Guilt

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, of course.

Sitting on her couch at home, Rory felt as though a significant piece of her life had been violently wrenched away from her. He was gone and she wouldn't hear his scorning laugh again, wouldn't see his cocky smile, his blue eyes that lit up when he saw her. He only likes to talk to me because he likes to tease me so much, Rory told herself firmly. But, really, she knew and had all along that there was something else hidden beneath the depths of Tristan's teasing manner towards her. She had thought that after offering her tickets to a concert he wanted to go to with her he was done with insignificant little Rory. But he wasn't. He got scolded constantly in class for staring at her, which was very embarrassing, and still seemed to be trying to get her to go out with him.

Why had she always refused him anyway? Sure, he was really bothersome, teasing her all the time and giving away the few secrets they shared as soon as he could. But still…he seemed to really like her. And then a disconcerting question she'd never considered before occurred to her: did she like him? Of course not. He was annoying and all the secrets she had ever told him didn't remain secrets for long. But he cared. He really did. And with his bright blue eyes and blond hair…

And she would never see him, hear him, nor speak to him again. She'd let him go just like that: "Goodbye Tristan," and it was all over, the nuisance of her life was gone. But it didn't seem so simple. While Rory sat on the couch, tormented by thoughts of Tristan and the harsh life he'd have to face at Military School, she couldn't help feeling guilty. But for what? He should be the one feeling guilty! For teasing Rory whenever he could, for attempting to steal money from someone's vault, for being such a pest. And yet it was Rory who felt the strange guilt. Why? It wasn't her fault he was going to Military School. It wasn't her fault that he'd stolen from that vault. And then it hit her; but it was her fault that he was miserable.

A while later, Rory found herself knocking on the door of Tristan's grand manor. A petite maid answered the door, and she seemed to shrink in on herself the longer they stood there. "Hello, this is Rory. Could I talk to Tristan please?" she asked nervously. An inchoate idea had wormed its way into her mind and she had to try it out. But she was still filled with a hesitance, with trepidation, that what she was doing was wrong. Tristan would come to the door, smirk at her, ask her what she wanted. Then she would be horribly embarrassed and wish she had never come. But the maid had already disappeared back inside the large house and Rory couldn't just hop in her car and run away from everything now. She had to wait and see what would happen.

Soon, the maid returned. She bobbed her head apologetically and said to Rory, "Tristan has gone already. He should be at the airport if you urgently need to talk to him. Otherwise he should be back for some of the holidays." And just like that the little maid shut the door behind her and Rory could only faintly hear her retreating footsteps. What now? Tristan was at the airport, waiting for his plane to Military School to arrive, and she was too late. Or maybe it was a sign that her idea had been dumb and she should give it up now. But that wasn't Rory.

Half an hour or so later, Rory found herself standing in front of the majestic entrance to the airport. Hesitantly, she pushed open the glass doors and stepped into the air-conditioned building. Taking a deep breath and clenching and unclenching her hands, she started to walk in the direction she imagined she would most likely find Tristan. Soon she found herself weaving through a large, bustling line of impatient, fussy people. "Excuse me," she muttered, pushing her way through. "Sorry." Near the front of the line, about to step up to the counter behind which she would lose him forever, Rory saw Tristan. She took another shuddery breath and hurriedly pushed her way to the front of the line.

"Watch it! You can't just cut in front of all of us like that! Who do you think you are?" a large woman scolded Rory hotly. And she had still not reached Tristan. He was giving over his passport…But at the sound of the woman's voice he turned around. When Tristan saw Rory his large blue orbs grew wider and rounder and he looked honestly surprised and overjoyed to see her.

"Rory?" he asked incredulously. She nodded quickly to him, motioning to a bench a little way away from the line. Tristan turned his back to her and consulted the man behind the desk, who gave him back his passport and called out, "Next!" Tristan hurriedly followed Rory to a wooden bench reclining against the glass wall of the airport. "What is it?" he asked, looking at her with a strange, dazed look instead of his usual cocky and teasing one.

"Well," Rory began, hesitantly. "I thought the way that you just said, 'Bye' and I accepted it wasn't enough. I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye, that's all." Tristan looked a little forlorn but also happier than he had while standing in the line. Rory felt like she was expected to add something. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear nervously, she added, "And I wanted to say…well…thanks, I guess. I mean, you were really annoying and everything, but it was still…fun…sometimes. So thanks."

Tristan looked abashed and ashamed. He looked away for a moment, running one hand on his suitcase absently, and then looked back at Rory, smiling. "You can't thank me. I have been really annoying toward you, haven't I? I guess it was just a…just a way to…" Tristan stopped talking. What a coward I am, he thought with disgust. I can't tell her my feelings even now when I'll never see her again. I have to. I have nothing to lose anyway. And she came all the way to the airport, too. Taking a deep breath, Tristan started afresh. "I was really annoying to you and I'm sorry. I guess it was just my strange way of showing you how much I…like…you." Tristan flushed red despite everything, but he wouldn't look away from Rory.

Rory was, in a way, surprised and in another not at all. She shrugged, smiling. "And I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge that," she told him honestly. "If things had been different and you weren't…going away…I think we might have…"

Tristan looked heartbroken. His eyes shone with unshed tears and he hugged his arms around himself. "Don't finish that sentence," he murmured his voice cracked and hurt-sounding. Quickly he stood up, looking down at a melancholy Rory now. And then he leaned down and hugged her. Not stiffly, but honestly, containing everything he thought of her. He wouldn't kiss her. She would just hate him for that and he didn't want to make her hate him now, again, after she'd shown that she did, at least a little, care. When he was done he stepped away from her, gave her a sad, watery smile, and then returned to the line.

Rory was shocked by that hug. Frankly, she was shocked that he hadn't just kissed her as the normal Tristan would have done without any feelings of remorse. She was shocked that he was almost crying. She was shocked that the hug had contained so much hidden emotion. Rory felt tears rising to the surface of her eyes as well and had to hug her arms around herself to prevent herself from running back to Tristan, who'd reached the front of the line again, and returning that hug. He was giving over his passport. The man behind the glass took it, returned it, and then nodded to Tristan. Tristan gave Rory one last, sad and yet relieved look, and then disappeared behind the doors.