A/N: ZareEraz here! I've got a little One Piece fic for you all! I really hope you like this little crack fic and I'm telling you upfront that I don't know much about poker, so I hope I at least got the basics correct. Let me know what you think about in in the reviews section and enjoy! :3
In Pieces
"Damn it…" Luffy hissed under his breath, bouncing his bare knee up and down as he sat cross-legged at the poker table. The whole crew was playing strip poker that evening, the grassy deck lit by a few lanterns so they could see. Brook was designated dealer (on account of not having any skin to show – because he didn't have skin in the first place yohoho!) and he was excited to see if he could get a glimpse of Nami's and Robin's panties and things were not looking good for several people. Several hands in and Robin was fully clothed, Nami had lost her sandals, Sanji and Zoro were bare from the waist up – their haori coat and suit jacket strewn behind them, Luffy was in his underwear and hat and nothing else, Franky and Chopper were naked since they only wore two and three pieces of clothing respectively (but it didn't really matter to them because one was a pervert and the other was covered in fur…respectively) but they were still allowed to play even though they'd technically lost already. And Ussop was cheating. He'd come to the table wearing every single piece of clothing he owned and even after losing every single hand he was still wearing six pairs of pants, two pairs of shoes, nine shirts, one of Nami's scarves, Robin's sunglasses, a pair of Franky's good briefs, no less than twelve pairs of socks and his hat.
Luffy glanced around the table, trying to read the faces of his crew to see who was panicking. Robin had the perfect poker face – Luffy could never tell what she was thinking, her long hair shadowing one of her eyes as she looked down at her cards. Nami had her normal sly smile on her face, like she was imagining money and Sanji was too busy trying to ogle her breasts that his pervert face was on. Zoro was calm and solemn like he usually was and all Luffy could see of Ussop's face was his long nose sticking out from under the hat, glasses and scarf. Chopper and Franky were goofing off at the other end of the table, just playing for fun at this point. Luffy kept a straight face as he looked back at his two cards, but if someone was looking close enough they'd see a single bead of sweat start sliding down his cheek.
Brook, who'd taken up being the dealer since he'd folded in the first hand, burned the first card of the hand and put down the flop. The King of Spades, the Seven of Spades, and the Queen of Hearts.
I have a two and a seven…that is not good! That one bead of sweat got a friend as Luffy realized that he was going to lose this hand as well. Bye, underwear. A quick glance around the table showed that only Sanji's face had changed to a serious one because he was forcing himself to concentrate on the game.
"Call." Robin started, wagering the same bet they'd been putting up all right: one piece of clothing.
"Call." Eight voices echoed, all wagering the same thing. Brook burned the top card and placed the turn: the King of Diamonds.
Damn it! Several voices cursed internally, those being Luffy, Ussop and Zoro.
"Call." Robin said again. Even if this was another round of betting, they were all still wagering just one piece of clothing, which was preferable since Luffy only had two pieces of clothing left, unless someone-
"Raise. Two pieces of clothing." Nami said with a devious smile.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't want to lose! Luffy face palmed internally, but on the outside, he kept his straight face as much as possible.
"NAMI-SWAAAAAN! You're so sexy when you're naughty!" Sanji gushed, his eyes turning to hearts.
"Shut up, Eyebrows." Zoro growled, annoyed by the cook's
"What did you say?!" Sanji hissed back, ready for a fight.
"Shut. Up. I'm trying to play." Zoro replied coldly, leveling his one eye at his crewmate, ready to go too. But Franky interrupted the two before they got to it.
"If I lose this round, what do I do? I'm already SUPER naked." Franky asked, pulling his usual antics.
"Then just put your pants back on and take them off again." Sanji sighed, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "But do it under the table so I don't have to see your junk."
"He'll have to do it twice since Nami-san just raised." Brook reminded him.
"Fine, then do it twice." Sanji waved him off, blowing more smoke. "Call."
"I fold." Chopper said, showing his five and ten. He just wanted his clothes back now so he could go study.
"I fold too. I'm too SUPER to look that stupid putting my pants on twice." Franky chucked his cards in with Chopper's. a two and a Jack.
"Call." Four voices echoed, waiting for the river. No matter what card came out, Luffy was pretty much screwed, but he refused to fold because he was stubborn and didn't like quitting.
Brook flipped the last card of the hand: the Ace of Spades.
"DAMN IT!" Luffy was so mad that he'd lost (again) that he stood up and threw the table. Everyone, having seen Luffy's distress throughout the entire hand, held onto their cards as the captain lost it. Even Brook held onto his dealer cards to compare hands after Luffy had stomped off.
"What did he have?" Zoro asked, as Luffy, stormed off growling.
"A two and a seven." Robin replied.
"That bad, huh?" The swordsman mused. "Looks like I'll need to get his hat and underwear off him at some point to make up for it."
"You do that." Nami waved him off, showing her king and ace. "Full House."
Zoro showed his cards: an eight and a king. "Three of a kind."
"Two pairs." Sanji sighed, showing his seven and queen.
"What about Ussop?" Nami asked, since the sniper hadn't moved at all. She reached across the table to poke his long nose but he still didn't move, so she leaned over and took a peek at his cards. "Two twos. I think he's dead."
"His hand was worse than Luffy's. " Sanji commented.
"I'm taking my scarf back." Nami snagged her scarf and shoved it into the back pocket of her jeans.
"Any my glasses." Robin added, a hand sprouting out from Ussop's head to toss her sunglasses back to her before disappearing.
"What do you have?" The navigator asked, wanting to see what the reigning queen of poker had up her sleeve. Robin smiled and placed her cards face up on the table.
"Pair of aces." She said, winning the hand again. "Sorry, everyone."
"Damnit!" Nami, Zoro and Sanji cursed. The navigator unbuckled her belt and took off her tank top, leaving her in her bra and jeans. Sanji lost his shoes and pants before drooling over Nami's boobs and Robin's excellence at poker and Zoro walked away in just his underwear to go look for Luffy.
"Luffy! Strip! You lost the hand." He called, looking around the deck of the Sunny for his captain.
"NO! I'm done playing!" The rubber man huffed, hiding up on top of the crow's nest. Zoro sighed and climbed up the ladder to his workout room before shimmying out of a window and up to the roof. Luffy was pouting on top of the roof and Zoro jumped on him. "Get off me, Zoro!"
"Just take them off! You can have them right back! Don't be such a baby!" The two of them wrestled on top of the roof for a few minutes, pushing and grabbing (and biting in Luffy's case).
"Don't break anything!" Nami called up to them, holding off Sanji with one arm as he tried to dive into her breasts.
"If they break it, I'll just fix it SUPERLY!" Franky shouted, striking his signature pose, still naked.
"Put on some pants, Franky! Geez!" Sanji growled, displeased with his state completely undress. "How many times am I going to have to tell you that!?"
"Just deal with it, brother!" Franky shot back good-naturedly. "You wouldn't ask a lion to put on clothes, would ya? So why a man?"
"Don't throw that crap back at me again!" Sanji's rant was interrupted when a pair of boxers and a straw hat came floating down to the deck of the Sunny, their owner having had them stripped from his body.
"Oh, how nice." Robin said, as two of her sprouting hands caught the clothes and tossed them over to her. She set them down by the flipped over table and everyone else's clothes, smiling softly as the ruckus on the roof of the crow's nest continued as Luffy got even madder at Zoro for stealing the rest of his clothes.
"Great, now we have three naked people on board." Nami sighed.
"Isn't that the point of Strip Poker?" Robin chuckled.
"Hey guys…" Chopper interrupted, fully clothed once again in his tank and shorts. "Ussop hasn't moved yet."
"I think he's dead, like Nami-san said." Brook stated, poking Ussop's nose for the fifth time. The sniper still didn't move, mortified by his horrible hand still. "But not as dead as me yohohohoho!"
"Zoro's going to be the dead one!" Luffy howled from the roof.
"Sure, sure. Now go put your underwear on." The swordsman replied, grappling with Luffy's naked body and steering clear of his teeth.
"You're the one that took them off!"
"This was fun." Robin chuckled at her friends, enjoying the crew's antics as much as she had the poker game. "We should do it again sometime."
"But why?" Nami asked. "Luffy with just flip over the table again if he loses."
"No way! I'm never playing again!" Said man shouted down at her.
"That takes care of that, I guess." The navigator amended.
"Care for another game?" Robin asked, her sprouting hands gathering up the cards again.
"Sure!" The other woman agreed, throwing Sanji off her to right the table and sit down again. "But only if I can rob Brook of every Beri he owns."
"I would be pleased to let you try," The gentleman skeleton said graciously, sitting down at the table with the two ladies. "But first you'll have to show me your panties."
"NO WAY!" Nami decked him in the afro and sent the skeleton flying into the railing.
"So cruel!" He groaned, landing upside down.
"Here are your cards Brook." Robin said laying them down on the table.
"Why, thank you. I'll be up in just a second."
"Give me my pants!" Luffy shouted as he leapt down from the crow's nest with the vengeance. To shut him up, Nami chucked all of his clothes back as him and the rubber man got dressed in record speed, hat and all. Clothed once again, the young man noticed that his friends were setting up another game and a huge smile stretched out on his face.
"Deal me in!" Luffy said with a chuckle, dashing over and sliding into a spot at the table.
"I thought you didn't want to play." Nami questioned, giving her captain the eye.
"I do now!" He chuckled. "But can we play something else? I'm tired of poker."
"How about Old Maid then?" Robin suggested.
"That sounds like fun!" Luffy's smile got wider.
"That does sound like fun!" Brook seconded.
"Fine then. Let's play." Nami smiled, happy that Luffy wasn't mad any more. "I'll steal everything Brook has later." Robin dealt out all the cards to the four players and they all picked up their cards to remove the pairs that they already had. Luffy looked at his cards and saw the Joker lurking next to the Ten of Hearts.
DAMNIT!
End.
A/N: And there you go! I hope you enjoyed that little fic and don't forget to review to let me know if you did! See ya!