Day 1

I'm all muddy and disgusting from Quidditch practice today but happy to announce that my game has much improved. Well it's better than the sorry state of it last year...there is still room for improvement so I am told. I'm definitely going to try fit in some private practice during the evenings.

Had potions. Hate the assignment. Hate Snape. Hate NEWTS.

Day 2

I saw Harry today although he did not notice me at all. He looks older and taller but on his face is etched a sadness that was not there a year ago. I think to the events of our very last meeting. God, he had such hateful indifferent eyes. I supposed you wonder how could someone have hateful and indifferent eyes...well I'm not sure but Harry had them when he looked at me. It was strange how I could see he felt nothing for me. It was like deep down inside he was angry with a rage. How could you Cho?

It could not be because I was with Michael Corner. There was love lost in his gaze and he didn't care one jot. I'm quite sure it was because I chose Marietta's friendship over his. The one thing he values is friendship and loyalty. Argh...it leaves me feeling terrible thinking he is hating me. I wish I could make amends... I just don't know how to...

I want him to like me again. Is that so needy? I swore over the summer after I had broken it off with Michael that I would be a single independent girl. I don't need boys... ...Oh...then why does my stomach knot completely every time I catch a wisp of Harry's jet black hair in the distance?

Day 3

I was at the Quidditch pitch today we had a 'friendly match against Slytherin. Although I use the term 'friendly' quite loosely here,

I was up against Draco Malfoy... wait that's...unwelcome dirty thoughts... yuck! He kept looking me up and down today. I'm not sure if he was trying to intimidate me or just being a letch. I wish I could wipe off that stupid smirk off his face but his family connections frighten me.

"It is better to get along with everyone rather than be at war," that's what Dad says. I suppose that's true…who am I kidding? I can take that peroxide idiot on the pitch and make him wish he'd never been born.

Day 4

Today I was on my way to the library, since I can't make heads of tails of this assignment for potions and I noticed a huddled crowd of people in the reading section .. whispering. It was all of the DA having a meeting and from the looks of it... I was most unwelcome. Harry had his head stuck in a book but then he looked up. We locked eyes so I smiled... but he did not smile back!

I AM SUCH A PLONKER!

I crawled away and went to another shelf and pretended I was interested in those particular books. I shouldn't keep feeling sorry for myself but...I felt like a teeny tiny bug that was being flicked away. I felt so pathetic...what hurt me more... I don't know... ... not working along with everyone in the DA? After all It was my sworn mission to seek revenge against You Know Who. The things he did. I guess I shouldn't have expected a place back with the DA...I don't really know what I was thinking?

And the blank face that Harry gave me... It makes me realize how empty I feel that I'm not a part of his life anymore

Day 5

Mum sent me some enchanted noodle thing that Ah-Ma likes. It smells all spicy...It could do with extra chilli oil or something but Hogwart's house elfs don't really know what that is so I expect I'll have to ask for some to be sent over.

I'm still reeling from the pathetic-ness of yesterday. I wish I could talk to someone about it. Marietta wouldn't care...in fact I know she does not. The DA frankly despises her and she hates them...it's as simple as that.

The rest of the girls keep saying that Harry is stupid because of what the DA did to Marietta! I nod but inside I am completely different. I've never known someone as brave as he is. The things he must have seen and still he carries on. He's funny, kind, smart, he's an excellent quidditch player as well and he's quite...handsome...well he is!

SHUT UP CHO...I am not interested...I am not interested...I feel nothing...I feel nothing x 100...x infinity.

Day 6

I think it's just me missing his attention. It has to be. He always used to notice me...our eyes were like magnets, forcing me to look at him. I admit I was curious and flattered. Was THE Harry Potter looking in my direction? I always thought that was my imagination working overtime. I never dreamt in a million years he felt the same... I think things might have been different if I'd have known earlier. But you can't turn back time... and I would not wish away the time I had with Cedric.

Gosh, Cedric. I used to think about him all the time, even after his death. He was still there…I could feel his presence around me. Sometimes it was a smell, or some food I'd be eating...that would trigger a wonderful memory of him. Sometimes I would talk to him…it made me feel better.But then during 6th year I didn't think so much on him. I had the odd dream about Cedric but I didn't feel so alone because something was happening between Harry and me.

But then one day quite quickly...it just happened Cedric's image and voice were fading like water in the sun and Harry's face was replacing his. This terrified me and then I began to cling desperately to Cedric's memory. I was not supposed to forget him but I knew I had move on. It was unbearable for me, half of me wanting to stop living but ... but now... it takes time to learn all these life lessons. I feel that it is ok to carry on. I still have those memories, which are the most important thing Cedric could ever leave me.

Day 30

Well of all places... I was getting a package Mum sent me (the chilli oil- if you must know) in the Owlery and I bumped into Harry. LITERALLY. The oil jar smashed onto the floor and it sprayed everywhere. There was mum's special orange chilli oil seeping into his once clean white shirt.

I was apologizing and he was apologizing.

'Sorry' I said wincing at how orange Harry's shirt look.

'No it's my fault' said Harry.

'No no...I'm really sorry'

''I'm sorry'

'No I'm sorry'

'I said it first' he said.

'Shut up'

And then we both just laughed and grinned at each other. I'm not sure why...it really wasn't that funny. But somehow I felt like I was apologizing for everything that happened between us even though it was obviously just the chilli incident to him.

Inside I was beaming, for at that moment it was just like how we used to be when we knew each other.

He kind of stood there and scratched the back of his neck.

'You might want to wash that quickly...Oil stains really are hard to get out' I said to fill the silence. He was wearing a veiled expression on his face. I guess not very impressed with my oil stain discussion.

'OH uh ok...' he said sniffing the cuff of his sleeve, 'what is this stuff?"

'Chilli Oil' I said, I could see from the look on his face he thought I was crazy.

'Yeah...I like to add it to spaghetti sometimes... adds a bit of spice...my mum's recipe...It sound silly but it reminds me of her and home'

He nodded and started looking up in the aviary at the numerous white owls. He looked sad again. I had not been a part of his life for a long time and now I wanted to ask him a million questions like ...how are you? Are you ok? What have you been doing? but it just seemed so wrong, especially after seeing that strange dark look in his eyes. I've only seen that once before...and that was in me when I learnt that life was not always full of cheer...and that people were not always so good.

"I can't seem to find Hedwig" he said and sat himself down in the corner.

I looked at my watch, the hands read half past nine. I had potions with Snape - not a lesson I want to be late for. Harry was picking bits of hay or something from the ground and shredding it with his fingers.

"The first lesson is going to start soon," I said edging towards to the door.

"Well you better go then." He said in a slightly cold manner.

"What you're not going?"

"If I want a lecture about skipping lessons I'll go to Hermione for that." said Harry shortly, 'plus I've got this huge orange stain on my front...it would be about 5000 points from Gryffindor if Snape saw me.'

"I am really sorry Harry," I said looking at his tragic spattered shirt.

"I know," he said, "You better go now..."

And as I left him alone in the Owlery I wondered what he was thinking about.

Day 40

I was sitting by the lake with the girls have a natter. Tomasin was telling me about the recent happenings and gossip. She told me Hermione Granger was going out with Ron Weasley. I have to admit I was happy about this... Not because I particular care about either of them but in our relationship I wanted Harry to talk to me but he always talked to her. They were so close that it frightened me. I admit I was jealous. She knew so much more about him than I ever could. What he was thinking and how he was feeling. Those were things I wanted to know as well. I wanted him to confide in me.

"Ugh I can't stand that girl," said Marietta, "plus she has bad hair...as far as I'm concerned they deserve each other"

"What? That Ron boy isn't that bad...I quite fancy his older brother Bill or is it Charlie" said Tomasin digging into her school bag. Marietta leant against a tree and looked towards the castle. I just ummed a little. I don't really indulge in gossip but I don't mind hearing it.

"And... I swear there was something between Hermione and Harry Potter when he was going out with Cho" quipped another girl called Charlotte, "I mean imagine wanting to see another girl when you are on a Valentines date. Disgusting"

I turned towards her. "You know what? I don't really want to be reminded"

"I'm just stating what I heard. There have been rumours around since Yule Ball... remember that newspaper article?' said Charlotte.

"Just idle gossip" was all I could say. But the truth was, I believed in those rumours too. It turned me into a monster. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone but myself.

Day 46

Looks like they've reinstated Harry back into the Quidditch team because I met him at the pitch. He was alone practicing with a snitch. I felt like we'd reached some safe ground so I invited him to practice with me.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Sure...why not.' Maybe he was bored and had nothing better to do. It seemed strange that he was always alone now, "I have to warn you though...I'll probably beat you"

"Is that SO?" I said.

"Yeah..." He said taking a box with the snitch inside.

"Well I'm about to prove you wrong so you better eat your words." I said with a smile.

He was un-strapping the kit box and he looked up, "Hey do you remember the last time I played against you?'

Yes. It was the first time I had met him. I remember he looked at me and his cheeks went really red when I smiled at him. I felt my own smile break into a laugh, "Of course... you wouldn't even knock me off my broom. Too much of a gentleman according to Oliver Wood but I think it's just because you couldn't.'

He shook his head and held up the snitch in front of me flapping its bright glittering wings. "Wait 5 minutes before we go into the air...that will give us time to actually go find it...close your eyes and don't cheat"

"You better close your eyes too." I said.

He fingers uncurled from its round body and it shot across into the sky leaving a trail of gold glitter in its path. We watched as a v of geese fly over the skyline and the sun was beginning to turn into a pale yellow shimmer. I felt I was losing myself to the moment as I watched the snitch disappear into the sky.

"YOU forgot to close your eyes." He said.

"SO did you ..." I said, "anyway it's one of my favourite moments of the match...it's so beautiful watching it fly away."

"You girls and pretty things...blah blah blah." Harry leant back into the bench and sighed and continued, "For me it's the moment...the very first moment I see the snitch, the sudden rush and speed of the wind in my face...nothing beats that surely?" he said.

"How about when you actually have your fingers clasped around it and the cheer of your house when you show it them? I love that feeling. It's more than a game...it's about belonging somewhere...bringing something to your house...your family' I said.

Well it is true! Cheesy but true.

I wish I hadn't mentioned the word family. Harry looked a little sad again but then he said

"Yeah... well" said Harry picking at the grass, "the losers hate you for it."

"And you'd know what that's like" I gently nudged him in his sides.

"Ok...so maybe you're ok" His voice trailed off and he had this squinty look in his eyes. I wished I had a camera to take a photograph of him and show it to him one of these days. He looked so funny. I could see he was trying to get a one liner back on me.

I pointed my finger at him; "If you say for a girl...I'll put a hex on you."

He held up an imaginary white flag and then we stopped talking for a while. It was the most comfortable silence I have ever experienced. We watched the pale sky turn into stars.

I play it over in my mind sometimes... just the silence. I'm sitting there with Harry under the moonlight. We don't say anything but I know I am completely happy. Over time the memory changes a little, sometimes I would notice little things like the shadow under his bottom lip or the pale orb of light in his eyes or if I was closer, how he smelt.

But I know whenever I pass him and see his kind green eyes are smiling me...I am left with that empty feeling because I know he doesn't feel the same about me anymore.

And then I drift off back to our moment of silence and I remember how I looked up wondering about the forgotten snitch that was zooming across the horizon somewhere lost.

But I didn't dare bring it up again...because I was alone with Harry.