I'm alive!! and I come bearing RoyEd!? Heh, well there's some one-sided Elricest too but...Sorry if this story sucks, it was so great in my head! but I had plans all week and wrote it down too late...figures.

Couples- RoyEd, Elricest (one-sided?), Brief mentions of Hughes/Roy and EdxOC (very brief i swear)

Disclaimer-No mine..duh

Warnings- yaoi, Elricest (mild), A LOT of dialog (just call this fic dialog practice perhaps?)

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"What are you doing here today Edward, you just got your papers last week," Hawkeye stated cooly.

"Finished it, wasn't hard, kiddy stuff really," Ed replied.

"Nice to see someone is getting their work done, the Colonel is in his office," she glanced at her watch,"I suppose I should start my lunch break now, he should be free, but don't take long, he doesn't finish his work at the same rate you do."

"Yes ma'am."

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When the alchemist opened the door to his superior's office he hadn't exactly expected to see said superior with his hands down his pants. Though perhaps on some strange level he should have expected it, that is after all, how Edward's luck often went.

"What. The. Hell. Enjoying your lunch break Colonel?" Ed asked sharply.

Roy visibly jumped before regaining his usual composure and removing his hand from it's current location, "Fullmetal, didn't I just give you your paper work last week? What's the point of having a home job if your always here?"

"Some of us actually do our work, and don't just sit around wanking off all day," Ed glared at the older man and his over confident nature.

"Of course, you only 'wank off' half the time, I apologize, I wasn't expecting anyone for a while, Farman has the day off, Fury is sick and everyone on this floor has extended lunch hours today."

"Courtesy of you?" Roy nodded cooly, "You sick pervert, don't you have paper work? It's not like you need to...you know, not with as much whoring about as you do."

Mustang seemed genuinely offended, "I'll have you know that I enjoy the company of ladies in a very classy manner, it's very rare that it should ever venture passed dinner, though I hardly see this as being any of your business."

"Yeah?" Ed seemed a bit curious now, "So all those office rumors?"

"Completely false," Roy spoke casually as if they were discussing the weather and not his affairs. Ed dropped himself gracelessly into the couch by Roy's desk, clearly in no hurry to be anywhere.

"So when do you...ya know?" Ed blushed a bit as he questioned the older man.

"Like I said before, rarely, which is the cause of what you walked in on," the older alchemist's eyebrow quirked a bit at Ed's seemingly friendly banter, "Did you come for something in particular, or did you simply wish to embarrass me? Surely you yourself have enough experience."

Ed blushed deeply, "Actually, no, not really, and didn't mean to embarrass you, I really came to see if there was more work to be done, but honestly I was just bored and needed a distraction."

"Well that's all fine, but really Fullmetal, your timing could use some improvement. What do you mean 'not really'? I myself have met many a woman who would kill for your company."

"That so?" Ed asked, seemingly bored, "Well, they really aren't my type, and before you say anything, I know they aren't because only one person is my type."

Roy felt his curiosity rising, "Really? Who? Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, why didn't you run out of my office screaming the moment you saw me?"

Ed shrugged, "I'm so used to you nothing really phases me anymore, I'm surprised it took this long for something like this to happen, and no I'm not telling you who I like."

That was it. Roy's inquisitiveness had peaked, "Oh, shall I guess then?"

Ed shrugged then laughed a bit bitterly, "Go ahead, you'd never guess right anyway."

Mustang smirked, "You don't think so? It's clearly Winry," he smiled and leaned back in his chair as if he had just figured out something very grand.

Ed blushed a bit, "No way in hell bastard, she's my best friend, I can't even believe you'd say that, she's like my sister..no worse, she's like a mom or something."

Roy slumped, "Really? She seemed to like you, the last time I saw her, ok is it an office worker? Sheska perhaps?"

"Of course she liked me, she was born and raised in hick town, there was me, Al, some cows, and not much else. Sheska? Geez, I like books, but not enough to date a library. Just give up, girls aren't my style."

Roy's eyebrow tried to fly off his face, "Really? You like men. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, I've met most of the women in your life, but, wow, you learn something new everyday."

Ed sputtered, "What? Who said I like men!?"

"You just said girls aren't your style."

"I meant those girls aren't my style!"

"That's not what you said."

Ed sighed, defeated, "Fine, I do, what of it? None of your business, you gonna preach to me now?"

Roy folded his hands together on top of his desk, "Why would I? Not as if I care." Ed looked crest fallen which caused Roy to ponder, "Edward, don't you speak to your friends about these matters?"

Ed looked down, suddenly very interested in the fabric of the couch, and mumbled, "I sorta thought I was now."

Roy grinned, "You consider me your friend? Well, I'm honored Fullmetal."

The younger alchemist suddenly raged, "Bastard, don't give me that, you were a big help to me and Al, and I know you think I'm incapable of feeling, but I truly am grateful!"

Roy was shocked at the boy's suddenly saddened nature, "I apologize, you should know I've always considered us to be on friendly terms, and I'm more than aware of your ability to feel, and if you wanted to talk you could have simply asked."

Ed focused again on the finely knit texture of the couch, "Ok then, can we talk? Do you think it's odd? That I like men I mean."

Roy shrugged, "It might be odd but I too could be accused of being guilty of that oddity."

"Really, you? Mustang the lady killer?"

"Yes, few and far between mind you, but I have dabbled."

"Who was your first?" Ed blushed, "If you don't mind me asking."

Roy smiled sadly, "Hughes, don't worry it was a long time ago, before Gracia, we were young and curious." Ed nodded and a silent moment passed between them before Roy spoke up again, "What about you?"

Ed crimsoned, "I, um, do you mean like, first for anything or..?"

"No, first to sleep with, was it even a man, your first time?"

"Uh..no one."

"Ever?" Roy's eyes widened.

"Ever, the most I've ever done was, umm, some mutual..." he tapped his lips, "..with some guy I met at this bar.."

"So your mouth does have other uses, why didn't it move past that?"

"...I've liked the same guy for a long time."

"You didn't...while he was sucking you?" asked Mustang, classy as always.

Ed nodded, "It was some kind of embarrassing, hell, thought he'd beat me dead on the spot."

"So who is it that you like so much?"

Ed shook his head, "Just forget it, it wouldn't work out so it's hopeless, so you don't need to know."

"That logic is bizarre, fine, but if you never sleep with anyone...do you at least take care of yourself?"

Ed laughed, "You mean like you? No, sadly, not with Al around all the time."

"So you really do get tired of him sometimes, amazing."

Ed's face suddenly hardened, "I could never be tired of Al, he means everything to me, and he's worth more than few minutes in the bathroom."

"Fair enough, but doesn't it get hard for you?"

Again that bitter laugh echoed through the room, "More than you can imagine."

"Well you know," Mustang smiled slyly, "my door is always open should you be in need of some friendly relief."

Ed jaw literally dropped, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Of course not, haven't you ever heard of sex buddies? You're perfectly attractive and I'm certain you'd be more pleasurable than my hand."

Ed sputtered speechlessly. "The holy hell?!? Have you lost your mind?!"

"We're coworkers correct?" Roy asked, Ed nodded, "So, we're just two people working together to achieve a common goal."

Ed flustered, but couldn't seem to come up with a reasonable argument besides 'hell no', and seemed to consider this for a long time. Finally he shrugged, "I guess that'd be ok after all, as long as you don't try any funny stuff..."

"Like taking you up the ass?" Roy grinned like the bastard he was so proud to be.

"Yeah, like that." Ed narrowed his eyes at the older man.

"Well, you know, there is still about half an hour before the others come back, how about a test run, I never got to finish before you arrived."

Ed colored brightly, "I-um...geez how much lunch time did you give 'em?" he laughed nervously, "S-sure, I guess we could try, it's been a long time...since I..."

Roy smiled, a genuine smile, then motioned for Ed to approach him. The young alchemist stood cautiously and came to stand beside the large black office chair. Roy reached out a hand and gently tugged the younger boy into his lap, Ed smirked up at him, "What now?" The older man reached down and carefully undid Edward's pants. Ed quickly got the idea, and a few moments later both men were naked from the waist down.

Ed made to get on his knees in front of the older man but was promptly pulled upward and back into Roy's lap. "Didn't I say no funny stuff?"

"It isn't 'funny', I simply wish to teach you a new trick," Roy smirked as he maneuvered the boy over his waist in a straddling position. He reached between them and took Edward's semi-flaccid manhood into his hand and stroked casually, as if this were a simple and mediocre task. Edward tensed and hissed, as if unsure of how to react.

Suddenly Ed's hands flew out and pushed against the other man's chest, "S-stop," Roy reluctantly dropped his hand to his thigh,"I'm sorry, it just feels wrong," his voice cracked as he tried to hide his face, "you...you're not him."

Roy sighed as he pulled the boy into a loose embrace, "Edward, how did you do it last time? It wasn't 'him' then," It wasn't an accusation, just a simple question.

Ed was surprisingly candid about this sudden show of affection and buried his face into the older man's chest before replying, "I told you, it was a blowjob...so..I didn't have to look at him.." his voice faded a bit as he went on, "God, I'm horrible...and he sounded kinda like him so I asked him to...to call me...he just thought it was some kind of kink or something..so he did it and.."

Roy lifted the boys face up to look him in the eye, "If you want to, you can pretend, just close your eyes and...don't look at me like that, this isn't about me, I want to help you, just close your eyes, and I'll be quiet. Does that sound ok?"

Ed nodded weakly and closed his eyes, "Actually yeah, that sounds like an ok idea..if you really don't mind," Roy responded by taking Ed into his hand again, this time Ed's reaction was far from reserved. The young alchemist groaned and bucked into the hand as he clasped Mustang's shirt collar. Roy avoided poking fun at Ed's sudden change of attitude, he didn't want to break whatever spell the boy had cast on himself, and instead kept silent.

Edward groaned deeply when Roy began rolling his hips into Edward's, the two clashing in a way far different than their usual verbal assaults. The older alchemist moved gently and steadily against the younger boy, watching as Edward's lips began to move, at first he thought the boy was simply gasping, but then as heavier breaths came, the puffs of air came out as echoes of words.

Tears rolled down the young boy's cheeks as he threw his head back in pleasure and his words became more audible, "I'm..sorry, I'm sorry...sorry,"

Acting on a whim, Roy leaned forward, and in a soft breath barely more than a whisper, mumbled, "Brother."

Edward broke into sobs as he came with a choked cry of his brother's name.

Roy wrapped his arms around the fragile boy, shushing him and rubbing his back soothingly. When the young boy finally calmed he spoke, "..How...did you know?"

Roy laughed, "There were always clues, but mostly because you said, 'I'm sorry'. I can't see you ever being sorry for anyone but Alphonse."

"Heh, guess you're right. So, do you hate me now? Not that I'd care," Ed grumbled meekly.

Roy didn't laugh this time, "Fullmetal, listen to me because I'm only saying this once, you and Alphonse are more important to me than you could possibly conceive. Be it a need to lend you two parental guidance, or possibly something more selfish, either way, you could never make me hate you."

A short time later the moment was broken and Edward was dressed and heading out the door.

"Wait."

He stopped, "Yeah?"

"You should tell him, he loves you, he won't incriminate you."

A bitter smirk crossed the young alchemist lips, "Thanks for the talk Colonel."

With that, he was gone.

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So there it was. Sorry if it sucked, gawd it was so much better when I first thought of it...this thing is like a shell of the orginal idea (sigh). I will most likely re-write it with more detail and such. Reviews please? (puppyeyes)

Oh one last thing, if anyone wants to see a 'prequel' to this (EdxOC from bar) let me know, cause I was kinda thinking about it...