Title: A Truth Built From Lies
Author: Gypsy Dancing Girl
Fandom: Tsubasa
Pairings: No Pairings.
Characters: Fay-who-is-really-Yuui, mentions of Real-Fay, Kurogane, Clone!Syaoran, Real!Syaoran, Clone!Sakura, and Mokona.
Genres: Angst
Rating: T
Warnings: Massive angst of the Guilty!Fay variety, spoilers for anything beyond Acid!Tokyo Arc.
Author's Notes: I was bored from the long wait in the middle of the neverending flashback . . . so I started to write, and it kind of reflects that I wasn't in a good mood when I wrote it. Usually, I can't be this cruel to Fay. Takes place anytime after the end of the Acid!Tokyo arc.
They were never really mine.
I knew that. Of course I did. It was fact . . . the only fact in my world of fiction. Like the sky is blue (on most worlds), gravity applies (on most worlds), they do not belong to me (on every world). Kurogane, Syaoran-kun, "Syaoran," Sakura-chan, and Mokona do not belong to Fay D. Fluorite. They do not belong to me, a murderer, a name-stealer, a liar, and a coward. And even if I manage to revive my brother, I can't in good conscience even come close to claiming that they belong to Fay of Valeria either.
They're too good for that.
Of course, Kurogane is a murderer too; one who can't see the difference between an assassin who is a threat, one who is not, and even an occasional innocent through his battle lust in the name of Tomoyo-hime. Of course, Syaoran-kun is an artificial being, who also lived the life of another and betrayed all of his friends in horrible ways, going on to pillage and plunder world after world. Of course, "Syaoran" is a mockery of a child, made to see and do far too much before his time. Of course Sakura-chan has turned cold, bitter, and angry; so much so that it hurts to face her unhappy expression and I force myself to do so as punishment, as penance, and as a new form of perjury. Mokona is the only true innocent among us.
But who am I to judge?
I've killed. I've lied. I've played power games. I've sacrificed what isn't mine to sacrifice. It's what I'm best at really. It's what I'm doing now. I'm gambling all of their lives for my brother's. I'm gambling my soul . . . and I don't care.
I'm losing control of the lies.
They're slipping away from me. I can't remember what I've lied to whom and when anymore. I've told so many lies in my attempt to convince everyone is alright with the world (whichever one we happen to be on at the time), that I simply can't keep track of them. They don't understand. They can't understand. I am broken beyond repair. I like to think that they aren't. So I lie to them, lie on top of lie, like a card tower, ready to fall with the slightest breath of air. I'm good at pretending. If I'm happy, they don't ask questions . . . except Kurogane. If I'm an idiot, they don't expect better from me . . . except "Syaoran" (and Syaoran-kun once upon a time). If I tell no secrets of my own and lie with every breath, they don't trust me . . . except Sakura-chan. If I'm distant, they don't cry for me . . . except Mokona.
I lie anyway.
This is not my life to live. These are not my friends to love. Their quest is not mine. My only wish is to return life to my brother . . . even to the point where I give him mine. I should not have gotten close, because there can be no future. We will have no happy ending. It was good of Kurogane to remind me of that. It lets me continue my punishment. I can't die. Dying is too good for me. I will only rest once my brother's rest is over.
And then if I'm lucky, I won't dream.
The End.