Authors note: As my sister and I were watching the videos for "Sherlock Homes" (staring Jeremy Brett, the ONLY Sherlock Holmes as far as I'm concerned.) we both could not help but insult him (Because we like him).
Our series of insults became so comical that I could not resist putting them down on paper, thus Adding Insult to Injury was born. Of course we did not insult Watson, as he is too cool to make fun of.
Adding Insult to InjuryIt was near tea time when I got to 221 Baker road, and when I approached the door to let myself in my dear friend Sherlock Holmes walked into me in a hurry.
"Ah, Watson, I had just left a note to you on the coffee table. No matter, you shall join me. That is, if you are not busy." He said. I could see he was every excited about something, but of what I could not figure. He had on his gray hat, the one with the rims on the back and the front.
"No, Im not busy. What happened?" I asked curiously. He did his quick grin; the one if you blinked you would miss it.
"I will tell you in the taxi." He said stretching out his arm for me to get in the carriage. Quickly we got in and he told the driver we were to go to the train station.
"All right Holmes, where are we going?" I said as the carriage trotted along. "You must be on a case, otherwise you wouldn't be wearing your hat."
"Excellent observation. Indeed, I am on a case." He said flashing another smile.
"Well it must be a very good one." I said a bit irritated, "as you won't tell me about it."
"Oh Watson, I am sorry, I did not mean for you to be in the dark. However, this is a delicate case and has many complications that I am sure if I were to try to explain to you it would only confuse you."
The taxi
stopped and we both climbed out and got on the train. I was quiet until we got
into our compartment.
"Well at least tell me
something of it." I said. Curiosity was not hidden in my tone of voice.
"If you insist, but first, I need to visit the lavatory." He said rising from his seat. I watched him walk out in a happy disposition.
"Funny thing that he should take so long." I thought. And as soon as the thought popped into my head, I heard the compartment door open and Sherlock Holmes looking very different from when he left.
"Whatever is the matter Holmes?" I said somewhat alarmed. He didn't seem to hear me at first, but when he sat down he must have noticed I talked to him.
"Oh Watson, forgive me, for I have just been through a very unpleasant ordeal." He said without emotion.
"Well what happened?" I asked, once again in the dark. He took a deep breath through his nose and half talked half shouted,
"I have just been insulted."
"Insulted?" I questioned.
"Yes Watson, notice the lack of a hat on my head. When going to the lavatory I came across a youth and his friend." He said irritability.
"And?"
"Watson…" he said putting on the gray hat slowly, "They said to me, 'Did I ever tell you that you look like a penis in that hat'?"
I was immediately put into shock that anyone would ever say such a thing.
"Someone said that?" I asked when I had found my tongue.
"Yes. Not only did someone insult me but their friend found it comical enough to point it out to me in such a vulgar way." He added.
"That's horrible!" I remarked. He took the hat off hesitantly.
"Perhaps they are right." He said looking at the hat with distain. "I do look like a penis in it, don't I?" he asked me putting it on.
Now I never meant to hurt his feelings, but this time I looked very hard to see just exactly what the youths had meant. Suddenly I was enlightened as he turned his head slightly to the left, and as much as I wished to stab the laughter out of me, I could not hold it in.
I burst out laughing while he watched me utterly stunned. Indeed, I had seen what the youths had meant. The outside of me was laughing, but inside I was wrenching at the hurt look on my friends face.
"You- you don't- look like a- penis at all." I said trying to cover myself between laughs. However, I don't think it was enough to convince him.
"So you are not laughing at the fact that I look like a penis, but rather that the suggestion of it is absurd?" He said in monotone. I didn't know if he was serious or not, but I shook my head in the affirmative and tried to calm myself down.
However, as much as the soul wished to stop, the body was unwilling as I saw the image of Sherlock Holmes in the ridiculous hat flash upon my memory. Once again I started a new batch of laughter.
I might have convinced him that I was not laughing at him if I had shut my mouth that very instant, but even a detective can pick up when he is being jeered at. Angrily he threw the hat off his head at me.
"I'm so glad you find it amusing." He said coldly. I stopped laughing imminently.
"Oh Holmes, please don't take it seriously. I'm sorry." I said picking up his hat.
Then an ingenious idea came to me. Quickly I took off my own hat and but the gray one on.
"Well? What do you think?" I asked. He finally looked at me and when he did, I saw him chuckle a bit. Then, before I knew it, he was laughing at me in the most unusual manner- as if he couldn't stop.
"My dear Watson." He said his finger pressed on his lips between the smiles. "It was I who was convinced that looked like a dick, but indeed, none could look more-so than you in that hat." He said scoffing every few words. He grabbed it from me off my head.
"I'm sorry old chap." I apologized.
"Quite alright. But there is one mystery to this that I am afraid will never be solved." He said putting the hat on and looking into the window to see his reflection.
"Really? What's that?" I asked.
"Why I never noticed." He said grimacing at the window at the image that stared back at him.
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Authors note: Ha ha. Ok, Im sorry if I offended anyone, but that hat looks way to suggestive when Jeremy Brett wore it. I hope I managed to get a comical story across without having them both out of character. You'd be surprised how hard it is to have an unlikely episode happen to those two and have them stay in character.