The band at the Harvest Moon Pub was in full swing on Athens. The patrons danced reel after reel, music got faster and looser as the musicians drank more and the night wore on. Simon and Kaylee sat slightly away from the rest of the crowd, River with them as she took a break from dancing. Jayne had found himself a woman and was sitting in the corner with three beers in front of him. It wouldn't be long before Jayne and the woman took off for more private setting, River knew. Mal and Zoe were chatting with some of the folk they'd worked with on Athens the last few days. Inara sat on Mal's arm. He turned to her and squeezed her hand once and a while as they all talked and shared more beer. Inara and Mal were finally together, the longstanding tension between them giving way to something more. It didn't seem real. Mal seemed happier than he had in a long while. It was something everyone on board was still getting used to, and it was a good change.
It was as every party should be. Job done, time to unwind. These were River's favourite moments, (aside from jobs themselves), meeting everyone after everything had gone well. Often this took place on the privacy of the ship in the galley. These times involved the crew themselves drinking together and celebrating the job, and each other. But there were also nights like these. When it was okay, when they didn't have to make a quick getaway, they would partake in the local parties or sit in some dive of a bar somewhere, occasionally even as local heroes. These nights weren't so bad either.
Kaylee was telling Simon and River a story about sabotaging the farm equipment on her homestead when she was a child so her brothers would be forced to stay home and play with her instead of go to work. She laughed as she recalled how she'd been getting away with it for two years until her very frustrated daddy, at his wits end as to why equipment was constantly on the fritz. "He finally figured out his ten year old daughter was responsible!" Kaylee exclaimed. "Poor Daddy always said he couldn't figure out whether to tan my hide or put me to work fixin' it all!" "So which did he do?" Simon asked. "Both!" River laughed with Kaylee and Simon. As Simon leaned into Kaylee for a kiss though, River found her attention wandering as she sipped her beer. She watched the dancers in one corner of the room, away from the bar and tables, feeling her feet getting itchy again. She watched Jayne, whose eyes and hands were full of the woman on his lap. She then found her gaze coming back to Mal and Inara. Sensing her eyes, Mal looked up and at River across the bar as he laughed at something Zoe had said. The smile on his didn't falter, but his laughter slowed to a stop as he gazed back at her for a moment. Then he looked away.
Mal and Inara had taken up three months ago and River knew it was a fullfillment of a long held, not so private torch the Captain had carried for so long. Things weren't perfect between the couple, but they argued much less and when they did, it was more affectionate bickering. They rarely showed much affection while on Serenity, but they all knew Mal shared Inara's bed in her shuttle almost every night. They also knew that he came out in the morning looking less tense and more cheerful than he had been in a long while, probably before Miranda. Inara had stopped taking clients and even increasingly helped the crew on jobs. She also served as an assistant of sorts to Simon in the infirmary. Things on Serenity were peaceful for everyone. Kaylee was thrilled to have her friend back on board and even more over the moon that she had finally taken up with the Captain. Simon was happy that Kaylee was happy, and grateful for the help of Inara in a medical crisis. Zoe was stoic about the whole matter, but privately approved of the positive change in the Captain. Jayne didn't much care one way or the other, aside from enjoying a crude joke at the couple's expense once and a while. And River... well River wasn't surprised about the relationship. She loved Inara, and was grateful the Companion was now part of the crew and someone she could count as her friend. It didn't hurt exactly, and no one was to blame. River was conflicted. But despite her own confused feelings, she felt a quiet acceptance and even felt genuinely happy that Mal seemed truly happy.
It had been six months since the job on Paquin. River and Mal had, after a few weeks of awkwardness managed to put that night behind them and their relationship had gotten back on track. He was still her teacher and mentor. He still sat with her on Serenity's bridge daily, instructing her on flying, discussing jobs, the workings of Serenity. They continued to talk and joke about light matters, Simon and Kaylee, Jayne's cooking, how much better Zoe seemed to be. Talking with Mal day after day had helped River relearn how to more succinctly communicate with others in a way she had lost during her time at the alliance academy. He was patient with her, and sometimes had a way of seeming to understand her even when she had trouble expressing herself. When stressed, River tended to revert to the metaphors and vagueness that she had used her first year on the ship, but stressful situations were getting easier to deal with, and were also fewer and far between. River was still indispensable to the crew on jobs and she knew Mal's trust in her hadn't wavered.
Some things however hadn't gone back to normal. Mal never touched her unless he had to. The easy hugs and affectionate ruffles of hair were now off limits to River, dished out only to Kaylee and of course now, Inara. When he couldn't avoid it, such as passing by her in a tight space, contact was brief and hurried. Neither did she have the easy friendship and understanding between the Captain and Zoe. He no longer stayed up with River at night, looking out into the black and getting into conversations of deeper territory. River had always looked forward to those times with Mal, but after that night leaving Paquin, Mal only sat with her during the day, when there was a reason to be there. She knew that his nights were now occupied in Inara's bed, but even before that, he had never ventured into the pilot room after everyone else had gone to sleep. It didn't hurt her feelings exactly, but she surely missed him. She knew though that Mal's history with Inara stretched back to long before River had been in his life. Their relationship was probably inevitable, something the pair were always been meant to see through one way or another.
Knowing all this and accepting it did not make the dreams any better however. As she knew she would, River had vivid dreams of heated kisses and caresses. Mal's bunk, her bunk, in the galley, on the bridge, back in that room on Paquin, everywhere. In her dreams she would remember how his hands had felt under her dress, the way he trembled with desire as she kissed his neck and the way he tasted. The dreams started as a memory of the real event, and then wandered into territory in which her her imagination took over. She'd feel his lips on her breasts, his fingers inside of her, his weight as he was on top of her entering her body. She would wake up in a sweat with his name on her lips at least once a week. In the years since the academy, River had been plagued by nightmares, nightmares that continued to this day. She had always cursed her perfect memory and the way the trauma never lessened. Now she cursed her memories for another reason entirely. During the day, River could make herself forget. Her nights made that impossible.
River didn't know if Mal shared these dreams or not. She had kept her promise to herself not to look into his mind, as tempting as it occasionally was. It didn't take a reader to figure out that if Mal avoided touching her and spending a lot of alone time with her, then he likely wasn't unaffected, that he too continued to remember. She occasionally caught Mal looking at her when he didn't think she noticed. He'd sometimes look in at her when she was flying Serenity and he was passing by the door. She'd feel Mal's gaze burning into her back for a few moments before it was gone. Mal would leave without saying a word.
River forced her attention away from Mal and looked at the other patrons. She became aware of another person in the crowd. She had felt his attention on her all evening. A boy about her age. She knew he was the nephew of Johnny Michi, the man who had initially set them up with the work on Athens. The boy had been looking at River with a mix of curiosity and envy from the moment he met her. He had been there when his uncle had decided to call an outside crew for the work he had in mind, and surprised that one of the crew was a girl his own age. He envied that it was possible was able to travel through the verse, visit so many planets and do this kind of work. He was curious in every way, hence why he kept gazing at her as he danced and drank with all his friends. She wondered when he'd have the courage to come up to her.
It didn't take Michi's nephew long. He was handsome and popular in his town. This easy confidence made it easy for the boy to approach River at their table alone.
"Hello, I met you the other day, Johnny is my Uncle. But I never got your name."
"I know," River replied. "I'm River, this is my brother Simon, and Kaylee." The boy nodded politely as Simon and Kaylee smiled.
"I'm Mallory. My friends call me Mal."
Terrific
River went with him anyway when he asked her to dance. He took her hand and led her in a reel, quick and breathless. This boy was a good dancer. It wasn't long before he was buying her a beer and introducing her to his friends who looked at her with a mixture of envy and curiosity. She chatted with them. Conversation with strangers was still hard for River. Since she was the exotic girl from another world however, questions were usually directed towards her, making small talk easier. Where are you from? Aren't you young to be a pilot? Where did you study?
I'm from Haven, she usually answered. I'm fresh out of flight school. Job prospects were bad back home and I didn't want to join the Alliance military. My brother is the doctor on a Firefly so he was my connection to the crew. She kept her answers evasive, although she found that by saying less, people tended to find her more interesting. Most boys loved that she was a pilot, the same way she noticed they loved that Kaylee was a ship mechanic.
River danced some more, drank some more until she found herself pleasantly tipsy and enjoying herself and the attention rather a lot. She laughed, exhilarated. She could feel Mallory's lust sharpening as he touched her.
Eventually, as she knew he would, Mallory (she refused to think of him as Mal) leaned down after a song ended and kissed her. A sweet, tentative kiss, with promise of more underneath. She returned it, feeling breathless and excited.
"Do you wanna get out of here?" He asked, his meaning clear. She could tell he wasn't expecting her to say yes, and smiled to herself as she read his thought easily. I might as well give it a gorram try, all she has to do is say no.
She surprised him. They made their way out of the bar. She glanced around. No one was paying attention of the crew. It was a small blessing that Simon was talking to Inara and Mal, his back turned. Mal didn't look in her direction either as she slipped out the front entrance.
Mallory worked at a local smith shop a few shops down from the bar. It wasn't far, he said and there were stables behind. He led her by the hand, taking her into the back.
Mallory was very handsome. When he had kissed her back in the bar, it was pleasant with just a small whiff of excitement. now, as he dipped down and kissed her neck and River shivered in anticipation. Now alone, Mallory pushed up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and kissed her. He was gentle, but insistent. River gasped as his mouth fell lower still to her now exposed breasts and she reached down herself and began to undo his trousers.
"You're not like any girl I've ever met," Mallory whispered to her.
She smiled and replied "Well I'm glad you met me."
He was ready for her. So soon. River was always amazed at how fast a body could respond to attraction. She held his cock in her hands, feeling it's weight, it's velvety softness. Mallory moaned and went up to her mouth for another kiss.
It wasn't the first time for River. She could still count on one hand the number of people she'd had sex with. Two boys (tonight would appear to make three) and one girl. Matt had been her first time, two months or so after Paquin at a local fairground on Solace, the small moon orbiting Haven. They had been visiting Haven for the first time since Miranda and it was an emotional time. He'd been very sweet and gentle, taking her virginity only when he knew it was what she had wanted.
It was the dreams that spurred her on. Knowing the Captain was out of reach, she had yearned to relive the stirrings her experience on Paquin had awakened her to. The first time had been painful and raw. She had relived that for weeks in her memory, going over the details, marveling at the new sensations. Matt's face sometimes blurring with the Captain in her fantasies. The second time, River had been bolder.
The mysterious orgasm had each time remained out of reach. Sophie, the girl on Ares and River's third sexual partner, had tried, with her fingers and then, nearly successfully, with her tongue. No one had suspected anything between River and Sophie, a young, intelligent and resourceful girl of 22 while they worked that job alongside her, and River hadn't bothered enlightening anyone. It would have been hard to tell who would have hit the roof higher out of Jayne, Mal and Simon. River had been able to make Sophie orgasm with some teaching. The experience made her understand why Inara took female clients occasionally. More to the point, it spurred her frustration that one of the best parts of sex was thus far out of reach to the reader, other than to experience it through the person she was with.
This time, on the floor of this barn in Athens, River was on fire. As Mallory lowered her onto the floor or the barn, and slipped off her dress, she was fully naked. He pulled off his shirt, smiling down at her. River flipped him over and straddled him. his pants were already open and she didn't waste time with removing them further. She lowered herself onto him as his arms wrapped around her waist in surprise at her haste. Both moaned at the contact. River began moving slowly, adjusting to the feel of him around her, holding his hands at her side, so she could control the movements. She rocked against him, her breaths became more shallowed and laboured. The boy looked up at her in wonder as she explored the depth of every feeling, every small change in position her movements afforded her. She could feel it all build up, up, up. Her exploration turned purposeful as she settled on a rhythm. This is it, she thought, her hands going down to the ground to balance herself. Mallory looked at her with a mixture of expectation and excitement, his now free hands roving over her bottom, her waist, her breasts. She stared down at him with unseeing eyes until scrunching her eyes closed, knowing that the moment was imminent.
And suddenly, it passed. Passed by her. A ship had sailed right through her and she hadn't been on it. River continued to rock against Mallory, but her eyes drifted open, and she knew that whatever would happen that night, she wouldn't experience the height of pleasure she so sought. She shook her head at him ruefully and she knew he was disappointed too.
"Did I... do something wrong?" The boy asked. He was embarrassed she knew. Despite his confidence, he was still young. His experience with sex was as limited, if not more so, as River's herself.
River shook her head vehemently. "No!" She whispered. "It's... just the way it is sometimes." Hopefully not forever. "Keep going, Mallory, please."
River continued to move, staying on top as she felt Mallory's excitement build. It didn't take long with him now. She felt his orgasm just the way he felt it. The boy was taken away from himself as the pleasure shot through him. It was indeed beautiful, almost like if she had experienced it herself. But not quite.
They lay there, her on top of him, feeling him recover. She got off of him and they lay aside each other.
"I wish I could come with you, when you leave," Mallory confessed, stroking her stomach. "We never get visitors here, except sometimes people from the moons. It must be so exciting, seeing how other people live. I've never had so much fun, having you and your crew here."
"It is," River answered. He asked her about the places she'd been, asked if she had been to the Core. River told him the story of when they snuck into the medical centre on Ariel, leaving some key details out. She could tell he had a hard time picturing the luxury of a core world, compared to out on the border.
"I'll probably never get to the core," Mallory said wistfully. "I'm just a smithing apprentice. I'll never have a reason to get off this rock."
"You never know," River was thoughtful. "My life... is nothing like it was supposed to be. I'm miles from home, with people who I never expected to meet. I shouldn't be here. You don't know what life has in store for you. I was never supposed to be a pilot. But here I am."
"Here you are." Mallory agreed, rising over top of her to kiss her. She could tell he didn't think he'd have the same opportunity River had. She couldn't argue. Her life had been far from typical, hardly a blueprint for someone elses. She wished she could tell him more about her life, reassure him that he was lucky in a way she would never be, had had a normal childhood and adolescence, his parents, his uncle Johnny. Normal could be vastly underrated.
"I should be getting back." She said finally, feeling his disappointment. He probably would have stayed there with her all night and would have had sex again if she hadn't asked to go back to the party. She would have stayed longer, but she knew that they all had to be back on the ship tonight and the bar would be closing in half an hour or so. He reluctantly rose, after many kisses and began putting his clothes on, handing River her dress, slightly wrinkled now as it had sat ignored on the floor all this time.
As they walked back into the bar, she could feel Simon aware of her, and knew he had spotted her absence. She felt rather than saw him take in her on Mallory's arm. He tensed up. Kaylee put his hand on his arm and whispered in his ear. Simon forced himself to relax. River felt a rush of gratitude towards her brother as he tried to let whatever had happened between his baby sister and the boy go as none of his business. She looked over to him and smiled. He glared at her and made a motion of his hand slitting a throat, but she knew it had no real heat in it and continued on. She looked for the others. Jayne, predictably, was nowhere to be found. He'd stumble in right before they were about to leave probably and get an earful from Mal. Zoe was also gone, probably back to the ship. Drinking made her a bit melancholy still, after a while she would drown in memories of her lost husband and she usually would quit early.
Mal was looking in her direction. His lips were in a thin line as he observed Mallory and River. The same look that she always got when she took up with a boy planetside. It was gone off his face as fast as it had been there. Inara walked up to the couple.
"Nice to see you back River," She said, with a knowing smile. River grinned back, knowing Inara would be asking her to dish about Mallory tomorrow. Mal hovered behind Inara. Her good mood from the night, from Mallory, faltered, as her feelings for Mal tied her in knots all over again. She searched his face, but he wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Make sure you make it back to the ship before dawn, little Albatross," He finally grumbled, his voice rough. "Can't leave atmo without our pilot." River nodded.
"Of course, Captain." She kissed Inara on the cheek and took her leave.
Mallory led her to the dance floor and back to his friends. The night was winding down. The patrons that were still there were more than a little drunk at this point. The old favorite "Hey Jude" was playing and everyone was singing in a loud chorus. She held Mallory's hands as they spun around and sang too.
The end of the night, Kaylee and Simon came up to her and told her it was time to get back to the ship. Mallory was sad. He was at heart a good boy. He was sorry to see her go and said so.
"It's not fair I only met you tonight, and you're already leaving," He whispered, his hand on her cheek. "I'll miss you."
"I will too," River answered honestly. In another place, another time, this boy would have been someone she could have seen herself with. Handsome and kind. But he was just an innocent boy from a small planet. He didn't really know her, what she had been through. This River was too deep for this country boy. And she regretted it. Sometimes she would have liked things to be a lot more simple.
"Will I ever see you again?" He asked.
"I don't know. But I'll always remember this night." River replied. "I hope you can get off the world someday. I'll be looking for you." She gave him a last kiss, whispered goodbye and caught up to Kaylee and her brother who were standing a distance away to give her a little privacy.
"Seems like a nice boy," Kaylee remarked on the way home. Simon grimaced and Kaylee elbowed him, "But he does, Simon, River's no little girl anymore." She winked at River. "I got plenty of stories from when I was your age, tomorrow when we're free of this old guy," gesturing at Simon, "We'll talk."
"Please don't," Simon said weakly. River and Kaylee laughed.
Back on the ship, all was dark. Mal and Inara seemed to be in his bunk for once and Zoe's in hers as both doors were closed. Jayne's door was still open, not home yet. They tried to be quiet, but it was hard as Kaylee kept stumbling and giggling. River felt Mal and Zoe wake up from the noise, while Inara remained peaceful. River said goodnight to Kaylee and Simon as they headed to the guest quarters where Simon's larger bed waited for them. She got ready for sleep and then laid in bed, reliving the night, the music, the dancing and of course Mallory. She would treasure this memory of the sweet boy on Athens.
Did you fuck him darlin'?
The thought came sudden, directed unmistakably towards her. It made River sit up in bed as though she'd heard it out loud rather than in her head. It was rare these days that thoughts came unbidden to her from members of the crew. Despite the words, whoever it was wasn't angry with her, but more depressed with not a little self loathing. She listened, but there was nothing else after that. It was like it had never been there at all.
But she didn't make that up. It had been there. And she knew who it had come from. Somehow, Mal had projected this to her, unwittingly in a fit of intensity. He hated that she had grappled with some boy on a border planet, but hated it far more that he cared.
River pictured him, laying awake in his bunk with Inara curled at his side. She had already known from his actions that Mal still thought of her, but was surprised to have a small glimpse into the weight of those feelings. She had thought being with Inara had quelled those feelings mostly. Mallory was the first boy River had been with in which Mal would have seen enough of to know that something had surely happened between them. River thought he hadn't notice, but Mal had marked her absence from the bar after all.
She felt torn. She had been surprised by how much she liked the boy this evening. But she also knew that even though she had shared her body with him in a way she'd not with Mal's, her feelings hadn't come close to how she had felt with Mal. Another life, another time, she had thought about Mallory. Well this was her life, this was her time. And the reality was clear. She wished Mal could know that. She also knew Mal knowing wouldn't do any of them any good.
Slowly, River relaxed again. She laid back down and tucked herself under the covers again. No more stray thoughts came her way and she allowed her thoughts to become abstract and loose.
Eventually, River drifted into sleep, feeling troubled. She hoped she wouldn't dream.