Okay, so... This is for the WillowClan Monthly Writing Challenge, but that doesn't mean that you can only review if you're part of WillowClan! (Sometimes that happens...) It's just to improve my writing, and to have some fun. This is the September one... just so you know.
I don't own Warriors... And never will. Here's my prompt, it's from the amazing book Thirteen Reasons Why:
"No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same."
-x-
There were times when I wish that I knew what was going on with everyone else in the clan. They're all my family; I care for each and every one of them. I can see when they're hurt, or... I thought I could. That is, until the day we lost Brightleaf.
It was a day like any other. Actually, this day was nicer than usual. The early morning sun was gleaming; the dew was on the grass and leaves, sparking in the sunlight. The flowers were opening up, and there was a gentle breeze that passed over the hills and into the forest. It was a perfect day if there ever was one.
"Have you seen Brightleaf?" The one, simple question had made me wonder on that perfect day. Brightleaf? I had asked myself. I haven't seen her, though... I wish I have. Maybe she went out early for hunting? So I told them that. Early morning hunting? It seemed logical.
Later that day, Brightleaf still hadn't returned to the clan. I was getting nervous, and I could tell that others were getting nervous, too. Snaketail started gathering others to go look for her, so I had joined them.
"Where do you think she might be?" Snaketail asked me. Me? Why would I know where she might be? Could he tell that I... liked her? I replied that I didn't know, which was the truth. I didn't know where she had gone. I wish I paid more attention.
So the group had set off to look for her. We searched the entire territory, it took almost all day. But that's when we made it to the river... Nothing could've happened to Brightleaf, I was so sure of it. She was just hunting, patrolling, something! I didn't want to know anymore... I didn't want to be here anymore.
"There she is!" Someone, I think it was Rainfoot, screeched.
I had looked into the river, seeing that that was the only place left. And there, in the middle of the river, pushed up limply against the jutting rocks and stones was the soft, broken gray and white body of Brightleaf. I didn't want to believe it; I didn't want it to be true. How could it be true? Brightleaf wasn't dead, she couldn't be dead!
By the time we had gotten her out of the river and brought her back to camp, I wasn't thinking clearly. I don't really remember what was going on. All I know is that one of my clan mates helped me walk straight as we headed back. Apparently I wasn't paying much attention to where I stepped, since I tripped over mouse-holes... twice.
"My kit!" Listening to Willowfur's sorrowful wails was heart-aching. It made me want to curl up next to Brightleaf and die beside her. Willowfur was eventually given some poppy seeds and Fallowlight forced her to get some sleep. Poor, poor Willowfur. Brightleaf was her only kit. It just didn't seem to be fair.
-x-
It was three moons since that day had passed. I had tried to get back to my normal routine, but it was difficult. I couldn't ever stop thinking of Brightleaf. We never found out who murdered her, or if anyone had murdered her. Fallowlight told the clan that her body had been smashed against the rocks and that was her cause of death. But someone must've pushed her into the river- I was sure of it! There was no way that Brightleaf would ever go over to the river and jump in; she was scared of the rushing water! But she fell just the same...
"Sootclaw, are you okay?" The gentle voice of Smokecloud, my dear sister, asked. I turned and looked at her. She looked so worried for me. Sure, I hadn't been eating as well as I should've been, but I was fine.
"I'm fine," I croaked, closing my eyes and putting my head on my paws. "I just... I feel... It's my fault, Smokecloud. I know it is. It has to be my fault. All my fault..."
"No," Smokecloud meowed, licking at my ears. "You didn't cause this, it was Brightleaf's choice. No one forced her to... Especially not you. If it was anyone in the clan, you would be the first one ruled out. I could tell... how much you cared for her, though she never seemed to notice you as much as you wanted her to."
I shook my head. "She noticed me. I could tell. But... It's still my fault, Smokecloud. If there was something wrong with her, she could've talked with me. But I wasn't there for her! I should've been there!"
"No one knew how she felt," Smokecloud snapped. "She made her own decisions. She could've talked to any one of us, and she chose not to! It's not your fault that she never talked to you about what was wrong. If it's anyone's fault, it's hers! Now stop blaming yourself." Smokecloud stood up and turned around, looking over her shoulder at me once more. "Snaketail wants you for a hunting patrol, by the way."
I nodded slowly and dragged myself to my paws. It's not your fault, I tried to tell myself. Smokecloud's words rang in my mind. Now stop blaming yourself. You didn't cause this... it was Brightleaf's choice.
"No," I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. "I know that I had something to do with it. I just know it. And I'll find out... One way or another."
-x-
After I returned from the hunting patrol Snaketail sent me on, I was determined to find out something, anything, about Brightleaf's death. There was one cat that I knew I could go to, to find something out. One cat that was Brightleaf's friend, not super close, but still a friend nonetheless.
"Cedarfrost," I meowed, stepping into the warrior's den. The dark gray cat with pale flecks looked up, blinking his dark blue eyes sleepily.
"What is it, Sootclaw?" Cedarfrost yawned, sitting up and arching his back in a stretch.
"We need to talk," I meowed sharply. "Now."
Cedarfrost narrowed his eyes and got to his paws. He followed me out of the den and into the forest, not questioning me as I continued on my way. I could feel the slight anger in his eyes as he stared at me; it burned my pelt like the flames of a forest fire.
"What is it that you want to talk about?" Cedarfrost snapped, stopping. I turned to face him. Cedarfrost's eyes were still narrowed, his mouth in a frown.
"Brightleaf," I choked out her name.
I watched as pain flashed through Cedarfrost's eyes, and he looked away from me. "What about her?" I could tell that he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about her either, but I needed to.
"Why?" I asked. A simple question, so simple that I wasn't sure if Cedarfrost would understand.
"Why what?" Cedarfrost hissed, swiping his tail back and forth. "Why did she jump into the river? Why didn't she tell anyone what she was going to do? Why didn't she coming running to you to 'save' her?!"
The last one stung. "Why did she have to die?" I whispered, the pain making my voice crack. "Why did she have to die?" I repeated myself, feeling the words catch in my throat. "Cedarfrost, why did she leave? Why didn't she stay...? I... I could've helped her! I know I could've! Why?"
Cedarfrost's face softened, his eyes closed. "It was her decision in the end, Sootclaw. But it wasn't what she wanted, not until then. You didn't know her like I did. She was always so happy, so bright. She was a young cat who was in love, in pain, and ultimately... No one could stop her except herself."
"W-what?" I asked. She was in love? In pain? I guess I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. She always seemed so happy all of the time, I never thought of her as sad, as depressed.
"There were many reasons, Sootclaw," Cedarfrost snarled. I had never heard Cedarfrost sound so... so mad, and yet so sad at the same time. "There were many different things that caused her death. Some of them smaller, some of them larger. But by the time she got that far, it didn't matter anymore. Big or small, her life fell apart by those things." Cedarfrost's eyes darkened. "And there was nothing I could say or do to stop her."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing how much it must've hurt Cedarfrost.
"Yeah, right," Cedarfrost snarled, his eyes pinned on the ground. "I never even got to tell her... how much I cared for her. She saw me as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe even a best friend. But never as someone she could love. Not like how she saw you."
"W-what?" I asked. There was no way that Brightleaf actually liked me. She always ignored the fact that I tried to talk with her about being something more than 'friends'. She always was so quiet, always keeping to herself.
"You're surprised?" Cedarfrost spat. "How can you be surprised? Everyone in the fox-dung-eating clan knew that she had a crush on you! How could you of all cats be so mouse-brained about it?"
I looked at my paws, not knowing what to say to the other tom. How could I be so mouse-brained? I mean, did she really like me? It must've been true, if Cedarfrost said it was. Cedarfrost was... her only friend. Well, other than Smallflower, who used to be her best friend until their fight.
"You're one of her many reasons," Cedarfrost hissed, giving me a glare. "She was always so hurt whenever you ignored her. She thought that you knew that she liked you- everyone in the clan did! But when you started flirting with other she cats, that was one reason why. Mind you, she was already going downhill fast, so that was only a small push."
Was I really a reason? Could I listen to Cedarfrost and believe what he's telling me to be true? I guess I had to, unless Brightleaf herself was going to tell me. But that could never happen, so I'd have to trust Cedarfrost.
"I need to tell someone," Cedarfrost sighed, looking up to my eyes. His eyes were full of raw sorrow, and I could tell that he was hurting the most by all of this. He was probably the most hurt in the clan, just never wanted to show it. "Smallflower, after she left Brightleaf, was the first push down the hill. Smallflower was her closest friend, and when she left her... Not only was she a fox-heart, but she also started spreading rumors that Brightleaf was in love with a cat from another clan, and secretly meeting with him at nighttime."
"What?" I gasped. "Why would Smallflower do such a thing?"
"Because Brightleaf wasn't her friend anymore," Cedarfrost meowed simply, blinking his eyes. "And because if everyone was thinking that Brightleaf was meeting another cat, no one would guess that she actually was. If Brightleaf tried to say 'no, Smallflower's the one seeing a cat from another clan' they would write it off as her trying to defend herself, and trying to 'get back' at Smallflower for 'betraying' her 'secret'."
Cedarfrost snorted. "So no one listened." His claws sunk into the ground. "No one but me."
I would've listened... I was dying to tell Cedarfrost that, but I knew that I couldn't. Not now. So I continued to listen.
"When she tried to go nighttime hunting, one of the toms in our clan... I shouldn't tell you who, but I will anyway... Thornfrost, you know him," Cedarfrost meowed. I could feel my hatred for him growing, and I didn't even know what he did yet. "Well, he apparently thought that, since she 'was meeting a tom from another clan' that she must want to meet with any, and every, tom."
I felt the growl rising in my throat, and closed my eyes tightly with my claws sinking into the ground. I knew where this story was going.
"So, I don't have to go into details of how that went," Cedarfrost sighed sadly, shaking his head. "Let's just say that she wasn't going night-hunting anymore. And to think, she loved the nighttime so much... It was one of the only times where, as she told me, she could "be free from those around me, those who keep hurting me". But now, she couldn't, not with the entire clan watching her and Thornfrost..." Cedarfrost shivered. "Just another shove- a hard shove, this time."
I nodded, taking a deep breath. This was a lot to take in. Brightleaf didn't ever seem depressed- okay, maybe in the few days before she died she became a little more depressed, but not much.
"There were many other things too," Cedarfrost meowed quietly. I could tell that he didn't really want to talk about it much anymore. He didn't need to. He had told me all I needed to know. "Do you mind if I don't go into detail?"
I shook my head. I didn't care... All I knew was that I was a reason. I caused her death. I'm sorry, Brightleaf.
"Some other cats were Riverstone of StreamClan, thinking the same thing that Thornfrost thought," Cedarfrost meowed quickly, obviously not wanting to talk about this anymore. "Dustfall was a jerk, Reedstem made fun of her constantly, Weblily and Seedwing pretended to be her friends only to make her feel even worse as they always talked about her behind her back, sharing her secrets and such..." Cedarfrost hung his head. "And then there was me. I asked her if she'd be my mate, before we became good friends. She took that the wrong way, and our friendship almost never happened."
"Oh StarClan," I murmured, shaking my head. "I... I didn't know... I never knew..." I shook my head some more, not knowing what to say to the grieving tomcat. "Cedarfrost... How... How can I..."
"How can you make up for what you did?" Cedarfrost offered. "Nothing. Well, you could make sure it never happens again to anyone else, I guess. But no one can be sure of that. No one can ever be sure of anything bad..."
I nodded, brimming with sudden confidence. "I won't let anyone else fall into the dark alone," I promised. "Not while I can do something about it."
Cedarfrost nodded slowly, getting to his paws and starting on his way back to camp. His head turned to face me as he meowed, "Coming?"
"Yeah," I meowed, leaping to my paws and following him.
-x-
Back in camp, I looked around at all of the cats in the clan, thinking deeply about what Cedarfrost had said. After all of what everyone had done, no one had noticed her pain, and we were all to blame for that. But it was her decision in the end. She... I still tell myself that she could've come to me- to anyone- for help, but I guess she couldn't really. No one can ever help you when you're that far gone, I guess.
My eyes focused on Whisperecho. The small, pale silver she cat was looking at her paws, eyes half open.
Or, maybe not. Maybe you could help them, no matter how far gone they are they're not completely gone until they join StarClan.
Whisperecho got to her paws. She had an expression on her face that told me that she had been thinking really hard about something, probably something big. Something deep. Something... deadly.
Maybe I would be able to keep that promise. Maybe I would be able to help others. Maybe, maybe I could start now. Now is as good of a time as ever to start, I guess. Nothing's going to happen if I don't take the reins and make something happen.
"Whisperecho, wait," I called out to the she cat, who turned her head and looked at me with a confused expression plastered across her face. I hurried over to her, a small smile growing on my face.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you, Brightleaf. Let's see if I can try again, right this time.
"Whisperecho," I meowed, looking her in the eye. She tried to avoid my gaze, but I still watched her. Every move, I watched her. "Please," I whispered, as if I knew what she had just been thinking. I didn't know exactly, but I had a really good guess. "Don't."
She looked at me, shocked at first, but her expression became more gentle and relaxed after a few moments. She nodded slowly before her dark green eyes met my light amber ones. A small, slightly sad smile crossed her face. I could tell that behind that sad smile, a much kinder one awaited. With time.
"Do you want to go hunting with me?" I asked, hoping that she might lighten up to me and maybe even talk.
She graced me with that kind smile as she answered, "Sure Sootclaw. I... I'd like that."
-x-
So, how was that? Please... CC is always welcome. Point out my mistakes and tell me good ways to fix them! Make me feel happy (or if I did a really BAD job, nicely tell me how to fix it!) and I'll write more oneshots... (Though most are going towards "From the Edge of the Stars" at the moment...)
Let's see if I can steal first, guys!