A/N Okay, as if this song hasn't been song-fic'ed into the ground and out the other side already. I don't own Al (Ooo, my sexy Al) and I don't own....Evanescence 'My Immortal'. I told you this song had been run through too many times, but it's cute, so it works. I just watched Shock Theatre, so I'm kind of in a sentimental Sam/Al mood.
You Still Have All of Me
Al smashed his hands into the cave wall as the hologramatic image before him flickered and died.
"Ziggy, get me back to him, NOW!" He screeched, barely keeping himself in check.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
He wanted to cry. He had seen the look on Sam's face as he stared at him in confusion. There had been no recognition there, none at all. At least that first time, when Sam had first leaped, at least then he was still Sam inside. Now there was some one else in there who didn't know what was going on and that didn't remember him at all. Beyond that, he didn't know where the real Sam was. Ziggy had worsened his doubts by saying that if they didn't get Sam to take that horrible and inhumane shock therapy again, they would never be able to contact him again and he would always be like this; waking up as someone else each morning and having random flashes of horrible things triggered by the simplest of events. Al bit back a sob as he himself relived the terrors of war that had so briefly reflected in his friend when the bastard who had done all this to begin with walked in. He wasn't really sure what compelled him to ask for Sam's name and rank, but it had started him back down on the path to a time he was still fighting to forget. He felt the bile rising in his throat as he mulled over Ziggy's commands. Sam would never take the shock therapy again; he would never even dream of subjecting his friend to that if it weren't for Ziggy's insistence that without it he would leave them forever, and would be lost in the abyss he was in with no companionship.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
He finally lost it. He slid down onto his knees and cried inconsolably, not that anybody tried. What if he did lose Sam forever? He could never...no, he wouldn't even consider that option. He couldn't live without Sam. Sam was the strong one, not him. He just knew how to manipulate things. He didn't want to have to go on without Sam; he needed him. But he couldn't stay and watch Sam in this torture, either. He didn't know which was worse, no Sam or this nightmare.
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
He could still hear Sam's tormented pleas to sleep ringing in his ears. How he wanted to be able to reach out and hold his friend; make it all better. He wanted to be able to feel his comrades embrace just once again. His arms ached to sooth a man he couldn't even see anymore. For a brief second he could have sworn he felt the phantom of strangled sobs against his chest and hands clawing his shirt; the whisper of a wail that was not his own registered in his head.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Not for the first time in his life, Al felt helpless. It was the feeling that had torn through him as he watched his prayers fall on the deaf ears of God as his father died in pain from cancer. It was the feeling that had crushed him when he had come back from years of imprisonment only to find his wife Beth, his one true and pure love, had left him for some nozzle; that she thought he was dead and preferred to keep it that way. It was the feeling that taunted him as he watched Sam tear his one chance of getting Beth back away, as he sat back and told Sam that he could have saved him from those pained nights as a P.O.W. It was the feeling that had seared through him as he returned to find his friend lying in a pool of his own blood on the church floor.
No one could say that Rear Admiral Albert Calavicci didn't know what pain was; he knew all too well.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
He knew as he picked himself up and prepared to attempt to return to Sam that he could never live with himself if he lost him now. After all, he had been the one who helped Sam with his fears and memories when he first started leaping; he had been the one to lead Sam through almost all of his leaps safely to date...so to speak. He couldn't let them ruin him anymore than they already had. He could still vaguely hear Sam's frightened voice begging him not to let them shock him again. He had felt the urge to reach out and stroke his friend once again, but knew he couldn't. Knew he couldn't wipe away those tears that fell from his eyes like a frightened child, knew he couldn't hold him and calm his fears with a soothing pat or embrace; all he could do was stand there and watch as his friend screamed his name. Every ounce of his soul was bent toward the protection and happiness of his friend, but he couldn't do anything.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Sam had been so full of promise when it all started. Maybe that's what drew Al to him. He had spun such a wonderful idea, and all about him Al could see the embodiment of the dream; but the dreamer was gone, and what good is a dream with no one to dream it? Al had tried to keep the dream the way Sam had, but the comities and the blue-bloods in government office just didn't buy it from him like they had Sam.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Al found himself spending every waking moment trying to find Sam and trying to keep the comities happy at the same time. At first it had been kind of fun; a challenge. But now it was a nightmare that haunted his ever moment, both waking and sleeping. At night he would find himself in blood-curdling conditions, watching as Sam was succumbed by them and unable to do anything other than scream his name. Night sweats and restless nights were now second nature to him. Sighing he returned to the hologramatic Sam to offer what little help he could to the poor being he was never really sure he would meet.
Al watched as a mentally retarded "Sam" reached desperately for him from across the room. The image was flickering and fading in and out like mad, but he was bound and determined to stay.
"Sam," he pleaded urgently, "tell them to give you the shock treatment again."
"No!" the very un-Sam-like Sam wailed.
"If you don't then you'll never see me again," Al threatened. He really didn't want to sound so hostile, but it was the truth and it scared him more than it scared the retarded Sam.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Sam was crying like Al had never seen before. He fought with himself to stay in place and not rush for his poor, frightened companion. He knew he would look cruel and heartless to the child-like Sam before him, but to try and touch the poor tortured soul would kill him in a way he didn't even want to contemplate.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
The bullying asshole that had landed them in this mess to begin with was holding the devastated Sam in a chokehold as Al watched.
Oh God, let this stop! Al pleaded silently. He felt a wave of relief wash over him so hard he thought he was going to fall to the ground crying right then as Sam screamed at them to give him another 'shocker'. Al did a double-take as he realized the rest of what Sam was saying as well.
"Give me another shocker," he cried loudly, "so I won't lose Al. I can't lose Al. Don't leave me Al."
"I won't, buddy," Al assured him, though as he flickered again more heavily he wondered if he would be forced to lie.
And I've held your hand through all of these years
As he watched them finally strap Sam in, he ached even more to hold him. The poor kid was crying in fright of the shock therapy and even more at the thought of losing Al, his one constant and friend in this desolate place. Al was about to pull his hair out as the doctor and the originator of this problem argued and the nurse watched doubtfully as Sam pleaded with her to give the treatment despite her lack of training and clearance. For one brief second, Al felt all hope lost as the nurse looked about ready to put away the conductor when she finally touched the two ends to his battered friend's temples.
But you still have all of me
Relief washed through him as he saw the blue light encircle his friend. For one brief second he could feel Sam's soul and his brushing each other, touching and entwining. It was a new sensation for him, but he was so jubilant about it he failed to notice. Sam was free, and part of him knew, how he didn't know but it did, that he was himself again.
A/N So what did you think of my first ever songfic? I couldn't remember the lines exactly but I tried. And I skipped around in the episode a lot, too. But I think I did rather well for a first time. R&R, please.