"Lovesong"
It was a rare day off for The Avengers. Everyone seemed to have plans of their own, leaving the Tower rather calm and quiet.
To Steve, it was perfect for days when all you wanted to do was rest and relax, or possibly snuggle in bed with a loved one, preferrably the kind with deep, dark eyes, carelessly toussled hair and infuriating charm.
However, said loved one was nowhere in sight, having been forced by Pepper to attend a string of boring meetings.
He sighed.
Tony.
Months ago, the situation with Tony could only be described as a rollercoaster ride ever since Steve had returned. An onslaught of emotions ripped the rug from beneath the both of them.
Shock and disbelief.
Followed by hurt and anger.
Finally they'd exhausted each other, having bled and cried enough.
"What now?"
Left with nothing much to say, Tony simply pulled Steve in and gently pressed their lips together.
He couldn't have given a better answer.
-
Steve smiled to himself at the memory. With nothing to do he decided to take a nap in Tony's room. If he couldn't physically have him at least he could snuggle into his pillows. The scent of his hair always helped to comfort Steve.
Walking into the room he frowned at the mess Tony had left on the bed. Some paperwork, files and a laptop(still turned on, music still playing softly) lay on the bed haphazardly. He started to straighten up everything that didnt belong on the bed and placed it neatly on the desk. He reached for the laptop. He vaguely remembered how to turn off the damned machine, but he frowned when he realized he didn't know how to stop the music as he'd never seen that programme before. He squinted as he messed around with the functions on Tony's iTunes.
Deciding it would be usefull to learn how to use it, Steve read through every function and file available. How to set up a playlist, how to set songs on repeat.
However one of the playlists on the side caught his eye. It was simply named "Steve".
Curious, he clicked on the playlist. The first song that caught his eye was a song called "My Funny Valentine" by a man named Chet Baker. The second he heard the man's voice, a shiver ran through him. It confused him. The words themselves were nothing really sad, in fact it was rather endearing. But the simplicity of the melody, the deep plucking of the bass, made it all the more quietly intense.
He continued to listen to every song on the playlist, a strong and heavy ache building in his chest as he continued.
Tears stung his blue eyes as he listened to a song called "Lovesong" by a band named The Cure.
"Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am free again."
He didn't hear the door open behind him.
"Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am clean again."
He didn't hear soft footsteps approach.
"However far away,
I will always love you."
He let out a soft gasp as strong arms encircled his waist.
"However long I stay,
I will always love you."
Tony whispered into his lover's ear, completing the song.
"Whatever words I say, I will always love you. I will always love you."
He turned around to meet Tony's eyes. They were so dark and deep, Steve felt as though were he any closer, he'd drown in them.
"Tony... These songs. They're incredibly... sad. Why do you even listen to them? Wouldn't they hurt you even more?"
Tony rested his forehead against Steve's, pulling him close.
He inhaled slowly and deeply, steadying his voice.
"Used to listen to them. Used to.. When you were, well you know. "Dead". And yes, they'd hurt, Steve. The thing is, I needed something to hold on to. Anything, just anything, that would remind me of you."
"Why would you torture yourself like that?"
"'Cause at least, I knew, after every excrutiating song, I was still capable of feeling, that whatever was left of me hadn't gone completely numb."
"Tony... I-"
"And I realized that, it was better to hurt than to feel nothing at all. To feel nothing would've been as though I didn't feel for you anymore. And part of me knew, that if I'd closed off this heart of mine, I'd eventually move on. But I never wanted to. How could I, why would I have wanted to? And it terrified me, the thought of possibly, eventually, forgetting you. Not that I ever could, but it scared me nonetheless. So I kept on listening."
Tony could feel Steve shudder, his breath hot and shaky against his face as the tears Steve couldn't hold any longer spilled onto his flushed cheeks.
"Tony.. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I will never leave you again. I promise."
Steve pressed their lips together, soft and lush.
They eventually pulled apart for breath, but the smile reaching Tony's eyes took Steve's breath away all over again.
"No more sad songs?"
"No more."
He wiped away the tears from Steve's cheeks.
It was about time he made a new "Steve" playlist.