"Don't touch me!"
His hands were all over me I could do nothing to stop him. I wasn't in control anymore.
It's already happened once before. Oh God please don't let it happen again. This was the reason I decided to move down to La Push.
I thought we were going to be friends.
"Please stop." There is next to no point in saying anything, I know exactly what's going to happen next. I just have to face facts. No one is going to save me this time. "Stop or I swear I will never speak to you again."
"Don't...care." Then he was in, I wanted this to be special, but now my only memories of it are my screaming. "So...good." The husky voice made me wish that I had never met this man in my life. Even if he was the most lust-worthy man in La Push.
...
...
That was three months ago. For some people three months is no time at all. But for me it feels like a century. People say that I have moved on. But I don't feel it. Its as if all the 'methods' and 'techniques' have done nothing. Wasted time. Especially when it comes to sleeping. It's as if every time my eyes close he is just there. Waiting to hurt me again.
I feel uneasy waking down the street. No one knows it was him, so he can just walk up to me. He knows that too. I can always try and run, but that sort of thing is easier said than done.
My doctor says I'm a person that when I go into shock I basically turn off my brain.
Anyone can change my direction. Except me.
Anyone can control my movements. Except me.
That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Not having control again.
Charlie took me to see Dr. Williams so that I could get better. So I could control again. Don't get me wrong she has helped. But Dad just doesn't understand that I need his help too.
"Miss Swan! Answer the question!" Mr. Banner demanded from me.
Clearly my concentration skills suck. It's part of my 'coping' mechanism apparently. I guess I can't get into anymore trouble, may as well just guess the answer.
"No?" He glared at me making me nervous to know if I answered right or not.
"See me after class Miss Swan." Great more trouble. Exactly what I need. "Now class there is a new student that we have the privilege of welcoming to school today." My eyes slowly made their way to the door.
It was then that the door opened and I almost screamed. Not him please dear god not him. Anyone but him. I thought that since he hasn't walked up to me, that I had finally seen the last of him. Crap crap crap. He's looking at me now. Those dark eyes stared into mine as a smirk replaced the straight line on his face. His fingers ran through his short hair. I'm sure I heard some girls sigh in awe at his features. I guess he looks nice. Ok he is seriously sexy. But that doesn't change his personality, which is as dark, possibly even darker than the devil himself.
"Ah now I'd like all of you to welcome Mr. Black to our class. Would you like to introduce yourself?"
That name brings shivers down my spine and I don't know what to do. Except lower my head into my arms and try to compose myself. I can't let him take over my life again. Not like he did the last time. Since I've apparently finally started to 'recover' from his actions. I raise my head with my eyes hard showing that I really wish he wasn't here and that I'm stronger now.
It's then that his eyes cast over to me and he said those words that I shouldn't have said when he asked me out.
"Sure, why not?" He takes four steps to the middle of the class and it should naturally take someone eight steps. I see him take his comfortable stance where he leans on the right side of his body and crosses his arms. He used to take that stance all the time. Except when he would be with my father and trying to make an impression. "Well then where should I start? My name's Jacob." That's all I need to hear. I don't want to hear anymore, I know I will just fall apart in the middle of the class. Just like my dreams.
My stomach churned as I remembered. That I have the only spare seat in the class.
...
...
Days passed and I had experienced nothing but terror. Terror for knowing that I couldn't get away. He was always going to be there now. Although it was only Biology where I felt the dread.
With him sitting next to me it didn't make anything better. I constantly was scared to feel his hand on me. Again. But I've been lucky this week he hasn't touched me. Yet.
"Bells?" Oh God! He's taking to me. Wait did he just speak to me? He doesn't deserve to be able to use my actual name, let alone my nick name.
With my teeth clenched together I spoke the first time in Biology all week. "Yes?"
He coughed lightly as he spoke. "I was wondering if you could help me here?" Me, being a generous person and everything I decided sure, he can't hurt me if I'm just helping him out.
So I moved my eyes from my sheet for the first time since the class started. The first thing I see is his hand holing the sheet down as he crosses out his mistake. I see the color of his hand and I'm reminded of how he stole my heart in the first place. His gorgeous russet skin is what captures my eye first and then his rough skin. It reminds me of the first time we held hands and it causes a tingle down my spine, as I 'accidentally' brush my hand against his. I move my eyes up his arm taking in more sexy features, the biceps, the abs out of the corner of my eye, the way he bites the inside of his cheek when he gets frustrated. But what won me over once before is going to win me over again. His eyes; that dark brown where the color is borderline black. It drives me crazy because all I see in them is control and want. I remember that from before, when he wants something. He gets it.
"What's got you confused babe?" Oh shit, I just said it didn't I?
He looks at me and smirks, he looks in my eyes and sees what I see. How god damn sexy he is. "Did you just say what I thought you said. Bells." He said it accentuating the last word.
I bite my lip confused as to what I should do. Do I drop it and pretend nothing happened? Or do I try and weasel myself out of it? I don't want to go on without a fight. So I take the next step. "I'm sorry Jacob it just slipped my mind." Lowering my eyes so I keep my contact on the sheet of paper. I slowly begin to read the question when all of a sudden I feel something at the top of my thigh.
My eyes cast straight to his. Fear laced in my lust driven eyes. "So can you help me?" My mind elsewhere dreaming about shaking the bed, or table, or floor with him. "Uh..." Blinking rapidly I bring myself back to the preset. "Well basically it's because the definition of biology is a natural science concerned with the study of life and living organisms," my eyes looking at his as he tries to take it all in "including their structure, function, growth... evolution, distribution...and uh...taxonomy." He turns his face towards me and i see that his eyes figuring it all out. Although i'm not sire what it is that he has figured out. "Does that make sense?"
Suddenly I felt how close his hand was to my top inner thigh. "Yeah it does."
"Are you sure?" I could hear the concern in my voice, Why should I be concerned with whether he understands the info or not?
His small grin appears and he repeats himself. "Yeah it does. Since you've helped me heaps with that. Why don't we do a tutoring thing?"
Tutoring. That stereotypically leads to so many things. Like hidden romance. Or even sex. God do I really need that again? Leaning my chin on my hand I say to him "Depends."
He chuckles quietly to himself. "What does it depend on?" With his eyes looking into mine I think I'll revert back to my old ways with him where he makes me nervous and I stutter. God he doesn't need to hear that. It'll just boost his ego.
"Ah. I..