Just a silly little idea that I thought of while trying to think up ideas for a totally different story and fandom. Hope you like!
Disclaimer: I own neither the song nor the show.
"If I had $1000000" by Barenaked Ladies
000
Abby Scuito looked around her small land of 'Labby'. Major MasSpec was in standby mode, her computers were busily running a partial through AFIS, and her favorite song by Brain Matter was blaring through the speakers. Which was all well and good, but there wasn't anything for her to do. Their latest case all wrapped up, the team was going through cold cases, which meant Abby was set to the task of running old fingerprints in the hopes of finding a match in the ever expanding fingerprint database.
Needless to say, Abby was becoming increasingly bored.
Luckily for her, Tony, Ziva and McGee had become bored too, so the team had decided to come down and see what Abby was up to. As Abby contemplated running her own fingerprints just to see how long it would take for AFIS to come up with a match, the elevator dinged and Tony walked into the lab, Ziva and McGee a step behind him.
"Hey guys!" Abby said, "Got any evidence for me?"
"No, sorry, Abbs. We got tired of checking up on cold cases." Tony shrugged.
"And McGee and I were getting tired of Tony's desk supply wars." Ziva glared at him, a red mark the shape of an eraser evident on her right forearm. "I had no idea a small block of rubber could leave such a mark."
Tony grinned. "What can I say; I've got a great fastball."
"But you were throwing erasers, not balls." Tony chose to ignore Ziva's last comment and instead turned to Abby.
"Therefore, we were hoping you had something exciting going on." Tony glanced around the lab. "Do you have anything exciting going on?"
Abby sighed, "Not really. It's been so slow lately, I think I've spent more time practicing my air guitar then actually doing forensics."
"Abby, I did not know that you played guitar!" Ziva exclaimed.
"I don't." Abby laughed.
"But you just said…" Ziva protested.
"Air guitar, Officer David, is an essential skill that most Americans master by the age of ten." Tony butted in. "I myself am an air guitar champion." He brought up his left hand as if to hold a guitar neck, and started strumming the 'strings', humming a song. McGee obviously recognized it, as he started singing along.
"If I had a million dollars!" Tony sang.
"If I had a million dollars!" McGee jumped in.
"I'd buy you a house!"
"I would buy you a house!"
"If I had a million dollars!"
"If I had a million dollars!"
"I'd buy you furniture for your house!"
"Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman."
"If I had a million dollars!"
"If I had a million dollars!"
"I'd buy you a K-car!"
"A nice reliant automobile."
"If I had a million dollars…"
"I'd buy your love!" Tony and McGee finished together, Tony grabbing Ziva and McGee grabbing Abby, dipping them both, all four laughing.
"And that was an air guitar." Tony said as they stood the girls back up.
"Very impressive." Ziva said, still laughing slightly.
"Thank you, thank you." Tony said, grabbing an imaginary rose out of the air that an imaginary fan had thrown him and bowing.
"I was talking to McGee." Ziva and Abby put their arms around McGee's shoulders, making him blush a little.
"What, McGoo? He can't hold a candle next to me!" Tony looked a little put-out.
"Oh, poor Tony, I think he's jealous!" Abby teased.
"Who, me?" Tony tried – and failed – to look shocked and hurt at the suggestion.
"No, I think he's just constipated." Ziva said, making Abby and McGee crack up. "I mean, just look at his face!" With that, Ziva joined McGee and Abby's laughing.
After a few minutes, and several sips of water, they were all seated, giggle fit over. Tony and Ziva had claimed the stainless steel table as their chairs, and a very pleased McGee was sitting on Abby's desk chair, which he had pushed over from behind her desk, an also pleased Abby sitting on his lap.
"What would you really buy if you had a million dollars?" Abby asked suddenly.
"Oh, easy, I'd get…" Tony rambled on for a few minutes about some famous movie prop or something similar until Ziva gave him a good, hard headslap. "Ow! What was that for!"
"Putting us all to sleep." Ziva retorted.
"Fine, so what would you buy if you had a million dollars?" Tony asked.
"I'm…not sure." Ziva frowned slightly. Looking up, she turned to Abby. "What would you get?"
"Some of the more advanced forensic machines. I could do so much more if I had half the stuff the C.S.I gets!"
McGee shrugged. "I'd combine mine with Abby's, since the bill for all that equipment would add up to a million pretty quickly."
"Awww, Timmy, that's so sweet!" Abby squealed, giving McGee a kiss on the cheek.
"If you had a million dollars, you'd all be rich." They all turned to see Director Sheppard standing in the doorway with none other than their boss, Agent Gibbs, who didn't look very happy.
"Right, well, I just remembered, I promised to help you finish up that report, Tony!" Ziva grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room and into the elevator.
"What report?" Tony asked as the doors closed.
"If I had a million dollars," Ziva whispered, "I'd buy your love."
"No need to buy it." Tony said as he leaned down to kiss Ziva, one hand reaching over and flicking the emergency switch.