Speechless.
A Degrassi story in 3 parts.
Part 1: Let go…
Inspired by Speechless by Lady Gaga and Let go by Ingrid Michelson.
Clare Edwards got up and got dressed. She couldn't believe she was a sophomore. Last year had been an emotional rollercoaster. She fell in love for the first time, and got her heart broken for the first time. Her best friend Alli had dated a older guy who she slept with thinking that was the way to keep him interested. Turns out he didn't care about that. Then she sent him sexy photos, which he showed to his friends. Then he found out he had HPV and Alli thought she had it too. But needless to say they were over for good. Her friend Connor found out he had Asbuhgers. And a girl she had befriended when she came to the school, had stolen her boyfriend. But that was all in the past. The girl was gone. Clare was determined to make the best of this year. No boy drama. No matter what, Clare thought, no one was worth it. She had thought KC was worth it but he wasn't. they were friends true, but she still hadn't let go of what he had done. After spending two weeks in England with her older sister Darcy, she had a better outlook on life. As she looked up the steps of Degrassi she knew that this year would be different, she couldn't wait. As she walked up she heard a loud
"Clare" it was Alli. She hugged her.
"Hey Alli." she smiled at her bestie. To look at them a year ago you never would have thought that they would get along let alone be besties. At first Clare wore a private school uniform, and Alli like to wear short skirts and tank tops. Alli was comfortable around boys, and Clare was shy. Alli was Indian Muslim and Clare was white Christian. Although the had many differences, the formed a close bond that was definitely put to the test.
"How was England?"
"Awesome. Declan was right. There is nothing like England in the summer time." Alli was glad she had gotten away. She needed and deserved it. Even though her and KC were friends, Clare needed to get out of Toronto. They walked to get there schedules and locker assignments. There lockers were near each other and there home room was the same place. As they headed to media immersion, a guy was rushing and bumped into Clare causing her drop all her booked.
"Hey watch where your going!" Clare said, but the stranger bent down and picked up her books. She looked at the guy. He had dark brown hair and eyes. His eyes were more like liquid chocolate. He had nice features. Clare was stunned. He was very cute. It dressed in slightly preppy outfit. Something Declan would wear, Clare thought.
"I'm sorry," replied starring at the pretty stranger. She was medium height, with long brown hair and piercing blue green eyes that seemed to peer into his soul. She had soft sweet features. "I'm sorry. I kinda a klutz. My name is Sam." he held out his hand and she took it.
"I'm Clare." she was surprised her voiced worked that much. Alli wasn't sure exactly what was happening but she knew it was special.
"And I'm her bestie Alli." that snapped them out of it for a brief moment just so Sam could say
"Nice to meet you." but his eyes never left Clare. His gaze was strong and sincere, that Clare felt weird under it. Alli continued by saying
"Are you knew here?"
"Yeah I moved here on Sunday." he looked at Clare and asked "Do you know where the Media immersion room is? It is my first class and homeroom." Alli lit up
"Really, cause that's where going, right Clare?"
"Yeah." she said
"Maybe we can go together."
"Sure." and they all headed to the media immersion room.
. . .
KC Guthrie sat down in his media immersion room leaving room for Clare and Alli. The last two weeks without Clare had been well hell. After much time of her hating him (for good reason) the were friends once again. True he still liked her a lot and wanted it to be more than just friends, but he dared not tell her. He looked out the window into the hall. He saw Clare. She was smiling, and it made him smile. 1 year after they met and she was still the only person who could give him butterflies. But his smile soon vanished. He saw a tall male walking with them. He was in preppy kind of outfit. Something KC would never wear. He was talking and Clare was laughing. KC could feel his anger growing. As they entered Clare went right up to KC and threw her arms around him
"KC! Oh I've missed you!" he returned the warm embrace. Alli didn't share her enuthasim for KC.
"Hi KC." she held out a hand as if she was only being poliet.
"Hey Alli." then he turned to the stranger. "I'm KC."
"Sam." Clare was so happy, that KC couldn't be rude to this stranger. Before they could talk anymore Mr. Simpson came in and said
"Ok can everyone please take a seat?" Clare sat next to KC and Alli, but made eye contact with Sam. Simpson countuied "Before we start with class I would like to introduce everyone to our new student Sam Coyne." Sam stood up and said hi to everyone. Clare was was Declan and Fiona's last name. She was sure that he wasn't their brother. She would have met him by now. Sam sat down and caught Clare's eye. She smiled and he returned it. This interaction wasn't lost on KC who felt a sudden urge to punch Sam. Simpson went on and on. Finally the bell rang and Sam bumped
"Sorry Clare" he said as if he was a shy little boy
"It's ok Sam.' she smiled and he hurried out of the class room. Clare watched him leave and she left with Alli.
"So I guess this means your officially over KC?" she teased.
"Shut up I'm over KC. He is my friend." at that Alli laughed.
"What?"
"There is no way you and heartbreak Guthrie can ever be friends."
"Why not? We were friends before we started dating." Clare said
"Yeah, but your whole friendship came out of you two liking each other. No you two being friends before you guys liked each other."
"whatever. We can and will be friends. Besides what makes you think Kc still likes me in that way?"
"I think he likes you in every way." Alli said silently. They went about the rest of the day before lunch. Alli went her locker and Clare followed. Sam came up behind them
"Hey Clare, Alli." he said but his eyes were on Clare. "Would you two like to go to lunch at the Dot? As my thanks for helping me this morning?" he asked both but it was clear to Alli that he only wanted Clare. She smiled and said
"You know what I told Connor and Dave I would sit with them. But you go Clare. Have fun." Clare siliently thanked her, and left with Sam. Alli went to the lunch room. She sat with KC, Connor and Dave. KC looked panically for Clare.
"Where's Clare?"
"Out to lunch. With Sam."
"But she should be eating with me I mean us." he said cathing himself.
"Why?" Alli challenged him. "She's single and he is so cute." KC tried not to show his jealousy. Why did he think that he was the only guy who would like Clare. As he sat there too upset to eat he thought about it. If things were really over between him and Clare, something inside him would surely die.
. . .
Clare felt as if she were in a dream. Sam was a perfect gentleman. He opened the door, for her he was so sweet. Clare was smiling like an little girl on Christmas. He opened the door to the Dot and got them a table. Spinner came over to take their order.
"Hey Clare usual?"
"Sure thanks Spin."
"And you?" he asked giving Sam a evil look
"Whatever Clare's having."
"You know I don't know you. And I don't know if Clare has told you but I'm like her unofficial big brother."
"Spinner." she said as if to tell him to shut up.
"You know I'm gonna be a cop right?"
"Spinner!" truly horrified now. He smiled and walked away. Sam smiled to.
"Who was that?" Sam saked curiosity took over.
"Spinner. He dated my sister for a while. Now I guess ghe feels like he has to be my big brother."
"Cool. I have a sister."
"Really?" now Clare could ask what she wanted to ask "Are you related to Declan and Fiona?" Sam looked surprised
"Yeah there are my cousins. Why? How do you know them?"
"Just wanted to know. I also met them when I was props Master for the show last year." Sam's face lit up
"Your Clare, that Clare?"
"Yes." she was confused.
"Declan said that hhe would introduce us. He said we have a lot in common.
"Really?"
"Yeah I love theatre too. Mostly backstage."
"Really me too. Its like a adrenialne rush
"I know what you mean. its like the whole world is on my shoulders and I can control it." Clare was stunned. He was the frist guy who really got her. I mean since KC. She amiled
"So why are living with Declan and Fiona?"
"Well my parents are in the middle of a nasy divorce and cant decide where am I gonna live. So they sent me here."
"Do you like it?" "Love it." Clare decided to play a little
"and your girlfriend doesn't mind being left alone."
"If I had one I'm sure. How about you" she looked at him "Do you have a boyfriend?"
No."
"What was that? You hesitated."
"I didn't."
"You did. Tell me." she sighed
"Ok you know that guy KC?"
"yeah?" "Well we dated last year."
"Really?" suddenly wishing he was KC.
"yeah but he dumped me for another girl. But were just friends now."
"You want it to be more?" she took a sip out of her glass as he asked it. She spit it out.
"Gosh no. I learned my lession." she smiled
"Lucky me." Sam said that louder than he intended to. The rest of lunch was spent telling each other about their families. Sam talked without hestion or sense of filter. She seemed to learn more about him in this lunch date than KC in months of knowing/ dateing also told him about her goals. Something KC rarely asked about. Clare loved this time, but she stopped before she got to far ahead of herself. She had fallen for a guy she harldy knew and got hurt. Was she able to handle it again?
,. , , , , , ,
KC waited impatiently for Clare to return form her lunch with Sam. He couldn't stand him. They were waiting in the media immerion room for her to return. They being Alli, Connor and KC. They were gonna discuse wether or not to do Bot wars this year. Clare came running in
"So sorry guys. Lunch ran later than I thought."
"It's ok. As long as you're here now." KC said. He smiled at her. Alli then asked
"So how was it?"
"Awesome!" Clare said. Not the response KC wanted to hear. He would have liked to hear that they had nothing in common and she never wanted to see hima again "He is so sweet."
"So who paid?" Alli asked
"He did. His Dad is a rich lawyer and his mom is a producer on Broadway. They are like loaded." Clare said KC couldn't stand it
"Oh are you gonna tell us his whole life story or are we gonna focus on Bot wars?" KC snapped Clare fell silent and Alli smiled. She knew he was jelous.
"Sorry. So are we gonna do it thi syear or not?" Clare said
"I don't know Clare. I mean we didn't win last year." Alli said looking at Connor. It was his fault.. That's not really relevant
"Well we could." Clare said "We know what we did wrong and I think we can win. We just have to."
"Clare I have baby sitting. Like everyday." Alli said
":Yeah I and I am doing the football teams SATS." Connor said. Clare's happy face fell and KC said
"Come on guys. Remember all the fun we had? Come on it could be more fun." Clare wanted to hug KC. He was so awesome sometimes. Alli and Connor looked at each other.
"Sure sounds great." Connor said
"I'm in." Alli said.
"Thanks guys." Clare was so happy. Alli then left. She had to get home for her mom's birthday and Connor ahd to get to practice. Leaving Clare and KC looked at KC. KC asked
"So you had fun at lunch?"
"Yeah I did. He is really cool."
"Do you like him?" the question startled Clare. She thought about it. True he was the frist guy in a long time that made her laugh and that she had anything in common with. But did she like him? She wasn't so sure. She was confused. So she was honest
"I don't know K. I like hanging out with him. I mean we only went lunch, but he is cool. But I just met him. I have learned not to fall to quickly for someone before I really get to know them." that was a clear stab at KC and he knew it. But he also knew he deserved it.
"Well just promise me you wont settle for anything less than you desrve." he said it so sencire and true
"I promise K."
"So how was England?" she went on about her trip and how Darcy got lost in London in the rain.
"Sounds like you had fun?"
"I did." He was glad to see her happy. Clare had a problem with pretending to be happy when she wasn't. it was a rare thing to see her truly happy, KC could always tell when she was faking it. "What about you, how was the last two weeks?" he told her about how he Dave and Connor were playing basketball and how he threw the ball and it hit Connor in the ehad. She burst out laughing
"KC Guthrie, king of smooth moves." he returned the smile. Then Clare's phone went off. It was Sam
Wanna go to the above the Dot club tonight? Clare sighed and regretfully and typed
Can't. I have to work. Maybe abother time.
She needed to think about things. Clare was never someone to rush into things especially when she was unsure. She left KC sitting there and went to her job.
. . . . . .
Sam lay in the guest room thinking about his day. He wasn't sure if he'd like Degrassi, but after hanging out with someone like Clare, he thought he could like it. She was not only pretty but she was really cool. Declan came in
"Hey man what up, I thought you wanted to go the Club?"
"I would but Clare said no?"
"So you met Clare?"
"Yeah." he smiled
"I told you she was cute."
"Yeah you were right."
"Well like I said, she is like a liitle sister to Fi and me." he turned to leave
"Hey Decs"
"What?"
"Do you know what happened between her and her ex?"
"All I know is she really liked him, I mean really liked him. But he left her for a blonde. She was a wreak for awhile. She then worked on the paly and that's how we met."
"Thanks Decs. Have fun with Ms. J." he smiled.
Clare definatly came with her complications, but something inside Sam wouldn't let him let it go. He would win her over if it was the last thing he did.
. . . .
Clare came home form her babysitting job. She smiled at her parents.
"Hi honey, how was it?" her mom asked
"Fun. Always is. Listen I'm not hungry, I'm just gonna go upstairs and do homework."
"Wait. You have a letter from Darcy." she handed Clare a envelope. She smiled and went to her room. She set her bag on the floor and she sat on her bed. She opened the letter.
Hey Baby Sis,
How is 10th grade? How is Alli? Connor? How is KC? I hope you love this year. I remember my 10th grade year. That's when I met Spinner. but that isn't relevant. Remember that conversation we had on your last day here? How you weren't sure about you and KC? Well I have thought about it. I think you shouldn't go back out with him. True you should be his friend and everything but not his girlfriend. Maybe you two will be together one day, but I now what you need right now is a guy who makes you laugh. You makes you feel special.. Someone who is into as much as you are to them. Someone who makes you think that its ok to be happy. You need to move on from KC. I'm gonna lie to you. It will be hard. Very hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do. But you will be so much better off. I love ya Clare… have fun..
Clare smiled and she put the note in her bag. Little did she know the true effect those words would have on her.
.
Everyday they hung out they had more in common. Clare was so surprised how easy it was to let her self be well herself. She spent every free moment with him. He was too perfect Clare thought. She knew it wouldn't last. It never did. She hoped it lasted longer than before. She was sitting with KC in Media Immersion waiting for class to begin.
"What do you think of Sam?" Clare asked him
"I don't really know him. I don't really care to." Clare was surpisred by his response. She fell silent. She kinda avoided Sam and he knew it. He went up to Alli.
"Hey what is up with Clare? She has been avoiding me all day."
"Well she was taliking to KC about you and he said something atht made her upset." Alli said
"Why does she care so much about what he thinks?" "Before they went out, they were best friends. So close. Then they broke up and now there friends again. He is the only guy I know of who's opion matters to her the most."
"Thanks Alli." he knew he ahd to clear the air with KC. So he went into the media immersion room and sat down next to Kc
"Hi." Sam said. They were the only ones in the room. KC really didn't want to be nice to him.
"Hi." he resopnded.
"Ok look. I know you and Clare are really close. And your opion matters to her a lot."as Sam said it KC smlied slitenley.
"Ok so?"
"Do you think she would go out with me if I asked?" Now Kc wanted to say no.. I mean he really did. But he knew that she would. And right now her ahppiness was everything.
"Sure man." With that Sam smiled and left.
The next day, Sam proceeded to convice Clare to come over to work on home work. She agreed. Sam new this was the prefect chance. He wouldn't let it get away.
. . . .
Clare nervously walked up to Declans and Fionas house. Well now Sam's house too. She knocked on the door and expected to see Declan's mom answer but Sam did.
"Hey Clare come on in." she amidtely knew they were alone.
"Where is everyone?"
"Decs and Fi are at the movies and my aunt and uncle are someone's brithday party."
"Why didn't you go to the movies?"
"I wanted to hang with the coolest girl at Degrassi." Clare smiled shyly "I thought before we start off studying we would eat a little." he brought out two plates of Spagetti.
"My faveorite but how did you know?"
"You told me."
"Wow." she thought they ate and enjoyed a little cake. "Since when can you cook?" she asked
"Well whe your parents work like a million hours awek, you knoda learn to cook if you like to eat." she smileid then they stuied for a while on the couch. She knida neslited up to him. Then she looked at him. He looked deep into her eys and did something brave. He kissed her. He kissed without hestitaion or resist. And she retumrded the kiss. Then something happened that shook Clare up. She insintly saw KC's face on Sam's body. She broke free
"I gotta go" she said serching for her coat.
"What why?"
"I just gotta ok." she was now frantic
"Clare will you just wait." she did truning back to him
"I really like you Clare."
"Ok I really gotta go. Test tomorrow and I'm not ready for it. If I could only find my coat" she said heading for the door.
"Your really gonna leave after that?" he refering to him telling her how he felt. She stopped
"Ok I don't know what to say.."
"Just say you like me too, and trust me to take care of it from there." she shook her head
"I cant ok. I cant trust you."
"Why not?"
"Because the last guy I trusted hurt me. He hurt me so badly that I cant trust anyone ever gain." she said. Now he was mad.
"How long are you gonna let that jerk run your life?"
"He doenst!" exclaimed Clare
"He does. Clare every time you meet a guy from now on, they are gonna have to suffer for KC's screw up."
"That's not true." she said she was tearing up now.
"Oh so its me you don't like?"
"No I do like you" she said
"Then why?" he looke like he was in pain "Look Clare I like you. I really do. Youre funny, smart sweet cool and really pretty. I know I can make you happy. I know you would make me happy. It kills me that your letting some asshole dictate wether or not you are happy." He looked ead into her eyes. "Like I said I like you, and I'll wait. But I'm not waiting forever. Whenever you decide how you fel, let me know." and with that Clare ran out of the house and ran to her house. She was crying all the way. He hoped that she wasn't walking out of his life forever.
…. . .
Clare ran to her bed and hugged herself. She wanted to let her self fall for Sam, she really did. She couldn't understand it, then she pulled out that letter Darcy had written her.
I now what you need right now is a guy who makes you laugh. You makes you feel special.. Someone who is into as much as you are to them. Someone who makes you think that its ok to be happy. You need to move on from KC. I'm gonna lie to you. It will be hard. Very hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do. But you will be so much better off.
For the first time in her life Darcy was right. She went up to her mirror and looked at it dead in the center which she swore she saw KC's refection staring back at her. She didn't know if she was dreaming or not but she looked at him dead the eyes. And shouted
"Realse me." when his face didn't disapear she said it agin "REALSE ME" she cried. She needed to let him go.. She had to. She would still love him she realized that, but he would be her best friend. She realized something. There was one person who could let KC go. Only one person who could allow her to be happy. She looked back at the mirror. Instead of KC's refelction it was on top of her own. That was the person, she was starring at her. She told herself to be happy, to love again. She knew who in mind. She saw KC's refelction slowly disapear untill she was only looking at her self. She smiled. She felt like a wieght was taken off her heart. She called Alli and told her everything.
"I am so happy for you. Are you gonna tell Sam?"
"Yeah, tomorrow." she didn't let herself back out and loose her courage.. She hung up with Alli and went to bed. Tomorrow was a new day.
. . . .
Clare rushed to school to find Sam. When he didn't show she was concerned. But rather than dewlling on it she went to class. Right before the bell rang Sam showed up late. Clare sent him a quick email.
Sam signed on and realized he had an email. It was from Clare.
Meet me in the Zen garden during your spare.
He smiled and sent one back saying
Ok.
Clare waited in the Zen garden for Sam. He saw her sitting there. He sighed
"What up Clare?"
"I wanted to explain something to you, about mine and KC'c relationship that you may not know." he nodded and she counited "First off I want to tell you that I have always been in my sister Darcy's shadow. I always wanted to be her. She was pretty and popular and she got all the cute guys. But I also wanted to be nothing liker at the same time. I wanted to be so different that I wore a uniform for months." she smiled at the memory of that gross thing. "Then something wonderful happened. I met KC. And he made me fell beautiful and for the frist time in my life it was good to be Clare. People wanted to be me. We finally beagn dating right before the end of the semester last year. I was so happy I thought that things would stay that wasy forver." she started to tear up "Then he left me for a blonde cheerleader named Jenna. And I wished then more than ever that I was Darcy. Maybe if I was prettier or funnier or a cheerleader than he wouldn't have left. It took me months but I was finally ok with being his friend agin." she looked at him "Then I meet you. And it is that feeling all over again. And it scares me. I don't know if I can deal with another heart break." she said. She beagn to cry. She only told Alli all this before. He hugged her
"Hey, hey, shh don't cry." he pulled her close. "Clare I would never hurt you like that."
"That is what they all say." she said
"Well I wont." he didn't know how to reasure her then he added "Besdies blonde cheerleaders arent my type." she smiled "Look I know you arent ready for anything serious and we can take this slowly." he said
"Really?" she thought this was too good to be true.
"Really." and he hugged her again maybe tomorrow they would kiss again or the next. She wasn't sure where this was heading but for now this was all she wanted.
. . .
Epilouge
KC headed for his locker when he looked in the Zen garden window. She was in the arms of another man. Someone better than he. He thought about it. Maybe Clare dating Sam wasn't so bad. This would give him time to be worthy of her again. He smiled. He wasn't gonna give up so easily.
Part 2 Treading Water.
Clare and Sam are the perfect couple. All of her friends love him and so does her parents. But when KC and Sam starting fights in class, Clare confronts KC and Sam. Will she be able to keep both or have to choose one over the other? Will she like KC's answer or will he loose her forever?