DPOV

I returned from the kitchen and stood in the same place I had been standing all afternoon, against the wall, right next to the window. I was reinstated about a month ago and assigned to Princess Vasilisa. I was happy about it, I did promise to protect her and do anything for her after she restored me after all. The downside to my assignment was the Princess' best friend, my ex-girlfriend/former student. After I told Rose I had given up on her and my love had faded, she finally backed off. Since that time at church she never once adressed me directly nor pushed her company on me. Basically, she acted like I didn't exist.

I was happy about that as well of course, it was what I wanted when I told her to leave me alone. It wasn't like I missed the way she looked at me, or the occasional brush of her arm against mine, and I was perfectly fine without her sarcastic remarks or her attempts to make me feel better about everything that happened. As far as I was concerned, we were right where we were supposed to be. Distant acquintances. We should have been this way all along. It was wrong of me to encourage her, and I should have kept my distance as soon as I noticed she started developing feelings for me. My own feelings must have been a figment of my imagination, a direct result of my loneliness and missing my family. What else could it have been really? I was sorry for the pain I put her through, and thankful for her efforts on my behalf, but we just weren't meant to be together. The fact that I felt absolutely nothing at all when I saw her these days was proof of that.

Well, nothing except for annoyance at all the time she spent with the Princess. Did she really have to be here almost every day, looking like she was doing just fine? She should be out there somewhere, protecting a charge, doing what she was trained to do. What I trained her to do. All those times we spent together in the gym, the runs I made her go on, the sparring sessions where we would be so close. Physically close, which was to be expected with sparring. Nothing else.
Yes she should have been using that training and doing something useful. She was on desk duty though, apparently a direct result of the things she did to get me restored, or so the Princess told me. So instead of having a charge, Rose was still at Court, torturing me day in, day out with her continued presence. I didn't want to see her that often, having to look at her across the room. Because she was with my charge of course. I would never just look at Rose, things weren't like that between us.

My thoughts were interrupted by loud laughter. I felt the corners of my mouth move up, before I reminded myself of my annoyance. There was no need for Rose to laugh quite that loud, didn't she know she was distracting me from my thoughts? She clearly wasn't paying any attention to me, I mean, they both weren't. I crossed my arms and tried to tune them out, but her laughter had broken through my concentration and I had a hard time ignoring her again, especially because they were now talking excitedly.

"I was right wasn't I Liss? He's totally hot," Rose said, and my eyes widened in surprise. What was she talking about?
"I know. I didn't pay attention before, but he's definitely one of the better looking guys I've seen."
They were talking about a guy? It must've been someone Rose was interested in, because Vasilisa made up with Christian Ozera a while ago and as far as I knew they were still going strong. Rose shouldn't have been wasting her time on some romance, she should have put that energy to use on getting herself a better position.

"Well, now that you've taken a better look at him, I'm sure you understand why I spend so much time watching him."
Vasilisa nodded. "Yeah I get it. It's always nice to be distracted and have something pleasant to look at at the same time."
Who was this guy they were talking about? I would have to look into it. Were there any new guys at Guardian Headquarters? It wouldn't do at all for Rose to be distracted like that. When I told her to leave me alone and she did, I thought she had made the right decision. I thought she would focus on her career, be the guardian she was meant to be, and move on with her life without the complications of well.. us.. Not us specifically of course, there is no us. Just, I didn't want her to be distracted, not by anyone.

Vasilisa continues: "And I mean, he is definitely pleasing to the eyes. That dark hair of his, and those brooding dark brown eyes."
Rose smiles. "I know! I bet if I look up tall, dark and handsome in the dictionary, his picture will be there."
They couldn't be.. they couldn't be talking about me could they? No, surely not. I didn't think there were any other guardians around here who were tall and dark like me though. Maybe they were talking about a Moroi? It seemed unlikely. Rose said the guy was handsome, did she think I was handsome? She used to be attracted to me, but she never said it in so many words. They had to be talking about someone else, but what if.. what if they were talking about me? What if Rose did think I was 'totally hot'? My heart stuttered a few times before it returned to it's normal rhythm. It had nothing to do with the thought that Rose might still find me attractive, I was just nervous that if she did, things between us would get uncomfortable again.

"There's just something mysterious about him, like nobody truly knows him. And I know he's a little older, but that doesn't make him any less attractive. To be honest, the fact that he's a little more mature and experienced kind of adds to his appeal."
Lissa giggled. "Experienced in more ways than one."
Rose cried in fake outrage: "Lissa! If I didn't know any better I would've thought you were refering to, you know, his sex life!"
Lissa wiggled her eyebrows in answer. "I bet you wouldn't mind telling him exactly what you desire Rose, don't act so innocent."

This was getting seriously uncomfortable. I didn't know how much Rose had told Vasilisa about our history, whether she just mentioned the feelings we had for eachother or if she had told her everything, including what happened at the cabin. I mean, Vasilisa wasn't exactly wrong, I did have more experience than Roza in that department. Due to the age difference between us, I had some encounters before I met her, but if I was honest, being with Roza had been completely different. Nothing had prepared me for the intense feelings of finally making her mine. Passion of course, it was just passion, nothing more.

"Oh I wouldn't mind some alone time with him. He's just so interesting. Must be because of all the evil he's seen."
Vasilisa nodded in agreement. "Yeah maybe, he did witness the bad side of humanity. We can't all be angels though, someone has to be the devil."
I was somewhat reassured by the fact that my past as Strigoi apparently really didn't stop Rose from wanting to be around me. I did see, and commit, a lot of evil deeds, and they changed me. After I was restored, she told me over and over again that she didn't blame me for it, but I always thought she was lying to make me feel better. Maybe she really did mean it though. Could she really feel that way? I hoped she didn't, feelings like that would be bad. I didn't, couldn't feel that way about her, she would just end up getting hurt. Again.

"Well he is hot as hell. Not that hell is hot apparently, but you know what I mean", Rose says thoughtfully, before adding: "And that accent of his, oh my God!"
"Honestly, I would do him, given the chance."
"Liss!"
They did realize I was standing right here right? I could hear every word they were saying. I wasn't sure what Vasilisa was on about, but this wasn't right. She was with Christian for crying out loud, they seemed happy together. And honestly, I just wasn't interested in her in that way. I didn't feel that way about anyone anymore, those feelings had faded. But if I had to pick someone to be with, well it wouldn't be Vasilisa. I had dedicated my life to her protection, but I wasn't interested in any other part of her.

"We could do it together Rose. It'd allow us to spend some more time together." What?!...
"I don't think so Liss, I don't want to get distracted."
I was flabbergasted. Thank god Roza didn't agree, there was just no way I would be up for something like that. I knew it would be a dream come true for some guys, but not for me. Being with someone like that was something.. private. Something I would only ever do with one person, someone special. Vasilisa just wasn't that person for me. And neither was Roza, of course. I would never be with someone again, it was better that way.

Vasilisa looked a little disappointed as she said: "Well, if you're sure."
Rose smiled. "I'm sure. I mean, I know it'll end soon enough, but for now, I'm just enjoying it while it lasts."
Why was it going to end soon? Did she not want to see me anymore? Would she be leaving Court after all? I hadn't heard she found another position, but then, I usually tried to tune her out as she was talking to Vasilisa. It was just too hard to hear her talking about her life without being a part of it myself. Ever since the first time she visited Lissa while I was here and she mentioned Adrian, I always did my best to think about other things. It wasn't until Vasilisa told Christian later, that I found out Rose had broken up with Adrian and I had felt a sense of relief. Purely my protective instincts of course, she deserved better than a drunken Moroi, no matter how nice he might be.

"How much longer do you think?" I could hear resignation in Vasilisa's voice, she had given up trying to convince Rose.
"Just give me a week Liss. If I push myself for a few hours every night, I should be done by then and I can move onto the next."
I clenched my fists. Rose would be moving on?! Was it just that easy for her? After everything we had been through, after all the times she told me she loved me, she just wanted to have a little fun and move on to the next guy? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought what we had was special, that it meant as much to her as it did to me.. Used to mean to me that is. Used to. And that was when it hit me, she must already have moved on. After all, she was talking about this guy like she was seeing him now, and there was nothing between us, there hadn't been for months. She wasn't talking about me.

"Okay that's not too long. Do you already have a replacement lined up?" Lissa asks curiously.
"Nah, should be easy though, there's plenty of choices after all."
Her offhand comment finally broke through my control and I couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Roza!" I was appalled, I had never expected this from her.

Rose and Vasilisa looked at me in shock as I shouted. Without wasting time, Roza jumped up, pulled her stake out of the holder and looked around for a threat. Apparently she thought I was warning her. "What is it?"
I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself. "Never mind. I just thought I knew you, but apparently I was wrong."
Rose was obviously confused. Evidently neither of them had realized I could hear their conversation. "What are you talking about Dimitri?"
I burst out. "A few nights and then you'll move on? Easy to find a replacement? That's all it is to you? I thought I knew you better than that, that I meant more to you. That we had something real. But then there was Adrian, now this guy and when you're done with him you'd just move on to the next one straight away?"

Roza was momentarily speechless, staring at me wide-eyed, shocked into silence by my outburst. I stared back at her, out of breath and shaking, and to my surprise I saw hurt flash over her features. Before I was able to process what that meant and could regain control over my temper, Rose found her voice.
"That's what you think we were talking about? Seriously? I fucking gave up everything for you, everything! I've been to hell and back for you. I gave you my heart and I would gladly have given my life for you and you told me it meant nothing to you. I'm only just trying to get back on my feet, and now you think you have the right to yell at me and call me a slut?"
Her voice rose as she was talking and by the time she finished, she was yelling at me. I backed up a little. "Well what was I supposed to think? I heard what you were saying to eachother!"
"You could have asked me what it was about!"
"You would have told me it was none of my business!"
"Maybe I would have, so what? Wasn't that what you wanted when you gave up on us?"

We were both breathing heavily. Vasilisa was still sitting on the sofa, looking between us but apparently unable to find her voice, or unwilling to get in the middle of our fight.
Suddenly I saw Roza's shoulders sag, all the fight leaving her and she said: "If you really want to know, that's not all you meant to me. Maybe it was easy for you to forget that you loved me, but I can't just let go of everything that happened between us. I'm not, and never have been, interested in anyone else, nor am I suddenly going to have fun with one guy and move onto the next within a few days. That's not me Dimitri, I thought you knew that. I thought you knew me. For fucks sake, I was a virgin when we met. I've only ever been with you."
Now I was the one who was speechless. Before I had the chance to recover, Rose shook her head and told Vasilisa: "I'm out of here. I can't deal with this. I'm sorry Liss, I'll see you later", and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

I was frozen in place, staring at the door and thinking about what Rose said. She hadn't been with anyone else? Not even with Adrian? Could it be true? She really didn't have a reason to lie to me about it, so I supposed it must be true. No wonder she was hurt at my accusations. She was right, if I wanted to know, I should have just asked her. But more importantly, it really wasn't any of my business. She didn't owe me an explanation, she could do whatever she liked. Because that's what I thought was best, didn't I?

Vasilisa finally spoke up. "Now you've done it. Was that really necessary Dimitri? You don't think she's having a hard enough time as it is? Didn't you hurt her enough?"
I was unable to think of an answer, but I did look at her to acknowledge I heard her. I had never seen Vasilisa truly angry before, but it looked like I went too far this time. I wasn't sure what Vasilisa saw when I turned to her as I was unable to decide what I was feeling. Confusion? Devastation? Anguish? Regret? After a few seconds her face softened a little. "Sit down."

While I sat down in a chair, unable to face sitting in the spot Roza just vacated on the sofa, Vasilisa busied herself with searching for the remote, turning on the tv and quickly flipping past some icons. Finally, she clicked on something and told me: "Watch."
The following message appeared on the screen:

In the beginning...

The angel Lucifer was cast out of Heaven and condemned to rule Hell for all eternity.

Until he decided to take a vacation...

The text disappeared, and instead I watched a man driving in an, admittedly amazing, car. As I got a better look at the driver, he appeared to be tall, a little older than me, with dark hair and brooding dark brown eyes. Then he started talking and I heard.. an English accent.

I watched the show for another ten minutes in fascination and growing understanding, before the truth really hit me and I groaned. "This is what you were talking about?"
Vasilisa paused the show before she said: "Yep. Rose is obsessed with Lucifer and she finally got me to watch it yesterday when Christian was out."
If I could have, I would have kicked myself right about now. They were talking about a TVshow. Everything they mentioned, everything Rose said, wasn't about me or any other real guy. They were talking about a fictional character, and I.. "дерьмо.."
"Yes you could say that."

Vasilisa gave me a few minutes to process this, before asking: "What did you think we were talking about?"
"I.. I wasn't sure. At some point I thought you might be talking about me, and then Rose said something about enjoying it while it lasted, moving on and it would be easy to find the next and I.. well I lost it." It didn't help that I actually pictured her with someone else in my mind, some other guy touching her, seeing her the way I had in the cabin. That was the main reason I lost control. But there was no one else. There was just Roza, apparently trying to cope with my rejection, and looking for distraction by losing herself in a TVshow.

As I was talking Vasilisa raised her eyebrow at me. "And what exactly would've been your problem, if that had been what we were talking about?"
I exclaim: "Are you serious?"
"Yes I am! Did you just listen to yourself, to the things you said to Rose?"
"She shouldn't waste her time like that! Rose is amazing... An amazing guardian I mean. She should be fighting for her job, not hanging out with other men."
"I think you were able to understand from her reply that she isn't hanging out with any guys, but that's not my point Dimitri."
"Then what is?"

Vasilisa sighs. "I supported your decision to keep Rose at a distance. I wasn't happy with the way you did it, but if you truly felt that way, then I thought it was better for both of you if you were apart. I asked her to leave you alone, I told her she couldn't force you to love her and that there was nothing she could do."
I hadn't known Vasilisa did that. Honestly, no matter the way Rose reacted in church, I hadn't truly expected her to stay away from me. I didn't think there was a way to stop Roza from going after what she truly wants. Me being taken and turned didn't stop her, nor did her being kidnapped, imprisoned, tortured, stalked and threatened. How was I supposed to know that rejection would, in fact, stop her? I wondered if this meant she was just leaving me alone because Vasilisa asked her to, or because she truly didn't want me anymore.
"But if you really don't feel that way about her anymore, it shouldn't matter to you whether Rose is dating or not, you would be okay with the fact that she's moving on. So before you hurt her even more, maybe you should ask yourself why you were so upset with the idea of Rose being with someone else."

I was bewildered. I couldn't form a coherent answer to what Vasilisa was saying. I couldn't even make sense of the thoughts running through my head. I was pulled out of the chaotic mess in my mind by Vasilisa's voice. "Now get out."
"What?"
"Get out of my apartment. You're not welcome here until you've at least apologized to Rose."
"But.."
"I've already taken care of your replacement. Leave!"

"What?!", Rose said as she yanked open the door. As soon as she saw me, she froze, before muttering: "Oh it's you."
I felt a pang in my chest as I noticed her bloodshot eyes and realized she had been crying. "Hey Rose, can I come in?"
"Why?"
"I would like to talk to you. Please?"
She considered my question for a moment before turning around and walking back into her room. She didn't close the door behind her and I took that as an invitation to come in as well. She dropped onto the small sofa, arms crossed and looked at me with her guardian mask firmly in place. I never really understood why it used to bother her when I hid my emotions, but now I did. It was very difficult to open up to someone who looked completely blank.

I sat down in a chair opposite her and took a deep breath before saying: "I'm so sorry Rose, I shouldn't have said the things I did."
She narrowed her eyes at me, but otherwise still showed no emotion whatsoever. "No, you shouldn't have. I can't believe you thought I would behave like that."
"I didn't, not really. I was just... upset." Upset was a bit of an understatement, considering how I really felt, but I thought it was best not to go into too much detail.
"But why?!" I didn't answer immediately and Rose rambled on in a low voice: "Never mind, doesn't matter anyway. I don't care. I not like you were jealous or something. Doesn't matter."
My stomach clenched at her words and I couldn't stop myself from grimacing slightly. No matter how often I told myself that Roza and I were done, that I didn't have feelings for her anymore, I was starting to realize that jealousy might be the most accurate description of what I was feeling, when I thought Rose was talking about other guys. If someone had asked me five minutes ago why I responded the way I did, I would've said I merely felt protective of her. But was that the whole truth? Was I, in fact, jealous?

Rose noticed my reaction, and her guardian mask faltered for a second, showing doubt and.. a glimmer of hope? "You weren't jealous, were you?"
I was still unable to formulate a response, shocked into silence while the truth dawned on me.
"Dimitri?"
"I.." I couldn't say the words so I cast my eyes down before nodding in answer. I couldn't bear to look at her face, unsure of what I would find there.
"Why?" She sounded perplexed, and I couldn't blame her.
"Because I can't stand the idea of you being with someone else Roza!" I burst out, and I finally looked at her. Rose looked baffled, like she couldn't believe what I was saying.
"I... don't understand."
"I lied to you Rose. To you, and to myself. I thought it would be easier for both of us if we weren't... I... I couldn't forget about all the things I did to you, the pain I put you through. I still can't. I know you said it didn't matter to you, that it wasn't me doing those things, but it matters to me. I did awful things to you. I hurt you. I wanted to kill you!"

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself before I continued. "I now know you and Vasilisa were talking about a TVshow earlier, about the devil. But what I did was real Roza. I was evil, and I did a lot of terrible things to you. I might as well have been the devil. I'm unworthy of you, I'm evil."
I looked down, unable to face her reaction to my words. She wasn't going to let me get away with it that easily though. She crouched down in front of me and put her hand on my cheek. "No Dimitri, you aren't," she said vehemently.
Her voice was strong enough that it made me look up, and as soon as our eyes connected she quietly added: "Not to me."
I could see the truth in her eyes at that moment and without thinking about it, I pulled Roza towards me, onto my lap, and buried my face in her hair. "Roza.."
She snuggled into me and I felt all the tension and guilt leaving my body. She truly didn't blame me for what happened, she didn't think I was evil and, most importantly, she didn't push me away. I had been unable to believe it before, but apparently, there really might be another chance for Roza and me to work things out.

We sat like that for a long time, neither of us moving, not wanting to disturb this moment. Eventually I looked at her and pushed a few strands of her hair out of her face and tucked them behind her ear. "Roza?"
She looked up at me and I could see uncertainty in her eyes. "Yes?" She knew as well as I did that it wouldn't be this easy to fix everything, and she wasn't sure what I would do next. So first things first, I had to tell her something. I looked into her eyes and said: "I love you."
Her whole face transformed in reaction to my words. Her eyes lit up and she gave me the most beautiful smile. "I love you too."
I smiled back at her and then I did something I had missed doing for a very long time. I kissed her.

When I pulled away a few minutes later to catch my breath, Roza was grinning happily. "About damn time comrade, took you long enough."
I raised one eyebrow at her, knowing it would annoy her and as expected, she pouted. "Ah my impatient Roza. I'll make it up to you, trust me."
Before she could reply I kissed her again, and this time neither of us pulled away. It was lucky Vasilisa had already arranged for a replacement, because I did not end up returning to work that day.

The following weeks weren't easy. Rose and I had a lot of things to work out and while I finally believed she had forgiven me, it took a bit more time for me to truly forgive myself. Vasilisa often gave me some extra time off, knowing I would spend it with Rose. We talked about the months following the attack, and I opened up and started telling her everything I had done. Bits and pieces at first, but eventually I told her about all the bad things I did, the people I killed, the blood on my hands. The guilt was overwhelming, but she stayed with me and comforted me, and finally I began to see that it wasn't me who did those things. I had no more control over what happened than someone watching a horror movie.

From then on, things started to improve. My nightmares didn't disappear completely, but I didn't have as many as I used to, nor were they as bad as before. If I did wake up, Roza was always there to comfort me. I didn't know she had nightmares as well until the day I returned from a late shift to find her curled up in bed, crying. It turned out she would dream about me leaving her, but since she would instantly calm down as long as I was next to her, she never told me. I tried even harder to make her understand I would never leave her again, and she finally started to believe we would be okay. It wasn't easy, but as the weeks turned into months, we slowly returned to ourselves and we came out of our ordeal stronger and happier than ever.

About six months after our fight, we were sitting in one of the cafes at Court with Vasilisa and Christian when someone we knew, but hadn't seen in a long time, walked in. Rose jumped up and shouted: "Adrian!" before rushing at him and giving him a hug. He returned the hug and then followed her to our table, greeting us enthusiastically. Adrian had left Court shortly after Rose broke up with him. His aunt had told him he should return to university, and to everyone's surprise, he had agreed with her. He looked happy and relaxed, and I think this was the first time since we met that I'd seen him completely sober.

Adrian joined us for coffee and told us all about his university adventures and about this girl, Sydney, he met and apparently really liked. We were all laughing at one of his stories when he noticed me and Roza holding hands.
"Well that was about time! So Dimitri, what made you finally admit to Rose you loved her too? Did she bug you until you gave in? Stalk you into submission?"
I was trying to think of an answer when Rose spoke up next to me. "Nah it was much easier than that."
"Really, little dhampir?"
Rose smiled at him, looking angelic. "Yep. The devil made him do it."

Rose and Vasilisa took one look at eachother and burst out laughing while I shook my head. I was never going to hear the end of this.

Author's note:
As you probably all guessed, I've been watching Lucifer lately. For those who haven't seen it, you totally should! Best show I've seen in a long time.
Anyway, this idea popped into my head last week after we watched like five episodes in a row, and since it kept getting in the way of the story I'm already writing, I decided to just make a one-shot out of it.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Lucifer (sadly :P), nor Vampire Academy and it's characters, which are owned by Richelle Mead.