A/N: So, guys. I've been going crazy. I've literally been getting so mad at Freddie, it's not even funny. I love him and I feel like he's my best friend, but someone needs to knock some sense into that boy. This eased off my steam about the situation, and I hope you like it.

-Diza

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. If I did, we wouldn't be in this whole MESS. *Sigh* But I love Dan, so I can't rant THAT much.

Freddie sits on his bed and leans back.

His mind has been crowded with a cluster of thoughts. He practically had a breakdown when Sam and Carly just disappeared. Carly, left with notice, but Sam skipped town out of the blue.

And… that one thing. The kiss, that took place before all that. He can't help but feel strange, even weeks after the event. The sensation is like an unpleasant after-taste on his tongue. In some ways, literally.

He rests his head on his pillow, reliving a memory.

That day many years ago, the day after he saved her life. He can't help but think how, every time he made a move towards Carly, he found himself taking a step back.

He sighs.

The moment he saw Carly Shay, he thought that he would win her over, and they would date for a few years before getting married, and living in their white-picket fenced house with their son, daughter, and pure-bred dog.

He chuckles.

Only 12-year-old Freddie Benson would believe in a truly perfect outcome. Over the years, he had learned there was no such thing as true perfection, only true happiness, with the help of his princess, Sam Puckett, of course.

When he first met the blonde headed girl, he knew that wouldn't be the last time he saw her. And when he befriended Carly, at first he thought, maybe he just got lucky that the demon was her best friend. But he knew it was anything, other than coincidence.

His perspective on the two girls had changed very drastically, over the years. His first impression on Carly was magical. When he first ran into Sam… he thought she was a mess. Then, when they started iCarly, Freddie just had to accept that Sam and Carly were a package deal. They fought, but when the matter came to protecting Carly, it was the two of them against the world. But as it progressed, he grew closer to the both of them. And then it happened. It all started when a fish appeared in his locker, and it ended with a kiss. After, that he began to form an individual relationship with Sam, slowly. Not because they had kissed. Well, not just because they kissed. He appreciated that Sam went through with showing her soft side, for him. He started to care for her, and develop a slight friendship with her. Even doing things, like giving up his cruise, years ago. And then it came to the point where they spent time together, without Carly. The friend, was becoming more than the enemy, in their frenemy relationship.

Suddenly, a whole new idea rolled around… After a taco truck rolled around. After Sam's lecture, he broke up with Carly. And somehow that led to him seeing his torturer in better light. After a while, his feelings had become apparent to him. And he found himself becoming jealous of guys, such as Cort. After discovering Sam had feelings for Brad… he couldn't help but have a tiny piece of him, hope that there was a chance it wasn't true. But Sam was his friend. And then like a blur, she kissed him, he kissed her, and then they kissed each other. And before he knew it, it was all over.

He didn't know why they both felt compelled to break up. Because he knew they both didn't see an actual problem. But before they went their own ways, he had to know.

He watched as she left the elevator, and followed,

"I love you."

She bit her lip and turned to him with a slight smile before kissing him,

"I love you too."

He groans in frustration.

He knew he shouldn't of let her go when he heard it. And nothing was ever the same after that. The friendship, they broke up to get back to was never restored. Only broken. No, not broken. Destroyed, drenched in acid, and set on fire.

They were back to square one. Except this time, the square didn't have a deeper meaning, not like before. It was just a girl, a boy, and petty feelings. And it only got worse. That restaurant. It changed everything. He couldn't believe how he screwed up.

He sighs as he fixates his mind on the one thing he keeps trying to push out of the way.

It's the kiss that occupies his mind. He knew what it meant. Really, it meant plenty of things.

"I'm going to miss you."

"You're my best friend."

"I love you."

But none of those things were "I'm in love with you."

After all this, he finally 'gets' Carly, years later.

And it doesn't feel the way he thought it would.

He didn't feel like the happiest guy in the world.

He didn't smile, every time he thought about it.

He wasn't completely overwhelmed with jealousy when he saw her new object of affection.

His heart didn't flutter when he thought about her, and he didn't feel sparks- no, fireworks when they kissed.

No, not anymore.

Not like Sam.

Nothing like that.

What did you think? There's no 'happy' ending, really. It's more of a realization fic. Maybe this will inspire any fics you will write in the future. Review, I would appreciate it.

-Diza