I was given this prompt: It's Bella and Edward's wedding day. Jacob drops by to see her one last time. Does Bella stay with Edward or end up leaving with Jacob?
Season of a Lifetime
This is the season of a lifetime passing you by
The best things are always gone in the blink of an eye
He says he's fine, although his heart thinks differently
Next year we'll be better, they always say
Next year the sun will shine our way
Season of a Lifetime, Plain White T´s
"Nervous, Bells?"
The only answer that Charlie got from his daughter – wearing a beautiful lace wedding gown, looking like hisprincess – was a very laboured huff and a smirk which obviously had been meant to be a reassuring, humorous smile.
"That's normal, Bells. From what I was told, your Mom almost became a runaway bride before our wedding," Charlie mused, his eyes becoming glassy just like every time he dwelled in old memories.
"Yeah, sounds like Mom," Bella said dryly, not capable of bringing herself to laugh although she could clearly see her mother – dressed up in a rather hideous looking white gown – carrying her shoes in her hands and running away from a church filled with family and friends and a very dumbstruck Charlie.
"You are sure about this, right?"
It took Bella a second longer than usual to respond to her father's question and for once – and much to Bella's surprise – Charlie was very perceptive and could clearly see the answer in his only daughter's eyes. No.
"No one is rushing you here, Bells. If you don't want this then you really should not do it," he said slowly and he hesitantly stretched out his hand, resting it on Bella's shoulder.
"I'm fine, Dad. Really," Bella tried to reassure her father, smiling at him brightly, hoping that this time the mask – the lie, the façade – would be sufficient. She was sick of lying. Sick of pretending that thiswas what she wanted. Everything that came after it: yes. Marriage: No. But given it appeared to be the only chance for her to actually get what she truly craved, she had come to the conclusion that she would eventually have to make this sacrifice. One broken limb. Keep the rest alive.
"Okay…," Charlie said quietly, and Bella knew that it was not just his worry about her making a decision she was not sure of that scared him. It was letting her go which caused him the most pain. And knowing that hurt Bella more than the crowd of people waiting for her behind those doors, more than the suffocating lace dress enveloping her like a glove, more than the simple word she had to speak so very soon and that would change everything, forever. Knowing that she caused her father endless pain – and was even going to go beyond that. Soon.
She took a deep breath, calming her nerves and reached out her arm so she could link it with her father's. Her lace-covered arm touched the smooth suit at the same second a husky, all too familiar voice, sounded close behind her.
"I know I don't get to make any demands here, but I would really appreciate it if you waited on me."
Bella stiffened, her entire body tensing, every muscle. Then, as if they all snapped at the same second, she spun around, knocking her elbow against her father's arms in the process.
"Hey, Bells," Jacob said with a bright smile on his face – hersmile. He wore a simple suit, the top buttons of his white shirt opened to reveal a little bit of his russet chest, his hands buried in his pockets and his hair kempt.
"Jake?"
It was only a whisper, but Bella felt as if her question echoed like a thunderstorm through the quiet hallway.
"Yeah, last time I checked that was indeed my name," Jacob answered nonchalantly, bouncing on his feet like a boy. He was, after all. She forgot about that fact too often.
"What… what are you doing here?" Bella continued to ask, so many more questions lingering on her lips, fighting violently to be asked. She clutched her pale fingers tightly around the bouquet of white roses in her fist, feeling the diamond ring pressing into her skin.
"Well, I love wedding. They're awesome. Free food and all. But also, I figured you need a proper best man. You cannot just put Seth up there in front of all those people. He's probably going to faint, you know?"
Bella did not understand. The last time she had seen Jacob he had been wounded – not just his physical injuries from the battle – and she had stepped out of his room with a broken heart, taking his with her. He had disappeared, gone, no sign – as if he had never been there before. Yet, here he was. Smiling brightly, talking as if this was just a normal wedding. A happy event. Something to be cherished and celebrated.
"Where… were you?"
For the tiniest fragment of a second, Bella could see his smile breaking a little – merely a twitch and gone instantly, but a wavering, nonetheless – and it broke her heart to know that this was all nothing but another mask. Another lie. Another pretend.
"You know, gone. Thinking. A lot on my plate, lately," he said, grinning at Charlie who had been rubbing his elbow quietly, trying to keep out of the conversation between his daughter and her best friend – the awkward tension in the air obvious even for him.
When he realised he was being observed, Charlie quickly dropped his arms and looked around the small, empty room as if in search for help.
"I'll…ehm… go in and tell Seth that… yeah…," he muttered, looking into Bella's eyes for confirmation and when she nodded he quickly slipped through the door.
"You look beautiful, Bells," Jacob said shyly after a minute of silence, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Restless. Unsure. Insecure.
"Thank you," Bella whispered, still not comprehending what was happening, her fingers touching the filigree lace of her dress.
"But you look sad. Why? Aren't you supposed to be all bouncy today?"
Jacob slowly stepped closer to Bella and she began to wonder why they were still alone, why no one had interrupted them yet and how Jacob had made it into the house in the first place.
She found no answer to his question, and even if she had been more conscious of her own mind these days she knew that she would not have told him. As much as she loved Jacob and as much as she knew that she could always tell him everything – this was a matter between herself and the family behind the closed door. Private.
By the time Jacob had reached her and now towered over her like the secure sun she had always imagined him to be, Bella had gathered the courage to look directly into his eyes and never falter. She owed him at least respect. After everything she had put him through, had taken from him and never given him back.
"Bells…," Jacob sighed, swiftly but gently brushing his finger across the palm of her hand before letting go again in the same second as the door behind them opened.
Bella turned around, expecting her father to return in order to lead her down the aisle towards her husband-to-be. Her future. Her doom.
"Edward?" she rasped, shocked by the pain-filled, dark-golden eyes staring at her, hands in tight fists. For a few seconds, many thoughts ran through Bella's mind. He had seen her in her dress. He knew Jacob was here. Of course, he did. He might hurt Jacob. He might be mad at her for talking to him. He might lose control. The many secrets might be revealed. Charlie might step into this scene. Or any other innocent guest only a few metres behind them.
And then, with a shiver running down her spine, the realization sank in about what the pain and sadness in Edward's eyes meant.
She had made her choice. And she had not even noticed. But suddenly, as if her senses had been switched on, she could feel the warm, rough hand beneath her own, her fingers clutching it tightly.
Jacob had retreated – but Bella had held him back.
A final choice. A void in Alice's mind. No more premonitions and visions of another bone-white, red-eyed vampire running through the woods with Edward.
Bella smiled weakly at Edward, unsure of what to do, how to react, how to treat the broken splitters of her heart. She, somehow and wondrously, did not feel grief. The ache of saying good-byefluttered in her stomach, yes. But the warmth spreading through her skin soothed the minor pain and gave way for a sensation of unhindered relief and joy.
The smile on her lips brightening, Bella turned her head towards Jacob, seeing his confused expression.
"I'm not sad, Jake," she whispered, brushing her thumb over his palm before letting go of his hand. For a second, Jacob's face fell back into the bitterness-setting, making him look so much older and wiser. But when he saw what she was doing, the puzzle pieces fell into place.
Dropping the bouquet of flowers onto the marble floor, Bella carefully striped off the diamond ring of her finger, reaching out her palm towards Edward.
"This is yours," she whispered, trying to control the guilt swelling inside of her.
"Please, keep it. You are the only one I would ever want to have it," Edward said calmly, his composure returning at the pace of his running and he stepped over to her, gently closing her open palm around the ring.
"I love you, Bella," he whispered as he dropped a cold, soft kiss on Bella's forehead before retreating.
He never walked back into the room filled with their friends and family, but walked to step out of the front door, respectfully clapping Jacob on his back. They shared a short gaze - something so deep and personal that Bella could not understand – before Edward stepped out of the house.
Bella knew he stepped out of her life the very same moment. And letting go for good was easier than she had imagined.
"Bells? Are you sure that this is what you wa-"
She silenced Jacob with a soft, chaste, almost shy kiss – more a feather-light touch of skin.
"Did you come here with the bike?" she asked with a mischievous grin as they parted, their foreheads pressed together intimately.
"Yeah, why?"
Smirking almost viciously now, Bella grabbed Jacob's hand and pulled him towards the door, breaking out in laughter until tears streamed down her face – some of sadness and loss but mostly of relief and pure joy.