Bottom of the Ocean
Pat writes her feelings for Sheena in a letter. I hope you enjoy. A/N: The letter itself is in normal font and the lyrics are in bold.
Sheena,
Just thought I'd drop you a note to let you know I'm ok. I hope you're well, and Dylan too. It must be strange trying to adapt to life on the outside again, all that freedom and independence! I have to admit I'm a little jealous, but unlike me you never deserved to be here. I hope you're coping ok, with everything. I've heard rumours that you've got yourself a place to live with Dylan now and I'm really happy for you, I mean that. You and Dylan deserve the best you can possibly have. I just wish I could share it with you.
It's been in the past for a while
I get a flash and I smile
Am I crazy
Still miss you, baby
It was real
It was right
But it burned too hot to survive
All that's left is,
All these ashes
I hope you know that I think about you, every minute of every day. We had some amazing times together, babe. I don't know what happened to us. One moment we had everything going for us, the prospect of a wonderful future ahead, the next I was alone. I honestly thought we had something special, something that you couldn't just throw away, the real deal. Part of me wants to hate you for throwing the closest thing I've known to love away. I could never, ever hate you though, Sheena. I care about you too much to hate you. I care more than you can ever begin to imagine.
Where does the love go
I don't know
When it's all said and done
How could I be losing you forever,
After all the time we spent together
I have to know why I had to lose you
Now you've just become like everything
I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean
I still remember the first time I set eyes on you. I liked you as soon as I saw you. I don't know about you babe, but I felt a connection between us, something I'd never felt before. I fancied you straight off but I thought there was no way in hell I'd stand a chance with you. I admit when we first started talking you freaked me out a bit. I thought you were taking the piss by trying to hang around with me, I thought Buxton had put you up to it. Of course I know now you're not like that, I'm so glad you were genuine. I know this is all a bit soppy for me; you're probably used to my 'tough bitch' act! I just felt a few things needed to be said.
In a dream, you appear
For a while, you were here
So I keep sleeping,
Just to keep you with me
I'll draw a map,
Connect the dots
With all the memories that I got
What I'm missing,
I'll keep reliving
I miss you like hell, Sheena. I wish you'd turn up for visits. I thought I meant something to you, so why won't you turn up? I've made all the excuses going for you in my head. I thought maybe Dylan was ill, or that the visiting orders got lost in the post, or maybe you were on holiday or something? You can't kid a kidder though, right? Deep down I know the reason you're keeping away. I wouldn't want any reminder of this shit hole when I got out either. I'd make you the exception to that rule though.
Where does the love go,
I don't know
When it's all said and done
How could I be losing you forever,
After all the time we spent together
I have to know why I had to lose you
Now you've just become like everything
I'll never find again,
At the bottom of the ocean
I understand you have a new life now. And no matter how much it hurts for me to say this, I know that I don't have a place in that new life. A whole new start for you and Dylan, yeah? New life, new home, maybe even new partner. God it kills me to say that. Whatever happens though Shee, you've been a big part of my life and you're turned things around for me for a little while, and I thank you for making me feel happy and loved.
You don't have to love me for me
To baby ever understand
Just know I love the time we both had
And I don't ever want to see you sad
Be happy
And I don't wanna hold you
If you don't wanna tell me you love me babe
Just know I'm gonna have to walk away
I'll be big enough for both of us to say
I love you and miss you Sheena, but as long as you and Dylan have a good life and are happy, then I'm happy too.
I wish you all the luck in the world for the future, and have an amazing life,
Pat Kerrigan
Be happy.