A/n warnings for character death, and a little bit of first season spoilers.

Disclaimer: I don't own CM, no profit is being made from this.

The explosion ripped through the night air like a thousand lightening bolts had hit the ground in the same spot. Debris flew through the air, and landed more then one hundred feet from the house. Flames leapt into the rain that was falling on the team, and lit the sky almost as bright as noon day. Even the rain couldn't quench the orange, and red, and yellow conflagration. The noise was incredible, the sound of a freight train roaring through the stormy night.

The team was silent in stunned shock. Except for JJ, she stood sobbing in Hotch arms where he'd wrapped her after she screamed for their lost friend. How could this have happened? They were the mighty BAU. They always got there on time, always. How could they have been so blind and stupid, to not see the danger till it took one of their own, the most precious of them all.

Hotch held onto JJ as she cried, he held her back when she tried to run into the flames, even when she hit him on the chest with her closed fists, he held on to her. The fire trucks came, there sirens blasting through the night, a new age Calvary call, that had failed. Wasn't the Calvary supposed to arrive in the nick of time?

The trucks, and their hoses, along with rain, eventually drenched the burning home, and put out the fire from the bomb blast. Gideon overheard the fire chief say, that he hoped no one had been in there when the explosion happened, if there had been they wouldn't have survived it. He felt his heart rip in his chest, and if the unsub hadn't been in the house as well, Gideon would have killed him, right there in front of witnesses. He didn't care, let them haul him away, his son… his boy… was gone forever.

He turned, and saw the paramedics tending to JJ. He watched as they gave her an injection, he saw the sedative knock her out. They loaded her into the ambulance, and they were gone down the road with sirens blaring. Oh how he wanted the relief of sleep, or unconsciousness. Then he wouldn't feel this terrible burden of guilt.

He'd known for over a year that JJ loved Reid, but she'd never shown it until now, when it was too late. Spencer Reid was dead, and nothing anyone could do would bring him back. He didn't know how any of them could go on.

He looked around, and saw that Emily stood alone, tears falling down her face. She'd been the outsider, till this case. It had been personal to them all, and the way she fought to find Reid gave them a new respect for her. He walked over to put an arm around her, and let her cry for a long time. He watched as Garcia's convertible slid to a stop a half a block down the street, and she was out almost before the car came to a stand still. Morgan ran to meet her, and they embraced each other and cried.

Hotch stood alone, with JJ in the hospital he had no one to hold, so he simply turned got, into one of the SUVs and drove away. Gideon did nothing to stop him. The powers that be would have to wait for their reports; right now he had a phone call to make. Diana Reid had to be notified of her son's death

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When JJ awoke, it was Gideon who sat by her bed. She'd thought it was a terrible dream, but seeing the look of despair in his eyes, she knew it wasn't. His clothes were still covered in soot, and an air of smoke hung around him like a pall.

So it was true, Spencer was dead, and she would never have the chance to tell him how she felt. It was all so wrong. Why had she waited? She didn't know anymore, and now it was too late. She couldn't speak to Gideon; she didn't think she could continue on with the team. Going into work everyday, and not seeing his smiling face was more than she could take.

"It will get easier with time Jennifer." Gideon sounded so sure, was he trying to convince her or himself?

"I messed it up Gideon, why didn't I tell him when there was time. I assumed he would always be there stroking my ego with his crush. I knew he loved me Gideon, why didn't I return it? These last days must have been horrible for him. Do you think he knew he was going to die?" She hoped he didn't, how could she forgive herself if he knew and regretted her.

"I don't know JJ, I hope he didn't… I hope that when the end came it was swift and painless." He knew what he said to her wasn't true, and he knew that she knew he lied to her, but he couldn't stop his mouth from saying the words.

He gripped her had tightly as she began to cry again. When would it end, the terrible heartache? He should have known better. His own biological son wouldn't speak to him, and still he let himself become attached to Reid, to love him as a father loves a son. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He'd cut himself of from anyone that could hurt him. That was he would be safe.

"Gideon, please take me out of here, I want to go home." She didn't want to be in that hospitals bed another second, she needed to go home where she could be alone with her thoughts. She wanted to sleep in her own bed, and dream of him. That was the only way she could recapture him, through dreams.

Gideon didn't want her to go home alone, but he knew she wouldn't stay, and there was nothing wrong with her that sleep wouldn't cure. He assured her he would find a doctor, and get her signed out.

It took a couple of hours but she got her wish, and was sitting in a cab on her way home. She watched as the sun looked down, and it mocked her. What right did the world and the universe have to keep spinning now that he was dead? It just wasn't right.

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She barely realized it when she arrived at her little house. She paid the cabbie, not knowing what bill she gave him, and walked up to her door. It took her several tries before she found the right key, and managed to unlock the door. She looked around, and was amazed that nothing had changed in her absence. The artwork on the walls was the same, so was her couch and TV. The walls remained the same color, and her fridge was still empty.

She found an unopened bottle of bourbon, and opened it, pouring herself a double, and was preparing to get as drunk as possible when the doorbell rang. She wondered who it could be a seven am. She contemplated ignoring the door, but some small part of her hoped it would be Spencer standing on the other side. She knew it couldn't be, but she hoped none the less.

She opened the door, and saw Gideon standing there, his shoulder's slumped. "What are you doing here Gideon?"

He wasn't surprised at her tone; after all she wanted to be alone. He couldn't blame her but he had his duty as well.

"JJ, I'm sorry to bother you, but I didn't want to do this at the hospital. May I please come in, and talk to you?" Only the look of pure misery in his eyes convinced her to let him in.

She held up a glass, "Do you want a drink Gideon."

No, I don't, and I don't think you do either."

"Don't you tell me what I want, or don't want, it was your disproval of office romance that kept my mouth shut? I could've had something with him, if he hadn't been so damned afraid doing something to disappoint the great Jason Gideon."

"JJ you know that I never -"

"Save it Jason," she spat at him, as she sat down on her couch. "You have no one in your life, so you don't want anyone else to have a lover either. Well you got your wish, Spencer is dead, and you can have your perfect office back.

"Stop it JJ, that's not true and you know it. I was the one who gave him the foot ball tickets, and encourage him to ask you out. It isn't my fault things didn't work out with you two."

"How dare you turn this back on me Gideon, why don't you just say what you have to say, and get out of here, I want some peace and quiet."

"All right, as you may not know, Reid gave me power of attorney last year. He was terrified of ending up like his mother, and he wanted me to have say over his care if the worst happened. Gideon placed a large envelope on her coffee table.

"He gave this to me two weeks ago, and asked me to give it to you if anything were to happen to him. I tried JJ, I begged him to tell you himself but he refused. I hope this gives you some measure of peace.

Gideon got up, and walked to the door without looking back. When she heard the door close, she looked down at the envelope. She didn't want to open it, but it drew her like his eyes always had, and she picked it up. She turned it over, and over in her hands, delaying the moment when she would have to open it. She didn't want to see what was inside. She was afraid that some how he'd known what was going to happen, and that this was a farewell. She turned it over again, and opened the flap. She pulled out the papers, covered in his neat script, and felt something tear loose inside her. Tears fell down her face to splatter on the page, as she began to read.