TRIGGER WARNINGS- POST-DIVORCE, MENTIONS OF INFIDELITY, AND FAMILY ISSUES
The ink from where you signed your name on the divorce papers dried faster than your tears did when they streamed down your face at one in the morning, and lasted longer than your marriage with T'Challa had.
Well.
At least you something about this marriage is permanent.
You'd been married for ten years.
You've known each other for fifteen years.
You dated for three of those years.
You were married for ten of those years.
Two children.
Six year old daughter.
Three year old son.
One marriage.
Millions of pieces.
You can still see the look on his face when he called it quits, citing irreconcilable differences at as the cause. You can still hear your voices cracking at three in the morning that night, and you remember how grateful you were that the children were out with Ramonda and Shuri at another charity event that Shuri was hosting.
You remember the heated words that rose up out of your throat like bile, and tasted just as bitter. Like bile, they came up with very little warning, and you spewed them across your husband, your best friend, your lover.
Well, he used to be.
How did you end up here?
How did something that you worked so hard to build up fall apart, and you feel powerless to do anything about it?
Here not only being the small kitchen of your modest yet stylish apartment at three am, nursing a cup of coffee and reading over your itinerary for tomorrow.
To the day, you and T'Challa have officially been divorced six months.
That's 182.5 days.
Three almost calls, where you had to put your kimoyo beads in a drawer to forget about him.
Eight weekends that the children have spent with T'Challa before being escorted back to you.
Three word sentences used as casual greetings when he drops the children off, or when you pick them up, or really any time you have to interact with each other.
''How are you?''
''I'm fine. You?''
''Good. Bye, kids.''
''I love you,'' to the kids, then one more goodbye to each other.
Children say goodbye, you say goodbye to him, he says goodbye to you. You begin your new weekends.
Repeat all over again.
''Mommy,'' you hear a soft voice coming from the doorway to your kitchen, and you look up to see your six year old daughter, Adanya.
She's crying her stuffed black panther, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
''Come here, baby. Why are you still awake?''
She crawls into your lap, and you see T'Challa's eyes are staring back at you. She is T'Challa in the cheeks, in the eyes, in the smile. She's even got his thick, coarse hair, which is styled into three braids with barrettes at the end at the moment.
''I had a bad dream'' she lays her head on your shoulder, relaxing into your embrace as you press a kiss to her forehead.
''I'm sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to sleep in mommy's room?''
She nods against your shoulder,and you stand, carrying your daughter to the room.
When you get there, your son, Ado, is already there, holding onto his teddy bear and staring at you with wide eyes.
''I put him here before I came. I knew he'd be scared if he woke up and I wasn't there,'' Adanya explains as she climbs into your bed.
''You're such a nice big sister,'' you tell her, crawling into bed in between your children, ''We all need to go back to sleep. It is late, and we have to be up early tomorrow.''
''Mommy,'' your son whines, and you look over to him.
If Adanya is the near carbon copy of T'Challa, just with softer and younger features, then your son is you. He has your smile, your eyes. Personality-wise, your daughter is you- more outgoing than her brother, ready to jump into a new adventure. Ado likes to sit back and olay out situations before acting, much like his dad, He us, unfortunately, every bit as stubborn as T'Challa. As is your daughter.
Which is why it takes thirty minutes, two stories, and one lullaby for the children to fall asleep.
It takes you thirty more minutes, countless thoughts, and one look at the time to do the same.
The next day, you arrive with your children and Ayo at the banquet center. T'Challa is meeting you there, and you will be sitting together for lunch. Other than that, though, you won't be interacting with him much.
The whole Udaku family is involved in this program. T'Challa is working with soon to be graduates who want to attend university in Wakanda but lack all of the funds. Shuri is doing a STEM workshop with young women, showing them how to use vibranium in science and how she comes up with her inventions. Ramonda is leading a seminar about the history of Wakanda. You are reading to young students, traditional stories from Wakanda. You are also showing them how to do dances- the same ones that T'Challa taught you on your honeymoon.
You bite back that thought and those memories the way that you bite your tongue when you want to tell him more, when you want to open up that box that you both closed after your divorce.
''Alright, remember what mommy said- be on our best behavior, Stay close to grandma Ramonda, auntie Shuri, daddy, or me. If you have to leave for the bathroom and one of us can not take you, you tell either You or Okoye. Okay?''
''Okay, mommy,'' Ado nods, clutching his stuffed panther and looking up at you with bright eyes.
''And no talking to strangers unless daddy or I are with you, alright,''you direct your look to Adanya this time, and she nods as wel. ''Good.''
You enter the banquet center then, the air conditioned environment a welcomed contrast from the dry heat outside. You barely have time to get the children settled at your assigned table, right in the center, before you are being pulled into a hug.
''Oh, I've missed you! How is my sister doing,'' Shuri pulls back to look at you, a wide smile on her face.
Ever since the divorce, your relationship with Shuri has been a bit strained. She will come by once or twice a week and visit with you a short while before taking her niece and nephew out for the day while you got work done. A month after the divorce was finalized, she'd stopped by to check on you.
''I really think you and I should stay friends, ''she'd said, ''For one, whatever happened between you and T'Challa is none of my business until either of you wants to tell me. Second, I want to see my niece and nephew more than when they come to the palace. And, lastly, you are my friend. My sister. Your relationship with T'Challa doesn't change that.''
Honestly, you don't know what you'd do without her, especially these past few months.
At least a few things in your life stayed the same.
''Shuri,' you hug her, stepping back to look at her, ''I love this dress on makes your skin look radiant.''
''My skin always looks radiant, big sister,''she laughs, her white teeth showing.
''Auntie Shuri, do I look radio too,'' Adaya questions, reaching her arms up for her aunty to carry her.
''Of course, my perfect niece,'' Shuri presses a kiss to Adanya cheek, delighting in ehr niece's giggles, ''Where's your brother?''
''Here I am!,'' he raises his arms, and Shuri sets Adanya down to pick up Ado.
''My handsome, smart little man! Can Auntie Shuri have a hug?''
Ado is a very loving little boy. He always is cuddling up to you when you have free time, and always wants to be around you. In that way, he is very much like his dad.
Speaking of which.
''Daddy!,'' Ayanda screams, running over to her dad as he enters the banquet hall.
Right behind him are Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, Sam WIlson and Steve Rogers- his special guests for the day.
''There;s my princess,'' T'Challa grins widely as he picks up your baby girl, swining ehr around before piulling ehr close and pressing loving kisses to her forehead and cheeks.
You still love him, especially in moments like this. For every moment that you two fought, for every downfall you had as husband and wife, you are good parents. Those children are the best parts of both you and him, and with their own personalities mixed in.
And you try not to fall deeper love, because you know that if you dive even deeper, you may not ever come back to surface.
But you have to start getting over this.
So you take a deep breath.
Inhale.
Exale.
Take in the scene as you take in a breath.
Let go of your marriage as you let out that breath.
''Baba,'' Ado reaches for his dad, who happily takes his son and lifts him into the air.
''And my prince!,'' T'Challa kisses his son's curls.
You feel your heart flip when you make eye contact with T'Challa for the first time in a week, and your stomach does the same.
And it makes you happy and bitter at the same time- happy because you know that what you had was real if you still get butterflied where he's concerned. Bitter because you're still getting those butterflies, and you want to move on.
But those ten years of marriage, after three years of dating, don't go easily. And you have to remind yourself of that on a daily basis.
''It is good to see you,'' T'Challa tells you, and you can not tell if he means it or if he is just being cordial.
The one thing that you could agree on was to be cordial in front of the kids. Of royce, ti was easier before today- your interactions were limited to when he picked up or dropped off the children and vice versa. Now, when you will be spending a whole lunch together, you have to try harder.
And try you do.
You keep up small talk with Ramonda when she arrives, unsure of where you stand with her. In fact, her answers are short. She speaks to you for about fifteen minutes before she turns to Steve and Tony, and makes conversation with them. It is in that moment that you are grateful for Shuri, because she lightens things up a bit for you.
You eat your potatoes, rice, and chicken, cutting up Ado's as T'Challa helpa Adanya cut her chicken into smaller bites.
You eat dinner, make small talk, smile.
Later, you read to the students, acting out the different animals and the characters in the folk tales.
Finally, it's nearly time t go home, and you have two sleeping children t get to the car.
''I can carry Adanya for you, if you want,'' T'Challa offers as you balance your son and the children's bag.
''That would be great. Thank you,'' you sigh as he lifts his daughter into his arms, padding across the parking lot with you to the waiting car.
''What time can I expect you to come pick the children up tomorrow,'' you question as you strap them into their car seats.
''I shall be there at noon. In the event that I can not make it, I will send Okoye.''
''Got it,'' you nod before turning to him, ''Um, thanks again, T'Challa.''
''No problem. I mean, they are my children, too. This is the least that I can do.''
You are about to slide into your car then, before he says your name, stopping you.
''Adanya asked me something quite scary today.''
''Oh? What was it,'' you ask, your voice laced with concerned for your oldest.
''She asked me some more questions about the divorce,'' he reveals, ''He thinks that you and I hate each other.''
''What would give her that idea,'' you ask, your voice cracking.
You can't hate him. You tried to when the mess hit the fan, and found that you just couldn't do it. You know that you two had it all, and it's what you wish you still had. It's like when you break a vase- you try to catch all of the pieces to maybe salvage it, but that vase is destroyed,
''I do not know,'' he shrugs, looking at you with a raised eyebrow, ''Why would you do that?''
The implications of his tone and choice of words are very clear, and you feel a fresh wave of rage crashing through you.
''Are you implying that I speak ill of you to our children? Because I do not. I will allow them to form their own opinions of you, Mr. Udaku.''
He kisses his teeth then, and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.
A position you found yourself in with him several times towards the end of your marriage.
''Maybe we should just get back on track,'' he states, ''Anyway. I assured her that I do not hate you. I assume that you do not hate me, either.''
There are things about him that you dislike- the moments when he's crude and cynical, like you feel he is being at the moment.
So you relax.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Moving on.
''I do not hate you, T'Challa. I never will,''you say, because that is one more consistent thing in your life.
''Thank you,'' he seems a bit caught off guard, ''I assured her that we'd both go to her recital tomorrow, and afterwards, to dinner. I think that it is only fair that we try to maintain a positive relationship with each other. Given the nature of uor… of our relationship right now, I think we need to set up some new rules. For the kids.''
The little glimmer of hope that you had that he was saying that because he still feels something real for you vanishes as quickly as it comes, and you nearly berate yourself for wondering how such a thought could enter your mind.
''Of course. For the children,'' you agree, sliding into your car, ''I will have the children ready for you to have lunch with your mother. I will see you tomorrow, T'Challa.''
He says goodnight and goodbye to you, and you try to ignore the way your heart feels when he says your name.
You drive home, put your children to bed in their room and head to your own room.
The moonlight flows into your bedroom then, and you bathe in its light as you slip into a nightgown and crawl into bed. You stare up at the moon as you think back on today, and how things ended. This time last year, things with T'Challa were shaky, but he would have been in this bed beside you, cuddled up to you and asleep or pressing kisses to your cheek or struggling to get comfortable as your children lounged across the bed with you.
Now, though, the moonlight is the only thing that fills that empty spot next to you, and you fall asleep to that.
And you try to banish any thoughts of T'Challa from your mind for the night.
DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICTIONAL WORLDS MENTIONED