Hi there! This is inspired by a discussion that I had with CornCob from . =D I blame her for the mind rot. Sesame Street belongs to whoever...

"AAAAAAAALUCAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!"

The twelve year old had a voice that rang throughout the halls, and to the vampire's mind, throughout the ages. And gliding in like a grotesque corpse in a shooting gallery, the vampire made his presence. "Yes, master?" He looked around to make sure things were alright. Windows shut so master wouldn't catch a cold? Check. Lightbulbs burning brightly so she wouldn't strain her eyes? Check. Books put up in the shelf so she wouldn't trip and break her neck? Check. TV off so she wou-… Wait. The TV was on. Alucard narrowed his eyes at the flickering box that the child was sitting in front of. "Master, what in the nine levels of hell is THAT?"

The girl was giggling and hugging her knees, rocking back and forth in front of the television set as a blue puppet danced around with googly eyes. "It's called Sesame Street! Come and watch it with me?" She patted the floor next to her with a smile, then looked back at the television.

Alucard was wary. However, master had ordered, so servant would comply. The vampire slid to his knees and crawled forward, flopping onto his stomach next to the child, head propped up on his hands. "Aren't you a little too old for this, master? This looks as if it were made for, you know, small children?"

Integra shot him a look, one of those looks that a mother sometimes gave her children when they said dirty words. "I still like Sesame Street. Oooh it's coming on!" She pointed at the screen as a circle of what Alucard figured was a spotlight wound its way around the TV screen. He heard a familiar, butchered sort of music that he'd not heard in a long, long time. And then his jaw dropped open.

"I AM COUNT VON COUNT!" Alucard cringed as he stared at the purple puppet. It had a pointy nose, obviously a parody of Count Dracula of Romania with its black hair, black clothing, and single monocle over left eye. "They call me the count because I love to count things! So join me while we count!" The music started again as the spotlight swirled around and then the screen went red.

"He's my FAVORITE! Isn't he just the most adorable, Alucard?" The vampire seemed to think differently, but then the child started to count with the puppet. "VUN! HA HA HA!" She held out a single finger at the screen. "TWO! HA HA HA!" Another finger poked out. "THREEEEE! HA HA HA! THREE. THREE COOKIES WE COUNTED! Wasn't that fun?!" She laughed as the count made his exit on the TV screen, folding his cape up around his face and fleeing.

Alucard felt ill.

Integra turned to him and grinned widely. "You know… Walter told me that you're a count, too."

"M'lady, that is inaccurate. I am a prince, specifically, I was the Voivode of Wallachia in Romania. I imagine you could have called me a count, but I was specifically a prince. A leader. Real royalty."

"Oh! … Did you wear a monocle?"

"Pardon?"

"Count Von Count wears a monocle. Did you?"

"I'm afraid not. I wore my royal garb and-"

"BOOOOORING! COUNT FOR ME, PRINCE ALUCARD!" She bounced up and down as she sat there before him, a bright smile on her face.

Alucard would have loved to say that he was immune to the eyes that she was shining at him and her orders, but alas, it would've been a lie on both counts. "But master, that is ridiculous. You can't possibly expect me to stoop to the level of a cartoon thing?"

"It's not a cartoon, it's a puppet. A muppet specifically. NOW COUNT! Do it right, too! I know you have an accent, if you're Romanian, you HAVE to have the accent! Count for me COOOOOOOOOUNT FOR ME!"

Alucard sighed, slightly irritated, yet he had no choice but to cave to his master's command. "And what shall I count, my master?" He watched the girl look around, then spotted what instinctively was the right things. "How about the lights in the home?"

"That's the ticket. Yes, I want you to count the lights in our home. And do it right, I said! No skimping on details, Alucard, or…or…"

The vampire smiled wickedly, showing off inch-long fangs. "Or what, little master?"

"Or I won't allow you to feed." And that got his attention.

**********

Walter enjoyed the silence of the kitchen as he placed the paper grocery bags down on the counter. He'd had an uneventful romp through the grocery and was happy that he came home to peace instead of a vampire rampaging through the hallways, chasing the new master of Hellsing. He thought back about little Integra and smiled with affection at the thought of how strong she'd been in the face of knowing what was all together to be one of her greatest enemies, a vampire. It was quite remarkable how Integra and Alucard got along, even past the relationship of master and servant.

And then he heard it. He paused in the middle of removing a bag of carrots to listen closer. He thought he heard it, but he wasn't quite sure. "SEV-HUN! HA HA HA!" No, he was definitely sure that he'd heard it. He placed the bag of carrots down and crept toward the edge of the kitchen, poking his head out of the door. "EIGHT! HA HA HA!" He spied a pale expanse of vampire, as tall as he remembered him, a wide, insane smile set on his face, eyes wide, monocle set over one. His hair was black and coily, beard and mustache set in place. Vlad Dracula wandered the hallways with his master on his shoulders, holding onto her ankles as she pointed up at the lights. "NINE! HA HA HA!"

Walter couldn't help but allow a smile break across his features at the sight, shook his head. "Heaven knows there is no shortage of amusing things in this life, no matter how old a man is to get." He heard Integra and the ancient prince chime into "ELEVEN! HA HA HA!" together as he turned to continue putting the groceries up.