Juubei was starting to wonder, no matter how heartless he felt for doing so, if there was still a life to be saved. If he would search room after room just to find a broken corpse long cold.
"Keep fighting." – the needle master whispered. To whom he wasn't sure – "You are a Kakei. We always fight."
Another block. More empty rooms. More distrusted looks and people sneaking out of his way. Juubei clenched his jaw and kept going. They had all agreed to keep the search as low key as possible, not to lure any of their enemies. And yet, the more he kept running the more he felt thousand of eyes on him, waiting for him to fall.
But he wouldn't. Kakei Juubei falls to no one but Kazuki Funchoin, his most important person, just like he had done almost a month ago during the IL incident.
Kazuki. – the name came to his mind like a sunray on the death of the winter. It was amazing, crazy even, but the mere mention of the string master's name was enough to make a deep sense of calm wash over Juubei's soul, clearing his mind and allowing to think straight despite the dare circumstances.
"Block D clear." – Emishi's voice cut his thoughts, and Juubei nearly run into a wall such was his surprise. He had forgotten the earpiece Makubex had given them before they left to search.
"Nothing on block A as well." – Gingi's voice came next, lacking the cheerfulness they were all trying to get used to. On the background they all could head Ban swearing.
"Blocks B and C are clear as well." – Shido announced – "My friends are still searching blocks E and F."
"So we got nothing on blocks A, B, C and D." – Makubex summarized, and Juubei could hear fingers flying over the keyboard, no wonder trying to predict the best place to search – "Juubei, what's your status?"
"Block F is clear. Starting on block G now."
"Copy that. What about you, Kazuki-san?"
"…"
"Kazuki-san?" – Makubex called again, receiving only static as an answer – "Kazuki-san, can you hear me?"
"Kazuki?" – Juubei couldn't help but call as well. His sister was already missing, maybe dead, he couldn't miss Kazuki too!
It seemed like an eternity until a familiar voice answered.
"Got a lead. Can't explain now."
"Kazuki-san, where are you?"
"…"
"Kazuki!"
"I'm sorry…Juubei…" – the words were nothing but a lost whisper on the static. In fact the needle master couldn't tell if he had really heard that or if his connection with the Fuchoin made him guess the words. Either way he was sure those were the right words.
Too bad he didn't like them.
"Makubex, what block was Kazuki searching?" – Gingi's voice sounded impatient. The static increased tenfold, nearly making Juubei get rid of the damn earplug. Ban must had thought the same, cause a cry was close to follow and the static reduced by half.
"He started on block H. But he's not there anymore." – the younger of them was fast to answer, his voice trembling. The hitting on the keyboard slowed considerably.
Juubei stopped running. Taking a deep breath, he tried to sound as steady as he usually was.
"Makubex, where is Kazuki?"
"I…I don't know."
"The hell you mean!?" – all that was left of Juubei's self control was turned to ashes such was the fury consuming him.
"Juubei!" – both Gingi and Emishi cried out, the first far more serious than the later, but neither of them was heard.
"I can't find him! He disappeared from the cameras!"
"Look harder." – Juubei hissed. The others complained loudly at his lack of tact but the needle master couldn't care less. Not now anyway. Tired of so much useless noise he threw away the earplug and renewed his search.
He may have failed to find Sakura but he always found Kazuki. Always.
And things wouldn't change now.
Something wasn't right.
The steps were heavy, the slight dragging of feet erasing some of the usual gracefulness. There were also two heartbeats instead of one, a fast, anxious one and a calm, almost sleepy one. Even the twinkle of the bells…Juubei was sure there was only one now. And the smell, the iron smell that infested everything on this damn place forgotten by God.
And yet something wasn't right. Something that even Juubei's sharp senses could not detect. Like the very essence of that image was tainted with some unseeing sin.
"Kazuki…" – the name trembled slightly but Juubei didn't notice, mind too worried with what he was missing.
Hasn't Gingi checked on that block already?
It was already night. The search party had been called off to regroup and make a better plan. Juubei was obviously frustrated for not finding either of the persons he had been so desperately looking for, so much he didn't pay close attention to his surroundings and ended up lost on his way back. With no one to read the signs on the walls, the needle master had no option but to keep walking, hoping something familiar would appear to make him realize the right direction.
At least until the String master popped out of nowhere, carrying a body Juubei could only assume to be Sakura's.
"Is she…?" – the question was out before Juubei was even aware of it. He heard Kazuki gasp, caught off guard, perhaps only now realizing his protector's presence. Not a good sign.
"No." – the string master spoke softly, his voice echoing on the empty hallway. It seemed to be more coming but Kazuki remained silent, making Juubei move to the second most important question.
"Are you?"
"No. "
Once again those words echoed like half an answer. Juubei frowned.
"Are you sure?"
"I am." – the bell trickled. A sign the Fuchoin had turned his head to the side – "But, if you don't mind, Juubei, I would like to lay your sister in some place calm."
The Needle master fell silent, heat threatening to take over his cheeks. He didn't want to admit he was lost, no matter how serious the situation was.
"Let me carry her." – he asked, hoping switching tasks would made up for his lack of directions, as well as spare the Fuchoin the trouble. If Kazuki noticed the hidden intentions, he didn't say a word. Instead he carefully rested Sakura on Juubei's arms.
And so they started to walk. The needle master remained lost for a while, until familiar sounds put him at ease, letting him dwell in the fact his two most important persons were fine and back to his side.
If Juubei had paid just a little more attention he would have noticed the anxious heartbeat he heard wasn't Sakura's but Kazuki's.
"Hunm…"
"Sakura?"
Brown eyes opened, at first seeing only a gray ceiling. Then a silver head popped out of nowhere. Eyes blinked, trying to make sense of it. That face felt so familiar.
"Maku…bex?"
"Yes, it's me." – the boy smiled, helping the woman to sit – "And your brother is right there."
Following the finger pointing somewhere on the opposite wall, Sakura saw Juubei standing there, silent like a statue. And although he may look uncaring she knew better. The needle master was worried.
"I'm fine, really." – the woman though better to just announce it. Even if she still felt a little shaken, the injuries were minimal – "Just some scratches and…bruises."
"Sakura-chan, are you all right? You're shaking." – Makubex looked ready to run all the way to Babylon City to make her feel better so, obviously, Sakura couldn't tell him what was really wrong. Instead she just pulled the sheets closer and smiled kindly.
" I'm fine. Just tired." – Sakura answered, trying to sound as convincing as she could. Which was very convincing but one could never be sure with Juubei in the room – "But I would like to see Kazuki. I have to thank him."
"I'll call him." – Makubex smiled, fooled by the act. He was out of the door before anyone could stop him. Sakura chuckled.
"Would you like to talk with Kazuki alone?" – Juubei serious tone cut the mood, making it gloomy again.
Sakura sighed. She knew how much her brother hated to be parted from Kazuki, especially when concerning important matters like those. And yet she couldn't allow him to stay, not today. It would only hurt them more.
"If you don't mind…I just remembered I have something to apologize for."
Juubei nodded and walked to the door. He opened just as Kazuki was about to enter, and both protector and protégé crossed paths. No words were said and the exchange didn't last more than a couple seconds but Sakura knew better. She could see the way his brother's shoulders straightened and the spark that illuminated Kazuki's honey eyes.
Perfect. As always.
Then the door was closed and everything faded into a dull ache.
"How are you feeling, Sakura-chan?" – the Fuchoin heir was the first to speak, perhaps out of politeness. Perhaps only to break the ice.
"I'm fine." – motioning for the spot Makubex had previously occupied by his side, the woman waited until Kazuki was sat before she spoke again – "I wanted to thank you. And also…to apologize."
Kazuki sighed.
"Sakura…there is no need. It happened a long time ago and-"
"I know!" – the woman snapped, fists clenching on the sheets – "It's useless now but!...What I saw, what they were doing…I'm sorry. I should have noticed something was wrong! I should know you would never leave us like that!"
By the time the words were out, tears where running freely down Sakura's cheeks. At least until a callused yet gentle hand whipped them away.
"Please, don't cry. It happened a long time ago. You couldn't possibly know." – Kazuki tried to smile, to cheer her up a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"But I know now." – Sakura whispered brokenly. Raising her head, she dared to look to the single person that would do anything for her brother. The person she had cast aside since that day nearly four years ago – "I know what they did."
"No, you don't." – the words were so soft the heavy air almost drowned them. And yet there was such a dark, miserable knowledge behind it. Such pain – "And for that I'm glad."
Sakura could only nod, sobs ripping her delicate frame. And, for a moment, it seemed like things would remain like this forever.
At least until she reached out, taking Kazuki's wrist with trembling fingers, exposing her own wrist and the ugly bruise around it.
"Did…did they bound you too?"
The string master closed his eyes.
"I was there willingly, there was no reason to." – a deep breath. Kazuki found himself shaking just as bad as the girl and yet he couldn't allow his voice to sound as broken as he felt – "But the rest…Everything you saw and more…"
"If…if you ever want to talk about it…."
"I don't. But thank you anyway." – it was a sharp reply, perhaps sharper than it should have been but Sakura didn't complain. She deserved far worse.
"Thank you." – she said instead, a small smile on her lips – "For loving my brother so much."
The string master nodded. And in the split second their eyes met Sakura was sure: Kazuki would do everything again if he had to. The ultimate sacrifice.
But no one would ever know.
At least, that's what she thought. Until Juubei dropped on the windowsill, just as Kazuki closed the door.
And he was livid.
"Explain. Now."
Kazuki took a deep breath, letting the fresh air caress his face and hair. It smelled like iron and tears and trash but he didn't care. It was all better than the staged air from the hallway so it was improvement. The lonely bell attached to his hair tinkled, and Kazuki made a mental note to replace the missing one as soon as possible.
Not now, though. Now he needed the fresh air or, at least, the most un-polluted air he could find. There was only one place to find fresh air around here, but that was too out of reach for the string master to bother now.
That…and he didn't want to leave. Not again and, especially, not like that. Things were too close to what they once were for Kazuki to just get up and leave. It would feel like the same mistake all over again.
He couldn't hurt Juubei a second time.
But to stay here…He was no fool. With all those memories rising from the grave, it was only a matter of time until the others figured out. And even if they didn't, Juubei was already suspicious.
Perhaps, I should tell. – Kazuki closed his eyes, a shiver running down his body – Who am I kidding? I can't. He'll never see it as my decision, rather, he will blame himself. Maybe seek revenge?
The string master chuckled darkly, thinking of how useless the whole thing was. The last part even more. They couldn't hurt him anymore. They couldn't hurt anyone. But even if they all deserved far worse deaths than the one given by his strings, it was still somewhat amusing to see Ginji's reaction when he showed up nearly covered in blood.
People can be so silly. – Kazuki didn't like to be cruel. In fact he did everything he could not to show this side of his. Yet it was very foolish of his friends to presume he couldn't act so heartless. He lived on the Lower City, after all.
I wonder how you would react. – he mused, remembering an old title, one even his protector wasn't aware of, imagining how his friends would react – If anyone called me 'Prince of Terror' again, what would you all do? Did any of you ever hear that name?
Alas, Kazuki would not tell. It didn't matter anymore.
Now, if he could only find a place to bury those memories again…
Movement. For a split second Kazuki cursed his stupidity. Windows are very dangerous places to stay, and he had been dwelling here for quite too long. No wonder an enemy had found him and decided to attack.
But when the string master took a closer look, he didn't see anything. No enemy, no attack coming to his general direction. Nothing.
Just a string, resting innocently on the windowsill, barely resisting the mild wind blowing.
Is it one of mines? – he frowned, racking his brain in search for answers but founding none. Although he usually left several strings around the Limitless Fortress to catch information, there was no reason to leave one of them here, so close to Makubex lair, where the New Volts had complete control. Even if he had planted such string, he would never leave it in plain sight.
But if he didn't do it…
Eyes wide, Kazuki pushed his head out of the window, going straight for the one above him. And sure enough, there was the string, coming straight from Sakura's room.
No... – another shiver run down his spine, making his whole body grow cold. Because he couldn't believe it. Even if that was the only explanation that fit, he could not believe it.
Because Juubei couldn't know. Ever.
But when steps echoed behind him, Kazuki was sure all his efforts had failed.
Juubei already knew.
Juubei didn't know what to say. He knew Kazuki was right in front of him, fear emanating from the slender body like waves. The last time things were this bad was right at the beginning, when the Kakey had to drag a panicking Kazuki out of the fire that consumed his whole family.
But now there was no fire. No enemy to fight. Just the past to hunt them both.
"Kazuki…I…"
"She told you, didn't she?" – the string master sighed, eyes lost somewhere on the city below.
"A small part. What she could understand." – there was no point in denying so Juubei didn't waste time pretending – "Will you tell me the rest?"
"You don't know what you're asking, my friend." – a tired sigh. For the needle master it felt like the other would just fade here and there.
"Perhaps. But keeping it inside will not help you heal." – it was hard to admit it. To say such precious person had been so deeply wounded for so long right in front of his eyes. Now he couldn't see but what then? What was his excuse back when he was still able to see everything?
"Let it rest." – Kazuki played with the lonely string, eyes still lost on the city – "Even you can't heal everything. "
Silence. A moment void of sound, when all they could do was be there and breath. And even that suddenly seemed nearly impossible to be done.
It was crazy. Suicide.
It was the truth. They couldn't escape from it.
"Please, Kazuki."
The plea was so soft, so fragile it cut Kazuki to the core. It was already starting, his worst fear: Juubei was blaming himself.
"Stop it. It wasn't your fault." – the string master hissed, masking his desperation with anger.
"It was. My stupidity caused you pain."
"My decision caused me pain. But it was nothing I couldn't handle." – Kazuki hissed again. He was dangerously close to lose his patience, and his protector's attitude wasn't helping.
"You were too young!"
"Do you really think age matters?" – Kazuki finally lost it, his voice dropping to an angry hiss, just like when they fought against each other. Turning on his wheels, he faced the needle master head on – "Let me tell you something, Kakei, rape is rape. It doesn't matter if you are fourteen or forty one, it is still the most degrading thing a person can do to another. But there was nothing you could have done to prevent it so suck it up and stop whining!"
"K-Kazuki…" – Juubei could only gape, incapable to believe this was truly happening. Kazuki never spoke with him like that. Never!
"Shut up!" – the string master half ordered, half pleaded, feeling drained after the outburst – "Just…forget it. Let things go back to normal."
"Fine. "
"Fine?" – before Kazuki could completely process the word a pair of strong arms held him captive, pushing him against and equally strong chest – "Juubei!"
"You told me to go back to normal. That's our normal." – the blind man didn't seem a little bit apologetic, as he hugged the one he swore to protect – "We used to do it all the time. "
"Hum." – despite his mind screaming no, the string master couldn't help but give in, relaxing against that warm body. Juubei was safe, always was. It was the only certain on his sometimes chaotic world – "Cheater."
"I'm just aware of your likes. As your protector, I have to know what can do to lure you." – the needle master blushed, only now realizing how his words had sounded – "I-I mean…"
"I know." – Kazuki cut it, trembling fingers holding the white shirt tight – "You won't give up, will you?"
"No." – Juubei sighed, aware he was disobeying his master – "I'm sorry Kazuki but, even if you order me to, I'll just find another way."
It was the string master's turn to sigh, sounding equally defeated.
"Then I'll spare you the risk. Just…promise you won't blame yourself."
"But Kazuki, it was my faul-"
"It wasn't. And your blindness is punishment enough." – the Fuchoin hissed, although not as angry since he lacked the energy.
"How so?"
"Promise me and I'll tell you. "
It was really a very simple choice. One that didn't even need to be answered with words.
"So, our old place?"
Kazuki couldn't help but smile as he entered the old room. He had spend some days around while Juubei recovered from the IL fight, but he had stayed away from the room, fearing it would be too soon to make a move like that despite how terribly he missed his roommate. Now he found out that not only everything was still in place but it was all clean, like a temple waiting for the return of its God.
And while Kazuki didn't consider himself a God in the least, he couldn't help the warmth that spread over his heart.
My sweet Juubei. Always so devoted.
"I apologize. There are still no chairs." – the needle master blushed a little. On the Low City, to have any place safe enough to call yours was already a miracle. And yet, when it came down to it, a room with a futon and a lamp and a wardrobe was nothing short to a dump.
"I thought we were doing it the old way." – Kazuki smiled a little, his lonely bell tinkling. Not waiting for an answer he removed his shoes and sit on the middle of the futon, just like he used to do when they were little.
Juubei smiled as well, a barely perceptible twist of lips. He too removed his shoes and sat on the futon, right behind Kazuki. That was a position he remembered well. Young Kazuki would play the koto every night, sitting right under the window to feel the moonlight, and young Juubei would be there, right behind him, protecting his back like a loyal shadow.
Those were simple times.
But now, here they are, ready to talk about sacrifice and lost and…rape.
Things would never be that simple again.
"We had been here for little more than two weeks." – Kazuki started, hand moving absent minded, as if to caress an instrument that wasn't there. His eyes were closed, too tired to remain open. Or maybe he just didn't want to see Juubei's reaction when everything ended – "You got sick, really sick. Sakura couldn't help you."
"She told me this much. You only found one doctor with the right medicine, but the price was too high." – Juubei let the words out, unsure if he was helping or not. He only received a nod as an answer.
"I started to wonder around, trying to find a way to get help. I didn't have any money, so I couldn't gamble. I didn't know where I could fight for it either. Once or twice I considered robbing some gang, but it seemed too stupid to work." – the string master continued his story, not sparing a glance to his protector. He didn't need it. He could tell Juubei was thanking whatever God he hadn't done any of those things. They wouldn't have lasted a day back them if he did.
But was the solution he found better?
"One day I heard about a place underground block A. And yes, there is a basement on block A. Don't feel guilty, I bet even Makubex doesn't know about it." – Kazuki couldn't help but chuckle. He may not know much about the other levels, but Low City had no secrets for him. He spent long years making sure of that.
Juubei approached a little. Despite the good humor, he had a feeling Kazuki would need him soon.
"The place…They call it Red Light. "
"Like the Red Light district?"
"Only it's in hell."
The needle master felt his heart fault. He had been fighting against his mind, not daring to conjure any disgraceful images until he was told the truth, but now it was harder. He could already see fourteen year old Kazuki, the pink kimono stained with blood and something else. Something Juubei refused to name.
"I found the leader and made a deal. I would be paid half of my makings and be free to leave as I wished. In exchange I would keep the place a secret…and accept everything."
Juubei shivered. He could hear Kazuki's heart beating fast, and feel the tremors racking the petit body. Being inexperienced in this area, he could only imagine what 'everything' stood for.
"And he accepted it?" – the question was out in the air before the needle master could stop it. Truth was, he wasn't sure what to expect. Kazuki, no, they all were pretty naïve back then, and had their share of pacts and devils. It was hard to believe the noble Fuchoin heir had found a person with honor in such a place.
"I wasn't a flight risk and I didn't have a pimp to mess things if I ended up damaged or dead." – Kazuki shrugged – "Beside, there was a charge just to enter, and their…material was quite beaten up. I didn't get a penny on the first day though."
"Why?" – Do I really want to know?
Kazuki swallowed, his throat so dry Juubei could hear it loud and clear. He could also hear thin, elegant fingers twisting the futon, fighting hard not to rip it apart.
An eternity seemed to go by until there was finally an answer.
"It was the presentation…and the auction." – knowing Juubei was too naïve not to ask, Kazuki decided to add an explanation – "My first time was sold that day."
The needle master clenched his fists, anger emanating from every pore of his body.
Bastards! How dare they! How could they put a price on something so precious and pure? How could they reduce Kazuki to a number?
"Juubei, if you need a minute…"
"I'm fine!" – the answer was sharper than intended but it was alright. Kazuki knew better than take those words to the heart.
"I'll spare you the details then." – the Fuchoin sighed – "It took me six days to gain all the money I needed. When I did I got out of there and never looked back."
Until now. – he wanted to add but held back. His friend didn't need to hear that.
Juubei sighed. There was a lot of things he wasn't been told, he could tell that much.
"And they just let you?"
"Well...no. But after I slew half of the security and some of the clients the leader decided it was better just let me go."
The needle master came closer. Slowly, he used all the gentleness he have to hold his most precious person, hoping against hope his affection would bring peace, not fear.
It took long, excruciating minutes but Kazuki finally relaxed in that hold.
"Sorry." – the string master whispered – "I know you'll never hurt me but…"
"I know. And I don't mind. "
But Kazuki only shook his head, dark strains of hair caressing Juubei's face.
"You don't know. And for that I'm glad."
"Kazuki…"
"Don't go there, my friend. Just…don't. "
Juubei nodded, holding the petit body a little tighter, as if afraid it would just disappear.
Another moment of silence fell, leaving both to draw comfort from each other. In their minds, words were tossed around, in hopes to form the right sentences. But there was no such a thing as a right sentence in such situation, and that certain made their hearts ache even more.
"Kazuki, forgive me but, are you sure this is enough?"
"I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway, since I'm not talking anymore."
"Kazuki…"
"No, Juubei." – the tension build up again, shattering whatever progress they had made so far. Truth be told, the string master was already regretting dearly everything he said. Memories that shouldn't even exist were flooding back to the surface, creating such a furious current it was getting hard to breathe.
"You won't heal like that." – the needle master pleaded. He felt like fighting the cocoon, the utmost defense of the Fuchoin style. One not even his best needles could get through.
"I-it doesn't mat-ter." – Kazuki whispered, all the while cursing his voice and body, both trembling beyond his control. He could feel his heart beating even faster, and had no doubt his protector could hear it.
"Course it does! You matter to me, Kazuki. Always have!" – Juubei exclaimed, outraged like he always was when this discussion was started. Unfortunately, it wasn't a good time. Not with the string master hyperventilating.
"E-enough. Let g-go." – I have to calm down. Now.
"Tell me!"
"N-no!" – Kazuki gasped, one hand going straight to his throat. He could feel it clenching. Realization hit him hard, fear shaking his very core.
"Tell me!"
Then, it was back. The touches, the binds, the violation…it was all back!
And Kazuki couldn't breathe.
"J-Ju-" – the name was cut by a sharp intake of air, so sharp it wasn't more than a thin hiss. But no matter how many of those he took, the string master couldn't feel the air pass his throat, and the lack if it was quickly making him dizzy.
"Kazuki!" – the cry was loud but not enough. Honey eyes dulled, the sight fading from them. The petit body arched and trembled while hands clawed the neck, desperate to make the throat work again.
Then a hand covered his mouth. Just as something sharp punctured his skin.
"It's fine, Kazuki. Everything is fine. Just breathe through your nose." – Juubei whispered, the old words slipping from his tongue with ease. It had been a long time since he had done that. In fact the Kakei never thought he would have to do that again, not after Kazuki grew up into a confident, strong young man. Apparently, he was wrong.
I shouldn't have forced him. – the needle master scolded himself, all the while continuing to whisper soft words of comfort. He could feel sharp nails run over his skin, trying not to scratch while desperately wanting to pry the hand away – "I'm here, Kazuki. I'm not leaving you. Just breathe. It will be alright. I promise."
After what seemed like an eternity and a couple days, Kazuki finally calmed enough to breathe through his nose. He was very dizzy though, and his body collapsed the moment Juubei freed his mouth, falling on the stronger man's chest.
"Kazuki?"
"Dizzy… "– was the soft explanation Juubei received and yet he was thankful. Removing his needle, he made a mental note to keep vigil on Kazuki's bed side tonight, just in case.
"I apologize. I was too rough." – lowering his head, the needle master 'looked' away, ashamed of his own actions. Being a doctor, he should have recognized the signs sooner – "You should rest."
"Can't… f-forgot to tell you…something."
Tell me tomorrow. – Juubei bit his lips. He couldn't say that. Not after going to such lengths to get Kazuki to open up – "What is it?"
"The reason…I left…"
The needle master tensed. He had been wondering and cursing that day every since it happened. No matter how strong he seemed to be now, Juubei still felt the pain from that damn day, when he came back to their place just to find a note with less than two sentences in it.
Kazuki's goodbye.
Swallowing hard, Juubei considered his words very carefully.
"Why?"
Oh, Juubei. You can be so easy to read sometimes. – despite everything else, the Fuchoin smiled, the action followed by a soft twitch of the bell. Parting his lips, he pronounced the name that haunted his protector for years – "Toshiki."
"He advanced on you." – Juubei concluded before anything else could be said – "The bastard! I'll rip off his heart!"
"It's not like you're thinking." – Kazuki lowered his voice even more, so he could finally talk in full sentences. But his eyes soared higher, to the blue orbs hidden by the glasses, the smile never leaving his lips.
"Don't defend him!"
"I am not. He was kind, and very respectful, considering the circumstances."
"Circumstances?"
"Drunk." – a small chuckle.
"I don't remember seeing Toshiki like that." – all the rage seemed to melt away but Juubei did not mind. It wasn't like he could stay mad with Kazuki for long anyway.
"Me neither. I think he was trying to get the courage to invite me to his bed." – despite the light tone the string master couldn't help the shiver that run down his body, and he once again cursed his stupid memories.
"And you…accepted it?" – Juubei pretended not to notice the shiver, just as he pretended the answer would not affect him. Alas, he failed miserably on both.
"I couldn't. I wasn't interested and, when Toshiki tried…" – Kazuki sighed, getting more comfortable against his protector's chest. And he thanked every God that he knew, when strong arms held him, trying to keep him together – "It took me years to put the memories away but it wasn't enough. It all came back that night."
"You fled." – the voice was neutral, void of anger and blame. And perhaps the needle master wasn't feeling like that, not at all, but those were the right words. They could sort the details latter, if any of them bothered that much.
"I'm sorry. I just didn't think I had a choice. I was too exposed here."
"On the Limitless Fortress?"
"In your arms."
Juubei gasped, eyes going wide despite his inability to see. He thought Kazuki didn't want to look weak, or be taken advantage of, but now…
"You left…because of me? But-" – an idea crossed the man's mind, so terrible and cold it nearly made his heart stop.
"You thought I would reject you."
Kazuki chuckled, the sound sending shivers down to Juubei's spine.
"Silly Juubei. I know you'll never leave me." – despite the words been said in such a light tone, Kazuki's eyes were distant and sad. He would probably be crying now, if years of hardship hadn't dry all his tears already – "I could be the most despicable person to ever been born and you would still stay close, fulfilling your old fashioned duty."
"It's not old fashion. It's tradition." – the needle master couldn't help but grumble under his breath, traces of the child he never really had chance to be showing on his face.
Kazuki smiled, turning around to face his protector. Raising his hand, he run it over Juubei's face without touching it.
"It's not just tradition, it's you. A part of you that's now breaking."
"I am not made of glass, Kazuki."
"Your heart is."
Juubei didn't have an answer for that. Years leaving in hell had done little to change his heart. At least when Kazuki was concerned. Proof was he had listen to a private conversation earlier, and then nearly screamed at his sister, demanding an explanation.
The string master sighed.
"The first time we were kids. You didn't know what to look for. Then, with Toshiki, I didn't want you to figure it out." – honey eyes stared at the ground. Kazuki's whole body language seemed to scream defeat as he sat there, on the futon, hugging himself – "But now…you know all the signs."
"Kazuki…"
"Just, please, don't blame yourself. I know you'll try to but it wasn't your fault. It was my decision…"
"Kazuki."
"…And you're already blind so there is no need of punishment. Not there was ever any need but-"
"Kazuki!"
The string master stopped, shocked out of his babbling.
Juubei sighed.
"It doesn't matter." – he reached out, holding Kazuki's face carefully, ignoring how the muscles tensed under that soft skin – "And I'll not hurt myself. I already know it only hurts you more."
The string master nodded, the bell twinkling softly. A trembling smile was formed. One of pure gratitude and, dare say, hope.
"Thank you."
"I do regret one thing, though." – the needle master stated, not letting go of that beautiful face – "I should have told you this a lot sooner."
Before Kazuki could ask, a dry pair of lips descended on his own. Honey eyes widened and, for a slip second all he could think of was running. But then he remembered who was the one kissing him. He felt protective arms holding softly, not restraining. Felt hands caressing, not grasping.
There was no violation.
Juubei moved back first. Cheeks colored by a bright pink, he 'looked' away. He could feel Kazuki shaking and that only made things worse.
"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so bold-" – but a finger on his lips kept the words from been spilled.
"It's fine. I… "– Kazuki blushed as well – "I think I liked it. Very much. But you'll have to be patient with me, Juubei."
"That I'll be. Forever. "
"Then hum…could you…" – Kazuki started to fidget, fighting to get the words out – "I mean…"
Juubei only smiled. Bending down again, he gave his beloved another kiss. And it could be just his imagination, but he could swear Kazuki kissed back just a little.
It would take time, and a lot of effort from both sides, but things would be fine again. And once together, they would be able to do anything.
Even remove scars.
I know, I know, boring and cheesy ending. But if you consider I didn't even know where I was trying to get with this story, it kindda ended well.
Reviews?