Ghosts In The Rain
And he's standing there and it's raining.
And it's raining...as if it was a rare occurence.
But it was a rare occurence to have a werewolf stand out in your front yard in the middle of a thunderstorm, even in human form.
She feels the door creak in her hand as she opens it too slowly. It's heavy compared to the light-headed feeling she's starting to get.
Lightning is striking everywhere around him, it seems- even though in actuality it's miles away.
But it still lights up his tall frame and his entire self. His face and his resolute pain in his dark brown eyes.
She pushed her way out, down to the last step. There's no jacket to stop the wind and rain from whipping around her and stinging her skin and eyes. But she stands there barely registering the inclement weather.
He's here and he's there...and he's so close to being real, she thinks. There's no way this could be another dream. Her dreams always end up turning into nightmares where he hates her and never comes back to fight for her, even though she thinks he won't win.
To make sure she's not imagining things again, (she's been known to do it in the past) she walks forward, arms lying restlessly at her sides. She's thinking of things to say and angry faces to make so he knows how worried she's been. So he knows it all without her having to really say it. Because God knows she just can't. Say. It.
He takes a few long steps to meet her half-way down the lawn. Even though he's been gone for almost a year (really, ten months and something like thirteen days...and oh no, thirteen is an unlucky number this can't can't can't be good,) she feels like the time just melted away from in between them. Now there was just a broken boy who once upon a time tried to heal a sad little girl.
And she sees the wolf looking out on her, from inside him. There was an animalistic quality to the air that surrounded him now. She could almost taste the sweat and blood that brought him here, so much later down the road.
For once, Bella is almost frightened by the frenzy that was now her Jacob.
He is still in his perfect, shirtless state. No scars to prove his pain, for they externally healed up just as quickly and shamelessly as they were caused. No doubt that underneath the healed, perfect skin was the long jagged emotional scars that were etched in spots where no one but her could see. She caused most of them, she was sure. So of course she would be able to see her messed up handi-work.
She was ready to accept the fact that he'd been gone and now he was here.
She was ready to give him whatever she could to make him feel back at home. She'd do it all and then some. Whatever she was able to fully give him, without crossing any Edward-drawn lines.
No...if she wanted him, like he said...she'd have to accept his bad behavior and all.
And if she were to start up any bad behavior of her own...well...
She'd have to accept that, too.
His mouth quiveres at the corners, and he is starting to cry. All the while, the storm is raging on.
These are not normal tears. There is nothing normal about a werewolf crying in your front yard.
And there is nothing normal about a girl who can reduce her best friend to tears just by him looking at her.
She calls out his name, to see how it tastes on her tongue and it is so good to hear how warm even his name sounds...like a warm cinnamon roll with sweet icing.
Jake? Jacob?
But he is not able to hold back his tears in front of her anymore. He is dragging her over the fire-pit that is his life now, because she sees he just can't stop crying.
She pulls him to her, as gracefully as possible considering their height difference. His head is full of tangled up and matted hair sticking up in thousands of ways. She folds her hand up against the side of it, bringing his cheek to the crook of her neck. His sobs rake through her body, too. She does not let go of this crying man who is crying for her. And because of her.
The rain starts to lull, slowing down to a mere drizzle. The lightning is shooting farther and farther out, almost invisible over the tree line. The thunder becomes a small echo of the boom it was moments before.
She watches with bated breath as he straightens himself up, only to look down at her and run his hands through his soaked-through mess of hair. She almost smiles at the gesture, but she can't because deep down, she will always have the feeling of him in her arms...sobbing and she's not sure if she can ever smile again after witnessing such a thing. The fact sears across her own heart like a heated brand.
When he smiled down at her, with cleared eyes and the cleft in his chin standing out prominently...she remembed that it's okay to smile if he does. His pain...her pain, always now.
He makes a lame joke about being a day late and a dollar short, as always. She wants to tell him that he's never too late, but she holds her tongue for a minute- hoping she can come up with a resolution to his pain before then.
When she does think of something to reply with it's just to invite him inside from the rain. He nods and waits for her to lead the way. She's not used to leading any sort of way and this makes her smile even more. She forgets how free and just right she feels around her Jacob.
There's small talk about how it's been to be a wolf for so long. He mentions that it feels odd to be on two legs...but he's still better at it than she is any day. She wants to nudge him in the ribs for such a smart comment, but there's no need for that. She doesn't mind...she'll take whatever he wants dole out. If it makes him happy enough.
She asks if he's seen anyone else yet. Billy? The pack?
No, you were the first person I wanted to see. You're always the first person I see no matter what I do. And I...I want it to stop, Bella. I'm tired of having to chase the memories away. All I see is you and the damned choice you made. And yeah, you didn't change yet...but you will. And...I came here to ask you something... but I there's just no point. You're just like them...never-changing. So if you still care Bells...don't ever let me know.
And with that...Jacob Black walked out of my nightmare.
Just like every other night, when I dream about him.
I shudder in the dark, when I wake up to the cold arms that are wrapped around me.
And somewhere not too deep inside me, Jacob's Bella screams out the lies and the murder of the only relationship that she deemed healthy.
The air, the sun...healthy.
And I will sit with my sick and unhealthy choice...
I pull my cold, dead arms around me and watch in horror as the warm sun's rays dance in rainbows off of my hard, pale skin.