Insert Title Here, a harry potter fanfic

In tribute to C.K. Talons' The Marauder Chronicles. Go read - it's worth it.

Note: This is the first fic I ever wrote, and I remember EXACTLY why I did it, too. One line. It's not that hard to pick out. Trust me on this.

Lily sat on the couch, waiting for her husband to return.

Over an hour ago she had found out she was pregnant, and it was still taking a little while to sink in.

What am I going to tell James? Lily started to worry. Its okay, came the voice of reason, he wanted a child too but not now! Lily started to fret. Her brain was fighting over to see which would win: reason or panic.

"James Potter," the front door sounded as he entered the room.

Lily jumped to her feet and raced towards him, the impact made him take a step back.

"Lily, are you alright?" James noticed the strange look on her face.

"I, I...I'm pregnant." Lily Stuttered.

"You're what?!"

"Pregnant."

"Oh sh..." James paused and looked at Lily. "...Yay."

"I just took a test an hour ago and it turned out positive," Lily waited for the reaction.

James's head was going a million miles an hour; everything was a blur...except one thing that he remembered from a couple of years ago. "Lily?"

"Yes James?" Lily looked at him curiously.

"Is it a boy?"

"Ye..." Lily wondered why that was one of the first things he would ask her, and then it hit her. She didn't want to lie to James, but she just had to do this. "No. No, it's a girl."

James covered up his disappointment. Shit, damnit, bloody hell.and botheration! Wait... "Are you sure?"

"The test was 99 percent sure." She replied.

A string of curses went through Jamess head at that moment. Wait, maybe she wont remember the bet. James though as he put his hands in his robes and crossed his fingers. "That's wonderful dear, have you thought of any names?"

Lily smirked. "Yes I have. Well, one actually. How do you feel about: I-lost-the-bet-and-now-I-have-to-streak-through-Hogwarts-naked?"

"A little too long. How about we just leave it at 'I lost the bet'?"

"No."

"Well, in that case; I think you should pick another. Everybody will be calling her names."

"James Donovan Potter, you are not going to get out of this one."

"But Lily-" James pleaded.

"No buts." Lily put on her best glare, despite the fact she was laughing maniacally on the inside.

"Damn," James muttered under his breath.

It was the Grand Final match of quidditch: Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. Every student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was there; some about to go onto the field, to try their hardest, the rest in the stands, cheering on a team. The teachers were in a box, waiting patiently for the match to start. Even Albus Dumbledore had taken a break from his work to attend this particular match.

The doors opened and the Ravenclaw team flew out onto the pitch, followed by Gryffindor, and a tumultuous applause erupted from the stands.

"Welcome to the Quidditch Grand Final between Gryffindor & Ravenclaw." The commentator's voice boomed over the pitch.

Immediately the teachers and fourth years and up stared up towards the commentators box in open-mouthed shock. After minutes of silence the first to third years followed the rest of the schools gazes and looked up to see what was so interesting.

Michael Bromsky, Captain for the Ravenclaw quidditch team nearly fell off his broom.

Skye Jackson below him did.

"What?" Sirius Black asked to the thousand students and the faculty that were staring at him.

"Attention Students," Professor McGonagall's voice echoed across the school grounds, "For this particular match, we will be having a guest commentator. His name is Sirius Black. Some of you may-" she didnt get to finish.

With the exception of the Slytherins, every student from the fourth years up were cheering so loudly that the residents of Hogsmeade surely would be deaf in the morning.

"As I was saying," McGonagall continued once she regained her composure, "Some of you may remember him from a few years ago. He is here to commentate on this match."

When the applause died down, Jeffrey Meyers asked the question that everyone was thinking, "Hey Sirius, wheres James?"

Sirius smirked mischievously, loving the thrill of keeping them all in suspense. "He's not here now, but you never know, he might show up later and surprise you."

The crowd went ecstatic, absolutely ballistic; Dumbledore was smiling and McGonagall fought back hers when she remembered exactly what these two particular men were like. "Why exactly are you here?"

Sirius turned the voice-magnifier charm off, "Cant I just come back to my favourite school to see everybody again?"

"Not unless you're up to something," Professor Sprout joined in.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see," Sirius replied mischievously. He looked up at the teacher behind him and nearly gagged. "What's he doing here?" he asked, pointing to Severus Snape.

"I could very well ask you the same thing Black," Snape replied.

"What's the matter; didn't pass? Had to stay here and repeat your seventh year?" Sirius asked menacingly.

"Professor Snape is an assistant teacher." Dumbledore explained.

"He's teaching the students? What, 'how to corrupt the hearts of beautiful women'?"

"No doubt he's not as good as you," McGonagall interrupted, "but he will soon be the new Potions Master. Ulysses Hart is to retire at the end of this year."

"At least I'm not teaching how to send unsuspecting students to their deaths." Snape glared.

Sirius rose from his seat, and rolled up his robes. Snape stood as well, his right hand going to his pocket.

"Stop!" Professor McGonagall commanded. "There will not be any fighting of any sort whilst you are at this school. Do I make myself clear?"

Sirius was about to reply, but upon seeing the look on Professor McGonagall's face, he quickly sat back down and changed the subject. "So, who's playing what?"

Professor McGonagall reluctantly handed him a sheet with the positions:

Gryffindor: Captain; Jeffrey Meyers, Keeper; Cassie Rayley (6th), Seeker; Charlie Weasley (1st), Chasers; Evette Brown (4th), Bill Weasley (3rd), Tasha Davidson (5th), Beaters; Jeffrey Meyers (7th), Prudence Mitchell (4th).

Ravenclaw: Captain; Michael Bromsky, Keeper; Skye Jackson (6th), Seeker; Leandra Mills (5th), Chasers; Michael Bromsky (7th), Faith Eisles (6th), Cascade Doyle (2nd), Beaters; Liam O'Brien (3rd), Evellynn Blythe (3rd).

After looking through it, he pointed his wand to his throat, "Sonourus." Sirius' voice was once again heard through the pitch. "Hello to all you new people I've not yet had the pleasure to meet. Well, let's get this match started, shall we?"

Applause rang out through the stadium.

Heh, heh, heh; I should come back and do this more often, Sirius thought as he watched Jeff and Michael shake hands.

After the Bludgers and snitch were released, Madam Hooch blew the whistle, and Sirius commentated with some colourful phrases that made McGonagall glare at him. Though he sorely wished to be back on the pitch again.

Remus stood outside Lily and James' apartment. He had knocked five times already but received no reply, though he could've sworn he heard sound in there. And he was pretty sure Lily and James weren't... y'know... because Sirius and James had left half an hour ago for something that James threatened to curse Sirius if he told him, so they couldn't be in there shagging each other senseless. But it left Remus wondering why hadn't anyone answered?

Remus decided to just take a quick look inside to make sure no one was stealing their furniture or ransacking their house.

After knocking and receiving no response, he turned the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. He slowly turned the knob and entered the house. After looking around he found it empty; all the contents were there but no people, though he could have sworn that he heard life inside.

He moved towards the bedroom and some muffled noises. Bingo. He placed his ear against the door and listened in.

"Impendimenta!" Lily had no idea if her spell had found a target, and there was no time to dwell on it. As she hid her small frame behind the door to the ensuite, a curse went sailing by her shoulder and erupted on the sink. It fractured slightly, but didnt break.

She took a second to pause, but didnt have long to dwell on it as more and more curses entered the room at odd angles, hoping to find their target: her.

What the hell is going on? What has James done this time? She rolled her eyes at the thought of her husband. If there was trouble, he was usually the cause. Most people grow out of it, but not him; he's special.

She snuck a peek around the door and was assaulted by another wave of curses. She countered with one of her own before retreating back to her makeshift fort.

Her short glance had told her enough. There were at least five people, all wearing black cloaks and kept their faces masked. Death Eaters. But what do they want?

Her thoughts were halted abruptly as one of them entered the room. Before she could react, He had it trained on her and bellowed, "Stupefy!"

Lilys body was caught before it sank to the floor and was carried out of the bedroom by several Death Eaters.

Once they passed the threshold, they disapparated.

The door to the walk-in pantry creaked open and Remus stood there in shock. Lily, had just been kidnapped by Death Eaters. She was muggle-born; surely Voldemort would kill her on the spot. And what had he been doing? Rummaging through the pantry, looking for something to eat.

He looked guiltily down at the jar of Bertie Botts beans that hung from the end of his hand and stared at a black one. What did they want with her? Where did they take her? Why didnt they just kill her? And why couldnt he have opened the damn door to see what was going on instead of going back to the kitchen and waiting!?

Remus had to sit down to digest all this information. Unfortunately for Remus, there was no chair behind him, and he fell to the floor; the lid popped off and he was showered in multi-coloured beans.

When he had comes to terms with what he had just heard, one thought sprang to mind; Whats James going to do when he finds out about this?

Which was closely followed by, Damn my arse hurts!

Sirius was having the most fun hed had in ages. The only problem was that James wasn't here. Whats taking James so long? He wondered, but that thought quickly banished from his head once Ravenclaw scored again. "And that's another goal by Bromsky, whoa, he's really going all out. This is the best I've ever seen you play. It's not 'cos I'm here is it?"

"You wish," Skye answered for him from the other end of the field as her eyes were watching the quaffle.

"Hey, Skye; You doing anything after this game?" he asked her.

McGonagall, who was now sitting right next to him to keep a close eye on him, said, "Mr. Black, please focus on the match and try refrain from bringing your social life into it."

He achieved his desired affect; Skye stopped to look at him just long enough for Tasha to score. Skye realized too late. "You bastard!" she screeched.

"And that's another ten points for Gryffindor, by the wonderful Tasha Davidson." Sirius sang merrily as added ten points to Gryffindor's score. It was now: 240-190; Ravenclaw in the lead.

His smile was cut short however, when he looked over to Professor McGonagall who clucked disapprovingly.

Sirius just shrugged as if to say 'what-can-you-do?'

McGonagall stared at Sirius and no reply was needed. He may have grown up -- well, left school -- but he wasn't about to temp McGonagall.

Sirius gulped and focused on the game.

Jeffrey Meyers swooped by on his broom and slapped him a high-five as he passed. "Thanks mate. Keep this up and we'll win."

"No problem," Sirius replied as he looked over Jeff's shoulder. "Can you pass me your club for a minute?"

"I need it for the game," Jeff stated as though he was talking to a four year-old.

"Just for a second," Sirius rushed as he continued to look over Jeffs shoulder.

Jeff hesitated before handing his club over to Sirius.

Sirius stood up and yelled, "Now duck!"

Jeff ducked just as a bludger soared over his head; it connected with the bat that Sirius was holding with a sickening thwack!

Evellynn obviously hadn't expected Sirius to hit it back. But he did. It came soaring back at her so fast that she didnt have time to dodge it. It connected with her shoulder and she fell.

Liam, the other beater, saw her fall and caught her before she hit the ground.

"Time!" Michael called.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and the two teams descended to the ground, with the exception of Jeff who turned to Sirius and said, "Thanks, if it'd hit me, I'd be toast."

"No problem," Sirius assured as he handed him back his club and watched him fly down to join his team.

McGonagall leaned in and whispered, "Must I remind you that you are here to commentate, properly might I add, and not play."

"No, I know that."

"Well, I am still not convinced. Please show me."

The whistle blew again and the match resumed. Gryffindor was in possession of the quaffle and heading for the goal.

Apparently Liam had a thing for Evellynn and didn't like to see her shoulder get dislocated. He lifted his right arm back, and sent the first bludger that came near him towards Sirius.

Sirius was too busy commentating on the match to notice. The bludger hit him right in the stomach and he doubled-over, but not before letting out a "SHIT!" that everyone present heard.

All the players on the pitch stopped what they were doing to see if Sirius was okay.

McGonagall helped Sirius upright and handed him some chocolate, but not before muttering, "You do realize that you brought this on yourself," into his ear.

After Sirius stuffed the chocolate into his mouth, he stood up clearly, and took a bow. The Gryffindors cheered him like he just won a one-on-one match with a troll. When he was seated again, he looked to the burly third year and said, "I understand why you hit me. Just next time go for Snape; with an arm like that, you might make his nose straight like it was before God changed it to suit his personality."

No one laughed.

But you could tell from the looks on their faces that they desperately wanted to.

Sirius looked over to Snape to see a look of utter loathing on his face. His hand was clenched on his wand inside his robes. He looked like he would snap at any minuteand Sirius was loving it.

Take that you slimy git, Sirius laughed inwardly before turning to the game. "And apparently everyone on the pitch thought it would be more interesting to just sit there on their brooms instead of playing."

That brought everyone back to reality. Cascade snatched the quaffle from Evette and headed for the goal. He was stopped short by-

"-Ooh, a bludger nearly knocked Doyle off his broom. Davidson has the quaffle; she passes it to Weasley who takes a shot-no wait! He makes a dummy and passes it back to Brown who sends it home. Another ten points for Gryffindor! Jackson passes it to Bromsky, who throws it to Eisles. Eisles ducks a bludger and sends it over to Doyle. Doyle takes a shot-and what an amazing save by Cassie Rayley! Now that was uncalled for!"

Evellynn Blythe sent a bludger that connected with Cassie's head and he went down.

"Now the Gryffindor team is left without a keeper; they're defenceless... and I now realize that I shouldnt be advertising that."

Bromsky just sank the quaffle into the goal and flew around to Sirius. "No, you're doing a good job, keep it up!"

Sirius chose to ignore Bromsky and continue. "Tasha Davidson has the quaffle and is looking to put it through the hoop. Watch out Tasha, there's a bludger coming right for you."

Prudence Mitchell appeared beside Tasha and knocked the bludger towards Liam. Jeff showed up at the other side of Tasha they played bodyguard until she reached the other end. She made a quick pass to Bill, who lifted his arm back to throw-

"-Oh my God; who's that down on the pitch!?"

About one thousand students and twenty teachers looked down to see a naked James strutting onto the field.

Bill was so shocked that he dropped the quaffle, but no one seemed to notice.

McGonagall immediately turned to Sirius and asked, "What is going on?"

"I dont know, I was just told to come here for the match."

"A likely story."

"Everybody, avert your eyes; this is a sight that will scar you for life!"

James took a bow, all the while thinking, Damnit! why couldnt it have been a boy?

You would think that it would be impossible to focus at a time like this, right?

Wrong.

While everyone was staring at James -- some of the players collided into each other -- Charlie Weasley was focused solely on one thing: finding the snitch. He had no clue as to what was going on beneath him.

He looked over to the other seeker, Leandra, and saw it floating above her head. He couldnt believe she didn't see it; she was too busy staring at something. It didnt matter to him; he leaned forward and headed straight for her.

Halfway there, the snitch darted downward. Charlie didn't waste a second, he chased it straight down.

Sirius was laughing so hard that every other time he had ever laughed paled dramatically in comparison. Everyone was just staring at James, it made him crack up. Everyone except one person: Charlie Weasley.

In fact, Charlie was headed straight for James, but it didnt look as if he knew it.

Charlie had almost caught up to it. Its shiny, golden surface and tiny, white wings where almost in his reach.

He reached out his hand to grab it, but what he caugh't wasnt the snitch.

"AAAAAAAAHH!"

James didn't need a voice magnifier charm to be heard; his scream rang throughout Hogwarts.

Sirius couldnt believe it. He was laughing so he had forgotten to breathe. Amidst his gasps for air he managed to say, "Charlie Weasley... has... missed the snitch... but he has got the ball!"

Everyone laughed at this. The quidditch team all retreated to the ground in fear that they would fall off their brooms from laughing so much.

Even Snape, who never had more than three facial expressions, looked as if he was going to fall out of the box because he was laughing so hard.

James was rolling around the ground in agony, his hands covering... uh... the uh, area in pain.

"Don't worry James, with an injury like that; I'm sure youll be able to walk again in the next five years." Sirius wasn't usually one to humiliate his best friend, but you had to admit; it was hella funny!

Charlie Weasley turned, if it was possible, redder than his hair, and just sat there on his broom in shock.

James had gotten over his pain remarkably fast and looked over to Charlie Weasley in pure rage.

Well, Charlie definitely did not need to be told. He grabbed the handle of his broom, turned it upwards and flew away as fast as he could.

James got up off the ground, snatched Prue's club and broom, and followed; still stark naked.

After three years off from quidditch, he was still as fast as he always was. After less than a minute, he had caught up to Charlie and was riding along side him, trying to hit him with Prue's beater club.

Charlie ducked and dodged as best as he could, but he knew he was going be to slow one of these times and then hed be on the ground, at James' mercy. He waited until James pulled his arm back to swing, then did a ninety-degree nose dive.

James' swing missed, of course, and he was stunned for a second.

Only a second.

He looked down to find Charlie and barrelled after him.

Sirius realized that hed better do something or James would kill Charlie. He rose from his seat and ran down the stairs.

When he reached the pitch, he ran up to Jeff, who, like everyone else, was to busy watching James trying to kill Charlie to notice Sirius steal his broom.

Sirius jumped on the broom and tried to intercept James. Unfortunately James was too fast.

Charlie however, noticed what Sirius was trying to do and flew behind him, using Sirius as a barrier of some sort.

When James came near Sirius, Sirius tried to reason with him. "James, you dont want to do this."

James didnt listen. He was swinging the bat menacingly while staring at Charlie.

"James? James?" Sirius sighed. "Sorry buddy, you leave me no choice." Sirius grabbed the front of James' broom and pulled it upwards.

Charlie fled from the scene was James fell of the back of the broom. Sirius caught him by the arm just before he hit the ground.

When they got off the broom, McGonagall was right there. She grabbed both of them by their ears, and dragged them away as though they were in their third year.

The match was postponed for the following weekend and it took Bill Weasley five hours to convince his brother to come down off his broom.

"I should have known that you two were up to something."

Professor McGonagall had brought Sirius and James up to her office, given James some clothes and chocolate (because the pain was slowly creeping back), and now started to lecture them.

"Any normal person would come back and greet everyone like sane people, but you two."

"Yeah but-" Sirius tried to explain. Though, McGonagall apparently didn't hear him.

"You just have to make a scene. I'm sure young Charlie Weasley will never live this down, let alone play quidditch ever again."

James didnt say anything. Suddenly they both felt very small around Minerva, as though they were back in school again.

"And I can't believe that, of all the things you two have ever done, this is by far one of the worst. Well, what do you two have to say for yourselves this time?"

"Professor McGonagall," James started, "there's a perfectly reasonable explanation or all of this."

"And that would be what? You two are so immature; it would probably that you lost a bet or something."

James shut his mouth.

"Lily's pregnant." Sirius added hopefully.

McGonagall paused. "That's it? That's your magnificent story that youve come up with to get yourselves out of trouble? The person who is pregnant is the one prone to strange impulses, not the husband and his best friend."

James thought for a minute. "You're right, Professor McGonagall. What we did was completely horrid, disruptive-"

"Embarrassing," Sirius joined in.

"Humiliating."

"Rude."

"-And unseemly. So, you might as well just punish us right now. What do you want us to do, detention?"

Professor McGonagall looked at the two mischief makers who smiled up at her innocently. She let out a frustrated sigh. "Potter, Black; you two were two of the finest students I've ever had the pleasure to teach, and two of most sly pranksters this school has ever seen. A lot of students look up to you two. But walking onto the pitch wearing nothing is not the kind of impression that we want you to set amongst the students."

James couldnt help it. "We just wanted to give them something to remember us by."

Sirius snickered, "Yeah, theyll never forget you, James."

"And you did say that you wanted us to come back and visit you."

McGonagall threw her hands up in the air." Where's Lily? She's supposed to make sure you dont do anything stupid."

James was just about to notify her that it was in fact Lily's idea when Remus entered the room.

"Remus what are you doing here?" Sirius asked.

He didn't answer, just looked at them solemnly.

"Remus," James asked, growing worried, "What is it?"

"It's Lily."

"What!?"

They had returned to James' place and Remus told him everything that happened. After hearing the whole story, James had begun to pace.

"James, calm down," Remus ordered.

"Yeah, you're wearing a hole in the floor," Sirius added.

James let out a frustrated scream and punched the wall. Unfortunately he had overestimated the strength of the wall and his arm went right through

"Forget the floor; James, your landlord's gonna have your head."

James tried to remove his hand, but was unsuccessful. "Sirius; stop joking and help me out, I'm stuck."

Sirius stood behind James and pulled his arm back, but he did it with so much force that he brought James elbow to his face.

"Smart," Remus commented.

"At least Carole wont be calling you pretty boy when you run into her at the office anymore," James joked.

"Knock it off." Sirius' voice was muffled because his hands were over his nose. "I think you broke it."

James ignored Sirius and continued on the reason behind all this. "My wife is with Voldemort; extremely powerful wizard and killer of hundreds of muggles and hater of muggle-borns with a fiery vengeance. And Lily's with him right now! Lily, a muggle-born. And you're telling me to stay calm?!"

"I'm sure shes fine," Remus reassured.

Sirius was still more interested in his nose. "Hey guys, is it swelling?"

James pretended Sirius wasnt in the room and looked at Remus with a look on his face that said, 'what is wrong with you, seriously?' When he spoke, there was no mistaking the sarcasm in his voice. "You're right Remus, I'm sure she's fine. You know what? I bet they're down there having tea and scones." (Scone as in cone, not scone as in gone)

"Would you like some more tea?" Voldemort asked Lily as he held the teapot above her cup.

"Oh, no thankyou," Lily politely declined as she rose, "I really must be getting back."

"I understand." Voldemort also rose, "We must do this again sometime."

"Oh, without a doubt." Lily turned and left.

Voldemort smirked maliciously. So far his plan had been working beautifully. He looked across to the vacant seat opposite him; there was no sign of any table, neither was there any supposed tea cups that were mentioned only seconds ago. He twirled his wand between his fingers before he, too, left the room.

"Okay, lets try this again," a frustrated Natalie said as she ran a hand through her hair. She was leaning against the table Lily was sitting at in a private parlour in the Leaky Cauldron.

"I've already told you," Lily replied, tired. "We had tea and scones (scone as in cone, not scone as in gone) with his dolls and teddy bears."

"Listen to yourself; he's put you under the Imperious Curse!"

"No I'm not. He didn't use the Imperious on anyone except Miss Tabitha because she wouldn't pass the sugar."

Natalie sighed. "Fine. Go home. We'll talk about this later."

Lily stood up and disapparated from the wizarding bar-slash-hotel that they had met at.

Natalie silently sat down at the table and retrieved a piece of paper and a quill from her pocket and started writing to St. Mungos.

Remus and Sirius had spent half an hour trying to convince James not to go get himself killed, but all they had done was stall for time.

James grew sick of talking and moved top the door, only to find his path blocked by Sirius.

"James, I know you love her, but Im not going to let you go off to your death."

James crossed him arms and glared. "So, what are you saying? That I should just sit here while he kills her?"

"You don't know that he has, or will for that matter."

James snorted. "Well honestly, what do you think he's going to do? Give her the grand tour? Show her all his stuffed animals? Go for a walk in the park? Really, are you that stupid? Because if you are, I wanna know."

Sirius just stared at James.

"Move out of my way." James tried to go around but Sirius followed him. He also tried to tackle him, but Sirius held him back. Remus came to aid Sirius once James started to struggle.

James got so fed up that he took a swing at Remus. It hit him in the stomach and he bent over. He looked up in time to block another punch that was coming his way. His reflexes kicked in and he threw one at James. But James had seen it coming and ducked, leaving Sirius to get hit in the face.

"Oww. Watch the nose!"

James used that split-second to duck around Sirius and run to the door. He threw it open and came face to face with-

"Sarah." James gasped, shocked.