Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe - just playing with JK's lovely lovely characters. I don't make any money from these little drabbles - just have a lot of fun instead :)

A/N: made an update - no major changes, just made a change to the name of the ice cream place in Diagon Alley (changed from Flourish and Botts to Fortescu's) - I think that's right? If not you can scold me later :)

Warning: There will be SLASH (and some other potentially disturbing/hilarious bits involved). You have been warned. If you don't like - don't read. No flamers please as I have really given you enough warning.

Ch: 1 Waking Up / The Boy Who Lived No More

Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived, Vanquisher of Voldemort (in one universe at any rate) Egotistical Megalomaniac (in another very disturbing universe), and Man Who Dreaded Waking Up In The Mornings, groaned as the sun shone its bright rays almost tauntingly in his face, forcing him to wake up, very much against his wishes.

Today was The Day.

His birthday, and supposedly one of the best days of his life now that he was free from Voldemort and the Dursleys.

Honestly, that sounded like a Rock band! He gave a snort of laughter at the thought before sighing once more, allowing himself the self-indulgence of wallowing in pity. He frowned to himself even as he heard Hermione's voice in his head telling him that it was bad to wallow in self-pity.

Groaning once more in despair, he buried his head in the pillow in a vain attempt to shut out the cheerily beaming sunlight and thought back to the day that had Changed His Life. Come to think of it, that was also the day he had started Thinking In Capital Letters. He gave another snort at the thought.

Anyway on to...The Day That Changed His Life.

It wasn't The Day He Was Born; it wasn't even The Day Baby Harry Kicked Voldemort's Booty; to be completely honest, it wasn't even The Day Harry Potter (Golden Boy Extraordinaire, his traitorous mind snuck in) Had Vanquished Voldemort Once And For All.

No, it wasn't any of those big events in his life that had stood out as The Day That Changed His Life and only confirmed to him that he had the worst luck ever.

No, this Day had begun as yet another seemingly ordinary day, well, as ordinary as it could be for him with complete strangers coming up and wishing him a Happy Birthday, all but kissing the ground he walked on (not to mention whatever body part they could latch on to), walking along in Diagon Alley, his pockets heavier after his visit to Gringott's, his Auror's robes billowing out pleasantly behind him.

By all rights it should have been A Happy Day. Old Voldie had been dead (completely and forever this time) for two years, he had finally managed to graduate with the rest of his class (as eighth years since the small matter of a war had made it impossible to graduate as seventh years), he had moved into his own apartment, and he was doing the job he had wanted to for so long (his experience in the field – fighting Voldie and His Minions – had actually paid off in that his Auror training wasn't the requisite three years).

But – and here was the problem – the task of being the wizarding world's Saviour and Boy Wonder had taken its toll on Harry. He was disillusioned by life, and no longer felt the thrill of being an Auror. The eager anticipation of life, the spark of something bright, something happy no longer existed in him. Sometimes, he wondered whether it had only ever existed for those precious few seconds when he had first glimpsed Hogwarts on that fateful day.

He sighed now, rolling onto his back allowing the bright rays of the morning sun to warm his suddenly cold skin. Casting a quick wandless Tempus he noted the time before allowing himself to sink back once again into his memories.

10 years ago

"Harry! Harry!"

"Hey Harry! Wait up!"

Sighing as he recognised the voices of his two best friends, Harry obligingly stopped.

He was going to be meeting them in another hour – couldn't he at least have had a little time to himself?

Immediately he squashed the traitorous thought.

They loved him and worried about him and now that they had finally gotten married, they wanted him to be as happy as they were. He sighed impatiently to himself at their naivety. Although they were same age and had gone through war together, he always felt older than Ron and Hermione. Sometimes he even envied them their naivety.

How on earth did they expect him to be happy, to find the other half of himself with the entire wizarding world either in raptures over him or wanting to curse him from here to eternity?

He turned around just as they caught up with him, wiping his dark thoughts from his face – lately he had gotten good at doing that – and replacing it with a small smile. Not a large one because he couldn't manage that, but a small one, just large enough to placate his two best friends.

"Harry, we're so glad we caught up with you. We wanted to give you a head's up that some of the guys were going to be planning a surprise party for you." Hermione stopped, biting her lip as Harry's small smile faded to be replaced with a look of resignation.

"Yeah mate. We know you're not big on the whole surprise, or even party thing, but no one seemed to listen. They all believe you need to have some fun now that old Voldie is gone." Ron said, understanding in his eyes as he watched Harry pull his mask back into place.

"We're sorry Harry, we tried to stop them." Hermione once again, touching his arm gently, questioningly. "But when we couldn't, we thought we'd give you enough warning to get out of it if you want."

Ron was nodding his head vigorously.

Harry sighed once more, running his hand through his hair in a familiar gesture of frustration. They meant well, they all meant well, but why could no one ever understand that he just needed to be. Left. Alone.

Ignoring the fascinated gazes of the passers by who were trying to listen in to their conversation (after all, it wasn't often that you caught the Golden Trio holding a conversation in the middle of Diagon Alley – and good luck with the listening in, thought Harry, since he had cast a silencing charm around them as soon as his friends had caught up with him), he bowed his head as he felt the frustration well up in him, churning his magic in a dangerous vortex. When was this Going. To. End.

Hermione's hand rubbed soothing circles on his arm, sensing he was close to breaking point. Even Ron stayed quiet not offering advice or platitudes as he watched his friend bring his magic under control. They had witnessed this often in the past, and although it was becoming more and more frequent, they had faith in him not to lose control – at least not in a crowded street where innocents could be harmed.

Shuddering at the effort it took him to bring himself under control, Harry lifted his head, giving a small but genuine smile at the two people who had stood by him all these long years.

Giving a sigh he briefly hugged both of them before grabbing onto both their arms.

"Come on, let's go over to Fortescu's, I need some ice cream, and I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to have as much as I want on my birthday."

They beamed at him, glad to have the old Harry back even if it was only for a few minutes.

Needless to say however, the day only went downhill from there as stranger after stranger came to wish him a happy birthday, not allowing him to even eat his ice cream in peace.

Unfortunately, the Great Ice Cream Debacle (as he had come to think of it), only set the tone for the rest of the day, and by the time he got back home he only had time to grab a few things before heading out to the 'surprise' party. He wouldn't have bothered really, but when he had learned that George was the one throwing the party he hadn't had the heart to refuse the twin anything. As bad as his life was, George's had to be worse losing the other half of himself like he had.

So here he was walking to the aparating point, tired, hungry, and still in his Auror's robes. The gentle jingle of galleons in his pocket reminding him that he had not been able to buy himself the gift he had promised himself.

So lost in his dark thoughts was he, that he failed to notice the furtive footsteps coming up behind him surrounding him. In fact it was only when he heard Hermione's and then Ron's frantic shouts did he realize that he was surrounded by Death Eaters (and one Werewolf).

Harry was disgusted with himself for being so unobservant, but a small voice in the back of his mind taunted him – are you sure you didn't hear the footsteps? After all, you are a trained Auror. Could it possibly be that you wanted this to happen?

That was the last coherent thought he had before he was thrown up and into the air as a number of killing curses filled the air.

Hermione's heartrending scream and Ron's horrified shout sent a wave of regret through him that his friends would have to suffer, but for himself, Harry was strangely content. Not happy, but...content. No more Boy Who Lived, no more Saviour of the Wizarding World.

And best of all, no more needing to pretend he was happy and that all was right with his world.

With one last sigh, Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived, lived no more.

A/N: Hope you liked, please review if you can - constructive feedback is always highly welcome :)