Darius
120613
LovelyUnderland

(KPOV)

The cold wind whips at my skin like shards of glass as I walk through the woods. Today is the beginning of the Victory Tour and, at noon, the reporters will arrive with their stupid cameras and bright lights. They will ask me all about how my life has been after the Games and, like every other time, I will put on that fake smile, tell them how wonderful it is, and how gracious the Capitol has been to me. I won't tell them how I would rather forget all about the Games. Once again, I will lie.

In all honesty, for a victor, the Games never end. Even after the Arena, flashbacks and nightmares haunt me. Every night I wake up to a blood-curdling scream only to realize that it's mine. Prim and Mrs Everdeen try their best to calm me down and comfort me, but it rarely helps. They don't understand what it's like to watch someone die or to be the reason. They aren't who I need to feel safe again. They aren't Peeta.

After Peeta left the station, he went to settle into his new house. For weeks we didn't speak to each other. As much as I longed for his warm embrace and soothing voice that would tell me everything was okay, I couldn't swallow my pride. I was still irritated with him for not being able to understand that I put on the act to save us both - to keep us alive.

It was only when I realized that he wasn't going to cave in, that I spoke. And that night ended in the most awkward way I could've ever imagined. So, again, we are back to not acknowledging eachother's existence.

Gale hasn't been much help with the situation. He was furious with me when I told him that I had apologized to Peeta. In his mind, Gale believes that Peeta is no good for me. Though I explained to Gale that it was all an act, he's admitted to being hurt by it. Still, he understood my reasons.

We have become closer than ever because of all the days we've gone out into the woods to hunt. Although, now that he's working in the mines we only have Sundays to ourselves. Gale is no Peeta, but he is my best friend and I love every moment of our time together. I figure that's why people are questioning our friendship. Many believe that there is more going on, but I've shot down any suggestion by saying that he is merely a distant cousin. That much was believable because we look so much alike and because of father's sister. In the Capitol she is known as being a woman of the night.

The thought of Gale and I having any type off special relationship stirs guilt inside of me. I know that he feels something for me, he's let me know on more than one occasion, but I can't allow myself to ponder the thought. It just feels so wrong to me.

Once I've gathered our game from the traps, I head over to the Hob. The place is like the black market of District 12, always packed. Ripper's stall is my first stop. Mrs. Everdeen is already low on spirits and Haymitch. . . well, he needs to have a constant stock.

Cray, the head Peacekeper, shoots me a disapproving look when he sees the amount of bottles in my game bag. Without a thought I flick the beck of my hand under my chin at him. When the realization of what I have just done sets in, I expect to be punished somehow. Perhaps beaten or whipped. However, I'm shocked when Cray roars with laughter.

"Girl, where'd you ever learn such profanity?" he chuckles.

Snapping out of my confusion I snort, "If you've seen my father when he's mad then you would know."

"Anyway, what are you doing with that stuff? It's way too strong for a pretty thing like you," he says, flipping my braid from my shoulder.

I shudder at the contact. I'm not used to being touched and Cray is known for his ways with women. It sickens me. He's almost as bad a drinker as Haymitch is, and the stench of his breath is overkill.

"Mrs. Everdeen needs it for healing," I say in a rush before walking away.

I've seen girls lined up at his back door. Young girls my age. . .doing what they can to earn money for their family. I could've been one of them had I not been born into the Capitol. The thought alone sends chills up my spine that I quickly shake off. I was lucky - or was I? I'm not really sure what luck is anymore.

I go from stall to stall, selling game, talking to the owners, before I stop at Greasy Sae's. Sae and I have become close over the past months. When Gale first brought me to the Hob, Sae told him to take me away. She believed I would report her. It didn't take long for her to see that I was not like my father. As soon as she did, she apologized and granted me her approval.

Now, I stop by her stall everyday to have whatever soup she's cooked up. Today, it's some type of bean and gourd soup, but it looks more like some science experiment gone bad, which is great compared to the usual vomit replicas she has. When she hands me a bowl, I sign my life away and taste it. It's actually good. I look up to see Sae's wide smile.

My body stills when a long arm reaches around me and takes my bowl. The white and silver cloth that covers the arm tells me that it's a Peacekeeper. I can feel their warm breath on the back of my neck and I instantly pray that it's not old Cray.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the train?"

The low voice sends my mind into a whirl spin. I turn on my heel and come face to face with none other than Roal.

"Roal?" I ask. The crack in my voice ruins my feigned causality.

"Actually, Ms. Snow," he says, and holds out a hand, "My name is Darius."

As much as I want to question him, the fearful look in his eyes tells me to keep my mouth shut, for once. Roal– Darius looks much more muscular than he used to. The tightness of the uniform reveals every inch of him. At the sound of his laugh, my face turns an alarming shade of red and I rip my eyes away from him because the ground become suddenly fascinating.

"So, are you going to answer me?" he asks with a playful nudge.

"I'm being collected at noon," I shrug.

"Should you be dressed, um, a little, you know, better? I mean, you are representing the district. Maybe you should put a ribbon in your hair or something?" he says tugging at my braid.

Unlike Cray, I'm not uncomfortable with R- Darius. He's like a brother to me and was my first friend. He's a sweetheart and would never hurt a soul. That's what confuses me. Why, or how, did he become a Peacekeeper? He never liked them. He saw what they did to his sister, said they were horrid monsters.

Seeming to sense my thoughts, the redhead pulls out a little package from his side bag, pushes it into my arms, and, without a word, leaves. There is a note on the package that reads:

Katniss,

Do not open this unless you are alone. There is a lot that you do not know that you need to. I know that you are confused about why I have joined. It will all be explained in this. You must not let anyone find this. I trust that you will be safe as you were always good at being sneaky about hiding things. Sae knows about this and will give you a room. Stay strong, and don't forget who you are.

Roal.

I look over to Sae who shifts her eyes to a room behind her stall. Nodding in understanding, I walk into the room and tear open the package. Inside is a small, withered journal engraved with my name.