Sam waved merrily at Merry. "Hoy, Merry! I have something I need to tell you!"

Merry groaned. He hated Sam more than he hated anything else. He wished the stupid hobbit would just go back to his gardening and leave him be. Knowing he was probably making a mistake, Merry shuffled over to Sam. "What is it?"

Sam dropped his voice to a whisper. "I have something important to tell you."

Merry rolled his eyes. "What? Did Frodo finally stop doing that stupid chicken dance of his?"

"No, that's not it." The hobbit grinned from ear-to-ear, still whispering. "It's secreter than that."

"No, Sam, no!" Faramir dashed into the room. "Don't say it! Don't let them hear you!"

Merry stared at him. "Faramir? You don't come in until the second movie. You shouldn't be here."

"That's not important right now." Faramir wiped his sweaty brow. He flung the excess perspiration at Sam, who screamed and fell over. Ignoring the hobbit, Faramir went on. "I just escaped from the grammar police. I have to get out the news. They're trying to get the Ring!"

Merry furrowed his brow. "Wasn't that the movie with the videotape that kills people and the—"

"No, you idiot, not the movie 'The Ring,' the actual Ring! The One Ring to Rule Them All!"

"You just capitalized those words. I think that's improper grammar."

"I don't care!" He paused. "No, wait, I do care." At this time he realized he was standing in Merry's house. "Hm. Nice place you got here."

Merry shrugged. "Well, it works for two hobbits."

"Two? Two hobbits?"

Pippin walked up. "Oh, hello, everybody. I just got back from this great second breakfast at IHOP. So, what are ya doing?"

Merry looked at Faramir. "He was saying something about this whole grammar police thing and Sam had something to tell me. Other than that, we weren't really doing anything."

"Great! I'll just go have elevensies."

He ambled into the kitchen. Faramir watched him go. "He does know it's only nine in the morning, right?"

Merry shook his head. "Pippin never was good with time."

Sam popped up. "Merry! I still have something to tell you!"

"What is it, Sam?"

"I, uh, oh, dang it, I forgot."

Faramir drew his bow. "Quick! I hear them coming! Rally to me!"

Suddenly a screeching sound came from outside the window. Everyone froze. Everyone but Pippin, who happily skipped to the circular window. "I wonder who that is." Humming to himself, he opened the window. "Well, hello, there. What can I help you with?"

Faramir rushed over to the hobbit. "Don't worry, Pippin! I'll get them!"

Just then, Frodo popped up from outside. "Well, hello, everyone. Sam, Pippin, Merry, and you, guy-who-I-meet-in-the-second-movie. What brings you all here?"

Merry crossed his arms across his chest. "I guess it's because I live here."

Pippin nodded. "Yeah, me too!"

Sam giggled. "I have to tell Merry a secret."

Faramir shrugged. "I'm here so the author can make some lame references to his other Lord of the Rings story."
They all realized that they were being used by the author for some stupid, lame story, so they all left to have elevensies. At nine o'clock in the morning.

Anyway, as they headed to IHOP, Merry turned to Sam. "So, Sam, you idiot, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

"What? Oh, yeah. What I wanted to tell you was—"

A Ringwraith flying on a fell beast came and carried Sam away. Merry shrugged. "Ah well. I guess we'll never know what Sam wanted to tell me."

The End…Or Is It?

Frodo sighed. "You know, I bet the author is going to use us in some stupid sequel where the entire world is in our hands and we have to save the world from some evil."

Merry shrugged. "Or the sequel could be about nothing, just like this story."

Frodo nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. Want some pie?"

"Who doesn't? Let's go."