If You Give Gaara a Cookie
A/N: Yes I did base this on "If you give a mouse a cookie". My friend Kayti and I were thinking of things that Gaara would do if he was high off of cookies and coffee so you are about to find out some of these things. Also I have to give credit to my friend Allie for giving me the idea for this entire fan fiction. She is the sister I never had. Just so you know, I was jacked up on sweets when I thought of some of these and Kayti is high off of monsters (a monster is an energy drink for those who did not know.) Now, I must write the fan fiction before you die of boredom before you even read on.
If Gaara comes over your house, you better believe that he wants your cookies.
If you give Gaara a cookie,
Than he is going to want iced coffee from dunkin doughnuts to go with that.
When you ask him what he wants,
He is probably going to say large with thirty packets of sugar.
When you come back from dunkin doughnuts,
All of your sweets will not be there.
If you ask Gaara what happened to them,
He'll say he doesn't know with crumbs all over his face.
If you decide to leave the room while Gaara eats the cookies and coffee that you bought,
Chances are that when you come back he'll be jumping up and down on your bed screaming that he wants to go to Disney land.
If you decide to calm him down by making him watch "Charlie the unicorn 2",
Chances are that now he is going to claim that he is the true banana king
He is going to want to make a little crown. Oh and also,
His kingdom is under your bed.
Just for the fun of it, if you tell him to stick a banana in his favorite ear,
He'll stick it in the left one because that is his dominant side. He uses his left hand more.
His right one lays there because it's sexy.
When you finally decide to go to bed,
Chances are that Gaara is going to raid your fridge.
As you hear all of the loud racket that he is making while looking through your stuff,
You finally remember that you bought those 24 ounce cans of monsters.
Now you totally regret that because NOW Gaara is probably going to be jumping on your bed again after drinking five of them
Did I mention that he will also be listening to and singing Miley Cyrus? (I mean Gaara likes all Disney music too. That's all he listens too….oops I said too much.)
Now that he has listened to Miley's latest song,
Gaara is going to want to download more Disney music to his ipod (not that there is any other music that he would rather listen to…)
After downloading every single song from the Jonas Brothers and every other Disney song possible,
Gaara is going to want to make a video telling people to stop dissing Hannah Montana.
After he makes that and dries all of his tears,
He is going to want to post it on youtube.
Now you are going to have to start the internet which is full of assholes to begin with.
Chances are that your so called "friend" is on and she/he wants to talk to you.
Yep they are on. Splendid. Here we go again. Oodles of fun. You never even considered them a friend. They were more like an aquenemy.
After Gaara posts his video,
He is going to want to show you the "7 things" video which is sung by a boy.
When that is finally over,
You decide that he's too hyper to let you sleep,
So you decide to just watch videos for a while with Gaara who is shaking to death in his chair.
You wind up watching sponge bob censored (which makes you laugh your ass off.)
Once you get done almost peeing your pants,
Gaara is going to want to know if he can make brownies because the chocolate episode gave him a chocolate craving.
Once you make the brownies with him,
You're going to have to clean him up because DAMN you've never seen someone almost kill you for the leftover batter.
After that,
Gaara is ready to eat the brownies….but there is one problem.
He is going to want ice cream to with that.
When you take out the ice cream,
You notice that Gaara forgot to tell you something.
Chances are that now he's going to ask you for toppings.
So Gaara asks if you have sprinkles.
When you open the cabinet door which is now half ass because of Gaara earlier,
You realize that there are no sprinkles.
Where too now? One place that could have sprinkles cheap this late,
Wal-Mart…or I should say Death Mart
You figure that since Gaara will annihilate your house while you're gone (because he doesn't know about the fireworks in your closet yet),
You decide to take him to the one place that is a lot of fun for hyper people like him at this hour.
When you get there,
You notice that Gaara is dashing across the parking lot into the store,
He probably forgot about the sprinkles and now he is going for the pocky.
You need to stop him as soon as possible, but when you get inside,
Gaara is naked with a towel wrapped around his head riding a shopping cart down the aisles.
You decide to ignore him and go get the damn sprinkles.
When Gaara finally comes to you with ten DVDs and about twenty boxes of pocky,
You notice no one at the registers.
Since there is no one that can check you out, and you are too tired to deal with self checkout,
You go "screw this" and just take what you got and leave. The assholes don't care anyway.
When you get back home, (which is now like six in the morning),
You guys sit in front of the TV with your dessert.
When you turn on the TV,
Gaara begs you to watch Peewee's playhouse with him because he likes that magic guy in the box.
While you're watching it half awake,
Gaara wakes you all the way up to chant that thing that the magic guy said to give Peewee his wish.
After mumbling whatever the fuck that pedophile just said,
You remember that those fireworks are still in your closet.
You think about putting them in your parent's car so that when they go to get in the fireworks go off,
But then you notice that Gaara isn't by your side anymore.
Suddenly there is a flash in the backyard so you go to find out what the hell it was,
Gaara is covered in some soot like a bomb went off or something.
You ask him what happened,
And he tells you that he found something that looked like a rocket ship,
That's not all.
Then he tells you that he wanted to send it to Jupiter so he set the fuse,
But almost blew his arm off in the process.
So while the "rocket" was still on fire,
Gaara used super ultra mega sand coffin to finish it off.
Fatality.
While you are cleaning the mess outside so your parents don't find out (TEEHEE)
Gaara decides that he wants to go swimming in your pool….while still covered in sand.
Now it looks like Gaara fell in a mud puddle so you have to give him a bath.
After that,
Gaara finally goes into your room and passes out on your bed from exhaustion.
Little did Gaara know that he had a big ninja mission today,
So you wake him up with loud heavy metal music.
You already knew that Gaara was going to be super pissed off at you,
So now you find yourself running like hell down the street toward his house where Temari and Kankuro are waiting outside of.
You ask Temari to use her funk power to stop Gaara.
And now you know,
DON'T GIVE GAARA ANYMORE COOKIES AFTER THREE O'CLOCK IN THE FREAKING AFTER NOON!!