Knowing

Phil pauses. Claire is still smiling in wonder because he reads those terrible book club books which she hates, because she's so touched. He's staring now, though, and only somewhat hears Claire ask him if she has something on her face, but he's focused on the adorable (and somewhat common) blush on her cheeks. He smiles. "No."

His Claire – his little Eclair, is sweet, and always adorable, and shy, and the strongest woman he has ever known. Including Nazarin. Claire, with her cheeks still slightly pink, shifts uncomfortably. She was never comfortable with Phil's stares... those eyes of his... like a goldfish. A cute goldfish! The kind you buy for your kids because you know it's not gonna die in two days no matter what happens to it. "What?"

"I'd do it again, you know."

She's confused for a moment but smiles on the outside. They know almost everything about each other, and never stop learning more. Tonight, he learned that she can punch through solid glass, and she learned that he is not as bad at plans as she always thought.

He is her dream man. Well, she kind of knew it before, but now she could barely remember a time when she wasn't in love with Phil. They had been dating for three years before they got married. He knows she doesn't like loud noises – like F-ing gunshots – and she knows he barfs when he's scared. He knows she's scared of loud noises because her parents never ever closed doors quietly when she was a kid. She knows he barfs when he's scared because it first happened when he proposed and barfed before she answered.

"I'd choose you every time." He says it so sincerely he knows that even her biggest self-esteem issues have to give in to his... assertive... ity. Assertivity is not a word but he knows she likes his awkward speaking.

Claire gets up delicately and sits down beside him in the same manner. She tucks herself into his shoulder, fitting perfectly as she always has. Sometimes, with the stress of their life, she does forget to light up for him on the outside. Never on the inside, though. Every time she sees him she's reminded how he's the only person she has ever felt truly safe with. Even after tonight! Especially after tonight, actually. He once promised he would always protect her, and they both know that he has kept that promise.

Phil kisses his wife's hair, like he used to, because it's what he does when he wants her to know that he hasn't forgotten – how he loves her, that he will always protect her. He told her he would take her away from her horrible, horrible home life, where her mother was drunk and her father had trouble remembering his own daughter's name. That night, he had proposed, and gotten so scared that she would say no that he barfed then and there. She didn't care, though, and he knew that. He knew she didn't care about his barfing or average build because... well, he just knew. Like when he first met her; she was sitting in the library, trying to read but unable to for two reasons. Not only did she have to hold it about an inch from her actual pupil but the girls at her table wouldn't stop touching her, for some reason. Phil had watched while they poked and felt, and in the end, all they did was laugh when Claire asked them if they could please stop molesting her. When the other girls had gone he moved in and offered her the magnifying glass he brought with him... just because. Clearly it served its purpose.

Claire thinks about when they first met. The girls at her library table were making fun of her, in what would have been a friendly way if they were actually friends, but they weren't. When they left the cute guy she had noticed come in moved beside her and offered a magnifying glass. She thanked him, a little stunned, and more than shy. He simply said that she had beautiful eyes. She had no idea how to respond to that, so she said "okay". And that was it.

She takes in a breath – which she thinks she does too often, now – and tries not to think about how she almost lost him tonight, because just thinking about the words "lost" and "Phil" together make her want to hyperventilate like she has never hyperventilated before. She knows she's a shy woman, but they both know that she protects her loved ones. The kids get on her nerves, but when that little Haden took Ollie's toy in the sandbox she went over there, scooped her baby boy up and one-two-three-d that brat so angrily he cried. When Triplehorn what's-his-name punched her Philly-dip in the neck she wanted to take him down old school (and would have if that Whippit bitch hadn't have grabbed her hair)! Those poor kids...

Phil is glad he took her out tonight, because despite all the danger and stress to both their hearts, it did them good. When he heard that Haley and Brad split up because they went into routine he felt his heart stop. Not because of the awful news about his friend, but because he was suddenly struck with the picture of Claire standing in the door with a suitcase. He didn't know where it came from, 'cause Claire hasn't gone anywhere without him since... he can't think of a time, but it was distressing. He knew that, sure, they fell into routine, but they both knew that they never stopped loving each other, like their friends supposedly had. So he went to work and did his job and looked at their family picture on his desk all day. The picture of Ollie, and Charlotte, where she actually looks like a civil child, and Claire, who is no doubt ready to drop and sleep right on the floor. Then there's the picture he has of him and Claire together, on a beach. It's of their honeymoon, and it's his favorite picture in the world.

Claire thinks about that stupid birds metaphor and decides there is no possible way it's supposed have meaning beyond the fact that birds have to shit while they're flying or else they'll fall and die. But besides that, she thinks that tonight did them good. Their hearts are stronger, in many different ways, and she'll never do anything in heels ever, ever again. She thinks that Haley and Brad may have given up, but she and Phil never would, and never will. That's why she got all prettied up for their date. She got on her favorite dress – the dress she knows is his favorite because it shows off the boobs she doesn't have – and put on her heels and had a personal freak out. She tested her glasses and decided she wanted to go without them on, because they make her feel like a nerd, and because she knows Phil thinks her eyes are sparklier without them. And she presented herself, he just didn't see it at first.

Then he did, and he gave her that stare that made her have to move in some way or another, and blush. So, she made up some lame bit about throwing it on, trying to ignore the kids smiles and Katie's sly smirk and how she was slightly embarrassed by it all. He said he would change, and Katie nodded, as it telling him hells yeah he better try to look as good as she did. And he said that they should skip the movie, and Charlotte raised her little eyebrows because Katie said when a boy and a girl skip a movie they're going to "make a baby", though the fact that her mom and dad were older than Katie's friends didn't occur to her. Claire noticed this, too, taking a small peak at all three (somehow) suggestive grins and looking back at her husband, even more embarrassed. After their discussion about her lying to clientele he got her excited and with one more look at the kids, and one more deepening of the red in her cheeks, they were off.

Phil thinks about the poser cops whose names escape him, and whether or not ever knew their names in the first place. Either way, if he ever sees them again, and they are restrained with an authority figure present, he'll punch them both in their vaginas – it's going to be a long time before he can think of a face without also thinking of a vagina. Because they called his Claire a lying bitch, and pointed a gun at her, and so many other things, but most of all just made her generally upset. They invoked that panicked look in her eye that she gets when faced with violence or her parents, which is sometimes one in the same. Not that his mother is much better (the nearly-deaf woman verbally abuses Claire like a prostitute's abortionist... that is a truly awful thing to think about). So, yes, he would beat them up, so long as their guns were taken away and he was ensured medical coverage afterwards.

And Holbrooke Grant, the super hot spy man who eyes Claire more intensely than he eyes his super hot girlfriend, can go die... in a f-ing shirt. Is he jealous? Yes. He is jealous, because Holbrooke is undeniably sexy and Claire was all giggly for him, yes. However, Claire is a terribly jealous woman, which is a totally weird and contradicting thing about her that no one would ever guess, but it just doesn't get addressed because they don't get looked at a lot. He finds he's never looked at by other women, and if he is, he would never notice, because he's too busy looking at Claire. As for her, she's a mother in her forties, so she doesn't go out expecting to get attention, but she is pretty, and cute. God, so cute... so, yes, Phil is kind of glad he wrecked Holbrooke's car because he said Claire had soft hands. The sexual insinuations, and the way she looked at him made him want to barf. If Claire could hear his thoughts she would hit him, but in his defense she wasn't happy with the way Phil looked Natalia either. She's not a super model, but Phil is hers, happily. The only thing that makes him happier about himself is the fact that she doesn't blush for Holbrooke. Only for him.

Claire is thankful for Holbrooke's help, but she doesn't want Phil to be jealous. She thinks Holbrooke's attractive, fine, but if she were offered sex with him she would say no. Phil, she's not so sure about, but she tries not to think too hard about that, because it's more confounding than that damn birds metaphor. And when she finally got it through to him that she didn't have any desire to have sex with Holbrooke, he told her he wanted to have sex with Cyndi Lauper. So, now she has to kill Cyndi Lauper, which is a shame, because she likes her music. Claire knows she's a jealous woman, but she knows that they're both okay with that. Because when Phil's mother first told Claire that she wasn't good enough for her little boy, and that some beautiful blond goddess was going to steal him away, Claire snapped, and she screamed at her soon-to-be mother in law that if any woman tried to take her Phil she would punch them so hard in the vagina that they would start their period. Claire knows she's not good with making things up on the spot, but she's okay with that too. Then Phil confessed his fear that she would leave him for another man and she wanted to cry. And she couldn't think of anything to say, because the thought scared her too much. They drove away and she wanted reach out and say she loved him but she was still too stunned. It wasn't until she was dragging that fire escape ladder down and felt his hands on her ass she realized she didn't like to be touched by ANYONE but Phil. Even though she loved her kids with all her heart, they touched a little too much for her liking, and they're her babies! Other people touch her ever so slightly and she wants to barf! Maybe it's because her parents never touched her, so when other people touch it always feels weird and scary and unnecessary and too hard. But Phil is gentle with her.

Phil takes a sip of his water and catches Claire's eye. They both know they're thinking about the same thing: he went into the water. When that cab went into the water they were both horrified. Phil braced for impact and Claire screamed his name as if it alone could save his life if she just screamed it with enough terror in her voice. She stood screaming his name and they both know that if he hadn't have come up within the next two seconds she would have dove in after him, in a sinking cab, just for him. But he did come up, and when she held him he knew she would have drowned with him willingly if not for the kids. They both thank God it didn't come to that. His mother really is horrible, but her mother can't remember her own name. When they were sitting in Holbrooke's car, Phil changing into Holbrooke's tracksuit Claire wouldn't take her eyes off of him, the heat blasting, as one of the only things that would still work in the car. He's still not sure if she blinked the whole time, but she put her glasses on. At the time it confused him, but he understands now that she wanted her vision at full to make sure he really was okay. So when they knew he was okay she took them off again, rubbed her eyes, and said that they would take a metro.

They call each other honey because, while it is a married-couple-cliche, prime examples being Ellen and Clark Griswold, and the Incredibles couple from the movies, it's comforting to them. Claire likes it when Phil calls her honey because she knows he knows she's sweet. Phil likes it when Claire calls him honey just because. She used to call him Philly-dip, but as the time rolled by it became less and less publically appropriate. Of course she still calls him that after he has... well... after they... yeah. So when she asks him to walk her through it on the subway, just like when they're watching movies at home and can't quite follow the plot, he laughs. He says she's sweet, which she is, because he finds nothing more adorable than her mild innocence in the whole situation. Plus she said whacked off. And when she low-fives him but holds his hand firmly afterward he looks at the difference in their hand size, and looks her tired but still breathtaking face, he has to just sit there and marvel at how she could possibly love him. Then she realizes she said whacked off and he laughs on the inside, because she's still his little Eclair.

Claire touches Phil's shoulders sometimes to comfort him, but only she knows it's more comforting for her than him, because it reminds her that he loves her. She rests her chin on his shoulder and buries her face in him and inhales his scent because it keeps her calm. It makes her believe that the world can't hurt her when Phil's around. And it doesn't, because as life threateningly perilous as the night has been, Phil has made sure she wasn't hurt the whole time. She can barely believe it's true, because it occurs to her that surely she was hurt at some point or another that night, with all the guns and such, but the only time she can think of is when she was squeezing herself into that little corset-number he really did steal when the other girls weren't looking.

Phil stands in front of Claire sometimes to comfort her, but only he knows it's more comforting for him than her, because it reminds him that she loves him. It's his way of protecting her, be it from a gun pointed at her or his mother shouting at her because her hair looks the same as it did last Christmas. So when he saw her in that corset thing at the club he couldn't believe it was the same Claire who would automatically hide behind him when they were dating and she was too shy to look at anything but his back. But he knew it was the same Claire, because her face was bright red at having to wear so little. So he was less than comfortable with having to present his wife in lingerie to a perverted politician in a club named the Peppermint Hippo – and she was right, they were two completely innocent words except when combined.

Claire found Phil incredibly sexy when he was speaking so clearly to Crenshaw. Phil found Claire incredibly sexy when she was one-two-three-ing men with guns. They know that they won't have to worry about their sex life anymore.

"S'cuse me!"

Claire and Phil look up and see the cashier looking at them. "Sorry, what?"

"You two... okay? The woman is looking at them with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, we're great." Claire says and gets up. "The food was great, but we have to get home now."

"Alright... " The woman looks at them again with quirked eyebrows. "No charge."

Phil starts to protest but the woman shakes her head, swinging her ponytail. He just sighs and smiles, putting away his wallet. "Well, thank you."

"Take care." Claire and Phil look at each other and take each other's hands.

On the way back home all they can think about is... everything, so when they kiss each other in front of their door and Phil takes her down to the grassy ground they've been anticipating it for about an hour. Their kiss is intensifying and their minds fuzz until Claire starts to get up to go in the house but Phil reaches up and pulls her back under him. She was always embarrassed in that position, being on a platter for him to admire, but she feels gratified by it now, because she doesn't think she'll ever be self conscious again. Not after tonight. That thought, which took all of half a second to fly through her mind, is gone when Phil kisses her again. She doesn't realize what's happened until her body goes limp under him. She considers it a possibility that they've just had sex without even realizing it, because it's more than possible she just had a tiny orgasm, but she doesn't think they had actual sex, so she decides that she's just really, really, happy. Because she's with him.

Phil seems to agree, as he raises himself off of her, knees still encasing her tiny hips, and smiles. He admires her beauty and moves to lie beside her. He's reminded of when they were dating and they would lie just like this and look at the stars, finding star cluster shapes Claire always found the best, if not weirdest ones, like when she found one that was supposed to look like the hunchback of notre dame riding a unicorn with three tails. He feels her hands start to twist the hair at the back of his neck, which he loves, and while he's slightly dazed at this point, and falling asleep, he decides he's just really, really happy. Because he's with her.