And here we go with more Gandalf/Saruman crack! wooooowho! You blame andquitefrankly for this if you don't already know!

Disclaimer: I don't own shit! please enjoy!

One- An Unwanted Visitor

"See? I told you that you could bend you back like that, given a little persuasion."

Saruman Curunír White could only grumble and mutter in answer, cheeks red from exertion and embarrassment, as his boyfriend of several weeks, and fellow kindergarten teacher, Gandalf Olórin Grey laughed and cuddled into him. A twinkle in his eye.

Ever the adventurous and active fellow, Gandalf had brought up the idea of using different sexual positions from an old copy of the Karma Sutra he had found while reorganizing his personal library the week before, it was apparently a "gag gift" given to him by his friends an age ago for his 21st birthday. He had suggested it during lunch that early-spring day and Saruman had nearly choked on a prawn flavored potato chip (one of his guilty pleasures).

Saruman was only too happy that he and Gandalf were sitting alone in the corner of the teacher's lounge that day. Radagast being the one to keep an eye on the children along with his new boyfriend.

Saruman and Gandalf both were still dumbfounded by those turn of events a couple weeks back despite their help in it.

Anyway.

Saruman had asked, cheeks ablaze, why Gandalf felt the need for such "experiments". The man already had him panting and gasping from just attention and damn good foreplay, especially when he caught him unawares during recess and such. And from the very suggestive shape that would show up in his lover's pants during the times things truly got hot and heavy-thankfully usually at home and never around the children- Saruman knew Gandalf was fine with it too.

Gandalf's reply was to smirk and answer in a husky voice "What can I say, I've never stopped wanting to learn and see new things. Besides, you never really seem to mind my 'experiments'."

And despite himself, and his boyfriend's corny lines, Saruman always found himself being persuaded and trying something different- and blissfully it was always pleasurable for the both of them-and would end up spooning both grumpily yet not really so with his best friend in bed. Both sated and cozy in after glow.

This time was no different, though Saruman was sure his back would never feel the same. Although he would admit that the cracking of his spine from neck to tailbone was ridiculously mind blowing and only added to the experience, he wasn't exactly sure if it meant good or bad things. At least this time they were at his house, so if anything happened he wouldn't have to deal with Radagast seeing him in his underwear.

Saruman was taken out of his thoughts when he felt lips on his neck, kissing the tender skin there. Arms wrapped tightly around his waist and Gandalf pressed more firmly into his back. Saruman couldn't help a small smile, he took one of Gandalf's hands and interlaced their fingers. With a small purr he moved his head so Gandalf could have an easier go at his neck, which he took enthusiastic advantage of.

He liked this.

Their moment was ruined when the sound of the doorbell rang through the home.

It rang not once but twice, the person at the door not even letting the first ring finish before pushing it again. Both men gave noises of annoyance, it was Sunday! Who came by early morning on a Sunday?! Despite his improved demeanor none of Saruman's neighbors ever came by to call and everyone they knew was smart enough to phone first.

"Morons." Uttered Saruman with a sigh as he slipped from Gandalf's grasp, they should get up anyway.

"Mormons, dear." Corrected Gandalf with a laugh. Saruman simply grinned at him and bent down for his underclothes. The other man fully appreciated the view.

Gandalf grunted as he sat up and pulled on some underpants. By the time he had located his robe- an old white one borrowed from Saruman- the person on the porch had rung again and then gave a knock at the door. Gandalf couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow at the knocks, for they were in a pattern.

These were not blunt poundings on the wooden door, but an intelligent mix of knuckles and palm that spoke of meaning. Gandalf turned to Saruman to remark about it but the words died on his lips. On the other side of the room stood Saruman, frozen, his hands halted in the middle of tying his own robes. A look of abject disbelief and horror was plain as day of his face.

In record time Gandalf was there in front of him grabbing him by the shoulders, he was shaking.

"What is it?" He asked softly. Concerned.

"It couldn't be…" was the only thing Saruman said, his face in Gandalf's direction but not seeing him at all. Suddenly he moved around Gandalf and toward the door, hands unconsciously tying his robe. Saruman crept to the door, a frowning Gandalf behind him; he had never seen the other man act like this before. They stopped at the corner where the hallway to the door began, Saruman simply stared at the door as if he could see through it.

The doorbell gave a double chime once more. And this time a voice came through the wood. A lilting, cloying tone of a man full of confidence and airy charm. And something more.

"Curumo my Venus. I know your home, have you changed so much that you are no longer the stickler for manners I once knew?"

Curumo? Venus? What kind of nicknames where those? Who was calling his Saruman that?

"F-fuck." Whispered Saruman, his voice barely a whisper as the color quickly drained from his face and he pressed himself up against the wall.

Gandalf's frown deepened, not only did he not like that voice but also Saruman's actions put him on edge. He had never heard the other man swear so ineloquently and fearfully before. Once more Gandalf came forward and placed his hands on Saruman's shoulders, the other man quickly went to hide in his chest.

As Gandalf wrapped his arms tightly around Saruman he asked quietly, "Who is that?"

Saruman was silent for a few moments and then said, almost tonelessly, "Sauron…My first…and really the last…ah, before you."

Realization came to Gandalf then. The name had sounded familiar, and he knew why. He remembered right in the middle of his time as a student at Valinor hearing gossip from down the grape vine about Saruman having a boyfriend, people either only had good things or bad things to say about him. For reasons Gandalf had excused as simply wanting to learn how his old friend was doing- oh how even the wisest are ignorant of themselves at times- Gandalf had subtly and voraciously gathered all information he could about Saruman's beau and their relationship. He had not liked at all what he learned.

"He was that underclassman, a rich man's son and leader of some sort of campus gang?"

"You don't know the half of it." Muttered Saruman darkly.

Gandalf huffed. He had had enough. First he was going to get rid of whoever was there on that porch, and then he was going to comfort the visibly shaken man in his arms and get some answers. With purpose Gandalf quickly settled Saruman into a nearby chair, shushed him when he tried to protest and marched confidently to the door.

He opened it and did his best to hide his surprise. Standing on the porch was probably one of the most beautiful men Gandalf had ever seen, beautiful and somehow terrible. Sleek Italian shoes supported form fitting black slacks secured with a black leather belt with a silver buckle, a tucked in blue shirt and grey jacket. His right hand hung casually at his side, an iron ring on the thumb, his left hand held a bouquet of Anemone, Carnation, Clover, Geranium, Jonquil, Poppy and Rainflower wrapped in white paper and had a platinum ring on the index finger. He looked to be at least twenty years younger than both Gandalf and Saruman, but his sharply glittering eyes gave his age away. He had dark-honey hair over a light olive complexion; his build was lean but not scrawny.

Two men in all black stood on the lawn facing the street and all around. No one was out on the street, though a few curtains were drawn back. A sleek, black car of foreign make was parked in front of the house, the two spots in the driveway already taken.

All in all it was quite the impression. Gandalf wanted to punch the slightly smirking man in the face for unnamed but perfectly justified reasons. He made sure to keep the door only open just so, only his upper body really visible.

The visitor spoke.

"Hello. I am Sauron Belegur. May I speak with Saruman?"

"There is no one here by that name." Said Gandalf with all the neutrality he could muster.

Sauron's smile grew a dangerous edge at his answer. His eyes narrowed just a bit.

"Let's not play games, here. Okay? We both know this is the home of Saruman White. Now may I see him. Please." The man's voice had gotten harder, yet no less airy and his questions came out more like commands.

Gandalf straightened his already perfect posture and said "Saruman is not receiving visitors today, so try another time." He made sure to emphasize "another time" meant never.

Gandalf quickly began to close the door but Sauron brought up a hand and halted its progress. He then leaned forward to stare Gandalf dead in the face and said

"I think you should let me in to see Saruman." His voice now spiked with an undercurrent of threat.

Gandalf simply glared, his unseen hand gripping the thick wooden broom he had grabbed on his way to the door.

"You have no power here, lad. I suggest you try calling later."

The two stared at one another, the visitor's bodyguards now walking up the lawn toward them. They stopped when Sauron raised the hand still holding the bouquet.

"Very well. I'll come back later. You tell him that."

With that Sauron backed from the door and straightened his clothes. Gandalf quickly closed the door in his face and locked it. He then moved to the kitchen and covertly looked out one of the windows that faced the street. He watched as the younger man spoke to his henchmen as he looked over the house; one of them went off to the car and started it up. A moment later Sauron made his way to the car and the three drove off.

"Is he gone?"

Gandalf turned to see Saruman standing in the doorway of his kitchen, still visibly upset but now much more him-self than he was earlier.

"He is. Now I think you better tell me what is going on." Said Gandalf with both authority and gentleness.

Ten minutes later they sat at the kitchen table, a cup of calming tea-topped off with a bit of liquor-for each of them. Gandalf had also placed a plate of biscuits on the table between them, neither of them were hungry but it put back a bit of normalcy that they had lost. Saruman didn't look at him, just stared at his steaming tea.

Gandalf waited.

"That wasn't his real name, you know. Not completely. Sauron is just a middle name, his real name is Mairon. Mairon Sauron Belegur. He likes Sauron because that's the name his father always called him by, he said it sounded much "better". He…I…" Saruman trailed off, still not looking at Gandalf.

He reached out and laid his hand lightly over the other's.

"Just take a breath, Curunír."

Saruman took the advice and started again.

"It was a surprise when he began showing interest in me. Though he didn't have many university years under his belt he had already made quite the reputation for himself. Students of all grades and many teachers either loved him or hated him. He just showed up one day in the Orthanc Observatory, I was going through the various star-charts from the library there for research. I had gotten up and went searching for this one book, written by a fellow named Palantír, and just as I went to reach it he swiped it.

Made this big show of looking at it and saying how he had been looking for it. I knew he was lying and asked for the book. He looked at me then, with eyes much too intelligent and searching for someone his age- our age practically- and told me I'd get if I agreed to a date with him first. I hardly could believe it, this underclassman with bright hair and dark eyes was actually trying to pick me up with blackmail."

He shook his head then, the barest ghost of a smile crossing his face before it slipped away.

"I don't need to tell you how dateless I was in college, being "Mr. Grumpy Puss" and "Sharkey" and all. Unfortunately it didn't take long for me to say yes, and that was that. At first things were rather wonderful, he was intelligent and witty, praised me; he made a number of things in his various metal-work and shop classes for me. People came around me more while I was with him…

He told me many things, and I in return shared much. It…it was like being with you again. Like before, before I…and we…"

The sad-reminiscence in Saruman's voice made guilt and rage built up in Gandalf's chest.

"But he wasn't as he seemed."

Saruman let out a dry laugh and set his mug of untouched tea aside. He then gathered Gandalf's hand in both of his and looked him in the eyes for the first time.

"Oh yes, underneath all that charm and "warmth" lay dark, sinister thoughts. You see, Sauron's father wasn't the "business man" he always talked him up to be. At least not in the sense everyone thought. He was, in actuality, the Gang Lord Morgoth."

"The one that that one criminology teacher was openly researching in partnership with Interpol? Suspected of being one of the "Kings of the Crime World"?" Asked Gandalf incredulously.

"Yes, He was the "Black King" to be specific. And he was raising Sauron to follow in his footsteps. The Black Prince, if you will. I know because he told me and showed me things given to him by his father, just months into our relationship, during one drunken night at his home where I swear he snorted, something. "

He paused, lost in thought and momentary disgust before continuing.

"This was at the very same time things began to get sour between us. Sauron had begun to get…possessive and wished to know where I was at all times. He began having his little lackey "friends" keep an eye on me, I would notice them while I went about my days without him.

When I tried to get him to stop…I never really got a word in edgewise. In anything. His ways of persuasion were, much too much."

Gandalf had a feeling Saruman meant more than just Sauron's supposed way with words. He remembered more than once seeing or hearing about Saruman's black eyes, bruises and stiffness around the end of that year. And all of his excuses for them. The anger moved down to his belly, burrowing deep.

"We began to have arguments, about my friends, his habits, my willingness to "give him what he wanted", you. He didn't like when you and I talked or were even in the same room together. He was always outrageously jealous, when he learned of our habit of using middle names he "gave" me a new one. The one he called me at the door. I'll tell you now Olórin I never liked it. He even began giving my old roommate Celeborn threats to not get any "funny ideas". Even though he and Galadriel were dating at the time!"

He gave a huff, old anger and frustration giving him strength to speak. Gandalf just sat there, giving silent support. His thoughts whirling.

"He lived off campus in this apartment his father had bought him, it was nice and he lived in it alone. His father apparently too busy with "Business" to have a permanent home with him while he went to Valinor, thank Eru this meant I never met the man. Which I would have, since Sauron had me over more and more often."

Gandalf nodded his head. "I remember that, Celeborn actually came to ask me if I had seen you around a few times since you weren't ever home anymore. I could never find you either."

"That's because I was avoiding you. I wanted to talk with you about this…oh how I wanted to…but I couldn't. I felt…I felt as if the gap between us was too wide for that anymore, I felt self-conscious…I didn't want Sauron to be your problem as well."

Gandalf's frown deepened and he said "I would have been happy to help you Curunír, you must know that. I'll admit…I kept my ears open for any news of you. I still considered you my friend and…as much as I never admitted it to myself I was jealous that you were together with someone."

Saruman looked at him, surprised. "Really?"

"Yes."

Saruman gave a short laugh and rubbed his forehead with his hand, "Why do I have the feeling Galadriel is laughing at us?" It was ridiculous but…

"That's because she probably is, and has."

The two enjoyed the lightened mood in silence for a moment before continuing to talk.

"So how did things end? I was never able to get a full story from anyone and I'm sure it had to deal with more than just him leaving the school after that year."

Saruman made a noise of disgust. "I tried to break up with him so many times, I couldn't take it anymore. I finally…went to see a counselor, Mrs. Estë, I didn't tell her everything but I told her of my troubles and she consoled me. Her words…helped greatly and helped resolve me to end it.

I'm sure you heard or even saw one of the many scenes between me and Sauron near the summer. All of those had to deal with his reaction to my trying to be rid of him, and somehow no matter how ugly I saw him get I always took him back. You know he even tried to propose to me?! Made me this gold ring and everything! Made himself his own in platinum and wore it even though I always refused. After the third time he then threatened me!"

"Are you serious?! And you didn't tell anyone?" Gandalf couldn't believe it.

"Who was there to tell? This was mid-summer when things finally got to that stage, so no campus authorities to see and hear. I couldn't go to the police, his father would have pushed everything under the rug. My friends? He made it VERY clear that his personal little army of thugs and that of his father's would get to the few that I had. You? The lunatic told me that if I even tried to call you he himself would make sure to hurt you personally and slit your throat while I watched!"

The fear and desperation began to creep back in, Gandalf reached forward and cupped the other man's face as he made soothing sounds.

"It's alright. I'm here. I'm here."

After a few moments Saruman composed himself and continued.

"Finally it came to the time when he would be leaving, apparently to start his proper training, and he tried to get me to go with him. But I refused, no matter what threat or coercion he tried I wouldn't go with him or even promise to wait for him. I was spent.

But he surprised me, though I could tell he was angry his actions became calm and he accepted it. He promised he would return though, and "get me back, no matter the challenge". And left. I tell you that was by far the scariest he had ever been."

"Quite the threat." Said Gandalf then. "Took him until now to fulfill it though." He was about to laugh a little but stopped when he was Saruman's expression.

"This…isn't the first time he's come by. It's the second."

"What?"

"He came back during the our time as professors at Valinor. It was only for a while, he tried proposing again and I, again, refused. But though he was obviously angry with my rejection he didn't try to threaten me. He tried sweet words, gestures, and gifts. No matter how many times I threw away the things he gave me- especially that damn ring- they always reappeared in my home."

"He snuck into your house?!" Asked Gandalf angrily.

Saruman nodded, a tiny, rueful smile passing on his face.

"Yes, I had the locks changed twice, though none of my locks or doors looked forced into. I was so stressed I took it out on all around me. Even you and Radagast, with that stupid "war" we had going for a while with our food and such. It helped to keep me grounded; it distracted me from the fear. I was sure he would just come in the night and take me away, kicking and screaming.

When he finally left a second time he once more promised to come back, saying he wouldn't give up on me. And as we've both seen, he hasn't. I don't know how he found me, not only did I change apartments after his visit but I moved here when I came to teach at the primary school and left no forwarding address."

Gandalf brought up a hand and slammed a fist lightly into the table. His emotions charging his actions.

"This has gone on long enough! He's terrorized you twice now, and that is two times too many! This is going to end!" Gandalf was fuming, his kindly face showing the anger and determination of a man half his age.

Saruman could only stare, flabbergasted at the display. He had long given up trying to make his problem disappear.

"What do you plan to do?"

"First I'm going to call the police, if I remember correctly my old friend Ira is still a detective there. I know he will help us."

And with that he walked over to the kitchen phone and began dialing. Saruman could only watch in amazement, and rising hope.