hello (: so this is a true story. everything, even the dates are correct. I jusst changed the names so it was a niley story. enjoy. love, auri. follow me on twitter, /nileybuzz.
Angel.
Cuz' I can't help it if you look like an angel,
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so,
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you,
Can't help it if there's no one else.
Mm, I can't help myself.
I remember the first time I ever saw him. September 1st, 2009. It was the first year of 9th grade. The moment I saw his beautiful brown eyes that lit up the room around him, and his smile that shone like the stars in the sky, I knew he was bad news. He was beautiful. And I don't normally say that a guy is beautiful. Maybe that's because I'd never seen a beautiful guy before him.
There was something about the way his curly brown hair hung against his slightly tan skin, the way his perfectly white smile made me want to laugh, the way his deep chocolate brown eyes looked around the room like he was taking in the world, living life how he wanted, and knowing who he was. He wore a simple white vneck tee, jeans that weren't tight, but weren't loose, vans, and his hands hung loosely in his pockets like he hadn't a care in the world.
And in that light, as he walked down from the wood chip covered hill, his eyes shone brighter than anything I'd ever seen in my entire life. It was a mix of the way the sun shines, the moon shines, and every other light in between. He was probably as tall as me, even though he looked older. And I'd soon find out that age was the thing that would separate us the most.
I remember the first time we had a real conversation. October 27th, 2009. I was walking to announcements when he suddenly appeared beside me, and as if we had done it a million times before, we started talking. And laughing. And joking. And everything else I'd ever fantasized. We talked about my ex boyfriend and the rumors he was spreading about me, and he told me he'd beat him up for me if I wanted him too. I smiled and laughed it off, though internally I lit up at the thought of him fighting for me.
I remember when he and Selena got together. November 1st, 2009. I was on Facebook, looking at his profile for the billionth time that day, and my eyes begin to wet with tears as I watched his relationship status load as, in a relationship. I knew she was gorgeous. I knew she was everything I would never be. But somehow, deep inside, I hoped, I thought I knew that he would wait for me. That he felt the same way about me that I did about him.
I remember the first day he hugged me. November 25th, 2009. It was the last day of school before Thanksgiving break, 2 days after my birthday. I was walking down the front steps of the performing arts center and he came up to me and said,
"Bye Miles."
And then he wrapped me up tight in his arms, his hands on my waist, mine around his. In the moment he had curled me up, I paused myself, breathing in his scent, I don't know how to explain it besides it just smelled like him. And as we let go, and I smiled at him and we began walking away, he yelled after me, "miss you," Causing my heart beat to quicken to an unhealthy rate and my breath to be halted completely for the first time in my life. I decided not to be a complete freak if I could help it, and I somehow stumbled out the words, "Miss you too."
I remember the day he and Selena broke up. December 27th, 2009. I was with Emily, browsing Facebook. I saw his new relationship status and I literally bolted around my house screaming, causing my mom to have a panic attack as Emily died of laughter and I cried of happiness. I to this very day do not know why I was so happy, it's not like he being single meant he was going to come chasing after me. But the thought that he held her, and not me, that he kissed her, and not me, that he loved her, and not me, was what broke my heart every day.
I remember the first day he ever did anything even slightly romantic with me. February 5th, 2010. He came onto my bus while I was laughing with some friends and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and I still like to think I didn't gasp out loud, but the connection was undeniable. There was that spark, the stupid on you heard about in movies. But it was there. He smiled that irresistible smile, and said the 2 words I now love to hear come out of his mouth. "Hey babe." And his voice, the most calming, yet most breath taking voice stopped my heart. I just laughed and rolled my eyes, and soon he was laughing too, and though there was nothing particularly funny, we began laughing the hardest we ever had together. And even though it could have been way more romantic than it was, it was somehow better. It was...us. Whatever that was, anyways.
I remember the first time he danced with me. May 22nd, 2010. It was Maya's bat mitzvah, and seeing that I'd been working up the courage all night to ask him to dance, I asked the DJ to play a slow song before I had to leave. He did, and when Lips of an Angel by Hinder came on, my body froze up, and I couldn't bring myself to walk over to him and ask him to dance. Instead, Demi, Taylor, and Mitchell pushed him towards me, and he bumped into me, and i clutched onto him for balance. When I looked up, I knew he was going to ask me to dance. His eyes were staring into mine, and as soon as his mouth broke into a smile, he said,
"You wanna dance?" And as stupidly as I might have sounds, all I said was,
"Sure." And he pulled me close as we danced to the last 80 seconds of the song. The best 80 seconds of my life. And in that moment, if any of my feelings had swayed for him over the year, I knew I was still madly, and deeply in love with him. I knew I would never get him. He was a grade older than me. Different grades just don't date at my school. They never had, they never would, but if it took total social un-acceptance to be with him, I would risk it. I'd never felt anything more powerful, nothing more confusing. i felt my heart break but be pieced together again at the same time. And when the song ended, some kid behind us pushed him towards me, close enough for his lips to touch mine, but they didn't. He just looked at me for a moment, his gleaming eyes pouring into mine. Filling my heart up. I loved him. I could say, I could really say that I loved him.
I remember the day I forgot about him. May 25th, 2010. His grade was gone for a project the entire week, and I found as he was gone, I was okay. Or was I? I didn't think of him unless he was mentioned. But when he was, my heart ached and I wondered what was wrong with me. I decided I was over him. I'd never be anything more than a game to him. He'd never take me seriously.
I remember the day I fell in love with him again. May 28th, 2010. I was walking to the car with Demi, putting out stuff in the trunk, excited for our girls night in. Then his bus pulled in, and I saw his head sticking out the window, looking out. The moment I saw him, he smiled at me, and I saw him look directly at me, straight into my eyes. And I smiled back. I grinned as my hood shielded me from the Seattle rain. He gave me a little grin that said, hello. And I decided that as long as he was, or wasn't in my life, i would never truly, ever be over him. Or forget about him, for that matter.
I remember the day he kissed me. Or I would. But he hasn't kissed me yet. Maybe he never will. But I'm here to tell the story of first loves. Of accepting each other. Of meeting and angel, and them breaking your heart over and over again. I'm here to tell the story of how I fell in love with Nick Jonas, and how maybe, secretly, he fell in love with me too.