UP SIDE DOWN
By Liz
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of Frasier, Niles, Martin, Daphne, Roz, Bulldog or Eddie and am in no way affiliated with the people at Paramount or Grub Street. I am in no way profiting from this story.
AUTHORS NOTE: This is a departure from the norm for me.it's a little strange, but enjoy!
"Oh my god, I've died and gone to hell." Frasier thought as he opened his eyes that morning. He nearly screamed when his eyes adjusted to the morning light. Where was he? He sat up in bed.wait, was it his bed? He gazed around the room in frank horror. Gone he looked out the window. This had to be his room; the view from the bedroom was the same. But it was so.different. Gone where his tasteful pieces of art decor. The room was. well dirty. And cluttered with SPORTS memorabilia. Frasier swung his feet on to the floor and grimaced as he stood upon greasy, food ridden SHAG carpeting. He gingerly made his way through the piffle to the closet. "What the hell is going on here?" He thought as he opened it.
Gone where his wonderful tweed suits and vests, his cashmere sweaters and expensive shoes. What he found was a heap of what looked like tee shirts, jeans, flannel shirts, and running shoes all wadded up on the floor. "Well I must be dreaming" Frasier concluded to himself out loud. "Mabey I'm dreaming that I'm..dad!" He rushed to the mirror to look at his reflection. "Well, I'm not dad" he thought, he certainly looked the same. Dark thinning hair, stately posture. He shook his head. "Well, I'll just have to go along with my dream" he thought to himself as he pulled on a pair of jeans, a white tee shirt and a green plaid flannel. He caught his reflection once more while opening his door. "Good lord. I look like Bulldog"
Frasier sighed with relief. His living room looked the same. The same eams out by the balcony, Swede sofa and ecletic atmosphere. Dad's chair was even the same. Frasier sank down on the sofa with a sigh. "This is where my lady love enters my dream," he thought. He smiled contently. It was nice and quiet. Unusually so..no sounds of barking or scuffling feet..
"Frasier what the hell are you doing?" Martin's voice boomed out with the opening of the front door. "You know better then to sit on that couch with those dirty clothes! How many times have I told you that I don't want you turning my furniture into eyesores like that damn chair of yours!" Fraiser jumped up and turned around. "My chair? Like I would sit in anything like-" He stopped short when he saw Martin.
Decked out in an Slightly wrinkled Armani suit and expertly tailored loafers, Martin Crane looked ten years younger then he was. and muscular. He was caring a grocery bag and no cane. "Dad?" Frasier whispered in shock. Martin stocked into the kitchen muttering to himself, leaving the door wide open. Frasier moved slowly to close it, like he was underwater. But before he could Daphne breezed through in a cloud of jewels and perfume. "Daphne?" "Oh hello Frasier.you look like hell as usual. Don't you ever take a bath? And why are you just now getting out of bed? You know perfectly well your father and I are taking you suit shopping today, so you have something half-way decent to wear at the reception tomorrow night." Daphne's English accent had changed as well. It was very prudish and Frasier couldn't hold his tongue. Dream or no dream he was going to put her in her place. "Daphne! How dare you speak to me in such a way!!! And by the way where is dad's cane? As his psychical therapist you should know that he needs it. And my room. what is going on there? It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in decades! What exactly am I paying you to do again?" Daphne looked as if she'd been slapped. "Paying me.why you little louse! How dare you talk to me ~your stepmother~ like I was no more then a common maid!" "Stepmother.what the hell are you talking about?"
Martin joined them in the living room, folding Daphne in his arms and giving her a long kiss. "Sweet, what's wrong?" He said softly rubbing her back. "It's that son of yours." Daphne said crying into her handkerchief. "You will not believe what he's said to me. He accused me of not doing the JOB he was paying me to do!" She glared at Frasier and shook her tiny fist at him. Frasier just stood in silence, to bemused to do anything. "Now what did you go and do that for? Why do you always try to upset her like that? You know what a delicate system she has. Come a long kitten toes." Martin purred, leading her off to their bedroom. Why don't you just lie down and I'll go fix you some lunch. Chicken or beef broth darling?"
Frasier was standing with his eyes closed mumbling "Wake up Frasier, wake up." When Martin returned. He stalked up to Frasier and pinched him solidly on the arm. "Ouch dad, that hurt!!" Frasier said, rubbing his injured arm as he followed Martin to the bar. "Well if it hurts then it isn't a dream now is it?" He said, pouring himself a sherry. "If you want something to drink, I'll have you know that I bought you some balentines this morning." He said, seating himself on the sofa. "Now come here I want to talk to you." Frasier sat in the grubby overstuffed chair and Martin put his hands on his knees. "Now son, tell me what's troubling you. I know it may seem that lately I haven't had as much time to be nurturing as I could be, but I want you to know that I'm listening." "When have you ever been nurturing dad? When we were kids you were always at work or hanging out with you cop buddies." Martin's face went white. "Son.do you know your name?"
Frasier rolled his eyes. "Yes dad." "Well I'm wondering if you're not having some sort of delusion son. You know very well I don't have any 'cop buddies'. I'm Dr. Martin Crane, Psychiatrist. You are Frasier Crane, a radio personality at KACL ~which is owned by my dear Daphne if you'll remember, so be kind to her.~ You've been living with me for seven years, ever since Diane Left you." Frasier stood up. "What? What is this? I MUST be dreaming because that is not me!! I'll tell you who I am! I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, noted Psychiatrist and host of "the Dr. Frasier Crane Show" on KACL. I was never married to Diane, as she left me at the altar. You, are Martin Crane, ex cop and Daphne Moon is your physical therapist!!!" Frasier cried, throwing his hands up in the air. Martin just shook his head. "Oh son. well, tell me about this 'world' that you seem to be living in, I am interested to hear about it. Tell me then, if I'm and ex cop and Daphne is my therapist, why do I have my own practice, and why does Daphne own seven radio stations in the greater Seattle area?" Before Frasier could answer there was a knock at the door. Frasier opened it. "Niles.?" Niles stepped in through the door and gave Frasier a slap on the back. "Hey Fras, what's up, taking a personal day?"
Niles was still small and slight with big blue eyes and blond hair, but that was about the only resemblance this man had to his brother. Niles was TAN. And a bit muscular himself. He wore a white tee-shirt marred with black scuffmarks and baggy pants that were slung low on his hips. There was a belt with tools hanging from it around his waste. He was smoking a very fat and very stinky cigar, and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or two. "Somebody call a plumber?" he said good-naturedly and Martin laughed. "Thanks for coming son, something is wrong with my bathtub, and my poor pet has been complaining for days." "Let me take a look at it" Niles started swaggering towards the bathroom when Daphne appeared. "Niles! I didn't hear you come in!" She exclaimed happily. "Well hello 'mom'" Niles said hugging her, a little to tightly Frasier noted. His eyebrow rose as Niles hand's roamed a little to far south and Martin laughed again. "Now see that Frasier? That is how a son should behave towards his mother." Niles made his way to the bathroom with Daphne in tow and Martin chuckled. "My Daphne just adores Niles you know, I swear she breaks things just so he can come over and fix them. I guess that's her gift to him, keeping him busy." "Oh yes.busy in deed," Frasier thought as he stepped out into the balcony. The fresh air was refreshing and Frasier took in a few big whiffs. "What the hell is going on?" He thought to himself. His world was completely upside down, as if somehow during the night, the balance of nature had shifted. Frasier had never felt so confused or alone in his life.
"Frasier, what are you doing still home? Your show started half an hour ago.damn you look good." Roz Doyle pushed open the door to the balcony and threw herself into Frasier's arms kissing him roughly. "Roz.Roz! What the hell are you doing?" He said when he could talk, after wrestling himself out of her grasp. "Well is that anyway to greet your girlfriend?" Roz said seductively. "And you were supposed to get to work early today so we could.do some 'work' before the show started." "What are you talking about Roz, my show doesn't start until 1" "Now you know well enough that "The Dr. Bob Brisco Show" starts at one. "The Gonzo Sports show starts at 11" "Dr. Bob.bulldog?" "And besides, you not thinking of turning into some kind of stuffy psychiatrist like Bob or your dad eh? I'll take my Frasier 'the cougar' Crane any day." Roz was kissing him again. Frasier threw her aside. "Oh my GOD what is happening to my world!!" He cried running back into his room.
He locked the door, put his pajamas back on and crawled into bed. "I need to start the day over. This can't be my life. My dad's a psychiatrist. My brother is a plumber. My fathers psychical therapist is married to him and having an affair with my brother. I'm dating ROZ and am a SPORTS PERSONALITY" he cried shutting his eyes tightly. If only he could get back to sleep.
Frasier was awakened by barking. Eddie sat on the edge of his bed staring at him. "Eddie? EDDIE!" Frasier cried happily, going to pet him. Eddie gave a fearful whine and ran out of the room. Frasier looked around. "Ah..My décor" he breathed. He stepped into his silk dressing gown and padded into the living room. Martin sat in his overstuffed chair with a bag of pork reigns watching a football game. "Dad! Oh dad, you sitting in your chair! You're eating fatty foods and watching a game with balls! Thank the lord!! Where is Daphne? Did you marry her yet?" Frasier said franticly. Martin looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Marry Daphne are you crazy? What was that you were drinking last night? I TOLD you not to drink alcohol that old!" Frasier smiled. "Ah Dr. Crane, feeling better?" Daphne said stepping into the room with a basket of laundry. "Daphne? Oh dear sweet Daphne! I feel just wonderful! Here let me help you with that!" Frasier said taking it from her and opening the door. Niles stood on the other side. "Frasier, where were you today? We were supposed to meet at Nervosa for latte'.Frasier, you're still in your pajamas! It's nearly four in the afternoon! Are you all right? "Oh Niles! I've never been better! My sweet snooty Niles, it's so good to have you back!" Niles looked at him with concern. "Frasier have you been self medicating? Because if you have take it from me it is not the answer to your problems, I know remember when I-"
"Frasier where the HELL have you been!" Roz pushed passed Niles and Frasier took a step back, afraid she'd kiss him again. "I had to put on the best of Crane and Kenny was NOT happy. Not to mention the weak willed sexual obsessive on line one I had to tell you weren't coming in.all though I did get his phone number and a date out of the whole ordeal. Why aren't you dressed? God Frasier are you ok?"
Frasier walked out to the balcony and gazed at the Seattle skyline. His world was right once more. "I'm fine," he said. "Just fine."
Feedback is always welcome! uberliz@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of Frasier, Niles, Martin, Daphne, Roz, Bulldog or Eddie and am in no way affiliated with the people at Paramount or Grub Street. I am in no way profiting from this story.
AUTHORS NOTE: This is a departure from the norm for me.it's a little strange, but enjoy!
"Oh my god, I've died and gone to hell." Frasier thought as he opened his eyes that morning. He nearly screamed when his eyes adjusted to the morning light. Where was he? He sat up in bed.wait, was it his bed? He gazed around the room in frank horror. Gone he looked out the window. This had to be his room; the view from the bedroom was the same. But it was so.different. Gone where his tasteful pieces of art decor. The room was. well dirty. And cluttered with SPORTS memorabilia. Frasier swung his feet on to the floor and grimaced as he stood upon greasy, food ridden SHAG carpeting. He gingerly made his way through the piffle to the closet. "What the hell is going on here?" He thought as he opened it.
Gone where his wonderful tweed suits and vests, his cashmere sweaters and expensive shoes. What he found was a heap of what looked like tee shirts, jeans, flannel shirts, and running shoes all wadded up on the floor. "Well I must be dreaming" Frasier concluded to himself out loud. "Mabey I'm dreaming that I'm..dad!" He rushed to the mirror to look at his reflection. "Well, I'm not dad" he thought, he certainly looked the same. Dark thinning hair, stately posture. He shook his head. "Well, I'll just have to go along with my dream" he thought to himself as he pulled on a pair of jeans, a white tee shirt and a green plaid flannel. He caught his reflection once more while opening his door. "Good lord. I look like Bulldog"
Frasier sighed with relief. His living room looked the same. The same eams out by the balcony, Swede sofa and ecletic atmosphere. Dad's chair was even the same. Frasier sank down on the sofa with a sigh. "This is where my lady love enters my dream," he thought. He smiled contently. It was nice and quiet. Unusually so..no sounds of barking or scuffling feet..
"Frasier what the hell are you doing?" Martin's voice boomed out with the opening of the front door. "You know better then to sit on that couch with those dirty clothes! How many times have I told you that I don't want you turning my furniture into eyesores like that damn chair of yours!" Fraiser jumped up and turned around. "My chair? Like I would sit in anything like-" He stopped short when he saw Martin.
Decked out in an Slightly wrinkled Armani suit and expertly tailored loafers, Martin Crane looked ten years younger then he was. and muscular. He was caring a grocery bag and no cane. "Dad?" Frasier whispered in shock. Martin stocked into the kitchen muttering to himself, leaving the door wide open. Frasier moved slowly to close it, like he was underwater. But before he could Daphne breezed through in a cloud of jewels and perfume. "Daphne?" "Oh hello Frasier.you look like hell as usual. Don't you ever take a bath? And why are you just now getting out of bed? You know perfectly well your father and I are taking you suit shopping today, so you have something half-way decent to wear at the reception tomorrow night." Daphne's English accent had changed as well. It was very prudish and Frasier couldn't hold his tongue. Dream or no dream he was going to put her in her place. "Daphne! How dare you speak to me in such a way!!! And by the way where is dad's cane? As his psychical therapist you should know that he needs it. And my room. what is going on there? It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in decades! What exactly am I paying you to do again?" Daphne looked as if she'd been slapped. "Paying me.why you little louse! How dare you talk to me ~your stepmother~ like I was no more then a common maid!" "Stepmother.what the hell are you talking about?"
Martin joined them in the living room, folding Daphne in his arms and giving her a long kiss. "Sweet, what's wrong?" He said softly rubbing her back. "It's that son of yours." Daphne said crying into her handkerchief. "You will not believe what he's said to me. He accused me of not doing the JOB he was paying me to do!" She glared at Frasier and shook her tiny fist at him. Frasier just stood in silence, to bemused to do anything. "Now what did you go and do that for? Why do you always try to upset her like that? You know what a delicate system she has. Come a long kitten toes." Martin purred, leading her off to their bedroom. Why don't you just lie down and I'll go fix you some lunch. Chicken or beef broth darling?"
Frasier was standing with his eyes closed mumbling "Wake up Frasier, wake up." When Martin returned. He stalked up to Frasier and pinched him solidly on the arm. "Ouch dad, that hurt!!" Frasier said, rubbing his injured arm as he followed Martin to the bar. "Well if it hurts then it isn't a dream now is it?" He said, pouring himself a sherry. "If you want something to drink, I'll have you know that I bought you some balentines this morning." He said, seating himself on the sofa. "Now come here I want to talk to you." Frasier sat in the grubby overstuffed chair and Martin put his hands on his knees. "Now son, tell me what's troubling you. I know it may seem that lately I haven't had as much time to be nurturing as I could be, but I want you to know that I'm listening." "When have you ever been nurturing dad? When we were kids you were always at work or hanging out with you cop buddies." Martin's face went white. "Son.do you know your name?"
Frasier rolled his eyes. "Yes dad." "Well I'm wondering if you're not having some sort of delusion son. You know very well I don't have any 'cop buddies'. I'm Dr. Martin Crane, Psychiatrist. You are Frasier Crane, a radio personality at KACL ~which is owned by my dear Daphne if you'll remember, so be kind to her.~ You've been living with me for seven years, ever since Diane Left you." Frasier stood up. "What? What is this? I MUST be dreaming because that is not me!! I'll tell you who I am! I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, noted Psychiatrist and host of "the Dr. Frasier Crane Show" on KACL. I was never married to Diane, as she left me at the altar. You, are Martin Crane, ex cop and Daphne Moon is your physical therapist!!!" Frasier cried, throwing his hands up in the air. Martin just shook his head. "Oh son. well, tell me about this 'world' that you seem to be living in, I am interested to hear about it. Tell me then, if I'm and ex cop and Daphne is my therapist, why do I have my own practice, and why does Daphne own seven radio stations in the greater Seattle area?" Before Frasier could answer there was a knock at the door. Frasier opened it. "Niles.?" Niles stepped in through the door and gave Frasier a slap on the back. "Hey Fras, what's up, taking a personal day?"
Niles was still small and slight with big blue eyes and blond hair, but that was about the only resemblance this man had to his brother. Niles was TAN. And a bit muscular himself. He wore a white tee-shirt marred with black scuffmarks and baggy pants that were slung low on his hips. There was a belt with tools hanging from it around his waste. He was smoking a very fat and very stinky cigar, and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or two. "Somebody call a plumber?" he said good-naturedly and Martin laughed. "Thanks for coming son, something is wrong with my bathtub, and my poor pet has been complaining for days." "Let me take a look at it" Niles started swaggering towards the bathroom when Daphne appeared. "Niles! I didn't hear you come in!" She exclaimed happily. "Well hello 'mom'" Niles said hugging her, a little to tightly Frasier noted. His eyebrow rose as Niles hand's roamed a little to far south and Martin laughed again. "Now see that Frasier? That is how a son should behave towards his mother." Niles made his way to the bathroom with Daphne in tow and Martin chuckled. "My Daphne just adores Niles you know, I swear she breaks things just so he can come over and fix them. I guess that's her gift to him, keeping him busy." "Oh yes.busy in deed," Frasier thought as he stepped out into the balcony. The fresh air was refreshing and Frasier took in a few big whiffs. "What the hell is going on?" He thought to himself. His world was completely upside down, as if somehow during the night, the balance of nature had shifted. Frasier had never felt so confused or alone in his life.
"Frasier, what are you doing still home? Your show started half an hour ago.damn you look good." Roz Doyle pushed open the door to the balcony and threw herself into Frasier's arms kissing him roughly. "Roz.Roz! What the hell are you doing?" He said when he could talk, after wrestling himself out of her grasp. "Well is that anyway to greet your girlfriend?" Roz said seductively. "And you were supposed to get to work early today so we could.do some 'work' before the show started." "What are you talking about Roz, my show doesn't start until 1" "Now you know well enough that "The Dr. Bob Brisco Show" starts at one. "The Gonzo Sports show starts at 11" "Dr. Bob.bulldog?" "And besides, you not thinking of turning into some kind of stuffy psychiatrist like Bob or your dad eh? I'll take my Frasier 'the cougar' Crane any day." Roz was kissing him again. Frasier threw her aside. "Oh my GOD what is happening to my world!!" He cried running back into his room.
He locked the door, put his pajamas back on and crawled into bed. "I need to start the day over. This can't be my life. My dad's a psychiatrist. My brother is a plumber. My fathers psychical therapist is married to him and having an affair with my brother. I'm dating ROZ and am a SPORTS PERSONALITY" he cried shutting his eyes tightly. If only he could get back to sleep.
Frasier was awakened by barking. Eddie sat on the edge of his bed staring at him. "Eddie? EDDIE!" Frasier cried happily, going to pet him. Eddie gave a fearful whine and ran out of the room. Frasier looked around. "Ah..My décor" he breathed. He stepped into his silk dressing gown and padded into the living room. Martin sat in his overstuffed chair with a bag of pork reigns watching a football game. "Dad! Oh dad, you sitting in your chair! You're eating fatty foods and watching a game with balls! Thank the lord!! Where is Daphne? Did you marry her yet?" Frasier said franticly. Martin looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Marry Daphne are you crazy? What was that you were drinking last night? I TOLD you not to drink alcohol that old!" Frasier smiled. "Ah Dr. Crane, feeling better?" Daphne said stepping into the room with a basket of laundry. "Daphne? Oh dear sweet Daphne! I feel just wonderful! Here let me help you with that!" Frasier said taking it from her and opening the door. Niles stood on the other side. "Frasier, where were you today? We were supposed to meet at Nervosa for latte'.Frasier, you're still in your pajamas! It's nearly four in the afternoon! Are you all right? "Oh Niles! I've never been better! My sweet snooty Niles, it's so good to have you back!" Niles looked at him with concern. "Frasier have you been self medicating? Because if you have take it from me it is not the answer to your problems, I know remember when I-"
"Frasier where the HELL have you been!" Roz pushed passed Niles and Frasier took a step back, afraid she'd kiss him again. "I had to put on the best of Crane and Kenny was NOT happy. Not to mention the weak willed sexual obsessive on line one I had to tell you weren't coming in.all though I did get his phone number and a date out of the whole ordeal. Why aren't you dressed? God Frasier are you ok?"
Frasier walked out to the balcony and gazed at the Seattle skyline. His world was right once more. "I'm fine," he said. "Just fine."
Feedback is always welcome! uberliz@yahoo.com