The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters has taken off to Maui. Yeah I'm still doing this. Why I have no clue.
Know Your Joe: Ace
"Welcome back to Know Your Joe!" Quick Kick shouted out.
"Here we are again!" Short Fuse grinned. "We have returned!"
"Why I have no idea," Low Light groaned as he watched the show.
"This is the show where we ask the questions everybody wants to know," Short Fuse said.
"Yeah like why the hell are we watching this crap?" Low Light snapped.
"Because it's August and there's nothing else good on TV," Alpine sighed.
"Forget good," Low Light remarked. "I'll settle for 'mildly nauseating'."
"Well then you're in the right place," Alpine told him.
"We're here today with our special guest, Colonel Brad J Armbruster," Quick Kick informed his viewing audience. "Better known to all of you as Ace."
"Ace is a colonel?" Low Light was surprised. "This is the same guy that did a chicken impression in the men's latrine wearing only feathers in strategic places?"
"People do funny things when they're drunk," Flint shrugged.
"He wasn't drunk," Low Light informed him. "He was bored!"
"Low Light that's not true and you know it," Shipwreck said. "It was because I paid him five bucks to do it."
"Well that was a while ago," Flint sighed.
"It was last Tuesday!" Shipwreck told him.
"You mean he's still doing stupid stunts for money?" Duke asked incredulous.
"Yeah he's obsessed with getting on America's Funniest Home Videos," Shipwreck waved. "Don't ask me why."
Ace was giving his interview. "I was first interested in flying when I was a kid back in Providence, Rhode Island. It's the smallest state in the USA you know."
"Ironic because he has an ego bigger than Alaska," Alpine commented.
Ace continued. "I worked after school on weekends to pay for flying lessons. I worked really hard and long hours."
"Yeah hustling in pool halls is exhausting work," Shipwreck drolled.
"After a stint in college I decided to do some stunt flying for movies," Ace said. "I just decided college wasn't really me."
"He was kicked out for running a gambling ring," Slipstream remarked. "They decided for him!"
"I flew stunts in a lot of movies," Ace continued.
"None of 'em were porn movies huh?" Short Fuse snickered. He saw the look on Ace's face. "You serious?"
"You'd be surprised," Ace shrugged. "Anyway as exciting as it was I decided to push my skills to the limit. I joined the Air Force at 22 and it wasn't long before I became a senior instructor for the USAF Fighter Weapons Squadron known as the Aggressors."
"Yeah that's nice," Short Fuse waved. "Now tell me more about the porn movies you did. Did you just fly the planes or did you do any other kind of stunt work if you get my drift?"
"I've flown F-5Es, F-15s, F-16s," Ace listed off his credentials. "X-16's…"
"Speaking of X's what were the names of some of those porn fics?" Short Fuse asked.
"Yeah Ace answer the question!" Shipwreck shouted out. "Finally an interview about something I'm interested in! Maybe he can get us dates with some of those actresses!"
"It never ceases to amaze me the depths of which you are willing to sink to in order to get a date," Low Light looked at him.
"I think it's safe to say that I am one of the best pilots of GI Joe," Ace leaned back. "Not to mention one of the best poker players. That's why they call me Ace."
"No it's because you're a lousy cheat!" Cross-Country shouted as he led a group of angry Joes onto the stage.
"Okay guys now you lost your money fair and square in that poker game," Ace told them.
"It's no use lying Ace we found out about the marked cards," Quick Kick folded his arms.
"That's the real reason you asked me on the show, huh?" Ace gulped. "I should have known. Hey! Did you hear that? That's an alert! Gotta go!" He ran off.
"Come back here you bum!" Cross-Country shouted as the mob chased Ace all over the stage. "BLOCK THE EXITS! BLOCK THE EXITS!"
"Looks like Ace's luck has finally run out," Duke grinned.
"Hey doesn't he owe you money?" Low Light asked him.
"Yeah," Duke got up. "Where's the studio again?"
"I'll show you," Low Light got up. "I could use the exercise."
"Hey wait," Shipwreck ran after them. "Don't kill him until we get the names of those actresses!"