Title: Crawling Experiments
Author: AnnieVH
Summary: one of Sherlock's experiments crawls to the floor.
Rating: PG
Genre: humor
Characters or Pairing: John, Sherlock and the experiment.
Prompts: sherlockbbc-fic: .?thread=22125304#t22125304
Warning: crawling things
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: don't own, just borrow.

"Hi."

"... Hi."

"What are you doing down there?"

"Me? Oh, nothing, I just dropped my-"

"Experiment. Right. Just another Friday."

"Yes. Yes, you know. Get us some tea?"

"Sure."

"Where the hell is the damn thing."

"What are you experimenting now?"

"You know. This and that. Nothing special really."

"Good."

(beat)

"You okay there, Sherlock?"

"Me? Fine, fine. I'm... fine. Just looking for the experiment. Very important experiment."

"Your tea."

"What? Yes. Thank you."

"Seriously, what's wrong?"

"What's- nothing. Just drinking my tea. Yum. Good tea. What is it?"

"No idea."

"Hm. My favorite."

"Could you please get up from the floor?"

"Can't. Experiment. You understand."

"Where did you drop it?"

"Kitchen."

"And you're looking for it in the living room?"

"..."

"Sherlock, it's not like it's going to crawl away!"

"..."

"Sherlock?"

"Actually..."

"Oh, God, what did you bring home this time?"

"Nothing venomous."

"Good."

"You remember last week when you were telling me about camel spiders that used to crawl up your face every other night in Afghanistan?"

"..."

"You said they were the biggest spiders in the world, which is false, but you insisted I couldn't claim such thing if I had never really seen one."

"..."

"So, you see, I got one. One of the big ones. And I think you may actually be right. Though I don't see why you hate them so much, John. Loxosceles reclusa is much more dangerous, and the giant huntsman spider is definitely the biggest."

"..."

"You okay, John? You look pale."

"I am going to kill you."

"... But then who's going to find the spider?"

"I told you I'm terrified of those things and now you brought one for tea?"

"Experiment, John. Not tea."

"Where's my coat?"

"It can't have crawled far away."

"I'm going to Sarah's. You better have found that hideous thing before morning!"

"Will try."

"Good bye!"

"OH!"

"What!"

"Don't move!"

"..."

"Whatever you do, don't move."

"... Why?"

"It's on the back of your coat."

"... what...?"

"Wait..."

"Sherlock..."

"Just one second, I'm going to get the ruler."

"What?"

"I still have to measure-"

"TAKE IT OFF ME RIGHT NOW!"

"Fine! Fine! Don't scream, it's crawling up your shoulder."

"Oh God..."

"Close your mouth."

"Ohgommmmphh..."

"Easy, easy."

"... mphh..."

"Does it tickle on your lips? Don't give me that look, I need data. Giving the finger qualifies as moving, John, do you wanna make it angry? Here, spidie spidie, come with Sherlock. Stop shaking, you're making it harder. Okay... okay... yes! Here it is!"

"Ohthankgod!"

"Get up from that floor, John, you gotta take a closer look. I'm sure you'll like them much better if you got to know the species."

"Where is it?"

"Here, on the counter. And what a fascinating creat-"

WHAM!

"..."

"There. Now I like it better."

"... my experiment..."

"Yes, it's a brand new experiment now: how does a camel spider look after it's been crushed by a frying pan?"

"It looks dead!"

"Does it? To me it actually looks more like... vengeance. Haha."

*Fim*