It Pays to Do Background Checks
"Okay, I found Pyro," Remy announced as the two of them entered the Sphere Hangar.
"About time," Sabertooth growled. He, Piotr and Mastermind were waiting for them. "What took you so long?"
"Don't ask," Remy groaned. "Let's just say the base's air filters are gonna need replacing."
"What?" Piotr blinked. "But I just replaced all of them yesterday."
"Well guess you'll just have to do it again," Remy said. "Unless you want to start wearing a gas mask around here."
"Great," Piotr groaned.
"So what's going on?" Pyro chirped.
"The boss left a few minutes ago. He wants us all assembled here when he gets back," Sabertooth told him.
"Why? Where'd he go?" Pyro asked.
"Don't know," Sabertooth growled. "But he said it would be quick."
"Maybe he got a craving and went to get some take-out," Remy quipped.
"Oooh, I hope he gets extra hot sauce," Pyro squealed.
Just then a concealed section of the ceiling retracted and two metal traveling spheres floated down to the floor. The lead sphere opened up and Magneto levitated out of it. "Good. You're all here. At last you fools managed to do something right."
"Nice to see you too, Mags," Remy drawled. "Where did you go?"
"Did you bring back lots of hot sauce?" Pyro asked eagerly.
"What? No, I did not bring back any hot sauce," Magneto glared at him. "And don't call me Mags!"
"Did you bring back any aspirin?" Mastermind asked. "Heaven knows we never have enough around here."
"No, I did not bring back aspirin!" Magneto shouted. "Though I could certainly use some about now."
"So where did you go?" Piotr asked.
"On a mission," Magneto announced settling in front of them. "I located and brought back a new recruit."
"A recruit?" Piotr blinked.
"Is she female?" Remy asked hopefully.
"No, he is not," Magneto glared at him. "Though he is supposed to be quite powerful. According to my sources he almost managed to trap and defeat most of the X-Men."
"Really?" Sabertooth grunted. "I'm starting to like the guy already."
"How did you find out about him?" Mastermind asked. "I haven't been asked to use the new mutant detection system. It isn't functional yet."
"No, but I have other ways of obtaining information," Magneto said. "Through various covert means and resources."
"You've been listening to the surveillance devices we planted at the X-Mansion again," Remy supplied.
"Yes," Magneto admitted. "Now line up and prepare to greet our new cohort." Magneto turned and used his powers to open the bottom of the second sphere. A figure immediately tumbled out of it.
"Uh, boss?" Pyro blinked at the thin, bespectacled teenager on the ground. "Are you sure you got the right bloke? I was expecting someone a little more..."
"Impressive?" Piotr suggested.
"Formidable?" Remy supplied.
"Physically imposing?" Mastermind completed.
"I was gonna say flammable, but that stuff works too," Pyro shrugged.
"Are you kidding me?" Sabertooth snorted disdainfully. "This is the guy who almost took down the X-Men?"
"What are his powers?" Remy asked.
"I'm not certain," Magneto said. "Charles' students were not very specific about them. But they were very explicit about how dangerous he was to them."
"I don't know whether to consider that to be really good or really pathetic," Remy rolled his eyes.
"Why is he unconscious?" Piotr frowned in concern.
"I administered a mild tranquilizer before loading him into the sphere," Magneto explained. "To ensure he did not cause...complications."
"Where did you find him?" Mastermind inquired.
"Within Bayville," Magneto told him. "He lives in a relatively large private residence. His parents or guardians were not present. And he was already unconscious when I approached and removed him."
"Wait, you kidnapped him?" Piotr gasped in shock.
"Yes he did," Sabertooth chuckled. "Literally."
"But what happens when he's found missing?" Remy asked. "Or if he doesn't want to join us?"
"Irrelevant. Teenagers run away from home all the time," Magneto said coldly. "And if he resists my offer, then Mastermind will ensure that he accepts."
"But..." Piotr was too appalled to continue.
"Uhhh," the prone figure moaned and began to waken.
"Good, the tranquilizer is wearing off," Magneto noted.
"Hrummm," the figure managed to sit up. He yawned and looked around. "Whoa! Where am I? Is this a dream?"
"You are among friends," Magneto stood looming over him. "And this is not a dream."
"Wow!" The figure quickly got to his feet. "Hey, I remember you! I saw you on TV! You're that mutant that got crushed under that big, enormous robot! That was so cool!"
"At least he's got good taste," Remy snickered.
"Silence Gambit!" Magneto hissed and turned back. "I am Magneto. Yes, I am a mutant. And so are the rest of us."
"Really?" The figure's eyes grew wide. "That's totally awesome!"
"Hi there!" Pyro waved cheerfully. "I'm Pyro! I like fire! This is Colossus, Gambit, Sabertooth, and Mastermind."
"Who are you?" Sabertooth glared at the figure menacingly.
"Huh? Oh, the name's Arcade," the figure looked around at them excitedly. "Wow, you're all mutants? That totally rocks! So you all have cool, special powers?"
"Yes," Magneto got his attention again. "And I offer you the chance to join us."
"Really?" Arcade squealed. "Oh yeah! I'm there! Absolutely!"
"It requires you staying with us permanently," Magneto warned. "You will not be allowed to return to your home or family."
"Big deal," Arcade waved. "My folks are hardly ever around and barely spend time with me anyway. Who cares about them?"
"So much for him resisting and not wanting to join us," Remy quipped.
"Excellent!" Magneto nodded and headed out of the hangar. "I will personally give you a tour and show you to a room."
"Alright!" Arcade whooped and skipped after Magneto gleefully. The rest of the Acolytes followed them. "This is so cool! So you're gonna go and turn me into a mutant, right?"
"Yes, exactly and...huh?" Magneto stopped and spun around in shock. "Wait, what do you mean 'turn you into a mutant'?"
"Man, this is great!" Arcade was too excited to register Magneto's question. "I can't wait to be a mutant and get my own cool, mutant powers!"
"WHAT?!" Magneto roared. "You're saying you don't have any powers?"
"That's right," Arcade nodded. "Except for my super killer awesome gaming skills. But you're gonna mutate me and give me some mutant powers, right?"
"NO!" Magneto roared.
"Aw, come on! Please?" Arcade looked up at him beggingly. "Having powers would be so cool! I wanna be a mutant! I wanna be a mutant!"
"Nice going Mags," Remy snickered. "You recruited a human to be an Acolyte."
"Wonder what 'ol Baldy would think of this," Pyro giggled.
"SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!" Magneto yelled. "Arrrggghhh! I don't believe this! Wait, maybe he is a mutant. Maybe his powers are just obscure. Come with me!"
"Okay!" Arcade smiled as Magneto dragged him down the hallway and into his private lab. "Whoa! Look at all this stuff! This is beyond cutting edge and...ow!"
"There," Magneto withdrew the syringe and inserted Arcade's blood sample into a machine. "This will tell me whether he is a mutant or...AAAUUUGGGHHH!"
"Having trouble boss?" Remy smirked as the Acolytes gathered in the lab.
"HE'S NOT A MUTANT!" Magneto howled furiously. "HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A DORMANT X-GENE! HE'S A PLAIN, INFERIOR, UNEVOLVED HUMAN!"
"Man, what an awesome setup!" Arcade marveled at a large gene resequencer. "Is this the thing that'll go and turn me into a mutant?"
"NO! NO! NO!" Magneto roared. "You will never be a mutant! You never even met me! You were never here! You're leaving! NOW!"
"Wait, you're saying you're not gonna turn me into a mutant?" Arcaded blinked.
"Kinda slow isn't he?" Pyro quipped.
"Look who's talking," Sabertooth grunted.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Magneto screamed angrily at Arcade. "You never were a mutant and you never will be!"
"Aw, come on! Please?!" Arcade begged and fell to his knees. "Give me a chance! I'd be a great mutant! Honest!"
"Man, you're addressing the wrong person if you wanna appeal to honestly," Remy pointed out.
"You actually wish to be a mutant?" Piotr asked skeptically.
"YES!" Arcade shouted. "I'd love to have awesome powers and stuff. And I'd make an awesome mutant. Just look at me!" He jumped up and indicated himself. "Now I'm the king of the gamers. Oh, the lord of binary! I've read the mode of my genetic code, and that's what's limitin' me!"
"Huh?" Piotr blinked.
"Oh no, not another one," Sabertooth groaned.
"I wanna be a real mutant!" Arcade went on. "And join a mutant team! And be just like the other mutants. I'm ready to be living the dream!"
"Is he on some kind of drugs?" Magneto blinked at Arcade's behavior.
"No, he's just insane," Mastermind did a brief probe of Arcade's mind.
"Great. More for me," Magneto dug out a bottle of aspirin and downed some.
"Oh, ooo-bee doo!" Arcade pointed at the Acolytes. "I wanna be like you-oo-oo!" He began to do a little dance. "I wanna walk like you! Talk like you, too-oo-oo!"
"Will somebody shut that kid up?" Sabertooth growled. "He's giving me a headache!"
"Hey, you gotta admit he's pretty good," Pyro chirped and bopped his head to the beat.
"You'll see it's true-oo-oo!" Arcade continued to sing and dance around. "A geek like me! Can turn to be a mutant too-oo-oo!"
"Out of all the possible types of recruits, this is not what I expected," Piotr noted.
"So what are you going to do about this?" Remy looked at Magneto.
"Mastermind," Magneto gestured him forward.
"Right," Mastermind slid behind Arcade and began to use his powers.
"Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo-doo, doo...oooh," Arcade blinked right before he fell to the floor.
"Erase his memory of this incident," Magneto ordered. "He is to remember nothing about us. And none of you will ever mention a word about any of this! UNDERSTOOD?!"
"You got it!" Pyro grinned as the Acolytes left Magneto to stew in his lab. Mastermind stayed behind as well to finish wiping Arcade's mind. "Too bad that bloke didn't turn out to be a mutant. He was kinda fun."
"He was a nut!" Sabertooth growled. "A crazy, stupid, mixed-up kid! Why do we always end up attracting all the nut jobs around here?"
"Just lucky I guess," Remy smirked.
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "I Wanna Be Like You".