Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the Mentalist or Green Lantern...
Note: sorry, but I've recently fallen out of love with dear old hal, and really, I couldn't help it. Maybe I didn't feel like doing a parody of the hero, but, c'mon, let me at least get my fun with Hal the womanizer! And remember-this is humor and parody, so, things has been a bit exasperated.
Note 2: Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane are characters from the CBS' tv shows the mentalist, she a detective, him a consultant, a so-called "mentalist" (expert in mind-manipualtion and cold-reading of people). Their presence here is due to the fact that this thing had been originally written based on the prompt "99" and "comic book character", and since 99 was the number of a jersey Lisbon loves to wear at home, I simply couldn't pass the opportunity. Welll, ok, maybe, the only real reason I used them it's that one of the few things I still look at in tv, so...
Teresa Lisbon had met the Air Force Pilot known as Hal Jordan a couple of weeks before, when Tommy, brother to the CBI investigator and team-mate to Hal, had introduced the two of them at some party given by the Air Force. Tommy's intent had been quite clear right from the start: for some unknown reason, Tommy liked this Hal character, and hoped for Teresa to fell head over heels for him and end up, in a not so distant future, marrying him. After all, getting Teresa married had been Tommy's intent for many, long years, she knew that, and, the older she got, the worst her brother become. For Tommy's misfortune, she hadn't given a second thought to this guy in particular.
So, when one evening, two weeks later, she opened the door with a smile on her lips without bother to look who may have been (like she was waiting for someone) and found , instead, the guy in question at her doorstep, she could say she was honestly surprised, and her wide-eyes were quite the statement for it. Obviously, not as surprised as Hal was- after all, every man in his right mind would have been not surprised, finding a delicious brunette dressed with just red micro shorts and a jersey with the name "Lisbon" in bold letters and the number 99 on it (He was intrigued by this thing, was it the number of one of her brothers in some team, the year she joined the force, nothing at all?). But maybe surprise wasn't the right world to use, since Hal kept devouring the petite brunette with his eyes, and if his expression was telling her something, was that he was planning on devouring her not with just that part of his body.
"Hal, that's such a surprise! I wasn't waiting to see you again in Sacramento so soon!" finally aware of her (lack of) clothes, Teresa, with cheeks dark red, was desperately trying to hide her body behind the door. That woman, she was so cute and lovely… not only he hadn't hide the fact that he'd not mind give it a try with the gal, but Tommy had encouraged him to, telling him there was nothing wrong with it. After all, with dark curly, shoulder length hair, the green eyes (and he was a sucker for green), the petite but yet toned body (or so it seemed) and that delicious red tone on her cheeks that appeared whenever she was embarrassed… she was so exciting, and besides, she was his kind of girl (or at least, the one he chased more. after all, if a woman was breathing, legal and good looking, she was his kind of woman).
"Last week, when you invited me over to dinner, I really appreciated it, and since I was in town for a meeting, I thought it was right about time to pay my dues." He told her with his "tombeur de femmes" smile, sure that she'd melt in a matter of seconds. After all, the excuse of the dinner was a bit forced, since she had invited him over just because Tommy was with him and had insisted because "Poor Hal has just been dumped by that cold-hearted bitch of Jill Perlman, who's sleeping her way into the Air Force, and I'm the only he knows here, and I can't leave him all alone in an unknown place, because he needs me and my psycho -physic help…"
"Oh, I don't think so. I mean, if I'd accept your offer, I should ask Tommy to pay me dinner as well. Besides, I already told you, you don't need to, honestly. See you!" she tried to close the door, but he was quicker, and, putting his right foot in the way, avoided her from reaching her task. She was clearly annoyed at this point, but Hal wasn't caring, he wasn't even seeing it. He was just looking at her with yet another one of his seductive smiles.
She is playing the hard to get. I like chasing after a girl… it doesn't matter, at the end, she'll end up at my feet like every other girl! "I insist. We're having dinner and I'll buy it. I can allow you to choose the place, but I'm telling you, I'm going to be back in half an hour and I need you to be ready!" Without adding any further words or bother to wait for her reply, the dark haired man turned on his heels to come back to his rented car, when, suddenly…
"I'm sorry, what?" She screamed at his shoulders, opening the door with such force that it went to collide with the wall. She reached the man, and, grabbed him for the shoulders, forced him to turn to look at her; she was mad beyond reason, her eyes were dark red with rage. "I'm not going to have dinner with you, because, like any other normal people, I like to plan my evenings and I happen to already have plans for this evening in particular."
"Ok, well, rescheduling it to tomorrow it's no big deal for me. Do you prefer lunch or dinner?" he answered her with his "no female can resist me" grin.
"Ok, listen; I don't know what Tommy told you about me. I don't care what kind of idea you got in your head. Knowing someone from my brother's world has been nice, but let me clarify this: I'm not going to have dinner, lunch or any other meal with you, not tomorrow, not today, and not in the future, never, ever. And, if I have to be honest, as a cop, I think that knocking at a stranger's door at almost ten pm asking to have lunch with them, is rather weird and stalker-ish, and it's definitely not what a normal, sane person would do."
"Maybe I have some secrets I hope you'll unreal very, very slowly… and very, very sensually…" he told her in his most seductive voice, sure that she'd give up as soon as she'd heard the words.
"Or maybe you just happen to have the biggest ego this part of the States, and I know people with a huge ego, so, believe me when I tell you I know what I am talking about" at this point, her voice seemed a mix of angry barking and the hissing of some vicious serpent, and even if Hal was aware that it wasn't exactly the sexiest thing of the planet, he couldn't stop. After all, Teresa was making things difficult for him, but it was in moments like those that things got funnier, that the chase was better for the ones like him.
"Were you talking about me?" Hal turned, and saw, at the side of a baby blue old fashioned car, a blonde dressed in an old fashioned 3 pieces suite; the pilot had barely time to register the image that the guy was walking in their direction, balancing few full shoppers in his arms. "I'm sorry, but I've heard you talking about the biggest ego this side of the States, and thought you were talking about me, Lisbon"
"Oh, please, how many times do I have to repeat you that the world doesn't resolve around you, Jane?" smiling, without any trace of the embarrassment she had felt whit Hal, like she had forgotten her lack of clothes, Teresa smiled sweetly and almost seductively at the man, and, once freed him form half of the shoppers, she come back inside, turning at the last second to say a last couple of words to the brown head. "Thanks for the visit and tell Tommy it's time to drop it."
Saying these last famous words, she went inside, while the man she had called previously Jane remained for another instant outside, contemplating with pride Hal's extremely upset face. "You are used to get all the women you want, and, even if you used all your best weapons, Lisbon has refused you, and it's the first time it's happening. Am I right? No, there's no need for you to answer, it's a rhetorical question, and I know the answer. My name's Patrick Jane and I work as a consultant for the CBI, Lisbon's unit" Jane shook friendly hands with the man, a huge smile that seemed to indicate a nice person. His grip, though, got stronger and stronger, turning into a grip as the man got colder and colder, his eyes reflecting jealousy, possessiveness, rage and definitely a dangerous man. "Listen to me clearly, now I'll enter in this house, and if I see you again around here without any actual reason, or if you even just think of coming close to her, I swear, I'll not restrain myself, and believe me, I'm not as defenseless as I may seem; I have the potential to make your life a living hell, and believe, I'll do it if I'll have to. Teresa and me, we are make for each other, we're star crossed lovers, and soon I'll tell her that I just don't like her, but that I love her and how I just want to spend the rest of my life making her happy. I don't have intention of losing her to someone like you, who just thinks of her like a body good enough for warming his bed for few days, or that has the showinistic need of demonstrate to his army buddies that he can get every girl he wants"
Without adding other words, Jane entered, slamming the door on Jordan's face, leaving the man outside to lick his wounds, his eyes facing the void and not the wood in front of him. After all, it had been quite a revelation and a definitely new and unexpected turns of events. The "poor" man was still in shock. "Rejected, me Hal Jordan, I've been… rejected…"
"One last thing" Jane told coming back outside, again shacking friendly the hand of the guy who was still in shock. He knew there was no reason to play this little trick with this sorry excuse of a man, but he really couldn't help it, Jordan's expression was simply too tempting. So, smiling happily and carefree, while Jordan was still looking at the door now half open, still shaking his hand, the mentalist put his left hand on the other guy's shoulder and went closer and closer to him, so close he was whispering into his ear.
"Have you ever smelt a dead mouse? Do you remember how it smells? ?" Hal, like he wasn't there, like he wasn't really paying attention, nodded. "Good. I just put a dead mouse into your pocket… and it doesn't matter how many times you'll wash this jacket, you'll always smell the dead mouse and you'll always feel that smell… and you'll remember you should have never come near my Tess in the first place" Jane hopped back inside, with an amused and proud grin on his face while Jordan, quickly, removed the jacket and threw it on the soil, sending it as far as possible from his body, disgusted and a bit terrified by the mere thought of that… creature in his pocket, on his body.
On the inside, Patrick, leaning against the door at crossed arms, laughed while watching Teresa preparing dinner. It didn't matter that it was just a psychological trick and the mouse was just a piece of paper, it was still incredibly amusing - guy was looking for it. Besides, he probably owned Jane one, because that jacket was simply an insult to good taste…