NEW YEAR
by
SANDEFUR
Disclaimer: This is fanfiction just for fun. I have no claims.
12-31-07/Monday morning.
New Year's Eve…
Joan Girardi walks slowly – very slowly – stumbling a little every few steps. Her exhaustion is obvious to all, but Joan finds it confusing. True, she has had little sleep over the last 24 hours, and she just finished a workout with her tutor-angel, but after that was two hours of spiritual meditation. She should be rested, but Joan feels like she just ran a marathon. How can meditation wear you out? Joan stumbles again, almost falling, but a strong arm steadies her.
"Thanks Kevin."
Kevin, leaning on his cane, helps Joan make it to the steps in front of the Girardi home. They come to rest side by side with Joan catching her breath…
"Thanks again."
Kevin chuckles. "For a moment I thought you weren't going to make it. And hey, where's my welcome back hug? We see each other for the first time since last June and all you can say is 'thanks'? Aren't you a little bit curious about what I'm doing here?"
Joan looks at Kevin with surprise. "You're here for the start of Dad's campaign. Tomorrow he resigns as police chief and becomes a candidate for mayor. Are you getting forgetful in your old age? Kev, we talked this over yesterday when you showed up suddenly."
Kevin stares at Joan. "Joan…you weren't home yesterday when I got here. We haven't talked face to face since last summer. Are you okay? Maybe you overdid it on your morning workout?"
Joan's look of confusion and concern matches Kevin's. Something odd is going on, her thinking seems fuzzy, but she can't pinpoint why.
"I…wasn't here yesterday?"
"When I arrived yesterday afternoon, Mom and Dad said you left that morning and they didn't know when you would be back. This morning you were already out of the house on your workout when I got up. Mom said you got in very late, after everyone had already gone to bed. I was really surprised the 'rents were so casual about you disappearing for a whole day."
Joan catches the depth of concern in Kevin's voice. After all, when she visited him in Los Angeles last summer, she disappeared for two full days. "Oh…well, now that I'm getting older, I worked out an arrangement with Mom and Dad – mostly Dad. As long as I don't disappear for too long, time unspecified, and I check in occasionally, then I'll be trusted not to be getting into too much mischief… Are you sure we haven't had this same conversation before?"
"Positive. Joan, you're starting to worry me. What did you do yesterday?"
Joan pauses, finding the question surprisingly difficult. "I started as usual. At dawn I went to the park for my daily workout: jogging, isometrics, some martial arts practice…"
"Martial arts?"
"Hey, a girl needs to know how to protect herself. After that, I meditated for awhile. Then, I got a call from...a friend. We went off for a little adventure together."
"What sort of an adventure?"
Joan hesitates again as two sets of very clear memories compete in her mind. In one version, she never received the phone call from Issac B. Dunn, calling on her services for Homeland Security. She went straight home from the park and was there when Kevin made his surprise appearance. In the other version Joan remembers I.B. telling her to rush to the airport for an emergency assignment in Miami. This was particularly difficult for Joan due to the memories associated with that city – of her late fiance Jimmy Tubbs and the miscarriage she suffered. Still, duty called or rather, insisted.
Accompanied by Agent Melvin Brown, Director Dunn's personal flunky, Joan flew to Miami in a small government jet. Brown explained the assignment. An anonymous tip was made to Homeland Security about a potential bomber boarding a cruise ship that was leaving port that night. Normally I.B. wouldn't bother with something like an anonymous tipster, but this one had sent detailed messages to Homeland Security before, and they had always proven true.
At the cruise ship, Joan located the bomber in a matter of minutes, and the bomb turned out to be a small incendiary device – too small to do much real damage. Joan questioned why such a little bomb, but Agent Brown speculated the bomber was planning to force his way to the ship's fuel supply. Joan couldn't shake the feeling that the job was not done. Overwhelmingly, the sense of impending danger far out to sea became fixed in her mind. Although sensitive to the presence of evil, her range was never so far reaching before. Joan confidently marked a spot on a map and assured Agent Brown the ship would be at risk from whoever was in that location.
A Coast Guard cutter was dispatched to that area and encountered what turned out to be a stolen deep sea sports fishing boat. When challenged, the fast fishing craft tried to ram the cutter, only to receive a burst from a .50 caliber machine gun which set off an explosion that obliterated the fishing boat. The terrorist's plan was for the bomber to set a fire in his cabin using the incendiary bomb, marking the ship for a nightime attack while everyone was distracted. Thousands would have died…
"Joan, I asked what type of an adventure?"
"Sorry big brother, but co-ed friendship confidentiality rules." Joan says with a forced smile while wondering how the new meditation techniques her tutor was teaching were affecting her mind.
"Okay, I won't press, but are you thinking clearer?"
Joan nods. "You were right, I overdid my workout. I realize now I was remembering a dream from last night and became confused. Wow, it was so real."
"Yeah, I've had moments like that when a dream seemed totally real, but usually that fades minutes after you wake up."
"Maybe I'm dehydrated. I know it was just a dream because it had so much weird stuff in it. Like, I dreamed you told me Barbara was pregnant. She's not…right?"
Kevin laughs. "Definitely a dream. Barbara and I are super cautious about birth control. There's no room for a kid in our lives right now. Maybe someday… By the way, Barbara didn't come with me on this trip."
Joan almost says: 'I know, you already told me' but instead replies, "I think I'm still pretty worn out. Could you get me an energy drink from the fridge while I rest here?"
"Sure. While I'm gone, maybe you should reconsider your level of workouts."
Kevin heads into the house while Joan remains where she is because she spotted Little Girl God coming this way on a bicycle…
"Good morning, Joan."
"Not for me it isn't since I'm, ya' know, going insane."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I have two completely different sets of memories of what I did yesterday. What else can that be besides going nuts?"
"If you relax your thoughts and let your Florida experience come to you, what else do you remember?"
Joan complies, and after a few moments she gasps, "More memories…and I'm not sure which ones are real! In one scenario I turned down I.B.'s request because the trip was too distressful for me. The terrorist's attack succeeded and the cruise ship was sunk. But, in another scenario, Agent Brown and I flew by helicopter to the Coast Guard cutter and the distraction of our arrival allowed the fishing boat to ram the cutter. Everyone was killed, including me… God, help me!"
"Easy Joan, time to organize your thoughts." Little Girl God says as she takes Joan's hand. Instantly, Joan calms down. A few moments pass…
"Okay, I'm seeing it a little clearer now. All of those memories are still there, but it's like they are in a list. At the top of the list is the scenario where I went to Florida and stopped the terrorists. Is that the true memory?"
"That is the reality strand that the world will see as true. The most likely scenario did occur, which was your success, Joan."
"This is a side effect of these new meditation techniques, isn't it?"
"Yes Joan, you are on the cusp of a new level of perception. At first this will be confusing, but in time and with practice, the confusion will fade."
"Scary stuff, not being able to trust your own memories."
"Every person has their own perception of reality, and they can vary widely for even the most minor event. You Joan have an opportunity to see reality in a whole new way, not just in the moment to moment manner, but as past, present and future blended together with an infinite diversity of possibilities."
"Is this how you see existence?"
"To a limited extent. How would you say most people see time?"
"Like a river, always flowing forward."
Little Girl God smiles. "The closest I can explain my perception of time is as a…musical rainbow. I see the beginning, the middle and the end all as one. The shape is fixed, but the individual layers of hues and chords of notes are infinitely varied due to my gift of free will."
"People go higher or lower in the spectrum according to their life choices?"
"And that keeps time in a state of flux, even when the most likely 'scenario' is known. It is an awesome thing to behold."
"Then…why does life seem so ugly most of the time?"
"Think of it as a mosaic. Each individual piece has no perception of how the entire pattern looks. To each piece of the mosaic, life seems broken and disjointed, but all of the pieces fit together to form…beauty."
"Maybe so, but from my 'mosaic' perspective, this might be too weird to handle."
"If so Joan, you may choose to forever withdraw from the process."
"So I don't have to go through with this? No hard feelings?"
"Joan, you have been on a journey of spiritual growth all of your life, but obviously that has intensified the last few years. Every individual goes through stages of growth, and each stage is always more difficult than the last. You have already completed your current stage and have done well. As for what comes next, I can only encourage you to do your best. The ultimate decision is up to your free will. There is no shame in not going on, nor will that affect our relationship."
Little Girl God pedals away on her bike while giving the backhand wave. Joan considers her words.
X X X X X
That afternoon Will Girardi is in the master suite trying on his dress uniform and checking out the fit in the full length mirror. Helen enters...
"Admiring yourself, handsome?"
Will blushes a little. "I just wanted to be sure the old uniform still fit. It's been awhile since I tried it on. I'm surprised, it actually feels a bit loose."
"That's because we have been strictly watching our diets and getting more exercise. You do look good in that, especially with the gold braid and all of your medals."
"My last chance to wear it."
"You'll look great tomorrow as the Grand Marshal of the New Year's Day parade. Will, I know you're doing this for me..."
"Being Grand Marshal?"
"No, quitting being a cop. I just want you to know how much I appreciate this sacrifice."
"Helen, yes I did first consider this run for mayor because you were worried about me being a cop when we have a new child to care for. But...I have to admit I'm excited about this run for office. It's the first time in years that I've tried something new and challenging. I almost feel young again."
"Hey, for a politician, 52 is not old at all."
"While for a cop, it's getting a little long in the tooth. At least I don't have to worry about chasing down some teenage suspect and looking foolish. Now, if I just don't make an equal fool of myself when I make my announcement speech tomorrow."
"Speech all finished?"
"Finished and rehearsed about a dozen times."
"You'll do fine, Will. You've been making speeches for years."
"As a cop. There's something about wearing the badge that gives you extra confidence in any situation."
"Then we will have to work on making you confident while not wearing a badge." Helen says as she locks the door. She advances on her husband with a naughty smile...
Down the hallway...
Luke looks through a crack in the door to his and Grace's bedroom (Kevin's old room). Grace has her shoes kicked off and is laying next to Annie. They are both asleep. Chasing after a very active 16 month old daughter can be exhausting, and Grace has learned the trick to rest when the little dynamo does. Luke smiles as he admires his wife and child...
"Thank you, God." Luke whispers as a tear comes to his eye. He feels a hand on his shoulder... Luke turns.
"Luke, you are one very lucky guy." Kevin whispers as he takes in the scene.
Luke nods and softly closes the door. "I guess it sounds strange what I said..."
Kevin shakes his head. "Are you kidding? Every time I look at my life: a great paying job I enjoy, a beautiful woman to love and I'm walking again...I also thank God daily."
"Kev, I thought you weren't religious."
"I'm not 'churchy' but I definitely believe in God. How could I not when I've beaten such long odds?"
"How are the legs?"
Kevin shrugs. "I get around okay most of the time. Stairs are still a hassle, and I tire out faster than I would like, but overall I'm doing good. I've hit what my doctor calls a plateau in my rehab. It's been awhile since I've noticed any progress, and I have to face the possibility that this is as far as my recovery will go."
"You're not giving up are you?"
"No, and my ladylove makes sure I don't."
Luke notes the affectionate tone in Kevin's voice. "How are you and Barbara?"
"Good...at least we are now. Christmas morning I made a boneheaded mistake. I knew Barbara had major issues with the idea of marriage but like an idiot, I proposed - complete with diamond ring."
"What happened?"
"She turned me down, we had a big fight and there were a lot of hurt feelings. Eventually it all worked itself out, and now we are sort of, kind of...engaged."
"What does that mean?"
Kevin smiles. "I got Barbara to agree that if we are still together and happy after ten years, we will get married."
"Ten years?"
"I would have tried for five, but I thought that might have been pushing my luck. Who knows, maybe a decade from now I'll be a father just like you."
"If not sooner. As Grace and I learned, no birth control is a hundred percent. You need to be especially careful not to use more than one layer of condoms. That was our mistake. The 'double-bagging' causes extra friction which causes the condoms to fail."
Kevin winces. "Knock wood, that won't happen to us. Barbara's real father is on his sixth marriage and sixth child. His lifelong pattern has been to divorce a year or two after each new wife delivers a kid. You can imagine how that has made Barbara feel about the combination of marriage and children."
"Does Barbara like kids?"
"Not sure. She rarely interacts with them, although, she is truly fond of her new baby sister. Or rather, half-sister, Lydia. Maybe that's an encouraging sign? Say, this summer, why don't you and Grace come out for a visit? With Annie in our home, maybe Barbara will warm up to the idea of having a baby. How could anyone not find Annie a delight?"
Luke beams with pride. "She is amazing, isn't she? And much smarter than any of us expected. I truly believe her I.Q. will measure far higher than my own."
"I was thinking more along the lines of how adorably cute she is, but yeah, I noticed we have another 'brain' in the family. God knows where those genes came from. Hey, maybe a kid of mine will get the smart gene too?"
"Kev, you seem to be fixated on having a child."
"Oh...I guess that's because Joan put the idea into my head. She told me about a dream she had where Barbara was pregnant. Now I can't get the idea out of my mind, which I know is a mistake. Considering how much the thought of just marriage freaked her out, I don't dare risk being the first to suggest the possibility of having a baby"
"But...you would like one?"
Kevin nods. "Yeah, I guess I do. I always assumed I would have kids once I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Now I have, and I'm not sure she will ever agree."
"If you really think a vist from Annie would help, then I'm sure Grace would agree to us visiting this summer."
Kevin smiles. "Great. Annie can win anyone over to the idea of parenthood, unlike our grumpy little sister, E.T."
"Uh, about the 'E.T.' name, that's become a bit of a sore spot around here. Mom and Dad, especially Mom, really want us to start saying 'Eleanor'."
"Thanks for the heads-up, even though E.T. seems to fit the little alien a lot better. Really, I've never come across such a disagreeable kid, and she's only a baby. I shudder to think what our little sister will put our parents through in the coming years..."
A cry of distress from Joan's room reaches the brothers' ears. Quickly they are at Joan's door and Luke gives a perfunctory knock.
"Joan, we're coming in." Luke says as he opens the door.
Luke and Kevin rush in and see Joan is asleep on her bed, thrashing about in an obvious nightmare. Kevin gently shakes his sister's shoulder...
"Joan... Joan! Wake up."
Joan awakens, looking about wildly at her surroundings, seemingly unsure of what is going on...
"Kevin...? You're...walking?"
"Sure, you remember I'm no longer in the wheelchair, right?"
Joan gives an unconvincing nod. "Luke, is Grace...alive?"
"Joan, of course she is. Grace and Annie are asleep in our room."
"Annie? Who...oh wait, Annie!"
Kevin asks, "Joan are you okay? Were you having a bad dream?"
Joan nods again, breathing hard. "Oh God, wow...that was the mother of all nightmares. So many weird things were going on."
Luke asks, "You dreamed Grace was dead?"
"Yeah, it was really strange. Grace was a ghost, but not like a real ghost. More like a movie type ghost. She was floating around in this flowing white gown, and she was watching all of our lives but she couldn't interact with us. She was even travelling in space..."
Kevin chuckles. "Now that's a dream and a half. Maybe it would make a sci-fi TV show...no wait, there already was a 'Space Ghost'."
Kevin laughs again and a nervous looking Luke joins in. Joan sits quietly, trying hard to remember what is and isn't real. Apparently while asleep, her subconscious was free to explore the endless possibilities of alternate timelines. Hundreds of fragmented images flash through Joan's mind, but as she forces herself to calm down, they begin organizing themselves into a variety of different scenarios.
Joan sees alternate possibilities for many of the events in her life... Her and Adam still a loving couple because he chose not to cheat on her. In another, her and Adam never a couple because he never forgave her for smashing his sculpture, which meant she wasn't there for him when he was considering suicide...oh God, not that! But further along in that scenario, Judith still alive because there was no special date with Adam and that fateful night Judith had a sleepover with Joan. And Ramsey...killing all of those people at Arcadia High because Joan was too scared to ask the school bully to the semi-formal. But in another, Ramsey didn't bring booze with him to the dance, leading to the first of many dates with the guy...who eventually became Joan's 'first'. (Eww.) And even further back...to God's first assignment to work at the bookstore, which Joan flatly refused. The serial killer slew another local teen, and then moved on - following a long pattern of killing in threes. Eventually he was caught by the F.B.I.'s Behavorial Analysis Unit, which included Dr. Spencer Reid...
"Oh crap, my date! What time is it?"
"A little after three." Kevin replies.
"I have to get ready. Okay brothers, get out unless you want to see more of your sister than is proper. And I claim the bathroom too!"
As Joan begins pushing her brothers out of her room, Kevin asks, "What's the rush? How early is your guy picking you up for a New Year's Eve date?"
"Luke, you explain. I don't have time!"
As soon as Kevin and Luke are back in the hall, Joan slams the door.
"Joan is dating?" Kevin asks.
Luke nods. "An F.B.I. agent she met last October by the name of Spencer Reid. It's Joan's first date since...Jimmy."
"Well good for her, but why the rush?"
"Joan is meeting 'Spencer' in Washington, so that's nearly ninety miles she has to drive. I wonder...what did Joan mean when she said Grace didn't look like a 'real ghost'?"
Kevin shrugs. "Who knows what goes on in the odd little mind of Joan Girardi?"
X X X X X
Three hours later, Joan stands in front of her own full length mirror, admiring the effort she has put in for her date...her hair and make-up perfect, and the very expensive dress she is squeezed into...
"I look smokin' hot."
Laying on the bed, Grace chuckles, "Aren't you the modest one?"
Joan hesitantly asks, "You don't think I look good?"
"Just joking. Your boyfriend's eyes will pop out of his head when he sees you in that dress."
"Thanks Grace, and he's not my boyfriend. This is just our first date."
"Yeah, but I know the two of you have been flirting on the phone for days. I think you like him."
Joan smiles, blushes a little and nods. "I really do. I've never considered someone like Spencer before, but he's so nice and smart and really cute in a geeky sort of way."
Grace laughs. "Trust me, once you go geek, you never go back. So...are you going to sleep with him?"
"Grace...!" Joan says, faking outrage. "It's our first date. What kind of a girl do you think I am?"
"The kind who is now a woman. A woman who has been miserable with loneliness for a long time. A woman whom I noticed has packed an overnight bag?"
"Oh that. Just me being practical. This dress maybe dynamite for a date, but it is also tight in all sorts of places and more than a little inappropriate for winter weather. I thought before I drive back tonight, I would change into something warmer and more comfortable."
Grace grins. "Very practical. And should you happen to spend the night with the guy, you don't have the shame of wearing that sexy outfit home when you return...in the morning."
"Grace, I am not going to sleep with Spencer, 100 percent guaranteed."
A voice from the doorway comments, "That's always good for a mother to hear."
Helen enters the room and Grace rises from the bed, heading for the doorway. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law pass each other with a cool nod.
"Have fun tonight Joan, you deserve it." Grace says as she exits, closing the door behind her.
Helen stands behind Joan, admiring Joan's dress, but also frowning a bit.
Joan asks, "Are you and Grace still having problems?"
"Of course not Joan. I love Grace."
"Which doesn't mean you can't be pissed off at her. What happened between you two?"
"I'd rather not discuss it. Grace and I...had words about something, but we're working it out."
"Okay, I won't pry. So, tell me, what do you think of my outfit?"
As Joan turns and models for her mother, Helen smiles. "Joan, you look beautiful, but if you were still underaged, I would say there is no way I would ever let you out of the house barely dressed like that."
Joan looks back at the mirror. "Too much?"
"Too much skin and not enough dress."
"I know it's skimpy, but I really wanted to grab Spencer's attention. It's been a long time since I dated anyone, and I need to experience that 'wow' moment."
"Wow moment?"
"You know, that first moment on a date when a guy sees how you've gone all out and he reacts with his jaw dropping and his eyes bulging out."
"After Spencer sees you in that dress, it won't just be his eyes that are bulging."
"Mom...!" Joan giggles, but then looks in the mirror again. "You don't think he will consider me cheap, looking like this? I want to impress Spencer, but I don't want him to be ashamed of me. We're going to be surrounded by a mostly older crowd, and I don't want his friends and colleagues thinking I'm some sort of skank."
Mother and daughter evaluate the dress, which is red with a sparkle pattern. The dress is strapless, very tight in all of the curves, there is a slit up one side that goes halfway up Joan's thigh - showing off how good her legs look, and the plunging neckline shows an impressive amount of clevage.
"I think you will be the sexiest, most beautiful girl...I mean woman, there. All of the men will admire you and all of the women will hate you for making them look so dull in comparison. Spencer will be proud to have you on his arm. Now, if you can just keep 'the girls' from popping out..."
"They're taped in place."
"You're kidding."
"The tape came with the dress to prevent any wardrobe malfunction. Even so, I'm going to be careful how I move in this rig."
"Good idea. Another good idea might be to put on your winter coat before you go downstairs. Your father might go into protective daddy mode if he sees his little girl going out dressed like this."
Joan nods her agreement. "My coat is downstairs."
"I'll get it for you."
Helen exits and Joan goes to her closet. Hidden on the top shelf is a strongbox, which Joan opens with a key. Inside are a variety of items she keeps secret from the family: a vaguely worded presidential citation signed by George W. Bush (for saving Arcadia from Ryan Hunter's nuclear bomb), a few souvenirs from her various assignments for God - including the silver cross he personally gave her, a taser (a girl can't be too careful) and her high security clearance badge from Homeland Security which identifies her as a 'consultant'. Going amongst Washington's federal types, Joan reluctantly sees a possible need for the security badge. Joan also notices an unopened box of condoms...
"I am not going to sleep with Spencer on our first date...95 percent guaranteed."
Joan hesitantly slips a couple of the condoms into her purse while realizing that her problem with timeline scenarios has completely faded away. Well of course, she knows this. The more she focuses on the physical, the less her spiritual connection. And as she contemplates her date tonight, the 'physical' is definitely foremost in Joan's mind.
Meanwhile...
Luke enters his bedroom and finds an anxious Grace waiting.
"Did you do it?" Grace asks.
Luke shakes his head. "I couldn't get near Joan's truck. Dad and Kevin are doing that guy thing of going over it, checking the oil and tire pressure and talking about the truck's various features. There was no way I could get close enough to sabotage it."
"We've got to stop your sister from going to Washington."
"Grace, I've been thinking about that. Maybe we're overreacting?"
"After what I saw during my nap?"
"Grace, you said you astral travelled to a cheap motel just outside of Washington and saw a man with four suitcase bombs..."
"And a map of Washington and formal wear in a dry cleaner's bag. Joan is going to a formal party in Washington!"
"Yes, but it's one of dozens such parties going on in the capital tonight. What are the odds that the one Joan is going to is the target? Besides, we already did the 'anonymous tip' thing to Homeland Security. The odds are they have already acted on our text message and have raided that motel, arresting the bad guy."
"We can't be sure."
"I don't know, apparently our messages sent through disposable cell phones are being taken seriously by Homeland Security. There was no report of anything going wrong with that cruise ship we warned them about. As we continue this pattern of anonymous tips, I'm sure the authorities will begin to always heed our warnings. And have you noticed, the number of astral travel assignments you are getting from God are increasing?"
"I think that's because we stopped playing around with this gift God gave me and are finally being serious about it."
Luke shakes his head. "It still amazes me that God is doing this through you. If people knew..."
"Our lives would be ruined. Luke, we have to stop Joan from going."
"How Grace, trip her on the stairs?"
"Well..."
"I was kidding. Grace, we have done our part and we have to trust that God will do his. We can't stop Joan from going into Washington, no more than we can stop any of the other countless thousands who will be going into D.C. for the holiday celebration."
Grace sighs and nods her head. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just that I worry about Joan. Her life has been so hard lately, and I want to keep her safe from anything bad."
"So do I, but life is always challenging. Joan will just have to take her chances with what life throws at her just like the rest of us, but I truly believe she is safe tonight. Hey, you want to hear a weird coincidence? Joan had this bad dream..."
To Be Continued. Please review.