Bernie was taken by surprise by the heat of Serena's return kiss. She had leaned in and kissed her friend and colleague as a spur of the moment thing; she hadn't expected it to be reciprocated. Had hoped, perhaps. She certainly hadn't expected Serena to be returning the kiss with such fervour. And it felt good, very good, if Bernie were honest with herself. Bernie felt Serena's tongue slide between her lips and she parted them, heard the moan that emanated from her mouth. That seemed to spur Serena on as she pulled the distraught woman closer to her, offering comfort. Her left arm tightly round Bernie, whilst her right hand cupped her face and then slid into Bernie's hair, dislodging her bobble as she slid her fingers through the blonde strands. Serena held Bernie as tightly as she could, bemoaning the fact that the surgical gowns they were both wearing impeded movement. Bernie clung on to Serena as she continued to kiss her as if their lives depended upon it. Breathless, they broke apart, still holding each other tightly. Serena stroked Bernie's hair as her head settled on her shoulder. Bernie nuzzled Serena's neck, as Serena kissed the top of Bernie's head as both women lost themselves in sensation.
Suddenly, both women jumped as Serena's pager went off, sounding extremely loud in the now quiet operating theatre. Scrambling to stand up and right themselves, Serena stole a glance at Bernie, who was looking away, embarrassed.
"Ah, sorry about that," Bernie managed, although she wasn't exactly sure what she were apologising for. Throwing her surgical gown it in the bin, she smoothed her royal blue scrubs. Bernie watched as Serena strode over to the phone to answer her pager. Hearing Serena respond, it sounded like it was Hanssen on the other end of the phone. Serena placed the receiver down, turning to Bernie, she said,
"That was Hanssen wanting an update. I'll go to ICU and check on Fletch, then fill him in. Can you…"
Before the words were out of Serena's mouth, Bernie picked up on what her colleague wanted.
"Check everything is OK on AAU, and the Trauma Unit?" She said with a small smile, as she turned to take her leave.
As Bernie reached the door, she heard Serena call to her, but chose to ignore it, not able to deal with the consequences of what had just happened yet.
"Bernie…" the word hung in the air as she exited the theatre and Serena stood there wondering what had just happened.
Gathering herself, Serena left the theatre to change before going to the ICU. Fletch had been settled in and was being monitored closely. The nurse assigned to him, Kelly, with whom Serena had a nodding acquaintance, was busy checking the fluids and calculating Fletch's fluid balance. Kelly checked the catheter, frowning when she noted that no urine had appeared for the last half hour. She glanced at the monitor, showing his BP, from his arterial line in his left arm.
"Ms Campbell," Kelly began. "I was just going to call someone. His BP has fallen and his urine output is tailing off. He's on maximum dobutamine, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm concerned his kidneys aren't well perfused."
Good Call, Serena thought. "Who's the intensivist assigned to Fletch?" she asked out loud.
"Dr Shaw." Kelly replied, referring to the lead consultant for the ICU. "It's his day off, but he came in especially." She added, smiling.
Serena was gratified; Graeme Shaw was one the best anaesthetists and intensivists, she had ever worked with. She overlooked the fact that he was a friend of Edward's. Having reviewed Fletch's charts, and examined the man, Serena prescribed a dopamine infusion. As she looked up she noted Kelly had called a colleague over and was already drawing up the dopamine, and making up a standard strength solution. Well anticipated, Serena thought, as she said,
"I'll just check Dr Shaw is happy, but I think we need to use dopamine as well as the dobutamine."
"Someone mention my name?" The gruff tones of Graeme Shaw penetrated the air.
Serena took him to the side and explained her plan. He nodded in agreement.
"We need to get his blood pressure up," he said gravely. "The next few hours will be critical, as you know."
Serena ran hand through her hair as she looked down at the ventilated Fletch, taking his hand in hers.
"Please, we can't lose him." Serena felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes.
"I know," Kelly replied quietly, as she placed her own hand over Serena's giving a squeeze of reassurance. "We'll take very good care of him, I promise. He's one of our own."
Serena smiled weakly at that, as she said. "I know he's in good hands. Now I need to see Hanssen."
"And how is the lanky Swede?" Graeme laughed. "Still polishing his sousaphone?"
"It's very possible; it helps him think. Seriously though, I don't think he's slept since this whole thing began. I'd better go, you know how he hates to be kept waiting!"
"See you later, Serena. Don't be a stranger!" Graeme Shaw called to a retreating Serena.
Once in Hanssen's office, Serena gave him an update on Fletch's condition, wishing she had better news. Hanssen looked his usual stoic self, but the dark circles under his eyes, and the pallor of his skin, told the story of a man trying to hold everything together, against the odds. Wearily he rose and said, "I need to go to the ED, and then do another press announcement. We need to keep the public informed."
Bernie received an update on the patients from Raf, as she did an impromptu ward round on AAU. The poor man looked ragged and she knew it must have been difficult for him to speak to Fletch's children. Having managed to discharge a couple more patients and rationalise treatment on a few more she felt that she was back in control. Only Stephanie Sims was giving her cause for concern, and she felt she was on top of that.
"You should go home." Bernie said to Raf after he asked her what she wanted him to do.
"No, no. I need to stay."
At that moment, Sacha Levy made his way over to the pair, smiling. "How's things?" he greeted. "I've come to offer my humble services, as Keller seems quiet now, and Ric is staying on."
Bernie smiled broadly. "There you go, Raf, now there's no excuse. Go and see Fletch, then go home and don't come back here until tomorrow!"
"Yes, Ma'am!" Raf mock saluted, but was happy to go knowing that Sacha was there and Serena would most likely be returning soon. AAU was in good hands. He was pleased to see everyone pulling together and giving their all in the aftermath of the helicopter crash.
Bernie gave Sacha a run down of the ward and current situation, and asked if he would take over Stephanie Sims' care, as she was finding it very difficult to deal with the woman. She had the utmost respect for Connie, having seen her at work in the ED, on the occasions she had been called down to a trauma. She couldn't understand Stephanie's actions, especially endangering the life of a child. She knew Sacha would feel the same way, but that he would deal with Steph with the kindness and compassion, that she was unable to show. He had a big heart. After checking with Lou, who had competently taken charge of the ward in Fletch's absence, Bernie retreated to her office to catch up on paperwork. As she sat down at her desk, the events of the last few hours caught up with her. The thought that Fletch was fighting for his life, and that it was her fault caused a renewed pang of guilt. As she closed her eyes images of Serena and her kissing flooded into her mind. Her heart lurched and breath hitched as she remembered Serena holding her, kissing her and comforting her and fervently telling her that it was not her fault. she remembered the intensity of the look that passed between them prior to the kiss and then an image of Alex filled her thoughts and she felt the guilt move up another notch. Had she kissed Serena in the heat of the moment? How did she feel about her colleague who had become a good friend in the last few months? Did she feel more for her than friendship, and if so where did that leave her and Alex? Oh God, my life is such a mess! Bernie thought as she dropped her head in her hands. How was she ever going to face Serena again.
Serena phoned AAU from Hanssen's office. Lou assured her that all was under control, and that Sacha Levy had come to help, so Serena felt no guilt in returning to ICU to visit Fletch, and Anne, to see how they were getting on. She could also visit Connie. She knew the ED clinical lead was on the mend and probably going out of her mind with worry. It also gave her an excuse not to have to face Bernie just yet. What had she been thinking? When Bernie had kissed her she had been stunned, but then she just went with it and kissed her back. Butterflies invaded her stomach as she remembered the feel of Bernie's lips under hers and how Bernie felt in her arms. Serena tried to sort out her tangled feelings, wondering if she could ever face Bernie again.