Disclaimer:
I do not own Envy or Ed or any FullMetal Alchemist character you may recognize. They belong to Hiromu Arakawa, and so does my respect. Hel and any other elements of the story you do not recognize are however mine, and I would appreciate if they do remain as such.
Her feet were dangling over the cool water of the river, the wild rustling of the current smashing against unseen rocks. The night was dark, cold and raining. She was the only one of this little, lonely bridge. The only one foolish enough to go out in this dreadful weather. The only one who was not running for a shelter from the dark, cold rain. The only one.
She was always the only one.
Her right index fingered the soft skin of her stomach, her gentle fingers stroking the once marred skin. She had loved him. He had loved her. Well, she thought he had. He didn't have enough time to contradict her on that one, and she preferred to believe it. Even though it didn't matter any more. It wouldn't matter. The pain, the cold, the rain, the world, the love. Everything would stop mattering soon.
All she could do was chose what would matter until the end.
Envy.
He was what would matter. Because if anything else mattered, then he would be jealous. He was all that mattered. All that ever mattered. The pain she felt, she felt it because of Envy. The cold she felt, she felt it because of Envy. The rain on her skin, she had learnt to know it because of the green haired sin. The world, she had learnt to see it through Envy's eyes. The love, she had learnt to feel it in Envy's ghostly touch. Because f it wasn't love, then what was it?
She had never understood why the Gate had thrown them together? To mock them? Was it so the world could laugh, as she envied his perfection and him her flaws, her humanity? Was it so the rain could pelt down on them, showering them in shame as they stole another sinful kiss? Was it so the cold could always come and kill the little warmth she had given? Was it so it could forever remind her of the dead temperature of his alabaster skin? Was it so the pain could flow in their veins when they had barely found one another, only to see themselves be torn apart? Was it so the love could turn to hate?
Either you die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain.
He was the hero. She would be the villain.
He had made the right choice, turning down the possibility of life so those fucking Alchemist could go on. She would make the selfish choice, running away from a life without him and letting go of everything.
The rain fell down harder, soaking through her long dark her, dripping down her scantily clad body. She would die, taking him with her. The world would never know the cool touch of his fingers, the butterfly kisses of his lips on her skin. It would never know what his sacrifice had been. This world that had lifted him so high, had torn her apart, would never know Envy. He would forever be the Sin.
She was selfish like that, refusing to share him.
She had so little already.
Her finger found the collar of his shirt, tugging it slightly from her neck. It still smelt like him. Like the first time they had ever met.
She was running. From what she wasn't sure, from whom she even less knew. She was running. Her feet were hurting on the cold pavement, her thick soled boots heavy on her tired body. She needed to get away.
She could feel the small cuts on her stomach open again as she stretched out a little too much, trying to reach the beam that was there, under the tips of her fingers.
She just wasn't good enough to get it.
With a small grunt, she stretched even further, older cuts opening again. She needed to reach it. She stood on the tips of her toes, painfully away of the two metre gap between her and the floor. If she fell, she wouldn't die. Hurt herself, break a leg maybe, but not die. Just one more failure.
Her body dangerously tilted forward, desperately trying to reach the beam and hoist herself on the other side of street. She needed out. She shot a fearful look behind her, not sure what she was trying to see, not sure what she was running from. Herself? The past? The future? Her eyes focused back on the beam, her heart beat increasing.
She had to reach it.
Stretching even further, she felt the blood slowly start to soak the black fabric of her shirt. Just a little more. Her eyes widened as she tipped her balance, falling forward. Her fingers uselessly slid over the beam and she felt herself fall.
Useless. That was what she was.
She woke up with a start, her hand flowing blindly to her stomach. The cuts there were open again, soaking through her white night shirt. They would become dark brown dots. Making the shirt useless for all but sleeping in. Tainting the white.
Just like she was useless and tainted.
Her hand flew to her face, burning with sweat. She breathed out a shaking laugh, silently cursing her own pettiness. Who was seventeen and still plagues by nightmares? Her hands reached to her neck for her pendant, clicking the small locket open. A shining blade fell out, crying out to her. She lifted her tank top, looking at the sorry excuse for a stomach she had.
Selecting a new expanse of skin, she began her work –punishment for anything. For her mother bailing out on her dad and her when she was six. For her father being unable to get over the woman. For her own failure at learning alkahestry. For her uselessness when it came to daily chores. For her inability, even after eleven years, to cook a decent meal and pushing all the housework onto her already breaking father.
For being a useless child.
She drew another shaky breath in, slowly soothing out her fears. Putting a lead on her emotions, a cover on what she was. Masking the cracks on the person she was. Had become. Had been made to become.
She envied the world, a sick twisted envy. She envied the daughter whose father looked at her with pride. She envied the son with a mother. She envied her own mother, for being cold enough not to look back. She envied her father, for holding it up so well. She envied those jerks in the streets for being so carefree. She envied them all.
She wanted to be cold. Cold, emotionless and perfect. The latter came with the formers. If she was cold and emotionless, then she wouldn't lose it like that. She would be able to pull through without a scar. To look at the sky and see blue instead of seeing a fucking limit to reach.
She hated the world, those in it even more.
Hel shrugged out of the white tank top, discarding her pyjama bottom on the cold floor of her room. She pulled on a black, cut up and ripped skin tight cropped shirt, allowing her scars to breathe. She slithered into body hugging false leather pants and grabbed her hoodie off the back of her swirling chair. She shrugged it on, allowing the clothing to fall unceremoniously around her and drown her small frame in fabric. Tugging on her thick soled boots, she was short for a seventeen years old girl, she made her way to the living room. Her dad was asleep in the master bedroom, which was a grand word for a room barely once and a half hers with a wardrobe, a desk and a double bed crammed in there.
Before, they had lived in a larger house. It was quite modest, but still big enough for four. That was before her brother got sick and died. Before her mother walked out on them.
But that's just life.
The door softly closed behind her, as she walked down the cranky stairs of the apartment complex, pulled the barely closing security double doors open and strolled out into the cold night. It had rained, barely hours ago, and the air was still chilly. She snuggled deeper in her hoodie, her feet casually taking her to a park nearby. It would most probably be desert but she hoped that the stroll would either clear her mind from her nightmare or wake her enough she wouldn't feel drowsy when she came back.
Around her, the streets were desert. Cats were mewling in an alley, begging for food and attention the citizens of Amestris did not always have. She didn't always have.
She watched a lonely car go by, dark in the mist of the night. It drove too fast, speeding to its death. Weren't they all speeding to their deaths? She let her frozen feet guide her to the entrance of the park, the dark cedar trees looming over her in the shadows of the night. She had learnt not to fear the darkness at an early age. No. The darkness was to love. But what crept in it was to be feared.
With too much caution, she stepped onto the gravel. Some of it crisped, breaking the silence of the night. She hissed softly, quickly making her way to the grass. It was quieter. Softer.
She often wondered if death was like grass or gravel. Was it so soft you could lie in it and rest, or so harsh and unforgiving it would make your ears bleed with every sound of its voice.
She often toyed with the idea of knowing.
The noise of a fight caught her attention, a little to the right of where she was standing. She was determined to ignore it, a firm believer in letting people deal with problems on their own, when flashes of blue and red smashed against one another. Her eyes widened, as she ran towards it.
Alchemy.
She leaned against a nearby tree, trying to regain her breath, as she heard the sound of mocking voices. Once she had regained breath from her short run –she had never been much of a sport person, and the same condition that had taken her brother may failed to kill her but had taken its toil on her, she quietly crept towards the area of chaos.
Two men were fighting against one another. One of them, blond with a red coat sporting the Flammel symbol was vaguely familiar to her. She had loathed him for being so good at what she failed. Had been angered at his smile, at his chance. His mother had died, and yet he had been able to pick himself up off the ground.
Fucking bastard.
She was left here, swallowing in her misery. She didn't have a brother anymore. Barely had a father, despite all his good intentions. She was fucking alone. A little voice in her head wondered though... had she not done everything she could to be alone?
Shaking herself out of those thoughts, she observed the second man, immediately regretting it.
He was clearly not human.
Hel wasn't the brightest person in the world. She was smart, yes, but she could hardly express it. people had called it Asperger. She considered it as a curse. Everything she had seen, be it only once, she would remember. Faces, texts, pictures. No matter how hard she would try to forget, she would remember. All those emotions, all those feelings that bottled inside of her, she would remember them. Never let them go, because she didn't understand how to let them go, but they would be there.
And this man had been there.
She had read everything she could get her hands on. Scientific records, cookbooks, mythology... everything. And in the latter, she recalled a tale that had been written by an anonymous author, who had merely signed HoL.
One of the few mysteries which still crowded her brain was who this person was. And thus, the myth, it was more of a Kindergarten song, was clear as crystal in her mind. And the last line, the very last line was burnt like fire in her brain. "Seven Children from Satan, perfect imperfections against the Seven Children of God, perfections so often imperfect."
The seven deadly Sins. A Homunculus.
Hel didn't believe in Satan and God. She barely even believed in being alive. But she did believe in Homunculi and knew how to make one.
Her father was one.
When her brother had died, her mother who was a decent alchemist began researches on human transmutation. She never found what she was looking for, and ultimately, when her father stepped up to be the sacrifice for his son to come back to life, she was unprepared.
Blinded from her inability to perform it correctly by her haste and joy at seeing her son again, Hel's mother performed the transmutation. And failed. All she created was a homunculi with one single life inside him. His wounds healed on their own because he was dead, and he ate no food nor slept but he only had one single life. Seeing her failures, unable to look into her father's eyes again, her mother left them the following morning. They never heard of her again.
And she was left with her father.
He had described the Gate to her, at length talking about the Eye of Truth, the hands and Truth itself that waited for their souls. He had explained to her what had happened during the failed transmutation and had given her one last advice; never to use Alchemy again.
She had been torn, at first. Alchemy was what her whole life had been centred around. She had grown up reading about alchemy, had been brought up by her mother performing it. but that was the problem. Her mother was the alchemist of the family. Her mother was the Alchemy.
So she learnt Alkahestry.
It was near impossible to find a teacher in Amestris. Very few people crossed the desert from Xing, and those who did often were here for matters more important than teaching. But people had travelled, and they had books in libraries talking about Alkahestry.
It had taken her three years of continuous work to learn to understand the dragon pulse, channel and use it. It had taken an extra five to learn to store the Dragon Pulse in her body and use it at any time. When she was fourteen, she successfully healed her friend's broken arm. She was whisked away from her little town to Central by her father, who forbade her to use Alkahestry in public ever again.
She saw the fear in his eyes. Alkahestry was much more powerful than Alchemy, because Alchemy destroyed to construct. Alkahestry healed and cared.
He was afraid she would make her mother's mistakes. Was afraid she would go power hungry and cradle the essence of Alkahestry to herself, stuffing her body with the Dragon's Pulse and slowly killing herself.
He was afraid of so many things...
Homunculi all had a secret. Something to hide and cower from. Her father was afraid of losing people. That was his only weakness. The homunculus in front of her was however not. His weakness was somewhere else. Something else.
Something within.
She watched them fight, from the shelter of the trees. Watched the homunculus twist his body like a contortionist and land on his feet, arms wide apart and a cheeky grin on his face. She watched his taunting lips form barely veiled insults, watched his demeanour.
She needed to know.
Finally, the short blond alchemist said something that annoyed the Homunculus. She saw the androgynous boy snarl, tense before he launched himself at the alchemist. She watched the blonde jump out of the way, his blade catching the homunculus' arm and leaving a long, deep gash. She was not surprised when there were red sparkles. In a flash, the fight was ended, with the inhuman strength of the green haired man slamming against the other's head. The winner raised his head, looking around. The homunculus' eyes seemed to look straight into hers, and she held the gaze with defiance before turning on her feet and leaving.
The last thing she needed was to be questioned by the homunculus. He would not hesitate to kill her.
She knew he had seen her. And he knew she knew. Maybe that was why he hadn't bothered to stop her. Because he knew she would come back, and when she came back, he would get answers. It was clear she had recognized him, not for who he was but for what he was. She had recognized and not been scared, which really pointed to the fact she either knew them very well or not at all. Had she been unconscious enough to get near him, he would have suspected the latter. But she didn't.
Well then. She knew them very well. Maybe even worked with them.
He shrugged his shoulders, turning around and leaving the chibi passed out on the floor. Wasn't his problem.
After that, she couldn't get him out of her head. He was always there, two purple eyes staring at her through closed eyelids. And she began to wonder. How would his hair feel under her hand? How would his skin taste when she broke it with her teeth?
She had had another nightmare. The fear and the adrenalin still coursed through her body, racking her limbs with heavy thoughts and trembling whimpers. Her blood was on her hands once again, when she opted for a stroll. It was quite late in the afternoon, her sleep patterns messed up due to her research on Alkahestry. Researches she hid from her father, yet he knew about anyways.
She had found, through unorthodox methods of information gathering, the identity of her mysterious homunculus. Envy the Jealous. Father's eldest homunculus and the one that had appeared, so far, as the keenest to get on Chibi-kun's temper.
Chibi-kun being Edward Elric. The full-fucking-metal bloody alchemist.
Regardless. He was Envy. A Sin. Someone she really ought not to see again. Someone she ought to trap and turn in. Someone she ought to hate.
But he was a Sin. A perfect imperfection.
And she could relate to that. To the feeling of never being good enough and begging for what others have. To the feeling of hatred when people displayed things you could never feel. The anger when those bastards carelessly tossed things to the ground she would sell her soul for.
She could feel his hate, his anger, his cold heart and his pain. She could feel them, she could understand them. Because she had them as well.
When she came out of her apartment complex, she didn't need to know where he was to find him. All she had to do was listen to the Dragon Pulse and see where the spark flew.
She closed her eyes for a second, listening closer, her breathing regulating to the pulse. Search. Feel. Stop thinking. Her eyes opened again.
Right. That would be quite a long little trip.
She didn't think she had arrived at the right time. Actually, she thought she didn't think at all, to be honest. She was in another Sin's stomach, and she would bet anything it was Gluttony. It WOULD make sense...
Let us start from the beginning.
Hel had been casually walking along, getting to the outskirts of central and desperately trying to find the Sin despite perfectly knowing how stupid she was right not to even believe the green haired androgyny wouldn't kill her on the spot when he saw her.
She really didn't know why she wasn't turning back right now.
But she wasn't.
An inhuman growl resonated throughout the woods, and she jumped. Her body jerked towards the sound, startled. She heard the shrill voice of the annoying blonde, and knew that where he was the person she was searching for would be. She began to run in that direction, seriously hoping she wasn't making a mistake.
She didn't care about dying. That idea was too familiar to her for her to really care any more. What she didn't want was to lose her life in a pathetic way. She didn't want to die painfully.
Well, that was what she told herself any way.
She came across a trail soon enough, and in no time of jumping around trees she was standing behind something that looked like a Homunculus to her. Envy was there as well, with a weird looking Xinganese and urgh... Chibi-kun.
Slowly, she circled the creature, still hidden in the foliage. It seemed to have gone mad, a great big eye-mouth opened in the middle of its stomach. Gluttony? She spotted the purple eyes of her... mystery? flashing at her quickly, and immediately felt him tense. His eyes were on her, when the big Sin's eye-mouth opened wide and suddenly gasped.
She saw, dumbstruck, her prey escape her right under her eyes. A flash of annoyance crossed her.
She had come all the way out here to get a chat in with the boy, and all this had just resulted in was this fucking giant eating him? her hand flashed out, grabbing the green haired Sin's. Purple eyes widened in disbelief. They were the last thing she saw, before darkness surrounded them.
At least, they would get a chat in that fatty's stomach.
She landed with a splash and an 'ouch' in the warm liquid. Her now drenched hand lifted of her head, trying to feel for any bumps or scraps and thoroughly getting herself soaked in the process. She blew a strand of black and silver hair out of her face, pushing it back from her forehead with her hand when it refused to move. Her eyes opened, then closed before opening again.
Was she blind?
Her heart rate increased, as she began to forcefully shake her head, desperately trying to see something. Anything. She closed her eyes, frustrated at the lack of difference. Her hands blindly –and that was the right choice of word at the time, she recalled bitterly, searched around for something that could enact as a torch before she noticed it.
The pulse was everywhere.
Her erratic heartbeat calmed, as she smiled slightly and searched. She felt the signature pulse of Envy just a little way away and slowly began to walk towards him, still looking for the others. Envy found them before her, his signature began walking to her right and she changed her course to intercept him.
The swishing around her feet was beginning to put her on edge, as she felt things slowly swish in the water. She didn't know where she was, wasn't sure what it was, but the water felt oddly thick. The smell of iron overtook her senses as the realisation dawned.
Her heartbeat calmed even further. Blood. She could deal with that.
Tentatively, she brought her hands to her face and licked the tip of a finger. Blood. She sighed in relief, her laugh echoing through the darkness. It sounded crazy, even to her own ears. She laughed further.
What kind of monster was relieved at learning she was wading through blood? What kind of inhuman person recognized the taste of blood as if it had been chocolate?
Envy's signature halted, and she could feel him falter before carrying on towards the duo. They also seemed to have heard her and were currently anxiously turning in circles, back to back. She laughed again, more softly, before beginning to wade through the blood once more.
After a few minutes of trying to walk in the sticky liquid, she finally reached her destination. She stumbled forward, caught off guard by the sudden light and her hands splashed into the thankfully shallow blood. She looked at the sticky liquid as it slowly dripped down her hand and suddenly felt the need to take her blade out and add her own to the mixture. Her whole body began twitching, itching and aching until she saw a pair of feet enter her vision.
"_you are looking pathetic."
She grinned, looking up at the Sin.
"_you think?" his eyes narrowed dangerously at her, and she laughed.
"_we are gonna die in here", she began "and I have no doubts you and I know that. Those two assholes may not though. Why not spend the last hours we have messing with their heads together?"
"_who said I needed a pathetic human being to do that?"
"_they don't trust you. And if you were to suddenly change form, they wouldn't buy it. You need me, because they don't know what to make of me."
He seemed to ponder her words for a second, before hissing through clenched teeth
"_don't think that means I won't kill you."
She grinned, knowing she had won. Hel pushed herself off her knees, slowly standing up. She stretched, relishing in the way the blood rolled on her skin and soaked her hair. She fingered a once-white strand that had turned a dark, brownish red. Dried blood.
Envy didn't miss the maddened grin on her face, nor the way she began skipping to the other two. He strolled, bored after her. She better be loads of fun.
When he reached them, Ling and she were in a very deep conversation, talking about Xing. She grinned when she spotted him, quickly hiding it as the Xingese began another one of his 'marry me' speeches.
Only to be flat out rejected.
This was the moment Ed chose to suddenly notice the Sin's arrival, jumping up and transmuting his automail into a blade.
"_Envy..." the blonde growled. She bit back a smirk when the twelfth-son-of-the-emperor-of-Xing-and-very-likely-to-be-emperor guy stepped in front of her, as to protect her. She raised an eyebrow at Envy, and watched him as he sent her a vicious look back. Kindness was being exchanged between the eternal enemies, when she chose to speak up.
"_erm... Do any one of you have a clue as to exactly HOW we are going to get out of here?"
That shut them up.
Ed sized her up. Her bloodied face, the way her hair was matted and the variation in colour within it. Her mismatched eyes and the faint memory they seemed to trigger. The subconscious way she seemed to gravitate towards that Palm Tree, as if she was seeking him out and the way he replied, inching closer to her. There was something fishy about her.
"_who are you?"
Chibi-chan's cold voice interrupted her less than subtle rejections of Ling, under the amused eye of Envy. She turned to him, eyes suddenly cold and calculating.
"_me?"
His eyes narrowed at her innocent tone. He noticed Envy stifle something that looked like a smile.
"_yes."
Somewhere a polar bear shivered at the cold voice.
"_oh, blimey. I forgot my manners." She extended her left out, startling him. "Hel. I was passing by when I was sucked here... Where ever this is."
He awkwardly shook her hand, annoyed at how she had extended the wrong hand. His flesh left hand twitched under her firm grip and he was surprised at how she did not falter. She was looking at him in the eye, unafraid. Ling seemed to catch the tension in the air and placed a hand on Ed's shoulder.
"_do you have any ideas?"
"_walk. Until we reach the edge. And then get the hell out."
He didn't miss the subtle exchange between the homunculus and the girl.
Hel was seriously getting fed up with all this, her feet aching from walking all the way from Central and then having to carry on an endless and pointless trek through a sticky liquid. She soon became annoyed at the shrill voice of Chibi-chan and the fleeting interests of the Xingese and had decided to walk with Envy. At first, the Sin had sneered at her, and she had laughed right back at him.
Still, he had let her walk by him, occasionally throwing a glance her way. When he was sure Ed and Ling were focused on their own conversation, he breached the topic that had been burning his tongue since she had arrived.
"_why did you grab my hand?"
She seemed to be startled out of her reverie, before she comprehended his question. She remained silent for a second, thinking. He waited quite patiently, for him anyway.
Finally, as he was about to snap, she replied.
"_I had walked from Central all the way to that fucking house, I was not about to let out slip between my fingers. Plus, what would I have done against that enraged monster? At least here, there is you whom I, as you can guess, researched and the Xingese. Chibi-chan won't hurt me, he isn't too sure about what side I am on. The Xingese won't have such considerations."
He let her words sink in for a second, before asking again.
"_you seem so sure I won't hurt you."
She fell silent again, thinking once more.
"_you... You could. And I know you most probably want to. But you are as curious as I am. You didn't rat me in to you friend in the clearing, and you most certainly didn't kill me the first time we... met? You won't kill me, because you know if those two suddenly decide to kill you, then as mighty and strong as you are, you may need my help."
He was fuming. She was right, it didn't make it any easier.
"_but I don't think that is the main reason. I think you are just curious." Her dead eyes turned to him. "because you and I both know that look."
He was the first to break eye contact. But she wasn't finished.
"_we both know what it means. We both feel it. And as much as you deny it, you want to be understood. Be it only by a little pesky human like me, you are begging to be understood and accepted. That is, ultimately, why you won't kill me. You might harm me, throw me against a wall in a fit of temper or pound my brain in, but you won't kill me."
His hand clasped around her throat, as he purred in her ear.
"_you are right. I won't kill you. And you are right. I will harm you."
She smirked back, challenging.
"_looking forward to it."
The third time they met, he found out about her scars. It was raining, much like right now and she had been aimlessly walking down the streets when she had spotted Envy. Well. More like she had spotted a form of Envy. It was strange, how she could always tell who he was and where he was. It felt weird to her, as if the Dragon Pulse drowned everything else but him out.
The third time they met, he became angry at her, but not for quite the reasons she expected.
She had to get out of the flat. It was becoming so cramped, so cold. Her father was slowly losing himself, having been a homunculus for the past eleven years and now desperately trying to latch onto the last shreds of humanity he could salvage. He would often spend the nights out, trying to find solace in women's flesh for the one that left him. Trying to feel some form of warmth. He would come back, even more broken than he left. It was but a matter of time until he snapped and either left her or this world. Depended how bad it was going to get.
She didn't really care. Couldn't find it in herself. Life would be much easier with him out of the equation.
But tonight, she didn't want to be alone in the empty apartment. Not when today was the day the end had begun and her brother had died. She couldn't care less about her mother and how she had walked out on them. She couldn't mind if her father was dying inside. She however could not let go of the guilt at her brother dying. She should have been the one to die. She had promised him he would be better one day!
Like a stubborn child, she stomped in a puddle of water, thoroughly soaking herself. She bit back a sigh at how pathetic she must look, alone under the rain in nothing else than a hoodie, skin tight leather pants and overly enhanced combats boots. She kicked the pavement once more, wincing when she felt the pull on her stomach. She was about to swear when she felt the familiar warmth of the Dragon Pulse and suddenly turned around.
A group of people were standing on the other side of the road, dressed in the Military's uniform. Judging by the looks she was getting, she could tell they were just finishing their rounds and were eager to get back home, considering her a problem to deal with. She crossed over to them, increasingly aware of the strangely familiar grin on one of the soldier's faces. Her eyes locked onto him, and suddenly the pulse flared.
Envy.
She bit back a smirk, her disinterested steps turning to an openly confident stroll. She saw something akin to amusement flash in his eyes, as he caught her looking at him. She crossed straight to him, ignoring his three 'friends'.
"_are your rounds finishing?"
Straight to the point? Two could play at this game.
"_maybe. Care to walk with us?"
She winked, cat calls surrounding them.
"_get in there, Yven!"
"_I would be open to doing much more than simply 'walking' with you back to the office, Yven."
The emphasis she had put on his name made his chuckle, though the boys around passed it off as amusement at her obvious flirt. Oh. Hel knew that when he would catch her alone, she would be so dead, but hey. Who cared? This was way too much fun.
Envy laughed at the smug looking girl, wondering how she had recognized him when a smell drifted to his nose. Blood. Fresh. Coming from her. His eyes narrowed.
She perceived the change almost immediately, willing herself to take a step back when his hand snaked around her hips but violently refusing to move. She didn't need suspicion to be cast on either of them. Envy- Yven's deep voice said some words she did not register, followed by catcalls and suddenly, they were alone. The homunculus waited for a few seconds, before dragging her out of the pouring rain and into a side alley. He transmuted back to his preferred form and, his hand still around her waist, strolled back out again. He picked an innocent looking coffee shop he knew to have an underground room and dragged her in, careful not to look too suspicious. Thankfully, she followed willingly.
The bells chimed as her partner pushed the door to the shop open, and Hel could not help but relax when the hot air hit her. Envy shot her a smirk, having noticed her change in demeanour before motioning for her to take her hoodie off to dry it onto the coat hanger, where he had dropped his own coat. In a vain attempt at being discreet, he had not transmuted into his favourite skimpy outfit –she loved it as well, but rather into a comfortable pair of jeans, a thick black belt with a crop top, leather jacket and chocker. About as normal as he would get. He had donned a thick black woollen coat over that, knowing that no human would go out in the rain in a leather jacket, but would rather wear a coat on top to take off whilst it dried.
She refused to take her hoodie off though.
She saw his eyes narrow at her and, after a moment of competitive staring, he led them down the stairs to a barely crowded room. She watched, as his hips swayed as he walked. She let herself be captivated by the rolling of muscles under his skin, how smooth and pure it looked. She wanted to touch it, to stroke it and mar it. Luckily, he stopped before the impulse could be satisfied and slumped down on a sofa. She took the other end of it, curling up like a cat after having kicked her wet boots off. He looked at her, eyebrow raised at how comfortable she was getting. She looked back, sending him a sheepish grin before sobering up.
"_so. We didn't get to talk in Gluttony's stomach."
"_who said I wanted to talk with a pesky human like you?"
She sighed, giving him a very condescending look at annoyed the daylights out of him.
"_you brought me here, in a cosy and comfortable place where there are people, but not enough for them to intrude on our conversation. You want to know just about as much as I do. Had you wanted to kill me, you wouldn't have allowed your 'mates' to see you leave with me."
"_not bad, for a human. So. Let us answer my questions."
"_who said you were going first?"
"_I am going first and that's it. I want answers." She shrugged, giving him the okay he didn't need to begin asking.
"_how did you know what I was?"
"_dad. He is a homunculus. Why did you not kill me in the park?"
"_you were running away. I couldn't be bothered to catch up." She looked at him for a moment, reading his expression. He was lying. That was clear on his face. The way he wouldn't make eye contact then uphold it for periods of time that were too long. He was lying.
"_fair enough." He understood by her tone she wasn't buying it, but wasn't as stupid as to press him for answers.
He had a feeling she already knew those answers though.
"_why didn't you turn me in?"
That caught her attention, and she smirked.
"_when? With your friends, every time you are running around dressed in the military, with Chibi-chan?"
He laughed.
"_every single one of them."
"_where would be the fun in that?" his eyes narrowed slightly at her, and she carried on with a smug expression. "I don't really care whether you infiltrate the country or not. I don't give a flying fuck if this results in us dying or not. I can't be bothered to turn you in, because I would have to explain how I recognised you and that would be so much effort. Plus, it is funny to see them, trying to find a traitor amongst their ranks and panicking."
There was a pause, during which she seemed to think up questions.
"_you do have six 'siblings', right? And someone comparable to the devil created you, yes?"
"_that's two questions."
"_well, ask me two once you have answered mine then."
"_yes and yes. How did you know, and why are you not taking that goddamned hoodie off. It is dripping everywhere!"
She laughed, staring at him through partially closed eyelashes and snuggling down a little into the wet fabric. She made a face when it came in contact with her cheek, but refrained from any comments.
"_there is a kindergarten rhyme myth type thing that states, and I am quoting, "Seven Children from Satan, perfect imperfections against the Seven Children of God, perfections so often imperfect." And about the hoodie, I will have you know it is very comfortable."
"_I don't believe you."
She hadn't expected that. He could tell by the way her eyes widened and she recoiled back. He leaned over to her side of the cousin, hovering over her. The dead look returned, and she just stared at him as he carried on spitting anger at her.
"_You were lying to me." That had come out as a growl. "you are drenched in blood. I didn't smell it in Gluttony's stomach because you were covered in it, but you stink of blood. Like a monster."
For a second she looked hurt, before her mask came back on as she just looked at him blankly again. He stared at her for a second, sighed in anger and stormed out.
She wasn't his problem.
So why couldn't he get her mismatched eyes and dead look out of his head?
He had told her that the next time, she recalled with a bitter smile. After slamming her up against a wall and looking at her stomach. After smelling the blood on her and wanting to taste it.
He had nearly broken her last time in the coffee. She almost felt as if it was his apology.
The next time they met, it wasn't really planned. Envy was fighting Ed, again, when she entered the alley. She had left her home for a mindless walk, and the Dragon Pulse had led her here. Her eyes widened and narrowed at the scene in front of her, and she was about to turn around and leave when Fullmetal's shrimp voice called out.
"_hey! You! You are that girl!"
She resisted the urge to face palm, something Envy did not have such qualms about and did quite openly. She hid a smiled under a tight lipped grimace and looked at the annoying brat.
"_what do you want?"
The second Ed's attention was fully focused on her; Envy slammed his head in the concrete. Blondie gently fell asleep, as the Sin began to prowl towards his prey.
"_Hel..."
To her credit, she did not take a step back, but rather waited for him to reach her.
"_I have thought about our little... Chat." He was less than a metre away when the scent aggressed his nostrils again. Blood. Her blood. With the inhuman strength he possessed, he slammed her up against the wall and pinned her there. She bit back a gasp, eyes flowing shut under the violence of his actions. Gently, his fingers traced the line of her jaw before he roughly grasped it in his hand and forced her to look at him.
Here is was again. That dead look.
"_why do you smell like blood?"
It had been a growl. Reverberating through his chest, passing into hers and making her insides quiver under the sharpness of the tone.
"_why?!"
He had shaken her with the last cry, her back banging against the wall. Her feet were barely touching the ground now, yet she could not held but noticed there was some sort of feeling in his voice. Worry?
One of his hands snaked down to her hoodie, gently lifting it enough to sneak a hand under.
"_it comes from here. I can-" the rest of the sentence was cut off, as his hands laid flat against what should have been the smooth expense of her stomach. Only it wasn't. It was riddled in scars and welts, creating a mountain of irregular bumps and shapes. He could feel scabs healing under his hand, recent scars ready to open.
A crazy look flashed in his eyes, one of glee and worry.
"_oh..." the breath hit her ear, as she heard the... joy? In his voice.
"_are those scars? Did you do them? The little girl is less happy than I thought." He licked the shell of her ear, trying to forget the dead look in her eyes. She wasn't moving against him, only the rising and falling of her chest indication of her still breathing. Slowly, he forced her out of the hoodie, tossing it on the floor. Her exposed midriff hit the air, as he languidly bent down to lick the blood off it. His feline tongue followed a line down, leaving a trail of saliva on her pale skin. The saliva flashed red, before slowly healing the torn skin. Her head lulled back, relishing in the care and roughness that exuded from the Sin. His tongue trailed further down, slithering past her belly button before it halted. The motion was sudden, shocked. She looked down at him, watching his eyes narrow before crossing her gaze. He rose from his knees, looking at her in the eye whilst his fingers trailed a scar.
"_this" he began, fingers ghosting over torn skin "is funny." His fingers flew for a second, before they settled onto a specific part of her stomach. "But this is no longer." His fingernails dug into her skin, as she bit a hiss of pain back. A scab reopened, blood flowing out of the "Monster" she had etched into her stomach after their chat in the coffee. He bent down to heal it again, watching the red light flare and the scars disappear. Wordlessly, he stood again before roughly pulling her into a hug. Her hand fluttered slightly for a second, before grabbing the tight fabric of his shirt. Her face buried in his neck, hiding away behind his greenish black hair. Slowly, something wet began to soak through Envy's shirt. She half expected to get a comment from the Sin, who simply held her tighter.
It must have started raining, because a few seconds later, she felt something wet seep through her hair, slowly gliding against her head. Her tears had dried long before his, and as Ed slowly began to show signs of consciousness, she felt his breath on her ear.
"_never again. Not on my account. I won't allow you to, pesky human."
Her eyes turned to his face, their noses so close they were almost touching. She stared for a second into his purple, cat like eyes before replying;
"_who said I had to listen to you?" smirks were exchanged, before she felt him tug her away from the slowly awakening alchemist. As soon as they were out of sight, he untangled himself from her and began running towards the park they had met in, her hand securely held in his.
Hoodie lying forgotten on the ground.
When she had come back, that evening to get her clothing, it was gone. She panicked for half a second, wondering if Ed had been the one to take it as proof of somebody else's implication with the Sins. The hoodie was nondescript, barely branded. It was one of the most common in Central. She suspected the boy would really have a hard time tracing it back to her.
She had hoped, at least.
But the hoodie hadn't been with Ed. She had realised it about a week after her encounter with Envy. They had met up quite regularly, chatting about everything and anything, never again mentioning her scars nor the dead look in his eyes.
Envy was late though that day. At first, she didn't really mind. He was a busy person, wrecking havoc here and there. But when he came to be an hour late, she began to worry. She rose from her seat on the sofa, silently going upstairs. The woman standing at the counted looked up with sympathetic eyes, before asking.
"_did he set you up?"
Silently, Hel shook her head no, before saying.
"_if he arrives, can you tell him I went out to look for him and I will be back within twenty minutes please?"
The lady nodded, and Hel went out into the street. It was quite late in the evening, the clock having struck eleven not long ago. The parlour, both of them had found out, was run around the clock by a family. The daughter would work the night shifts, and often Envy and she would come in at some obscene time of the night, talk for an hour or two before leaving again. But never had Envy been this late.
She closed her eyes, noticing the Dragon Pulse was currently lacking. She silently swore, having to use her own reserves for what she was about to do. Carefully, she gathered some of the Pulse she had stored into a small ball of energy. She mentally let it drop into the earth, seeing it ripple around her. It faded within a kilometre, and still there was no Envy. She made a slightly bigger one, relieved to see it found his signature just outside her previous perimeter.
He was barely fifteen minutes away. Ten if she hurried. She would hurry.
His signature wasn't moving.
Her feet were pounding on the hard floor, struggling to keep her up right. Her reserves were almost all pent up, and soon she would collapse from over exertion. She still hadn't reached Envy. Despite her exhaustion, she sent a weak pulse out, searching once more for him. He wasn't far away, though she had deviated slightly. She turned right in the nearest alley, noticing how his signal seemed to be far away from the main arteries. Did he get jumped? No. He was too strong for that. Did Ed finally get him? The thought made her run faster, as she finally turned a corner. He was there. She could feel it.
She slowed down, the sound of her feet echoing off the dark alley's walls. It was abandoned, and houses on either side were run down and broken. Hesitantly, she took a step forward. The darkness was thick all around her, slowly drawing her in. She could feel herself loose her grip on reality when the shadows around her moved. How she wished for a little more light. Suddenly, the pale glow of skin caught her eye.
He was leaning on his hands, facing down. His hair was falling around his face, preventing her from seeing past it. She saw something glimmer in the pale light that was filtering through, and no longer needed to think. She knew.
Without any hesitation, she walked to him. She knelt beside his shaking form, slowly gathering him in her arms. His hands were half way through a transmutation, taking on a green tinge. She could feel the coldness of his body, the death that surrounded him. He was hurting.
His body jerked when she embraced him, but she didn't let go. Her arms winded around his middle, sharing what little body heat she had with him. His own came to grip her hoodie, clinging to her as if his life depended on it. She saw tears splatter on the floor, slowly tainting the stone. Gently, her right hand came up to brush them away, as her left slowly stroked the length of his hair. Her right thumb grazed over his eyes, wordlessly swiping the eyelids shut as her fingers trailed down to his lips, butterfly touches lingering on there. He kept his eyes closed, even when the touch was gone and she no longer seemed to be present. Only the hand in his hair and the warmth next to his told him she hadn't moved. Yet. Her hand hovered around his face, and thoughtlessly he leaned forward, into it. Her eyes softened, her fingers gently caressing the graceful curve of his jaw until they reached the perfectly shaped tip of his chin. They gently lifted it up, until his eyes opened and he gazed into her mismatched one.
"_what? Are you going to laugh at me? Mock me? Are you going to say to everyone you-"
She silenced him with a kiss, parting with a small smile when he fell quiet. Her forehead bumped with his, as she whispered.
"_I am not."
He kissed her again.
It could have been anyone. That was what he was trying to persuade himself of. He could have kissed anyone, and she just happened to be the one there, willing to give him love. It could have been anyone.
But it had been her.
It took them another few months before coming to the realisation they were deeply and truly screwed. They were found out by Chibi-chan, of all people. He just kind of walked in on them, one day, as she had come to visit 'Yven' at the Headquarters. Envy had gotten a room next to Ed's by pulling a few strings, and he was therefore able to watch the boy from closer. She hadn't locked the door upon entering the Headquarters, and he hadn't really thought about it either. Very soon, things had begun to get out of hand and, like so many other times before, what had started out as a harmless chat had become a full make out session. Envy had turned back to his preferred form, and all it had taken them to be discovered was the Chibi-chan being sent by Roy to get 'Yven'.
She still wasn't very sure why he hadn't turned them in, or why he had just walked out of the room as soon as he realised what was going on, but she didn't really care.
She still had Envy.
And as much as they were trying to convince themselves that the furious beating of their hearts was due to the fact that their cover up had almost been blown, they couldn't hide from the truth forever. They were in love. Deeply and truly screwed.
And then things changed. Envy became more anxious, sometimes staring into her eyes for a very long time. As if he knew something was going to happen, something was bound to go wrong and they would be parted.
Now she knew what he was thinking of.
He had realised he was going to lose her, had known she would be ripped away from him and used to make a philosopher's stone. And those countless times he had told her to take a vacation out of Amestris soon, and tour the world. Those countless times he had tried to push her away and stop ties only to come back the day following, begging for the feel of her skin.
He had been so torn.
She smiled sadly, the water sweeping by even quicker than before under her feet as she watched the faint rain turn to an outright downpour.
She had lost him.
The Dragon Pulse had suddenly disappeared from her, faltering for a second before soaring through her veins and burning her throat. She fell to her knees, treacherous legs unable to hold her up. She felt as if she was dying, as if her soul was being ripped in half and torn away from her. Hel gasped for air, tears coming to her throat. As she finally thought the pain was going to kill her, it vanished.
The Dragon Pulse came back, stronger and beating in her ears. Yet, she felt as if something was missing. Like an annoying presence had left her mind and she now was lonely. She shivered, before closing her eyes and searching for Envy. He needed to know that. Something had fluctuated in the Pulse, maybe an overuse of Alchemy. He ought to know what was going on.
But when she closed her eyes and sent out vibrations around her, she couldn't find him. Not even when they rippled through the whole of central, and even less when it stretched as far as the borders of Amestris. He wasn't there. As if he was dead.
That realisation hit her like a brick.
He was dead.
It had been yesterday. Barely two days ago, she was still holding him in her arms as he made love to her. Barely a week ago, they were running in the streets under the rain. Barely a month ago, he was hugging her like tomorrow would never come.
And now he was gone.
Ed had come into her apartment this morning. She lived alone since her father snapped, a few weeks back. She hadn't felt anything, as she had watched him open the door to leave and never come back. Envy had more or less moved in, coming by more and more often.
His shirt had been lying on her bed when she had realised. He had forgotten it yesterday when he left. It was still there when Ed pushed to door open and noticed the state she was in.
"_how?"
It had been her only question. Ed didn't question how she knew Envy had died. It was obvious to whoever would look at them when they were together that there was something special between the two. The kind of thing that would make her realise he was dead. The kind of thing Envy hadn't realised, even by the time of his death. The kind of thing that would push her to hers.
But it was okay.
Because living without him wasn't living.
"_how?" it had been more forceful, her previously vacant eyes now focused on him. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Understanding.
"_he chocked up his philosopher's stone."
There was a moment of silence, before she said again.
"_I see."
Ed watched her for a second, her eyes cold and unfeeling as she tried to subdue the pain. She seemed to stare off into space, refusing to –much like Envy, let him see both her tears and her true weakness.
He turned around, ready to leave. As his hand grabbed the doorknob, she called back.
"_Elric."
He turned to face her.
"_it wasn't anyone's fault. What happened. You said the right think, most probably piercing through his defences. It wasn't your fault. Don't let the guilt suck you in."
He looked downwards, before nodding and opening the door.
"_Hel..."
She hummed.
"_why did you..."
"_love him?" she supplied. He nodded, and she motioned for the chair opposite her. She remained silent, pondering on the question before supplying an answer to him.
"_my brother died from an illness that should have killed me when I was six. My mother attempted human transmutation with my father as a sacrifice to bring him back. Dad became a homunculus, paying of his life to return to live. Mother walked out of our lives the day after. I was dead. Walking, talking and breathing through life, but dead. Envy was the opposite. He was dead, but he was longing to feel and be alive again. He understood me, I guess. He envied what I had, and I envied what he had. We envied the world together. Wanted to watch it burn and die."
Ed watched her as she talked, far away from this place.
"_are you going to..."
He hated not finding the words.
"_carry on? No. I am dead. I died a second time with Envy."
"_but-"
"_no." She was still calm, her voice eerily soothe for someone who was talking of her own death.
"_Envy-"
"_will understand. He always did. Even when I couldn't."
Ed seemed about to say something else, but she leaned over the table, taking his hand in hers.
"_I want you to go back to your brother, Ed. To him, Winry and Pinako. I want you to have children and live on. Because Envy didn't die for nothing. We have sins to expire. He started the war, and I am aware of it. Dying then was his own way of saying he regretted. I have made mistakes. They didn't start a war, but they killed my father. I have to pay for them. Envy opened to door, I will close it."
He looked up from his hand, so big and human, now clasped in hers. She smiled, before letting go of him. He rose and made for the door. Once more, she stopped him.
"_Edward. Will you come and visit?"
He froze for a second.
"_I am sure Envy would appreciate."
His throat clenched and he nodded. She smiled softly and looked back at the setting sun through the window.
"_good, good." She said softly, a gently smile on her features. He looked back once more, engraving her mismatched eyes in his memory, her odd coloured hair and the lanky frame.
The door shut in a soft thud, and she watched him leave through the dirty window.
Soon, so soon.
It wasn't hard to use alchemy one last time to create two headstones. But she didn't want tombs for them. It was too... Formal. Neither had ever done things according to the book, and they weren't about to begin now. Not in death.
She watched the water under the bridge, waiting calmly. When the city seemed desert, everything silent but the patter of the rain, she made her way to that broken down and abandoned building. His blood had fallen somewhere in there. He had died, cried and broken down in there. She laid down on the rubble, breathing in and out one last time before she let the Dragon Pulse fill her mind and consume her.
No one would ever find her body again, as it vanished in dust. The flakes dispersed in the rain, slithering in the dried earth and snaking through to the under levels. The water washed their sins away, as her soul crossed the Gate.
The rusty iron door pushed open silently, as Riza Hawkeye accompanied Ed and Mustang through the dense foliage of the run down cemetery.
"_I really ought to get it cleaned up" sighed Mustang, brushing his hair away from his face.
"_I think they would prefer it like that." Replied Ed. "as run-down as they were."
Riza looked a head, almost expecting to see the two figures come up through the trees, perfectly happy and content.
"_it is a shame, really." Said Mustang. "she could have been very useful to us. So could he have been."
"_it was the only possible end." Replied Riza, eyes still locked ahead. Maybe she would be able to glimpse it... There!
Between the overgrown willows and the broken sepulchre, a cat came out. It was black, with white streaks in his fur. His purple eyes gazed at Ed through long eyelashes, purring when the blonde bent down to pet it.
"_how are you today?"
On its collar shone a soft plaque, blank. They weren't to be remembered. The cat purred, rubbing her head against Riza's leg. The woman picked the animal up, cradling it in her arms.
"_Hel would have liked you. Envy did." The cat purred at the names, mewling.
"_I still don't understand why we can't bring it back to Headquarters." Cut in Mustang, slightly annoyed.
"_the cat isn't real." Said Riza in her matter of fact tone.
"_it sure does look real to me." Replied the Fuhrer.
"_Hel used a mixture of Alkahestry and Alchemy. She made the shell of the cat and stored the Dragon Pulse in it. It can't work on huge scales, but she managed to get wide enough to encompass the cemetery. This cat IS they grave. It would disappear if it was to go out of the graveyard. Which is why it hasn't tried to yet."
The animal purred once more, purple eyes closed in bliss.
They had come to visit.
Hello. Here Hellsig.
First of all, I would like to thank you for getting to the end of the One Shot, and giving it a chance. Then, I would like you ask you to leave a comment. I enjoy feedback, and genuinely am interested in what you might think of this.
Yours,