She stood holding the hand on the little girl, staring at the mound of newly dug earth. She had no tears left, she was drained, totally exhausted from nights without sleep and days where all she did was barely function.

Everywhere in the house was a reminder of him, of their four years together, and the biggest reminder was standing next to her.

Something touched her arm, 'Alice,' a soft musical voice, full of tenderness, 'come on, time to go.'

Alice slowly turned to see Jean and Lucien and allowed herself to be guided by them. She would have to face the officers at the Blake's house. Jean had kindly offered to host the wake, and promised to keep it simple.

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Everybody was so kind. Jean had put the children in the studio where they could play and had arranged that someone who didn't know Frank would stay with them and keep them amused.

Lucien kept an eye on his friend and colleague. Frank's death had floored her, a road accident, a blow out on the way home from Melbourne sending the car off the road and into a ditch. Lucien did the autopsy, he would have died instantly he told Alice, but that was no consolation, as she said, he shouldn't have died at all.

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Alice had never expected to love anyone the way she had loved Frank, or to be loved like he had loved her. It had changed her whole perception of life and she had taken to motherhood well. Now all she had left was Lucie-Jean and more memories than she could keep track of. Jean and Lucien had been wonderful. Jean had explained to Lucie-Jean that daddy had gone to help God keep watch over the world. There were so many people that God needed an extra special someone to help him, but he would always watch over her and mummy, she just had to look for the brightest star in the sky.

Lucie-Jean had listened and cried that she wanted daddy too. Jean had held her close and told her to be brave.

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Alice insisted that she would stay in their home, it was where she had had her happiest times and the place her daughter was most familiar with. Lucien agreed with her, staying away would make it harder to go back when she had to.

The nights were the worst, Lucie-Jean would crawl in with her to sleep, but Alice just lay there and looked at her. At one point Jean suggested that she try returning her to her own bed, she couldn't sleep with her mother forever.

'I just can't get up the energy to move.' Alice said one day, when Jean had called in with Bobby and Jenny to play with their friend.

'Alice, you need your sleep,' Jean was gentle she knew what it was like to be widowed so suddenly, 'you're exhausted.'

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Alice took Lucie-Jean home when she came to her and complained she was tired. She excused herself thanking everyone for their kind words and for attending.

The house was quiet and dark, she had closed the curtains and it made the place dismal. Frank liked light so she flung the drapes open and looked out onto the garden. The only light was the moon and stars and the memory of lying on the rug listening to him tell her about the constellations and the myths surrounding them came flooding back.

'Mummy,' Lucie-Jean tugged her hand. She turned and picked her up nuzzling into her curls. 'Aunty Jean said one of the stars is daddy. Which one?'

'Alice took a deep breath to hold the tears in, 'Let's go and see, shall we?' she murmured.

Out in the garden they looked up at the sky. Lucie-Jean pushed two fingers into her mouth and sucked hard, a sure sign she was ready to sleep, that and playing with a curl.

'Which one, do you think?' Alice asked.

Lucie-Jean removed her fingers, and pointed upwards. 'That one.' She decided, 'it's the shiniest.'

'That one it is then.' Alice found herself smiling, for the first time in days, 'better say good night.'

'Night, night, daddy.' Lucie-Jean pushed the fingers back and put her head on her mother's shoulders.

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Alice looked in on her daughter as she went to bed. She was fast asleep, still sucking her fingers. She adjusted the covers over her and kissed her gently.

'Goodnight, my darling,' she whispered.

As she closed her own curtains she looked at the stars.

'Goodnight, Frank.' She whispered.

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Alice woke, alone but strangely at peace. Who knew that a simple story to explain death to a child would offer her the same solace, the comfort to enable her, an educated woman, to sleep deeply for the first time since Frank's passing. It seemed to have worked for her daughter as well, for when Alice went to check on her on her way to the bathroom, she was still fast asleep.

She decided a soak in the bath would help her think about what she was going to do now. She would need to work, and there was only one thing she knew she wanted to do. She would have to arrange for Lucie-Jean to be looked after while she was in the morgue with Lucien, he had promised to keep her job open for her, but he had suggested she take a month off and then come back slowly. Lucie-Jean was only three so she supposed she would need a nanny. Jean would help her with that, she knew, she would know what to look for and what she should offer as a salary. Her musings were interrupted by a timid tap on the door.

'Mummy?' Lucie-Jean called through the door.

'Come in sweetie, I'm in the bath.' Alice smiled, this was one 'joint' activity she wasn't going to pass up.

Her daughter smiled as she entered. She did what she had really wanted the bathroom for then Alice suggested she get in with her, and they could have a splash about together. Alice remembered the first time she had had the little girl in with her, the first time she had been able ask her mummy about the scar across her abdomen. Alice had been honest about it, told her that was how she came to be born, because mummy had been hurt and Uncle Lucien had had to do an operation on her. But it was ok, it didn't hurt, anymore. After that Lucie-Jean would join her mother in the bath when she could.

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Breakfast over, the dishes washed and left on the drainer, some would say she was a sloppy housewife, but she didn't care, not even Jean would mind if she didn't dry the dishes and put them away. Not this once, anyway.

She helped Lucie-Jean put her coat on, it was bright red, Frank had bought it for her.

'I want to go and see Aunty Jean, sweetie.' She told her as she put her own coat on and took the keys off the hook.

'Will all those people be there?' Lucie-Jean hadn't really liked that she couldn't be with mummy all of yesterday, with all the adults around.

'Not today, love,' Alice smiled, she agreed, it had been a bit uncomfortable, 'you can play with Bobby and Jenny in the garden, I expect.'

'Ok,' the little girl's face brightened.

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Jean was pleased to see her visitors, Alice looked much better and she commented on it.

'Thank you, I slept a lot better.' Alice smiled, 'somebody told my daughter about stars.' She raised an eyebrow at Jean.

'Really,' Jean smiled back, 'well if it works for big children too...' She turned to Lucie-Jean, 'Bobby and Jenny are in the garden, playing with the ball.' Jenny grinned and ran past Jean into the garden.

'Tea?' She offered Alice, as they went into the kitchen.

They sat at the table drinking tea Alice thanking Jean for everything she had done for her lately.

'Don't mention it, that's what friends are for.' She reached over and patted her hand.

'There is one more thing I would like you help with.' Alice looked embarrassed at the thought she didn't know how to engage a nanny.

'If I can.'

'I'm going to need a nanny for Lucie-Jean.' She blurted out.

'Why on earth would you need a nanny?' Jean couldn't work that one out. Alice was a one off, everybody knew that and accepted it, but why would she need a nanny.

'Well.' Alice sighed, 'I need to go back to work, soon.'

'Don't you want me to have her anymore?' Jean looked hurt.

'You can't look after my child all the time, Jean. That's not fair.' Alice sensed she'd got this wrong.

'Too old to look after three, am I?' Jean raised her eyebrow.

'No of course not.' Alice looked horrified that she'd offended her friend, 'it's just that I can't go on taking advantage of our friendship.'

'Twaddle!' Jean scoffed, 'she's happy here, isn't she?'

Alice nodded.

'The last thing she needs is change, especially now.' Jean poured more tea, 'she comes here and that's all there is to it.'

Alice knew when she was beaten but determined she would have to find a way to thank her, frequently. She daren't offer to pay, she knew that would offend Jean. Deep down she was more than grateful that Lucie-Jean would be safe and well looked after when she went back to work.

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This should fill in the gap between the end of 'With you to hold my hand,' where the ending is Ch3, she has a baby with Frank, and 'Missing', the recent story written for Kam.

There may be more, not sure yet.